First day of uplifted

ytd after a nap in the aftnoon.. wokey.. not feeling so well.. and last night actually i slpt with some pains on.. woke up.. found my hand with red lines.' but.. doesnt matter.

well, i think .. for the first time in so long, i felt better now.
i dunno. think its the craziness goig on or something. i was literally going crazy getting all so excited and nuts. but yea.. great. i won the prize in managers meeting.

sad. mrg, step out, the realised.. im heading towards another palce. and its raining heavily. me no umbrella. haiz. so yea. all wet. walking and standing under the rain for 5mins or so? yea . heavy rain mind u =.= . its heavy rain. how i wish to slp in mrg. supposed to be my off! huu...

anywya, so tired whole day down. then gotta get home. .and soon, meet him up for free movie. if not dun wan go. so tired=/ 

haiz. so yea. .i do feel abit more uplifted now.. perhaps i shold.. think things through... think of how to handle it. . u know. o well...
yea. its tough. but. mm. .lets just hope tmr be a better day.

its just so . ssad.. u dont have ur most love one next to u.. sighs.

o well. at least today gets better abit.

kk.. slp. gotta dry hair.. then zzzz

maat

i need confirmation

if your close fren asked you out on a date,.. yet he or she is attach,.. but u know himn longer before he's attached.. wouldnt that be stil lso weird??
but because you'r close, so you do kinda know he or she aint a too bad person. but still.. that sounds so weird and wrong isnt it.
mmm... very interesting. if not close. .fren wouldve been lost once again..

so yea..
i dunno.. just alil concern about myself now. .been over aweek.. no reasons n so on.. i dunno why im so down.. and.. itss affecting my work and all. which is not good. so yea.. work is important. but. soemtimes its so difficult to work in this situatuion u see

wonder when's the alst time i relaly am happy. couldnt remember.
o well. just gonna take it as it is ba. 

wahtver happen will happen.. 

so yea.. 

feeling so dang sad... but nothigns to be done. or solved. i'll try to find my way out. 

dunn owaht ways. .but wil ltry. 

today gotta help save ' my dad cmoe back home. gosh =.= gotta help drink for him. but ow ell. used o it ba. drinking is good when you're sad. and im sad all the time. so thats fine . . 

geez.. i hate myself saying that. weird. ha.. o well. .pftt waht to do eh

very frustrating i feel.. but. .yup. hopefull ytmr turn out to be a gd day. 

this feelign of disliking everything.. i hope thast ll be gone soon. 

and i hate these bloody ppl callgng me swt nas like darlin n swty or shit... im like.wtf??? we're frens. not even close close. omfg. =.= 

sighs. had enough probs

anyway, yea. if i dont abandon this sick feeling soon, my performance at work and heath aint gonna get any beter.

sighs. 

=/ like that ba. hope i'll bring osme gd news tmr.. 

thasnk for reading.. 

and yea. everythign been taken awya.. everything.

jaa mata

2nd thoughts?

geez... .=/ i didnt know why i even bother buying the sydney travel guide for.. sighs.
yea cna u believe this? im actually having 2nd thoughts about going. cause everything a lso troublesome, and im doing this all alone. im starting to wonder. .how should i travel alone. the stores over there i like and yearn to visit, all one by one open in sg alredy. =. ='' dotsssssssss i knowwwwwwwwwwww its ridiculous. i liek. but, whats the point now. tch. i dunno.. tic and airlines are running out. and.. i seriously have nio ideaa what to do. to go ahead and book it, or wait.. till prices gone up, wiht only left with quantas... =.=
i really have no idea. sighs.

should i really be going? but its such a great chance for me to be u know.. explore a foreign place alone. i mean yea hats freaking scary. and i don like it. its stressful. but.... mmm...... it is a challenge for me eh.
tch. sighs.
i jsut checked over the notes ive written. seems liek io've been upset for over a week. and its not helping. =(
tch. .fml

i relly don know what to do..
sighs.
nothing to do there.. or is there... i dunno. who ask them open so many stores which i liek in singapore. now go there... also dnno liao.
but u know.. i think i should. think about future trips like to sweden.. or. .somewhere else.. shit. but i dunno their language =.= '''''
anyway, that can think later.
but yea...

... how guys.. to go.. or not to go... think my heart is saying.. to go.. but... sighs. .if only someone could help me with the tix n hotels.. n stuffs...
well, i hae to do this i guess. doing it alone is fine. if only i know someone working in airline or soemthign2

i'll think about this again ba.
...sighs. what can i do in syd all by myself..
im starving like hell.. but i don fel like eatng.. but i craved for spicy hot food.. so.. later imma go cook up hot noodles, and .. i know.. empty stomach. .but i couldnt care less now. nvr care bfore. not now, not ever.

jaa

Easily Forgotten Being

sometmes... somethings just doesnt matter anymore. when you've come teo realize that.. .then yea... sighs
o well. .thast life my friends..
oh dear.. today so stressful =/ ... fml. sighs.
totally breaking down man.. =/ i cant believe this lasted this long>>! ? wth.
=.= haiz... tch.. i dunno man.. perhaps i just need a god long rest huh... getting tired of my work..
or rather, its my life.
 words cant speak.. of how.. haiz. how i feel . sighs.. =/ i dunno man. are my managers really being racists?
or.. what is wrong???
i dont get it.
totally breaking down man.. just so many issues going on.. have no confidence in dealing with them u see....
sighs . this isnt me eh.. =/ just feel so weak right now. wish to overcome this soon.
guess what. my rgm say.. melb, everyday, have 4 seasons. until he dunno hwat to wear. lol. windeter, spring, summer, autumn... all in one day!! the aussies told him that its normal. i wonder if syd also liek that. omg.. scary.. windy.. sunny and hot.. then rainy the next .=X gasps... o well.
weird. very weird...
my fan is blowing dry my hair righ t now.. my nody is shaking a lil.. im feeling very cold. hear cold. body cold. mind cold.
sigs.
...o well =/
today i paid attention to the jap cutsotmers tlaking.. i kinda know what they are tlaking.. but some im not so sure.. making me more curious than ever. once i start to speak even a word or two of jap, i'll be so itching to learn the lanaguage once again. =.= yea i knw....
its like. .meant to do it.. but.. no heart to do so.. would anyone prompt me to?
anyway, sighs.. .nothign is perfect. working life partners, nothign will ever be perfect.
guess waht. we are having a xmas party. ...in the middle of oct. ...... ....-_-''''' yup. u read it right. oct. dots............ haha... i dunno what to sya but better than nothing eh.
...sighs. even a small tiny simple one promise' couldnt be kept.
gosh.. i feel liek throwing up. sick to my stomach.
yea. u know.. stomahc weird lately. bloated or something. i dunno. just don feel quite right. from mind body to everything.
crap. totally .. argh. .crap
sighs... so cold
oh shoot. guess what! las tnight, midnight, i went to bed straight about that time. .12 plus or something. then i wokey in mrg found so manay posts regardin gwhat happened. guess what. wind was blewing so scarry and loud!!!! cos rainy. but everyione say so creppy. omg... all i recaleld awas.. i close my door, but didnt shut it. and hte door wa slike. .creaking bit by bit.. i was too slpy to be scared i guess. but errie indeed..the door tta is.
gosh.. i wanaa know hows the wind sounds like!!
oh i htink i know why now. i've not been eating wel.. sighs. feels ling pucking crap righ tnow. lunch with breads.. dinner, a tiny bit.. follow by a small snack. ytd.. not bad. ate quite alot ba. i mean full.
gosh. .so thirsty now.. but.. tch.. crap sia.. wish could throw up everything man .. =/  dang... ..sighs
i gues.s. today still not happy ba. 2 weeks alreayd? or how long. i've lost count. dunno whas gotten over me. perhaps i know.. but.. o well....
just coldnt pick myself up at htis moment. if.. the moment i did, everythign of me will change completely next time.
shoudl be. but for now, still ok ba. i guess. unfortuantely. o well
gosh slpy. sighs =/
 feels liek crap now =/ i wanna throw up.. .but cant .better go drink some water first.
k done.
so yup. =/ sighs.. i just couldnt see anything thats happy . nothing atl all . dunno what to do.
life just sucks.
that day my fren gave me a hug while we were out.. and i was surprised. a kind of warmth.. nvr relaly felt before.. felt different. but frenly. fren's warmth.
but still... =/ bah.. life still sucks to the max. uh huh.
when you've lost 'everything', youve lost everything. so this is it huh. thtas how life felt after the lost. suddenly. questions steps in. mroe questions after that. and yo uncovered ugly truths. and lies. and white lies. and things youve gotta face. the truths. thruths hurts.
somteimse i asked myself. .is this what i want in life right now> waht i yearn for? wahts gonna make me happy> ? i duno. i hae no answers to that. confuses me . who i am. what i am. what i want. where to go. how important i am. .. simple standard questions, yet matters..and so difficult to answer.
less ppl will grieve for the less important beings. thast, is a wiser choice . a luckier choice.
stomach still uncomfy. reminded me of the time to syd. gosh. .cna die sia.. tch perhasp didnt eat well ba. duno =/
..not fit.. and unworth for anyone to remember.. nor being regard as someone important.
oh.. how fragile a heart can turn out to be.. but why didnt you guys show me much love and care in the first palce. must it all end up too late
sighs.
dunno why keep crying. .too stress out. .or what.
ha. pathetic being.
baka na. just a fool in waiting. waiting still while evrybody long gone and abandoned you right by the road side.
suddenly now, i hate my life.  ii dont want it. i wish i didnt hav
geex..didnt relaly feel any better after bloggin this out. gosh. o well.. =/ perhaps time for a rest ba.
sighs...

=( jaa  mata



- one day, the day you need me, i wont be there no longer.. you know the reason why. -

One less off #T#@$%

slpy n tired. sighs. .so yea. i bet she didnt even bother to help me look through my shifts.. this week only get one off,,, next week will replace. but god knows whats gonna happen. ...@$%$# hate it.

actually tmr couldve be alrite.. but think she didnt check or what. .then straight away say cannot off.. .whatever ba.
today sales dang bad. no mood to work anyway. somemore super quiet. hwavrter. just treat this as my off ba. @$#$#$

haiz. anywaym today didnt get to eat bread.. cos redz came down for break with bro.
mm.. wonder if tmr will get to eat bread anot.. if rgm there, then cannot liao ba.
anuyway, gotta slp now. been slpy.. mood hasnt gone any happier so far.. =/ so yea

sighs.. wheres my happiness all gone
jaa mata

=( not me

haiz.. gezxz... kinda pised off when  i heard my manager say.. rgm asked her if she's alright. .why she sound so weak.. blah3... not feeling well isit... etc.. i was like.. wtf?? when i was sick for that bloody 2 weeks, he say nothing!!! so freaking pissed off. if its yanika or tayissa, htey wouldve shown sooo much concern! omg... my colleague swas like.. saying she feel tgat its all becos of racist. seriously i am not keen on that kind of shit. but i do agree with her. sighs.. angry alos no use. whatever ba.

=/ haiz. anyway, been slpy n so boring at work today very sianz.
and bad thing... off day kena manager meeting. supposed to shift my off. but manager no reply yet.. saying this day cant off.. tat day cant.. wth. sighs.. dno tell me only one off per week.

rgm also tell me. .don compare urself with other outlets.. other managers... (only god knows wth he tell me that for =.=) if i make noise becos only get one off,  and he say other managers also still come to work.. i'll tell him not to compare either. given the fast pace and workload of my store, if get one off, is as good as telling me to slack the whole bloody day off. who will have energy to work u tell me.
sighs...

glad theres this palce to vent my frustrations... just need to say somehting. .and hope net day ill forget n feel better

anyway, yea.. sighs. crappy day =(
..fml

tch.. been jsut unhappy lately. weird eh. still aint recover . .wahts wrong i wonder. sighs.........
doesnt sound like me at all... i dunno=/

perhaps htinking too much stuffs.. .wonder... wahts important now.. n whats not.. n whats real.. n .. whats not... its abit confusing i have to say.

k.. pretyt slpy.. gtg... hope tmr be a better day =/ sighs

jaa

New drink ideas

mm... well.. todya is a boring day as usual.. .butfinal few hours are quite good.
cos it was soooo super duper quiet with no one around, we started to chat about drinks.. pubs and bars.. i was like. .wow.. memories man.. certain drinks thats interesting... i didnt know i drank so much. like.. wow. so many different types and stuffs. it was more happening the other times. .now im just concentrating on work. but.. well, its all good memories.. mm... i really miss it.
haiz..
anyway, =/ shoot.... im lagging behind my budget. i dunno how much the hotel is gonna cost yet =/ but.. sigs.. troublesome when i thought of booking n printing out.. i don have bloody printer u see=/ anyway, yea.. haiz. last itme 800 +++ this time dun ohow much its gonna cost.. =/ i hope imma save on time.. haiz... less than 4 months to go... tch. very tight budget... how sia =/
luckily i decided to eat instant noodles or breads. i dun care. then.. perhaps do less on shoppings ba... so yea.. .mm... se ehow ba. should have thigns to do .. walk2... sun tanning or whatever ba... that don need to cost a thign huu... bbut see how ba eh =/
gosh. come to think of it. .we can actually talk about drinks like sooo long. O.o haha. one m colleague is so happening. gosh.. .hardcore sia.
anyway, get to learn a couple of interesting new places.. and yup. ideas. good. something new to find o ut more about
slpy n tired tioday=/
todya extra slpy. bloster so soft n comfy.. i relaly didnt wanan wak eup at all sia. huu.
why couldnt i feel that way when it was my off =.= when my off, i auto wakey early. haiz.. .why. o well
ok. gotta hang in there. haiz. i'll do my best not to spend so much ba=/ k. .will jia you n hang on.. hope its all worth it.
jaa mata