sad story of a friend's friend..

I know.. i just posted a blog like mins ago... but just wanna share this.. this girl is so much worse than me i think.. =/ its from a fren of mine who told me of this fren of his...
he said... : ''What im abt to share with u might sound like taken from some drama but is true.. I got a friend named peipei.. A nick i got for her. her bf is a malay guy who is also my friend named Sharul..

Now a bit abt peipei.. His dad got cancer.. Sharul was forced to marry his childhood friend as it was arranged by their parent since young.. So well.. . He was forced to break up with peipei n forced to get married to this malay gal

Ok their marriage lasted less than a year.. Cannot wrk out.. Seperated.. Sharul n peipei got bk together secretly..

Things got worse.. Sharul got stomach cancer.. His dad also found out abt the seperation n peipei.. Got a stroke.. Lucky he ok.. But then his dad cannot force sharul to break up with peipei to salvage the fail marriage coz he got cancer..

Somehow dunno why peipei n sharul broke up again.. Their fate got any twist.. Sharul met an accident n lost his memory

Now peipei no choice hv to go bk to him coz to hlp him gain bk his memory.. 

Peipei also poor thing.. 2 of her closest man both got cancer.. Cannot be together with sharul.. The man she love.. But now fate somehow brought them together yet sharul cant love her bk coz he lost his memory''
so there u have it.. thats what he said..
..thats really sad.. sometimes like is so dramatic.. i think mine's so. yea.. very dramatic when it comes to my love life... ... o well..
anyway... i wish her all the best... hopefully he wont die.. wasted so much time being separated... how many years do u get to live with each other only in this lifetime?
some parents. .care of how they feel the most.. rather than what their children need or want.. why dont they ever stop and ask and think for them,?... i duno.. but yea.. o well....
poor pei pei. ...poor me.. poor him.. ..
sighs.. o well.
mata ne

parents who cares n dont

so.. .after going without food for 27 hours plus, yea.. my stomach is half full finally. just.. well.. no appetite to eat anythign u know.. ..o well.
suffer the consequences in the morning though. .wakey to toilet. .stomahc hurts ike what. .argh..
...u know.. well. i guess for some ppl, parents love this girl.. ok. u've gotta do ur best to be with her no matter what.
then.. another case... you love her? sorry we dont. if we dont, you dont. you shouldnt either. who cares the hell of what you think. just give her up already.  becasue they don like her. so their children couldnt be allow to either. its all of what they think.
they thought.. well.. just let him be.. cry, angry, ignored us.. soon it will be over. the most just gonna last for months. he'll be fine. he'll thank us one day. yea its ok. he wont be able to hold on for long anyway. with time passed, he'll be back to normal again real soon. its like that one.. just leave him be for now.. dont bother him first.  he'll be fine after a while. well, if such parents are thinknig this way, .. well.. waht craps.
yes. i'll fake my smile and laughter everyday. keep telling myself that i am fine. its alrite.. they;re all lies. but well. .i gotta do it. i'll fake smiles till the day when finally im truly happy for the first time again. i wonde rwhen eh.... it'll take months perhaps? or even a year or so? yea. .if i dont show that im crying , he nor my parents will worry.. well. not that it matters to him anymore
..u know. just in case.. i thought this day might come.. i told myself.. no matter what we have to off it face to face. even meaning im flying off to sydney for 2 days. but this is too sudden.. so .. yea. i swear i do not wanna do it over the phone or by msg.. but no choice. .its too sudden and fast.. .he cant wait for me to go there and u know... we do it together. so.. well.. it sjust ove rhte phoen .i don wanna do this cos it'll cause me regrets.. over a phone?>.... sighs.......... ...=(
before he left sg.. he drop by my place for hte very last tiem... after he hop onto bus, he msg me.. '....be strong.. our love will carry us through' that line, makes me believe. and a hope for a better future for us. but... a greater force came unforeseen... and they have the call.. to cut it all off....
i knew from last night when he chatted with me non stop... usually he wont. so when we are having a smooth chat freely,.. i knew somethings must be weird going on.. and i was right.... ...yea. .i didnt get to chat with him liek that much.. cos usually he'll be quiet.. not much of a talker.. i duno. bored with me or what i guess.
anyway..... well....... .... .yea. i wonder if thats what they said...
one never truly learn how to appreciate a thing only when they finally lost it.
my heart is still crying.. i held back my tears badly today.. i tried my best... with all my might... pretending to talk as though everything is normal... fake smile is all about me right now...
it'll be good.. i would rather not let anyone worry fo rme... held it all down into the ddeepest part of heart...
u know. i seriously.. seriously.. didnt know that parents have the right or power to take the source of happiness away from their children.. they snatched it. they forced it. they dont listen. they just force u up to the wall... and make u lose a part of u..
i.. .really didnt know parents are allow to do that... ....wow.. ....  they would rather... hurt u?... i duno.. i duno anymore.. i thought.. i was grateful to them.. becos of them theres sammy. becos of sammy, i have me. and i have him . and.. his my pillar of everything. now my pillar broke.. my family gone.. heart torned..  part of my life gone.. part of me lost... my heart is no more...
they.. caused all these to me?... i duno.. theres no one to blame.. they have their reasons.. perhaps im jjst a bitch in someone elses eyes.. becos of htem.. he lost me. i lost him. world and heart both shattered in one night...
 i dont hate them. but. i just wish if only htey could try to understand... but given a death penalty..., well...  i cant say anymore...
so yea... tmr to work. i think i'll cry on the shop floor. i hate being unprofessional. but i knwo i am but a mere human being. my heart's been ripped apart. there is no way when quiet moment set in, would i not shed down a single tear?

my name is pauline. and i have lost someone i love very very dearly. he'll be in my heart. if theres ever fate with us, maybe who knows.. years later, we'll be together. but well.. all these.. i do not dare to harbour any hopes for..
mum understadns too... he cant do anything as he has to depend on his family... she said. ... nvm. wait till he have a job and all, when he can be independant, he can do whatever he want with full freedom. no need to care what his parents is saying.. ..that could be a way i thoguht.. but.... yea... well..  hold back my tears for now ba..
future is unknown. i'll look forward to 2012 dec 12. once that is over, i'll start to think of something else then. ...
so yea..... ...there u go. mum said ..she also cant bear to see me go sydney.. now its liek that. .could be a gd hting. .a tleast i'll stay n get married in sg... but she wouldnt force me. i know. as long as what i want, she will be ok. she wont forc eme and say no cannot this and that... even if i were to say im gonna try to head to sydney to work, im sure she'll be fine with it. just  worried for me only thats all.
i didnt say anythign to her. but yea.. when the time comes ba....
somemroe.. when she mentioon of getting married in sg, i felt sooooo weird . i really don wanna think abou that right now. like seriously. its weird.
mata 

meant to be

so yea... ...ha.. u know how ppl around u would tell u how this is gonna end one day and blah3..?
well...  i guess.... none of them expected this.. .to be ... broken by parents of ur other half.
o well... waht to do... been so dramatic... my fren once said.. its special.. cos. .who would find someoen through a msg form the phone? there is somethhing to it..
i duno. anwyay.. well.. im trying to get used to life without a partner now..
actually.. i duno what he means when he said he's gonna stud relaly hard.. and i'll be his motivation...
i duno.. meaning motivate to be with me again? weird right. but anyway.. at least thats a gd hting. and anyway, we're not enemies. so yea. .gd enough..  in that case he shall be my motivation too... so.. yea.. uh huh i don get the meaning.. but.. yea. i was like. .but im not with u now. .so how(as in why he would say that).. i duno .. what he meant.. but yea... i.. haiz. .i really wish we could work hard together. .and be with each other in future.. but.. yea. .as much as i wish for a better year this year for both of us, .. well.. .guess it ended too soon...
i really wish that we could work hard together, and likewise. .he be my motivation.. then we can be together in future one day...
but he have no choice too i guess...
he have to cut me off form his life.
so yea.. .there u go.. yea.. back to my lonely life again.. really. .trying my bes tto stay well and stuff...
u know.. i was having quite a gd day.. with him supporting me.. encouraging me. .
steamboat at honme.. alreyad have a bad feeling. .soemmeore he was chatting wiht me alot.. soemthings weird.. so yea. .indeed... then never eat anything.. i just cried al lthe way.. and his crying.. i wish i could forget but yea.. .... ..sighs =(
o well... ....
he asked for a break up. and yea..hurtful.. but.. its u know. .what he;s got to do..
and yea.. i seek solance (knida abit) in the fact that after he push me away, another better girl will coem his way.. she'll be smart, cool, rich and most of all, please his parents till they are so in love with her too. there'll be such person. and he relaly deserves the best... so yea.. .apparently im not. so yea.. i hope she'll treat him right... yea. finally huh.. he can fnid someone so much better than me. he'll be well taken care of. no doubt. one big happy family. yea.. gd for him...
anyway before he told me i'll be his motivation, i couldnt really make out what he's saying. its soft. .and abit unclear.. but i do heard he say have to end it with me. htats all i remember. o well...
so 3years.. gone down the drain... im glad tmr i off. becos if not i wont be able to work .
it will affect my work for sure. i duno how. but all i cna do is try my best  dont think about it and then shed tears...
im so scared to off lights and slp now... cos will be reminded of slping with himn.. in my arms.. and all.. .im so scared.
hungry. but i cant force myself to eat just yet. .thirsty.. drank alil... slpy and tired.. well.. just sit and online.. blog it all out first..
so yea... o well...
hm.. forgot what i wanna say.. ....
............. o well.. so there u go. the most important thing in my life is gone . becos of other outside sources. they prevails. so yea. just like that. .i lost. so yea.. .... im sure he'll be fine soon.. fo rem.. its very difficult and hard.. i'l ltry my best. .duno how.. but really need to try...
now.. kidna. .lost. .like. .worknig so hard for?
fo rwhat now... where am i heading to now...
? still australia?>.. could be. i could always still strive to head for a position there. just that. .theres no meaning to it now. but i still wan to try. head there. for my own espereince. so yea.
mayeb i should se eit as this way eh.. i duno.
thoguht of having a holdiay next year. either back to familiar sydney, or head down to melbourne se emy manager .anyway there;s a long time no contacted fren there too. but.. i duno. either have him company me, or i have to find my way out. ah.. canada too. my homie is there. he have a guestroom.
i could save alot of money on that. but its expensive. o well.. if i head to familiar place like sydney.. i'l lmost probably have to find him send to hotel on 1st day, and to airport ton finaly day. thats all. otehrwise wont bother le ba. he should be fine right? just send me only.. well... otherwise. .always could head down to melb... see my mannager. .cos al lthe higher standard with 100 points ki kki k loacted at melb. would be interesting to see them all.
sydney. abit disappointing. .so eya. melb huh.. well.. never know. but i don think imma give up on travelling.
i'll still go.. even if he's no longer my.. u know...
because i have to tc of myself from now. i mena.. every secs from now. .so yea.
that aside.. guess.. my goal is still saving up for trips eh. .o well..
other than that. .i duno anymore...
it'll be weird and a lil risky to meet up with my guy frens if they know im in this situation now =/ i seriously don wan them to think of chances or stuffs liek tha =/ sighs.. i relaly hope not..
..oh.. my stomach. .now guru guru..
oh. .to think that ytd i workey ealry. .then duno why suddenly wrote down like. .10 thigns to do with him the next time im iat sydney againb. well.. guess.. i've wrote them down in vain... ...
my only regrets.. is not able to let their paretns see who i am.. know who i am.. and know how much i love thier son..
i also regret.. not ablt to suntan with him, and doing the 10 lists i just wrote. .and.. video. .not able to gbe him a smiley happy one.. but anywya.. my items he'll throw them all out so yea. memories wil lbe gone along with those i guess. he;s not such a good memroy perosn after all. ...>
but yea. well... like that ba. i'll make new frens. frens from my fren. well she offers this idea so yea. dots. and.. i duno. very slow ba. maybe my life will pick up .. ..i duno. not confident of that. .but.. well... just liek that. ...
so much hings. .not yet done fo rhim or tell him.. or show him.. regrets. .not able to go uss with him.. i guess... well... if its meant to be..., even after 10 or 5years.. miracle wil lstil lappear.. like my frne said.. the sned wrong msg.. didnt happen for nothing after all..
but in any case... it felt as thoguh its a dream.. a nightmare.. .
yea.. i.. i'll try to have my life back. .duno why. slower than him definitely.. but yea.. i'll .. try to see. .if i can get my life back.. onto pace.. and stuff....
yea.. at least.. i had 3 wonderful years with him in my life. he left such footprints in my life.. im grateful... and jsut want him to be really happy. for his happiness is my everything.. .yea. paulien .. just keep thinking this way.. u get replaced, and a happier man plus family is born. all should be gd for them. yea. .he'll be fine.. yea..
i wish i could be that way too.. but.. o well. sorry . having probs doing so. se ehow ba. .in future. i have the confidence of  knowing hteres no lack of guys who want me. but . i have no confidence of falling in love with them. like at all. liek none. like.. yea. i only love him. but. yea.. i.. really didnt know how to love another man. but. .well..
i guess all i need to focus on .. is.. i duno. i need help. how to stay focus at work, concentrate at work, and how to get my life back on track. i have a feelign i wont be able to eat anymore fo rnow.. but im starving. .tmr. .i shall se ehwo... i hope.. i can pick myself up real soon....
he'll be happy right. ...ok.. .thats good then.... ...yea.. he'll be fine.. ..uh huh....
take care sammy... it was nice loving u...
i wish we didnt have to listen to others.. ..
o well...  would u guys have done the same?
ha.. how funny it would be if he evvr get a chance to study here.. like those u know.. o well. no use thinkknig abou tthis liao. .paretns waking up soon.. i'd better go rest.. wil ltry to.. so yea... ...
oh.. just now posted a blog. .i guess its sort of meant for him. .or me to read. .but yea. .kidna like a letter to him ba. i duno.. o well.. ..k. .gtg.. .... sighs... ... no. im not fine.
...jaa....mata ne..... ................

I loved u salim

Don't Cry Over Someone That Won't Cry Over You

Some Day You'll Cry For Me Like I Cried For You,

Some Day You'll Miss Me Like I Missed You,

Some Day You'll Need Me Like I Needed You,

Some Day You'll Love Me But I Won't Love You

If I never met you, I wouldn't like you.

If I didn't like you I wouldn't love you.

If I didn't love you I wouldn't miss you,

but I did, I do and I will.

The day you finally decide to love me will be the day

after the day I have given up on chasing you

Moving on is simple,

it's what you leave behind that makes it so difficult

If someone you love hurts you cry a river,

build a bridge, and get over it.

I’m going to smile and make you think I’m happy,

I’m going to laugh, so you don’t see me cry,

I’m going to let you go in style, and even if it kills me-

I’m going to smile.

Love is never lost. If not reciprocated,

it will flow back and soften and purify the heart.

At least be there to wipe away my tears

if you're going to make me cry.

You can fall in love in an instant.

It's letting go that takes time.

Even when I pour my heart out to you,

I'm not sure it shows,

that I love you more than you'll ever know.

How do you heal a broken heart?

I have no idea where to start because everything I do reminds me of you

When you love him - truly love him,

how are you supposed to get over him?

I've tried everything possible ...

but I just can't. Isn't that what true love is?

Sometimes we tend to be in despair

when the person we love leaves us,

but the truth is, it's not our loss,

but theirs, for they left the only person

who wouldn't give up on them.

You said you didn't want to see me get hurt,

so does that mean you closed your eyes when I cried?

I wish I was a kid again,

because skinned knees are

easier to fix then broken hearts.

Because I never really had you at all,

I didn't think it would hurt this much to lose you

How can I love again when I can't

stop loving the one that hurt me so much?

A broken heart is a heart that has felt love.

If tears could build a stairway on memories alone,

I'd walk right up to Heaven and bring you home again.

Ask me how many times my heart has been broken

and I will tell you to look in the sky and count the stars.

Until the angels close my eyes,

I can't imagine seeing life without you.

Many waters cannot quench love,

neither can floods drown it.

Come let us take our fill of love until the morning:

let us solace ourselves with loves.

It really hurts when you expected so much

more from the person you once loved so much.

And now, all that I ever held dear is just a memory.

Oftentimes we say goodbye to the person

we love without wanting to.

Though that doesn’t mean that we've stopped

loving them or we've stopped to care.

Sometimes goodbye is a painful way to say I love you.

If the truth was told instead of a lie,

then the pain would go away sooner

and not hurt as much.

It's like my mind knows what's right

but my heart is being retarded and still cares

May you know the peace and comfort

this heartfelt thought imparts;

the ones we love are never gone,

for they live within our hearts.

They say, 'Time heals all wounds.'

If that is true, then I guess mine go deeper than pain.

There are no words to choose over losing you.

I guess I found out out too late,

and now all I feel is heartbreak

that only hurts when I breathe.

To love is to suffer.

To avoid suffering one must not love.

But then one suffers from not loving.

Therefore to love is to suffer,

not to love is to suffer. To suffer is to suffer.

To be happy is to love. To be happy then is to suffer.

But suffering makes one unhappy.

Therefore, to be unhappy one must love,

or love to suffer, or suffer from too much happiness.

I hope you're getting this down.

I wish I had the guts to walk away

and forget

Feeling the aussie time

wow.. wakey at 7.30am.. gosh s oearly. i cant control it. haiz.. hope my energy can last me till closing.
hm... still missing him.. i wonder how he felt back then.. after i went into the departure gate.. wonde rif he's missing me as mcuh.. or loving me as much still..

oh me wakey with like.. heart pouding kinda feeling.nerbous ba.. to go back to work. haha.
omg. i hope it will be a gd day today.

im looking forward to july.. though it wont be easy but yea..
o well.. hang on ne..
oh and imma save los of money. so perhaps could even stay a longer time when im back to sydney again .
7 nights are actually quite long. ha. but. .yea. best art is he's there fo rme.

and you know how pl are like.. ok?... then they kinda like stumbled around making a mess or fool of themselves when they're in front of the person they love?
 think thats what happened to me. ha. like never happened around with my frens or family.. then suddenly ha.. i think because im focusing too much on him... look at hinm. .hold himn.. rmemebr  his feel and all that...
o well. lol.

wow.. abit nervous. .really.. .go to work.. ha. again. o well.

and yes. i am very glad to say that this trip also brought me insights about how i should continue doing my work. rmemebr that time i was abit down and confused? now no.. work harder than ever before.. and gona do my own thing. thtas their business if they wan to use phone or whatever shoot. so yea. im jsut gonna do my own thing.
see.. eveyrhting i came back form sydney, i'll have an answer to somethign. ha. ..

hm.. o well..

oh. saw a book when i was there. at kinokuniya.
attracted me to it ha. interesting. clever idea of saying how ppl would get murdered, and die after they read the book. lol. so far... okok... alil boring.
perhaps during breaktime i shall read again.. stay in the back room do some reading. .prevent me from shopping. ha. = save money. cheers.
XD
well... yea. i hope that'll do.
but only problem is that backroom is so cold always. freezing.
tch.. =. an hour to go before imma go get ready.
oh finally my phone's been fixed. lol. very glad. =)
really thx to sammy . like yea really. very relaly thankful to him.
my phoens fine now. and its not irritating me anymore.
normal pace and stuff.
sammy said that he couldnt online chat with me that often anymore.
and he'll be concentrating onhis polo.. so yea....
well.. i should find the time to.. i duno.. read// check out apps.. blah2... yea.. something liek that ba. o wlel.
i must get used to it.. uh huh.. perhaps could have more tiem to meet up with my frens.
yea. .though only need him but.. yea...
o well. i should learn something from him sometimes. ha

it sure was a great get away for both of us.
haha. i like being tan now. LOL.
enjoyed. ha.

hmm..... ...
still missing him relaly alot.....
o well...........
i shall do my best....

hmm.... well... sydney and sammy,... i shall see them real soon. haiz.. sammy turning 22 this yhear.. yet couldnt celebrate with him.. =(
can only do so through skype ba.. o well...

hm... wow. .2nd year for him alreayd...
oh. yay. the roller coaster rides are on. lol. i hope it will last. =)  uss. gd. then sammy can have a look or even ride on them eh.

ok! my life's starting again. wish me luck for todya peeps.
uh huh.... i can do this..

oh.. btw. .that time my fren was telling me.. oh cos of hte weather in sydney, our hair will not be frizzy liek in sg... cos the weather there is blah3... so hair is straight and smooth. my fren went to melbourne. i was like.. huh? but last year wasnt like that. and indeeed. now back in sg, omg. my hair is straight smooth adn gd. no wonder... when i was in sydney, twice alreayd. my hair like.. fluffly abit messy. .just aint gd. omg. maybe cos of sun wind, or.. i duno. yea. .come to think of it. uh huh... no wonder i feel like i look abit diff or funny. cos of my hair =.= . it was pretty difficult to place it nice.. well, just one word. messy. ok,. not scarily messy. but well, at least i look better now.
 aw.. but wish he could see the best of me..

o well... naywya yea.. glad to say tht my hair is back to usual shape now. all smooth adn pretty. LOl. ha.. yea.. flat and gd. no flyaways . very easy to manage. =)
i shouldve known. .ha.. especially after shapmpooing.. and drying.. oh liek their hair dryer. ha. then hair so dry still... like thick and fluffy. i dun like. make me look tired or sumtin.

oh ea. was telling sammy don rememerbr  the way i cry u know.. like red eyes and stuff.. omg. to think that he has he video now of me loking down and sad... gonna cry... cant even say out a loud i lvoe u to the video(him)... dots... but o well.. at least still have video ba. seriously.. thought of videoing us together more.. .but.. i duno.. im still ver scarfed.. pics.. okok ba. .but if videos.. i scared will cry and sad.. well, the one he video me with us at sentosa inside cable car.. always make me wanna cry. ha. basically his voice will make me cry. sobx.

hm.. k ba. i'll do my bes ttoday. htinking of him being next to me too. jia you pauline.

mata ne.... 

missing him and sydney

hm... really like the karaoke there.. in sydney. wow. its great. nice place.. gd atmosphere.. i relaly like hte microphone so much. i was shocked too when i sang is using the mike there. it felt diff.. and nice..  the mike.. then when i sing, .. erm wow. ok. i know hte way i sing sometimes. but not trying to brag or whatever, i thoguht i was a singger at that time,. my voice came out.. and its my only song to sing.. my voice aint open up yet either. like. .wow. it really .. sounded like .. wow. i duno what to say. same thing happened again. my fren thta time thoguht i wasnt singing with my voice. this time too.
i menan.. .even i couldnt bvelieve it. not saying im super gd.. but.. wow. would so love to sing there mroe. but apity i cant.. cos.. i sing mostly slow love songs and stuffs? but if i do, it'll seem so bored for sammy with his frens.. dun wanna makje the atmosphere sux.. thtas why. ahh.. perhaps.. i could sing whne he's with me laone next tim e =) great idea. shall note tha down.
haiz. .really miss him so much todya. plus sydney. cant wait to get back there again .=)
am very glad ot hear his voice today through skype. very glad. really make me so happy.
haiz. .but tmr back to work liao. will wokr my owb way. and hang on lots. i will.
..o well.
his words shall be my strength. and i will remmeber that he's with me all this time.

so yea. such fabulous times for this week... dfates and dates. .and ngiht time lappy movies... wow. i couldnt;ve ask fo rmmore. awesome.
bah.. o well... thesen memoreies shall carry me forward.. and i will hang on till i see him again.
gamabte ne.. .
hhm. .suddenly so cold now..
sammy side is so shockinyly h\ot. omg.
41 degrees.. .sydneys summer is firghtening indded.
wow.
ok.
and so.. i shall hang on fo rtmr.. jia you desu...
when sammy asked me to think overof the how the benefits of having a bf in sg.. buy me breakfast.. blah3...
i thoguht of something.
a book i read somewhere. ldr book.
she said.. ppl asked her why she would rather date soemone from afr rather than here. she replied( i blgo about this before) would u rather go for CONvenience,  or True love?
at that moment, i totally felt her words. i alreayd knew what she meant. but i was like so totally get wha she meant by that.
it slike i almost wanted to say that to him...
haiz.. well.. thats wat i think.. but ya.. ..

o well...
anyway. .gosh im so slpy aleayd.. but dread to slp .. huu.. back to work soon...
hjoldiay over. hope jjuly will have something great happen...
perhaps another holiday eh? ha.. o well.
so ncie.. my manager heading to paris for 3 weeks. T_T
omg. 3 weeks away from work. thats great. ha.

k... tmr. .wish me luck .
nice chat. hang on pauline. u cna mak eit.

mata

long story about trip to sydney 2011

ok... so.. im back in sg. ..sighes... =/ sad. but what to do.
after im back, well.... ...hm... yea.. i learned quite afew..
and i understand sammy situation more.. at least i understand his stand better than before..
i feel very bad towards him too.. sighs.. but yea.. o well....
anyway, im very glad he had fun for the week. and me too..
very thankful to himn as well,..
yea...
i will treat him better than ever before. doing my best k. ha..
im touched for what he went through fo rme..
just wish.. if only ppl could understand us. .and support us..
but well.. its kinda expected for our situation..
so yea..
gosh.. im trying to dl something...
but it's like so long. keep cutting off. duno isit cos of me keep getting dc, or whats the prob. haiz. =/ really wish to have it done by today.
hm... haiz.. the hope of swty coming in july and stay at my place , busted.
he say they dont allow..
haiz.. o well.. i dxuno. however, still hoping he could come.
this trip, yea.. not too bad. erm its very hot and sweaty. hoeveer, this weather ould be better than the last?
wow.. its amazing. from the first sday till the last. howevver, my period gotta ruin lots of things. haiz. making me uncomfortable =/
glad he can understand.. but still.. yea.
i like sydney better than before now.
but the food there.. perhaps im still not used to eating and stuff. ha.
my stomach expanded i think. so bloated too. haiz.
then becos of period and forgot to bring swim wear, =/ eneded up didnt go suntan. i would love to try though. but yea. wrong timing i supposed.
oh yea.. at one point sammy was out for the night with his family.
then me alone in hotel room... watching animes.. then theres a 8 leggeed spidgey.. huu.. .so scary . wishing he woul be home soon. but he did not. after a real long huge fight' and shifting away from the creature, it finally stopped. then sammy is back. huu.. .i relaly miss him sooo much =/ like yea. it was super great to see him back into the room.  then haha. finally with him ard, i drink. ha. nice drink. like vanilla coke. so we drank, and finally!! i had my wish came true. we played the conversation starter. yay. haha. but didnt complete it thgouh huu. but nvm. next time ba.

one fo the day we went to luna park. roller coaster ride and stuff. ha. wow. extreme. omg.
hm... one of the days, we actuall didnt go anywhere. we stayed and slp in.. til late aftnoon =) then he played 2 movies. we watch... and yea...
it was sooo nice to stay inad watch movies wiht him through his lappy. though i fell aslp here and then. hahaha. cos too slpy and tired.
so yea...
well, at the end of day, couldnt managed to buy him bottles of drninks. cos its only meant fo rme to bring to sg. so cannot buy for him. hiayo..

hm... then he video me. omg. i watched. and huu... T_T wth. i looked so sad and tired plus down. then i recalled why. cos he was saying i love u. and for the whole day down, i was alreayd feeling very sad.. and keeep helding back my tears... =/ uh huh.. i could see my eyes.. teary and abit red.. huu.. so thats how i look like whne i was gonna cry.. haiz.
wish could given him a better happy video of me. i couldnt even face the cam.. cos looking at him .. haiz. .heart melts.. sad.. gonna leave liao.. os yea.. tryingso hard not to cry.. ...
final night in sydney, he walked wiht me. .theres this beautiful view.. opera house.. luna park.. got romantic music.. sounds of waves..
we had ice cream..
uh huh... he rememberd which flav i boguh the other time. ha. wow. suprised ne. =)
hm.. .yea.. theres so muh to tell him too.. but i couldnt. cos will keep crying. he's good. he didnt cry. i wish could be like that for me. ha.
yea.. all i cna do is to tank him, and apologized too.... ...cos.. yea.. haiz.. his parents dont like me.. so what can i do..
alreayd given me the death sentence so fast. ..ha.. o well..
anywya, he deserve the best. and.. i guess im not that type of best.
today woeky very early .auto. alreayd missing him. always does.
lets see.. what els emy time of month destroys..
ahh.. i didn wear the sexy leggings for him . haiz. only wore one time? or 2.. yea. T_T baka desu... uu knowar.. how u dont or cant really feel gd or sexy when u're having that. red month. argh. hate it. =.=
who doesnt. anyway... yea.. then cant go suntan properly.. couldnt approach him as muh as i wanted to..
like yea... i really hope in july, if he's here, i'll be ready to meet him, clean and fresh!!!
goodness. period2..... haiz.. i hate u. but im glad he's still understanding enough. gosh.. =/ how i stop loving him if he's always so nice... sighs.. if i dont get to spedn my life with him... then how... happiness would be all gone.. ..sighs.. anyway.. now im just doing my best .. work hard and stuff...
for a better future. stronger after im back. i'll do my best. and yea. for myself too. i wold love to work inm sydney for a change. like my manager. transfer to sg. but who knows. yea.. i should work harder than ever before, and make the request worht the trouble. =)

 we waked past a cupld of times.. sammys school. its like. .so happening =.=
hahahaa. its relaly diff form my life.
maybe without me.. yea. his life wont get dis ba.. but if me.. .. i think i'll changed. to who, i duno. ha. but yea... o well...
just wanna think of the happy moments now.
its as though he's still with me. i took real gd long look at him.
hold him tight, feel him... everything. i remember. yea.. thast why maybe now.. still fresh in my head ba.
his voice and smile. .and his personailty.. huu.. i want him now. miss him so much liao.
going there and spend the money, isnt wasted at all.
i... i am realy gald we both enjoyed oursleves. and yea.
its great. most importantly , is that he must be happy for the week.
maybe i might continue blogging again ;ater or sumtin. see how. because i cant really type all memories here at one go. might've forgotten some stuffs. ha

 oh.. took pics. uh huh. told myself. don regret not taking heaps. so do it!!!! i did,. and im happy he did too. =) ha. though not like 500 per day . XD but yea.. still gd enough. i always look so happy in the pic with him. yea.. he makes me happy =')
such precious time togetehr..
must stay positive.. uh huh. i'll do my best.
we had a very expensive meal together. lol.
very. uh huh XD but its ok. once in a while. its worth it .=)consider tatas our valentines day ba. =) haha.
haiyo.. forgot to pack the kikki-k stuff for hm. he really like it.when he's in the store that is. haiyo.. baka desu. then my contatc lens too. up till now i still cnat find it. omg. i thought i'd packed them in alreayd!!
thats so weird. but o well...
oh.. then at the end of last few days, finally can kissy my man. huu... vbut at least still can ba.. better than 0 days right? o well..
we departed.. i still cried.. haiyo... but yea... .... stronger abit now.. but yea.. huu... the dl keep having prob. =/baka...

hm..... the weathers hot and yea.. sweaty .
while i missed ut that time sg keep on raining. very cold my bro said.
hm... never rain in sydney.. hm...
we spend so much money on food. ha. but its ok. i don rally shop much. only get small coupld of items.
first 3 dasy are wonderful. cos we have energy. lol. then still wonderful. but yea. energy abit drained . ha.
still very good.
of course gd. cos he;s right wiht me.

hm... went to the strand. .get my kikki k stuff.. ha. the service there is so normal .thats weird. to think i serioulsy greeted every customer and say thank u to all of them.
besides me, its only my ex manager who'd done that. sabrina. duh of course. its weird... o well. .duno ba.
hm.....
o well.  so yea.. basically all's gd.. understand the situation more now.. gotten stronger i guess. know whats my target. hm.. yea. tougher days ahead. but just move on.
it'll be soon beore i see him again.
 lol. and he didnt know i was a assiatant manager. XD o well.
hm.... oh. dl failed again. argh... should be my dl speed ba? =/ sianz..
o well.. hope by tonight can make it. huu...
miss his voice alreayd..  all these wonderful new memories, i'll keep them with me. and it'll hold me strong till i see him again.
today wanna have a gd time. rest and have steamboat.
kk. i will gambate de.
hey. aleins been sighted again. azfter about 60 years or so.. tey are back again. no abductions yet. but tehy might be making their presense known.. i jus have this strange feelings. anywya.. yea. given the diasters of this world.. im not surprised. lol. well, who know swhat really is happening excatly eh.
besides, 2012 will come in a short time. somehow. we shall see what more in stores for us. lol it'll be interesting to have the news of abductions happening again on earth. to continue from where the left off.
haiz.. the dl.. omg. make me so slpy .
-night time... before sleepy.. always must remember that there is someone who really loves you alot alot over the other side of this world..-
k.. abit slpy now.. too much to write.. ..ha... well, let sjust say.. these fresh new memories fo rme, even for a week.. its hte best in this world. i didnt held back. no regrets. i let him know htat i love him. and i keep telling him that from the bottom of my heart all this time.. k ba..
talk next time. ha.
jaa mata