Only with true love

inside my soul sometimes feel so weird. .as though.. theres a monster wanna be released out... i dnno.. just so violent... so scary.. as though.. scared something might triggered it in future to be out.. its a very weird.. very.. kind of anger.. feeling.. i dunno.... ..o well..

today.. bro and redz went out. .dunno go where..
me.. at home. .whole day.. only about one hour;s time or so, was out at ntuc outside with paraents. other than that, dinner time, sat in living room and eat.. while the rest of my tiem spend siting in front of lappy. yeha... more than 10 hours in front of my laptop.
o well.

oday.. very3 boring day... =/ just online.. watch funny but anazing videos.. watch and watch.. keep watching.. youtubes..

erm.. read abit abou thte iphone adn htc.. though no zoom in, but the front cam is abit tempting. .cos its 5mega.. still, i wanna get a camera.. so.. i dunno whats my choice for nw.. erm.. ...jst waiting for the new phoens both of htem to be out, then decide. iphone can save alot of trouble. but a pity im the type of person who doesnt liek to follow the trend =.= sorry. im not liek other ppl .so ya.
o well...

hmm... duno ba. today actually thoght of going ot.. but never.. =/ its relaly total boredom for me. i've been sitting and online like forever . =/

my hands so hot on the laptop.. sigh..

tch.. dunno ba.. someitmes dunno what to do...

its sooo frustrating... =/ sigh.. its always the same thing

im bored

=/

i think pms ba

otherwise wouldnt be crying hard these couple of days.

feel like argh

=(

forogt what to say again.. =/ o well.

sigh.. only me haven slp=/ bro not coming back. .sigh... ...

place relaly is different without redz and bro ard=(
i hated that

sigh..

..i cant do anythig

except to look forward to next year. . hope still cna save enuff for trip to sydney

dunno if anything will happen anot.. then last min sam say cannot go see him again.... *touch wood

anywy.. yeha

so.. if say.. pay for my phone bill.. plus net bill. plus house..

sigh

i try to keep myself away from stress

if tmr got time, me will make sandwich peanut butter again

hoep will have time to make ba

oh wow.. bro and redz just got back.. oh. .they went ikea.. ... never ask me =( .. maybe they know i gotta stay home ba.. o well.... ......leftout abit. .but yeah.. its ok... anyway i wont go i think..

nah, erm.. where am i .. oh... yeah.. hope to save money on eating breads ba.. nothing to do.. just shop.. not good=( sigh.. trying to stop.

but nvm.. b;day comign.. just reward myself ba. i dunno=/

hm... cant wait to change my new nail colour. nowadasy im so obessed with nails. . not so.. bt ya.. perhasp to shift my attention ba.. focus on something i liek to do..

my jap course gotta wait for a long2 time till next year. =/ cant do this year liao. i know what jap custoemrs tlaking about.. but i wanna know how to speak fluently too.. i gottta see if next year i have time to do it anot. =/ its very difficult. cos if my off, go for lessons, then one day less with sam. dunno what to do =/ sigh.. next year then worry ba=/ but i cant wait to elarn and speak fluently.

hm.. waht else

erm... .... o well, hope tmr will be a good day. cant wait for it to be over. then enjoy my fri night.. then off sat.. hope will be all good..

and hope sams results turn out good too.. nvr ask cos.. u know. yea.
anyway, he will do good. i hope he passes with flying colours. ha. cliche. XD

hm.. hope my bro din buy naything expensive form ikea=( sigh. .always buy so many nonsens ethiing. he buy dollies.. sigh.. imum told me he still didnt know how to save.. i say i gib up liao.. tell dada, bro also popintless.

i wanna live a life of my own. spend my own way. i know wat im doing. and consequences i'll pick them up myself. need nobody to do so. i dun care alreayd.. stress about otheres, makes me stress more in life. enough of stresses, i wanna make myself destress.and i will fnid ways to do it. i will have it my own way. anywy, bro and family don have a say in it. though only sam ba. ha; o well. but he's not here so ya. .i dunno

im focusing onmy own lifestyle now.. dun wanna learn from family. i always learn from my own way. this is how i grew up. i think. ha. kinda. erm.. naywy, sam and frens are the ones who taught me not to be so honest.. i learned how to lie form them, how to become more confident, how to fight back, how to be fierce

how to be angry

alot of negative sides, but which are ood for life somehow. in a way. so ya. .thos eparts, i learned from them.. almost all others, i learned myself alonig the way.. i teaches myself with one of the sides in me... and also, form the ppl ard me. .take and learn form experince too.. yea.. i came across this somehow the few dasy back i think.. .. i dunno.. what have i learned form family? what have they taught me? i dunno

but i do htink i taught myself all i need to learn. i may seem blur, yet.... there is this side.. which is unknown to me.. and it alwasy helped me to open up the doors to more.. more unknowns...

sam helped alot too.. me learned so much.. and get to se ehtings the way never seen before.. open up my world so brght and far! i learned to eat seafood again.. dancing.. outgoing more.. me like salmon as well. .appreciate them. hahahahaha.... so yeah... learning to liek what he likes.. and.. its good.. always good to try new htings.. ot have new things ope up for me. THINGS I NEVER KNEW I COULD LIKE THIS MUCH. ITS GREAT. really. to learned from the one u love. its good to have things in common soetimes wiht ur love ones.. btu its also great when u have differences, and u learned from each other.. so yeah.. i accept both views.^^ or logics if u would say. ha

yea.. i even started to liek kids.. yearn to have them infuture. O.o i used to disliek them!! gosh. .then working in toyshop slowly changes that.. hten.. after to sydney, i love sam even more99.. alot more .. its very powerful how one trip can do to ya... seriously. thast why wanna go there soon again.
erm.. then yeah.. don mind if have a family with him.. be it he want anot. i dun mind. cos seeing my custoemrs,even muy ceo, they are so happy being a parent.. but yeah.. thast sitl la long way to go.. though being early parent is very2 good. .still, some matters could not be force......
so.. o well, future is unknown.. as lnog as i have a loving husband , thsat all it matters.... jus love me, care me, treasure me, cherish me forever.. httas all i need....

k ba. .gtg .. enjoy my last few moments of thurs off nigt. .cant wait for tmr to be over.

hm.. im glad my shop is in sydney.. i dun have to worry too much about finding job.. just that.. when will i get to be finally moving htere ba =/ o well... .. at least one prob solved.. phew... i hoep i can continue doing well, and yeah.. with no probs.. and continuing liking my job.. i dun wanna get bored with my job..

jaa, mata

-my advice.. dont let the person u love most slipped through your hands Regrets for life aint worth it.. No.. its not. Don't risk the misery that stays with you forever...-

Do my best!

yay.. finally tmr last day.. .then my off!! one more batch of 6 days full to go. hm... today.. ok ba.. manager.. seem as though have plans for me in the future or sumtin.. i dunno.. dun wanna think much either.. just do what im doing..

u know. .he told me that his ex boss have a scandle with her director. the director just gotten married somemore!!! omg. slut. im sorry. becos this really disgusted me soooo much when he told me that. omg... wth... want money? go marry an old uncle, and get his fortune ar. wth come between the newly weds for what. what an idiot and jerk that director is too!!! argh. maddening isnt it???!

and my colleague. a married man, had a 2 yr old son. wife giving birth soon. still can say to me.. oh, the lady customer just now he relaly wanna serve( but i ended up serving her). cos like.. she's his type.. so sexy looking.. he find her sexy. WTH?????????? omg... omg3.... i dunno peeps... whats wrong with these ppl??????????? =( if i have a husband liek that in the future, saying this behind my back even if they say what. its a guy's nature., gosh.. my foot!!! what bloody nonsense is that! other husbands also still hold their wive hands till old.

geez... =/ i dunno man... this kind of thing.. really.. its so disheartening =/ no wonder nowadays ppl married late.. sigh................. what kind of a vow is this? .... Isnt marriage the most wonderful thign to happen? o well... i hope i will jhave a happy marriage , life like my boss and ceo. they are the examples that life could still be happily ever after. u just gotta find the right person to spend the life with. thast all.. .. she's so lucky. really.
i wish i could be like her too. at the age of 22, left her hometown, and go there be with her partner. i would do tha if i could.

anyway, yeah. i hold a lot of respect for her, and sabrina. uh huh.

hm.. 2 days been raining and raining... no wonder been cold ne.. but its nice.. its cooling.. cold.. yeah.. 2 days in a row.. its nice.

sigh.. so many couples came into our shop today =( sometimes do my best to avoid looking at them.. then one couple .. bf poke2 gf. .then gf jump onto bf's back. .sigh... so heartpain.... tehn another couple dunno do what.. reminded me of the time after watch movie, i pull him aside. .and. .haha. yea.. then got all teary eyes. .sigh... so sad... i miss those happy memories.

then he said to me.. just now. .eh say.. he's so proud of me. .huu.. brought tears to my eyes.... sob... i miss him so so much.. =/

so wish valentine's day could fly to see him..=/

today.. hiayo. .long to type. .erm. .ok. .so.. the news about my great sales is out. ceo even say they're very proud of me.. glups.. omg... now everyone knows.. im so paiseh like hell. .i didnt expect thign sto go this wya.. cos my colleague encourage me to type the story out. .so i did.. its liek sharing it with everyone working staffs around teh world.d oz..new zealand.. they can read all.. so yea..
haiz.. hte thing i worried most is.. ppl might felt that im showing off.. very proud or what.. =/ o well.. i try not to think os much about this ba.. =/

todya went to eat at ajisen. and go arond lookey at anything i like for pressy. ha. in the end, still think a voucher suits me better. so tell bro. lol. hm. .gonna gib myself some b'day pressy too. ha. ow ell

sam just asked me.. whats the most intimate memory of us together. i was surprised he asked htat. cos here i am, tlaking about thinking of our memories sweet2 ones today. would've thought he's reading my blog had it not been the fact that i haven posted this out yet. lol
o well... been getting teary eyes these few dasy.. duno why.. perhaps too long never cry eh.. ..

finally aplace. .where rppl could see what i could really do.. really capable of.... .yay.. ..cheers

mata!

thx for being proud of me baby.. =')

Manager Trust

me so slpy!!! k... 2 days to go.... me fever no more T_T awww.... too bad.. o well...

hm.. aftnoon.. still feeling a lil tired.. maybe cos of sick last night.. just feeling warm and hot my body..
ha. .so funny.. was so excited about it. .anyway, work was alrite. .i find that my manager seem to trust me more thna that irritating guy. who worked longer than me. before he go, he even gib me a pat on the shoulder.. saying he's counting on me for everything. lol. o well... i just do my best..

hm..... 2 days to go.. cant wait to off.. wonder what should i do for off ne.. ...
o well....

oh, saw this brand i like.. its abit like guess.. saw it from a customer.. then ask her about it.. its an american brand it seems.

tch.. haiyo.. so sorry.. i cant htink right now. .so slpy.. i wanna slp alreyad... frgot what els eto say..

just hope sam will get well soon huh...

..its alreayd june.. .. sigh.... .. i cant wait to have a holiday.. and go sydney again... everyday i'v ebeen thinking about it.. yet it seems and feel soooo far2 away... =/sigh

o well...

hm... tmr.. k ba... see hows my break gonna be like tmr...

hm.. i wanna say something here. .but keep on forgetting.. dunno what ne..

mata

Fever Time!

i am having a fever. wow... finally.. after all these years... =D so sick of cold.. flu.. coughs.. hehe.. at first i was happy and excited.. but.. soon, i became more restless... and.. from happy, to no energy. just feel like slping now.. bones feel so tired and sore... gosh.. .k ba.. dun wanna talk abot this... zzz..=/

so.. ytd... oh, forgot to mention.. me and my colleague.. heard this 'new' song coming out from our shop's ipod... think its called finally. we;re both like.. huh?? why is there a sad song coming out? i thought of changing to the next.. but not sure whether my coleague will like it anot. .in the end, she asked to do so. i was like..o.. k... thought she;s gotten over her past.. but.. .. o well.. =/somethings are so difficult to forget...
=/

todya.. my colleguae.. ok.. im just gonna say my fren. colleague is too long to type. =.=
my fren.. had a fight with her bf. who later apologise to her.. she bought bags online.. one for him. in the end, its a very pathetic looking bag. and total amount plus shipping cost her 100 plus. she not much money left for this month. she called her bf to pour her hearts out.. but he mistook that she is complaining to him about the bag for him.. and blaming him for what happen.
she then told me that.. she only just wanted him to console her.. just a simple line.. words. .to console.. make her feel better. .well.. i think maybe somehow he misunderstood... but yea.. later he's back into the shop to look for her.. i finally met him too.. so ya.. but good thing he learnt his mistake.. ..

heartpain ... ... dunno why sam asking me questions.. i dunno... just weird abit ba..
..dunno .. it might be the tone i took it wrongly.. so ya.. maybe he's just asking caaually.. then i took it in another way of tone.. misunderstadning ba.. o well..

felt like wanna rest early.. but.. =/ don wan liao... haiz... nvm ba.. enojy my fever abit longer.. o well..

shinji no koto ga... ... .... ha... .. o welll........ ..bah

so.. tmr.. waiting for good news...

what else.. k ba.. thats it.. see tmr how... if sam is here, i'll be going to see doc now, and take mc. i'll do so that now. ha.. but.. o well..
back to work ba! everyone is sick. my shop had been cursed!! deng3... ha..

bear with it. .work it off. 3 days to go. dont fall sick like others.just work3.... gambate pauline.

oh, this mrg. .actually wakey to a warm start liao. then at night temperature went up.. but usually by next day shold be fine wan.. so yup.
then mrg me sneeze3... gosh.. day was fine. .busy.. things to do.. so time passes fast.. kinda.

hm.. i still feel ne.. having a fever is better than flu . definitely for sure i think. at least u are still able to breathe.

gosh.. today so boring.. like no tv shows also=( huu.... boring tv..

k ba.. dunno what else to say.. k ba.. me go rest.. or watch tv abit.. dunno.. see how.. =/
sigh.. cnat wait for 3 days to be over.. ....

wait.. i just thoought of somehting.. i thoguht i had a fever 10 years ago.. no wiat.. i was wrong!! i just recalled it! i had a very high fever after work.. at atz time.. i don wan go back home. .so stay till night.. then.. yea.. but next day i still go work. ha. thast me.

mata



those tears.. says it all...

Our Friendly CEO

ok. hurry bloggy.. me gonna slp right after this. its been a longgggggg day.

erm.. ok. .so breakfast. met my ceo. he is a funn yman, very friendly. now i could see why kikki that time is willing to move to melbourne for his sake. erm, he say he's a very proud father. ha. his son very cute. 2yrs old plus. he said it in a very fascinating way.. that he never thoguht its so fantastic to be a parent! he loves being one =) he also say being a father is so much fun! haha. and he showed us a video of his son. naw. so yeah.. i know.. being a parent is good.. but.. o well.. lucky for them.. may them live happily ever after. aw.w... so nice.when i mention i cant wait to see kikki, and i said she's really awesome.. he say.. yeha. .she's a very good girl.. XD lol. so swt. aw.
they are a very swt couple indeed. they never get married though i heard.. but yeah..
erm.. its like. .kikki loves to read. he said. and she would bring about 2plus of books when she went overseas. ha. and they would go to bookstore, and buy whatever book they like, then decide.. hmm.. what should they read today? what books to read by the beach. .etc..
i mena.. aw.. isnt that swt? u do thign stogether, enjoy together.. choosing books.. =) sounds so good. ..=/ me so wish could do thing like that with sam.

then.. eat.. then walk back to shop.. (i went home after accompany muy colleague to look at sungalsses) sorry. btw, my spellings very wrong i know. thast becos i don wanna correct it and bother to check. / no time, plus my mouse is giving my probs. haiz.
as i was saying.. then she suddenly ask me.. if my bf ever tlak to me aboiut marriage? like what kind of tlaks i asked.. she say.. like. talking about future together..
then i got it.. ha. but yea.. i always liek to picture a day me and sam together.. our own house.. we could do whatever we want.. but its difficult for htat to happen i gues.s.. cos yeah. .parents around.. so yeah. .buy house also difficult=/ erm.. anyway, thats a nice dream.. a goal huh..

hm.. she also fall ill. lost her voice. fever. tmr cant work. my fren todya, work abit , then fever back. my manager also. vomit after hours from breakfast. then go home. very weird. ha. o well.. all sick ba. hten me got terrible headache. i never ask my manager to gib me med. .cos i assume he dont hva.e but turn out he really have them. omg.... i suffer for nothing =.= but thank goodness.. i felt ok alreayd. otherwise dunno wha to do.

erm.. had a customer. veyr rich. .she bought about 129 items. spend almost 2k after discounts.
wow. its awesome. and thast my sale! yay. haha
yeah.. i worked on her.. gosh. for hours... but good ba in a way.. i didnt get to focus on my tiredness.. instead, time flies..
gosh.. tmr.. haiz.. don wanna think man =/

oh, today found out from ceo that in aust, goverment actually gives them a 'space' to draw the graffiti. i wa slike.. ok... a space eh.. =.=.. dots.. then how about the other kind of spaces? anyway... yeah.. stupid angmoh go and darw on our mrt. .LOL> to other places, its normal. to sg, thats plain stupid. lol. our manager and ceo was like so surprised to read that news XD
anyway, the trains in sydney, gosh.. so ugly with those drawings.. =/ not say ugly.. but very messed up.. .. i mena. .so wasted. .beautiful country, but with dirty surroiundings=/ haiz..

sam suddenly aske dme about driving.. .. ha. .me also talked about htat with my colleague today. such a coincidence ne.
but yeah. .if living in sydney, theres no choice but to get a car=/ unless lucky enough.. can take bus, or walk to work or supermart. then ya.. otehrwise, just gotta get acar ar.. gps.. ha. gps should be able to help me ne. hhaa... i liek the apple green colour i saw in sydney.
kk.. gosh. .type so long. i gotta slp!!!!

mata!!

SICK! argh

o well... sigh... guess both mine and sam's day been ruined.. for him is school project.. for me, its my flu.

so tired.. so drowsy.. no energy.. sigh.. o well.. i hope will get better soon. ytd ar.. bro sick.. yet me say nvm.. can share with him chili sauce.. me din think i would really get sick that easily mah. haiz.

anyway, yeah.. me cooked allot today. if i'd known i was gonna be this sick, i wouldn;ve cook. gosh..

so sianz....

hm. .todya. .time passed fast eh.. i recalled. .morning was raining.. i wokey for a sec..smile to myself then slp. cos i know im off.. and i dun have to get up early.. and see that its raining, wishing to go back to slp. ha.

hm.. had a movie with sam just now.. then he sang me this song.. ha. i asked him to sing it. cos i couldn tfinish it. afew sentences, and im crying already. i couldn't finish the song=/
o well... ...

but yeah. .glad he sang it. i like that =) hehe. swt.

tch. .duno hwat to blog. .just wanna chill and rest.. =/

after my off, gonna be 6 fullshifts.. me so not looking forward to that.. argh. ...

today.. dunno ba... i think it wasnt a great time now.. sammy gotta concentrate on his exams and stuffs..
hm.. me feels kinda outta it.. but yeah.. wait til july is here, then perhaps things will get better ba.

what else happen.. today.. just been cooking thats all. redz say cook what he like.. i should know..
but!! i was like.. huh??? how would i know his dislikes sia.. lol. i dunno... come to think of it. .ha. i didnt pay attention ba.o well.

kk.. i wanna do other things.. rest..

mata

Blocked Out

my fren was askign me.. if i could go with him fo rthis diploma class thingy... well.. u see... its erm.. ok. make it short. u attend 5 months of lessons in singapore. then 5months in other countries. he wanna go to hong kong.(cos his grandma is from hong kong.) but.. he wana a kaki to company him.. plus im kinda like hit it off with him kinda fren type.. so yeah.. he asked me.. =/ it s a great deal.. seriously.. but sigh.. i cant. yes.. even though they still paying u $1000 every month while u school.. u only need to pay $1300 inoder to start.. great deal eh. i dunno why, but yea.. i would've gone for it.. BUT. i cant. i still prefer to work. another thing, sam 1000%wont let me go with a guy fren to study.
im thinking.. of telling my bro about this.. cos both of them are interested in fashion design... hm.... see how ba.. later tell him.
sigh.. but yea... getting a diploma through this way.. its nice eh.. what a great deal.. however i still advice him.. do be careful.. it seems to good to be true.. o well.

me... just now watched freddy movie.. dvd with bro and redz. lasyt night watched freddy movie with bro.
tonight... very weird.. ITS AS THOUGH MY BRAIN BLOCKED OUT THE IMAGES I HAD WHILE I WATCHED IT WHEN I WAS A GIRL... i only remember this one small part.. and the rest,.. i totally had no recollectio of them. weirddddddddddd . its very weird.. cos.. usually like say.. jurassic park.. i rememebred clearly what was showing in movie.. so yeah.. was kinda surprised. how come 99% of freddy movie 4th i couldnt rememebr???? weird..
but seriously, i do believe in memories blocked out. when u relaly detest it, or dun wanna face it, u'll blocked them out. its true.

tmr ne.. i understand .. sam stil lbusy with his'fan'.. dunno will hav edate anot.. but yea... o well... gues.. over the next week i'll be busy too hhuh... o well.. just enjoy myu off tonight ba..

today, im headnig back to my shop from the bathroom.. then, this man. or uncle.. i dunno.. he's wearing sunglasses.. i dun think he;s local though.. he said somehting weird.. i dunno if its english or not. but yea... asshole.. i kinda know what he's talking baout.. but .. darn it.. .i hate guys ogles at me . PFFT! i hate it!!!

haiyo.. i cant think now.. i dunno.. =/ what els eto tlak about.

oh.. lunch.. i had mac. was looking for hte shrek puss toy. but a pity this week belongs to shrek.. so yeah... tehn me gone to taka, no have. go far east. have shrek. o well.. waitning for puss ba..

my fren asked me out for tmr evening... sigh.... =/ i know.. i felt like going too.. cos.. theres not much time for me to catch up with all my frens =/ but. .tmr is my day with sam. so i cant do that.. dun wan him feel negelated.. nor let him feel my frens are more important than him.. cos i know if he does the same, i'll feel this way too. so yeah.. i told htem i couldnt make it... =/ o well.... so.. gotta wait till next time then catch up with them ba.. dunno how to,or when..but somehow.... one day i guess. one day.. o well.

o well.. wha els.e. erm. yeah.. happy todya finally ended... looking forward to enjoying my off..

k then.. goodnight everyone.. me not sur ewhat els eot say.. nites then..

mata