it all comes down to pain

sighs.. feeling sad todya… missing my manager. .the wya she guided us.. going throgh my sg manager hints of how bitchy blah3…

sighs….

this world is so complicated =(

i hated it.

sighs.. =(

what can i say…

i.. sighs. .just need someone to talk to. .i really  hate saying goodbyes.. i really do. = (

i learnt that when i sai dgdbye to sammy.. it was the most painful thign to do besides breakin gup…
yea.. that was so hurtful.. and u went through all thos efor nothign. becos .. in the end u still have to separate..

anyway,.. yea.. sighsssssssssss =(((( i am very very very upset ….. i lost my best manager.. and i m having prob at workplace.
sighss…. o well

just. .u knw.. …trying to do my best ya know….

haiz.. o well.. all the more i wann head to melb and visit my manager. sighs. .so many places i wanna go. but so little money =( what should i do..
haiz……….. i really wish to go melb too.. =/

sighs… tch.. nvm.. for now just save up ba… …. then will shall out the price. .of course if can travcel between 2 palces, i would lvoe to do so

wow. i didnt know. my bra size could went up just like that. uh hu. i llkike that . its good. versatile enough i didnt try it on as htere were too many ppl. diff brands have diff sizers.. despite b or c cups, i fit righ tit. all good.

…mm… sighs  trying to numb myself ..

yea.. i certzinly wish to.. u know…… haiz. nvm ba

at time liek this…. i really wish time could turn itself back.. and let me go back to where i had my happiest time.. .dates.. etcc… u know =(.. .. those happiest moments of my life.. it is never coming back..

sigh… .=(

and i jst wish.. those happiest years of my life.. i could experincec it again… i really do.. now , everythign is nothing at all.
i just wish.. i could return back to those 3 year.s… i rrly do… =(

happiness seems as though a dream.. when its over, u wak e up.. and.. u know.. time moves on still… it never wil lstop for u… it will be saying. .go on.. move away from ur happiness now.. move further away……………..

i thoght i will be fine. but it still end swith a lie..

sighs. .o well… like that ba…

…

at least.. im stil lable to blog here while i last…

life .is so meaningless. i don see any meaning to it. jinseiwanani..wakaranaii..

sighs.. o well.. nothing’s gonna change anyway..

mata

stupid bitch

today heatpai sia.. cried.. not becos of sammy.. but becos of  stupid bitch
. sighs =(
... o well....... .... im still not giving up.. i am ever so close. .my melb manager is righ ..
she turned down opportunities.. she missed opportunities... etc..
but things happeneed.. and she once thought.. she was ready for a manager position. but she didnt get it. and they hired someone else for the job. she was very disappointed. becos she thought she was totally ready n bext for the position right now. but somebody told her.. that she aint ready just yet.
my manager wishes to see me as a manager in new store next time. dunno if theres gonna be a new store. no promises. it may take me another year's time or so(less or more) to be one . but yea.. will have chance. i just need the time now to perfect it all.
puntil the time is right. and now she's manager to sg.. then became senior manaager.. now she's heading back end of week plus she got the new position. vic area manager .so now besides chadstone, vic is hers now too. cheers. wow. rrly so glad for her. she rrly worked so hard in sg man =. she deserves it all. i wouldnt she say is perfect.. she followed all rules.. etc. .but she's busy. .and worked hard for this job. so cheersx fo rher =)
i hope i can end up like her one day too. soon i hope. so far, im the most senior anyway. but yea. still need to hang on.
sighs. .duno why ppl just. .sighs...... =( i hate typical malays =((((( appeares to be so humourous.. very funny.. nice to hang out with.. joke ard with.. but i tell u... deeep down, such an asshole. bloody bitches. bloody hell i tell u. i hate typical malays. seriousluy =/.
sighs...
prefer my malay frens who studies.. n decent type. unlike those marids.. minnas type ..eewwwwwwww omg. faint =.=
the other day another customer thoght iwas 18 =.= i was like... dots.. sigh.. wonder if ppl could ever take me seriously.. but u know what. imma do my job well. they can use their own eyes to see it. i don care
sighs. i need to destress somuch. which taking a shower, i suddenly had an urge to cry.. so huggie the pole,. amd cry =( sighs......... felt good though.. thinking iits sammy . lol.not funny =.= but yea.. felt good to have somehting to hold on to and cry for abit.. sighs...
so long nvr cry.. and this time its over a stupid bitch =(
...... sighs.......................
o well. haiz...
just need his support so much right now.. god knows how much i wish to cry over his shoulders while hugging him.... tears.. .rolling down now...
why must i feel so sad just becos of this worthless bitch... =(...
sighs...
o well. ...
oh..today.. sighs.. last night too tired to think. .miscaculated. .then wakey an hour earlier. .dindt realsied it till when im done changing and stuff. then like. .omg. 6 plus onlly.. omg.. .wanna stab myself sia T_T sighs.......... wakey so early an hour only.. but yea.. for nothign =.= omg...
called my amnasgers to u know.. destress abit too.. thknign of how to solved the prob. .melb prob. .when asked if she had the same prob. .she say yes. .she then talk to her manager.. regionall... ,manager.
i talked to my rm too.. but he erm.. well. .let sjust sya........ ..... dots. nvm.. .totally make me more sad only sighs=/. nvm ba
mm.. surprisingly.. not slpy.. tired .. and legs like wanna break liao.. but not slpy.. just dang tired...
k ba.. sighs.. .maybe should go rest.. see hojw... ....

jaa mata.. =/

Healing love angel

wah liao... kena taken advantage sia =.= bloody hell @##!$^%^$% idiotssssss
=.=
 like the dram type ya know.. wtf. like trying to help, then hand touch my hand. asshole. but anyway at least he spend a bomb.  but still mad. kinda . like first time in my life ba i think>? kena such dramatic event =.=
curse him!!!
ok. so my fren started going out with fren's bro. i duno. like normal frens only. then seems like they are tlaking toeach other everynight. her bro ar.. omg. power sia when wooing a girl. but i despise that type of actions too. omg. like take this chance to .. dots.. =.= o well. up to my fren ba. but personally, i rrly don like him. marid sia. eew
gosh. .again that other day ask me to hurry up find a man and get marry soon. cos bro's frens getting married etc. .so suddenly she said.. wait. did i talk about htis in my last blog ? O.o i cant remember. .but sounds familiar ne.. deja vu.. o well. maybe i did.
anyway, tired n slpy sia. mm.. this week could be a good one. i attend to good parties once in a while. i hate ppl who party.. but im still a good girl k. muahahaahhaa.
need to destress mah. what to do ne
mm... no matter how i try to get back my health, seems like nutrion aint enough at all ne. still not improving. =/ haiz.... o well. don care ba. i eat what i want.. and.. well, we shall see how in the next 2 months. dang ..
oh. .goodness.. helping ppl to get away from sadness again. @_@ wtf..... omg.
another one came along. don really mind. .glad to help . kinda . dots.. eya.. just don really like it. cos.. well, i don like words from me. cos i dont heed them though i know its true. so like. .yea. .facing my words too. damn
mm.. o well.
cant rememebvr waht to say again. haiyo...
anwyay, so tired ba. cant wait for good thigns to happen man. gosh...
days are so miserable sometimes. but u know. just hanging on. thtas sll
okok.. doing my best to give great advice to my fren. hope he'll be fine soon. will be so glad if i could help sorten out his thoughts man . haiz...
omg. tired. haiz..... =/ sighs..... nah. i don wan to think of future days now.
there snothign left . nothing.

ok. erm.. so.. my colleague... aka colleague's sis also. came into the store. .she then tilt her head when making payment..  she was like surprised to see me. then turns out that she couldnt recognize me at all. las ttime i met her.. .about december ?? i tink. yea. lol. she and her sis said the same exact things sia!! waht i look so different now... =.= i dunno man.. i asked what exactly diff about me now, compared to few months back.. its good diff btw. haha. but she couldnt but she cant quite put her finger into it(her sis too ). so yea o well. mystery auras im now emitting eh. lol
well, whatever it is, its good so cheers. ;)
u know. .its absurd when u have no idea why ppl get angry at ya for what. liek for nothign. i dunno man. human beings are such strange living creatures. goodness. =.=
haven u ever felt that.. u understand something. .something u shouldnt ever be .. like.. thigns falls into place. u have no idea why. but u gain that knowledge. and u know exactly whats the situation.. even though u never learnt of it.. u have no clues..  but u figured everything out. the fact that.. no one sees... no one.. around ur frens or family could tell. but it is so obvious fact.. right in front of u. and no one in history ever said it. u felt as though u know the whole truth out there.
puzzles all falls into place .simplest explanation is out there righ now. u get what i mean> ? i so simple. yet.. no one sees it. u kinda know the meaning.. but becos no one sees it, u felt as though it isnt real. but hten u knew it must be . .. i duno. but .. mm.. o well. perhaps time will tell.. perhpas... future will find a way.. we'll just have to wait and see. .tiem shouldnt be too long now. actions should've been taking place liek. .yea.. .o well. pardon me for my deep talk. but yea..
i truly think that... soething big is coming. and.. well, i just wanan u know. do whatever i can righ tnow.
and..... sighs. nvm ba. don wan think n talk about sad stuff here. what will be will be.
mata

pucking saturday

as usual.. i could probably be slping for the whole day today...
today sucks.. totally =( sighs
fuck
anywya, sianz. today polling day. luckily no queue. but... was sick. so ruined. and this poll thigny is such a bloody waste of my time. i dunoo who they are. blah3... just vote only. -_-
i dun care abt it .not one bit .not especially when my block had alot more murders occured already. so yea. o well. haiz. just hope my family will be safe ba.
 even my cousin heeard of the palce being in danger. and asked my bro abt it. lol
o well.
o. my fren broke up liiao. everytihing she described is exactly the same as what i encouintered. but of course that wasnt her first love.i knew it when he said such thing to her when he gave her a cam. how could he. wtf.
anyway... haiz. hope she'l be fine soon. she's going through what im going through everyday.
that time. so yea... all the same =/ .. today she went out with our fren's bro. who liked her. dots. but up to her ba. hope she'll feeel better soon
sick again on off dya. my worklaod is to much. so perhaps why ba =/. .. haiz. even if itmeans im  getting less pay in future months, i stil lwanna make sure i get to apply for leave. shld be alrite.. but i duno how they count .whatever ba.
haiz.. its suhc a fucking bad day for me =/
duno waht to say ba..
jaa mata 

Wrong picture

just thought of something. lol. im gonna be so afraid of slping time if im alone in a hotel T_T huu.... gonna be dark and errie.. glups*... scary at the thought of that.. =/
o well..... i have to get used to it ba.
anyway, gosh. so .. wow. tired. dead tired. and so... =/ haiz. kinda stress today man . not good. stupid thing happened. =( but i've donemy best mah.. so if u know.. theres no full picture for her to see, then what to do.
anwayy, haiz. in need of destress.
and like. .me busy non stop working today. so tiring.
thigns to complete are like piles of .. .omg. u don wanna know. =.=''
anyway, haiz. glad hte day is over. just hang on ba... huu
legs pain desu =( haiz... =/ just do it ba. will gambate lots ne ..
huu.. seems liek i've lost my package.  baka desu..
o well.. long story,.
kk.. gtg. another tired day for me.. haiz
mata 

Misses...

ohhh... didnt know there's like bombs aroudn recent;y. and with the death of bin laden.. im afraid the world might get insane anytime soon =/ o well... what to do
oh now then i remember!!! so long ago. omg. weeks ago liao i think.
i was in the bus..(mm.. don think i blog this before ba ) then everybody drops off at the bus interchange.. then theres this box.. like cargo box.. in the middle of the bus. no one pick it up. the driver n passengers alos look at it. then i hurried down to take a train. in case it blows up. lollll but yea. u knw. in these situations.. u never know when these thigs will rrly blow up one day. =/well, it sjust frightening i have to say. i duno what jhappen with that box. or could that be one of the bombs which the tv was talking about just now? i hope now. brr... scary.
 but yea... .mm... hard to predict ba.. somemore me always around the danger target zone. huu.... touc wood. thigns will be fine eh. i hope
gosh was so bored today. good thing theres nice tv to watch. then nap. then online. so boring. bt its good to rest ba. like yea. so tired my body. .always T_T
haiz... cold and slpy ne. need to cover well with blankie later...
mm.. thinking of my birthday pressy now...  lol. i think i might know what i want..
oh yea. then the last blog. .so my fren bf was like saying. .he bought her the cam. .becos she's always the one remembing things.. liek their firs tkiss... dates.. etc.. so its easier to take the pic, and yea.  use it as a memory guide or somehtng. then chose a blue coloud instead of pink. why??  becos he want her to remember him. cos he like blue colour. so when look at the cam ,will rememvber him  .
aw.. see... usually girls are the one to rememver lil thigns ne. first kiss la.. how they go ondates.. met. .etc.. first movie. .blah3...
miss him alot. used to able to do so much together.. =/ didnt know he felt the same way too.
i guess... love never cease after all.
still so wish he could be right here.. doing all sorts of things together with me.
how i miss someone to celelbrate birthday with me.. =/
o well..
haiz..
life is so short.. yet.. how many could ever find true love within a lifetime.. and how many is able to.... u know. o well
gosh. dad asked me if i have bf. and when im getting one. he offers to introduce me sia. joking i think he is. omg.. like.. so frustrated to get nag at by ur parents.
=.= o well. just need to be firm and brush him off ba . sianz
jaa mata 

Sweet birthday from my friend

wow. everytime. i suddenly forgot what i wanna say . =.= mm....... o well....
oh. my fren's bf so swt to her. lol. she said.. he was tkain gher around. .n aournd. .walk3.. then blind fold her. .then surprise her with fren her frens around, and her birthday cake .then go sing karaoke. then her gift form bf is a instax camera. i was like. .ok. so lucky =.= i have to buy with my own money sia. .huu.... but she got it for free. ha.
but yea. happy for her anwyay. seems liek she had such a enjoyable day . uh huh
i guess. its knda nice in a way. being the girl everybody wants, but couldnt get their hands on.
its good in a way i guess. o well
anyway, so tired. OMG>... =.= huu.... very2 tired....
mm............ ........ perhaps didn slpt well. wokey at 5 am.. for over an hour plus my nose keeps running =( it was terrible. then no choice. .go eat med. almost immediately im ok liao. stil lterrible. .but at least i was able to fall asllp. why didnt i eat earlier? i thought of too. but one, i didnt have any food, the oitehr, i was afraid of the dark to go to kitchen n get water. so in the end cant stand it anymore, just sawallow the med lor. huu T_T but yea. glad im ok now. duno why ne. suddenly wakey n nose so bad.. liek so sick. omg
=/
mm... o well. so like that ba. hopefully soon, i can get my tickets.. don wan drag too long. otherwise expensive again =/
haiz.. guess too stress, or nothig t o do. so end up spending money =.= haiz .o well. nvm ba.
hope next month will control better
ok. forgot what to say still. nvm. if i ever recalled while im sitting here, i'll ltype it down again
mata

-if the pains of one, could bring relieve and joy to many, I wonder if .. this sacrifice.. is worth it at all.. ;to kill one, and return the peace for others...  yea. kill me. oh wait. that's already been done. -