empty shell

game suddenlky cannot be play... =( huu.... but not gonan give up trying yet .

mm.. gotta be careful with my gb for this month.. dl the game and alreayd 2gb near 3 is gone. =/ so yea.. by tmr morning should be all done eh

dunno why.. been so slpy lately... these few days ba.. in bus also can fall aslp... cant wait to slp... inside this body.. only emptiness.. thats all i feel...

sighs. terrible night once again...

very slpy... cant wait to slp..
feels like an empty shell right now.
dunno what im doing
like a living dead zombie.

that other day met my ex colleague. .she came to visit.. adn first thing she said when she saw me was'' you're so skinny!!'' i was like. .huh? i was wearing a jacket... fluffy one. like. .how u can tell im skinny sia.. or could it be fomr my face? perhasp too long nvr see each other ba... dunno... dun think im skinny till like that ba. =.= hate it

bro talks alot.. he's like. .so happy n cheerful. .so diff... perhasp holiday realy helps huh.. asked if he got lost. .he said yea.. scary.
wodner.. waht will it be like fo rmy case...
but most importantly, i hope after this trip, i'll return feeling at least aeven for abit.. happier...
dunno if thats possible huh.. but.. i hope so... hopefull ycan turn ot to be like my bro...

u have no idea. how. .the feeling of ... couldnt even smile anymore feels like...
the only time u smile was when u're with customers , colleagues and frens. family. .seldom. cos alreyad at home mah.
so yea.
i feel terrible... =(
heart is so heavy...
and couldnt even lift up the slightest smile..
sighs.
endure for another 4 more weeks and see how ba....
if things dont get better... .=/ i really ..have no ideas of how to hang on anymore.

the mask to hide everyday's pains.. is essential.. must be brave and forced to wear it everyday..

weird huh.. i didnt feel any better even by blogging it here... .

oh...
that night my colleague and her husband send me home.. .duno which night. anyway, supposed to drop me off at mrt. .in the end was surprised he drop me off at my block. which i sgreat.
many days later, lol. she ten tell me that. .her husband that night said i so pretty... later 11 plus pm go back home alone dangerous. aw.. how thoughtful is htat. really appreciated

in bro's pics,... seriously... japan... got sooo many ppl queuing soooo long fo rfood la.. .restaurant. .etc.... hy the hell singaporeans keep on shooting at oneself? hello? japan also k. sg queue up not often wat. japan queue up also here and there. seriously.. makes me realised how certain singaporeans love to dig themselves. other ppl could be worse k. omg. learn to be zhi zu.
as in.. enough is enough?

haiz.. .anwyay.. sighs. .k ba.. gtg... .
duno what to do.. .feel so sad..

jaa

stuffy painful heart

today heart feel so stuffy.. =/ duno .. ...then.. bathroom was the only place to let it out. .after which, gotta pretend everything is fine again... just.. concentrate on work and making ppl happy.. customers happy, family ok, then ok ba.. me not important anymore.
let them think im fine also can.. uh huh...

today heart hurts.. as in not only the outside. .i mean. .its the realy heart this time round. hurts abit.. then i recalled this commercial.. and my fren's comments... duno isit paranoid or what.. maybe its really gotta do wit my eating cycle? i dunno.... but... betetr to be safe than sorry. was really starving the whole day... forced myself to eat a bowl of chicken noodle no matter waht(for lunch). so yea.... hope its not as my fren said.. what eat muscles tissue away.. holy cow... i hope now=(
but yea.. should be fine now ba.. tmr see how. dinner soso... mm... yea.. o well... sighs.... tch.. everything is so difficult and.. ..=/.. just black and dark.

bro bought me better pressies this time. surprisingly, he said that can be my xmas pressies. ha. so yea.. i no need to pay him.. but TT_ he hinted for expensive xmas pressy liao... huu... o well. need to go around and find ba

gosh.. i feel so down at htis moment. .that moent in the bathroom was great.. .such a relieved... short lived moment though.. o well...

today theres this angmoh with a woman.. maybe his wife or gf.. .was cashiering him... his girl just looking around... then my manager whos standing next to me say, 'i think he like you',. i was like.. wth., =.= '' but the way he's looking. .abit weird la... but.. .nah. i rather not believe my manager... angmohs really so... omg. fickle hearted? ha

sighs.. .weird.. did i forgot to say anything again? how come im still feelign down=/
like. .soemthigns not out from my heart...

ha. glad htat bro is looking good. he's like energetic now.
i hope i can be like that when im back from syd. ....4weeks to go now.. and.. .i have no idea ...whats my plan. o well... wandering around.. is good in a way ba.. .looking at the sun.. sunset... ppl.. o well...
wonder if thats gonna destress me..

ha. the syd map that i was reading, .. lol. even mentioned that after midnight especially on the weekends, must stay near bouncers. lol. where got ppl say htat of hteir own place.. but well i guess.. cos too chaotic ba. howveer.. it intrigues me though... the more ppl say unsafe.. the more i wanna try and explore their night life . even if alone. but wonder if i;ll back out in the end hhuh..

that aside, .... yea.
mm.. 4 weeks. i wish it be fast over....
sighs... .
at least i brought smiles to the ppl around huh.. more than one today. so yea... but. .whos gonna make me smile. .ha... o well...

oh game is about to be finish load. omg. yay.

kk. .need to sdave my gb.

mata

juicy lips of mine =)

i am blessed with a rosy lips..... usually i'll jus use my clear lip gloss.. or not even lip glos.. all i ahve to do is to apply my lip blam.. and i'll have a shiny reddish pinkish lips.... i recently bought a concealer for my laips lately... because... seirously.. i have suh rosy rosy ;ips... if i don conceal it, the lipsticks that i wear are will gonna be.. u know=/... but anyway... i really... am thankful that i have such natural rosy lips.. somteimtes.. i don even have to apply any lip balm nor lipgloss... and i can get a natural $20 dollars effects of lipstics...
i love my natural lip colour.. even he does too.. i was in his comp room.. when he asked' is did u apply lipstick? i replied no.. h sad then dont.. .. he love my lip colour....
i love it too..


haiz.. ... yup... its gd though.. .save my money.. all i need is to add some balm shine to my lips.. and viola! i'll get a juicy lip shine;) i like my lipss... and eyes te most ba.. lisp cos.. they are plumb by nature... and red by nature.. natural trueness to it.. eyes.. well.. not relaly sure.. but cos many ppl.. complimented my eyes.. so yea... lol

mm./. today.. i aalmost didnt eat anything at all.. for lucnh that is.. but my mum.. she kept thinking of food fo rme... then finally i relented.. and i finished it all up! sighs.. wha'll i do without her.. or hinm... =( ... sighs.............. ..... anwyay.. im still hungry though..
not sure if imma be taking dinner or not.. howveer.. .will try ABIT ba... but better than nothing...

my fren is shorter than me.. yet weighs 40kg.... me.. .40kg also... but why.
aim not a person to care about weight.. but becso of health i... =///

...haiz....

in my life my leath weighs 0. love is evrytig. family 2nd.

my fren asked me recently.. .''ask him to come sg to prove that he really love you!'' ... yet i still stand up for him.. i said.... ...no way he could do that... ....u gotta understand his situation... uni..car...and family.... ''
my fren was speechless

u know. .treat the ppl/..the way u wann be treated....

..yay.. bro is coming home soon. so glad he's safe and soun.d... without tsunami and all.... phew....

u know.... ...i found a restaurant in syd.. i wanna go check it out..
but of all places.. nothgin els.e. only that place=./.
see how ba

and do know taht... i will.... post out a note in fb...

if i dont ever get back to sg... (in case anything happne at night or whatevr in syd..)./...
...u know who's my love one.... and.. .don cry for me... for... my happiness is the least.. yours are forever the most......

mata

No light

today not as tired as ytd.. weird.. last night i was .. like. .totally wiped out. ha. 

this morning me wokey to a new feeling . like.. fresh. relax... verw eird.. i never had that feelign for ages.... 

imma cut down to the chase again. gb is running out.

se.e.. was  discusin gbaout nmy trip again.. .one of my colleagu said that australia is boring. true though=/ ... and my colleagu also cna tell me to rot after 5pm. loL. yes rot in hotel i agree=.= i wonder if i have the courage to head out at night. i might u know.... im not gonna waste my money to stay in hotel! though we all know that its dangerours.. but... u u know.. i might. 

anyway, its a nice thought though.. thinking.. .of not work at all.. my missio of the day! is only to shop. just shop.. window shop or whatever. .sjut shop.. no need to think of nohting else.

very relaxing thought.. but.. after the 2nd or 3rd day, then how... =.= ha.. o well. we shall see ba.... worse to wors.e.=.= i'll just see the fishes again ba. lol

mm.... haiz. so yea... 

leg so tired... 

its just a ... relaxing day ba.. not relax.. but.. the feleing. .is diff. 

and today,... i actually eat! see told ya. somtiesm eat and sometimes not. i had my full lunch sia... at night alreayd guru2... growling. but.. .lost my appetite.. however, i forced myslef to eat=/.. so yea.. din finish. but finished about 85% ba...

so yea... wonde rhows tmr eh...

mm....

my fren said to me todya.. i look like barbie today with my make up.. lol .then said i have cat eyes look. LOL. wth. 

my fren . .another frne. asked me to go watch twilight. but im not interested at all=/ 

first time i watched with sammy. 2nd time.. i watched cos he asked me to. .cos the movie related to me. .which it really did.. hte hurting part and all.. 

but this final movie wit happy ending and all... ...i .. unless its sammy.. otherwise=/.. .i swear i'll never watch that movie. firsthing.. im not into edward.. duno whast great about hinm.. duno why girls go gaga over him=.='' blah3... i like vampires.. but not edward. 

2ndly and most importantluy is.. becos theres marriage...baby..and happy ending... i think tat'll make me sad.. i can relate to the 2nd movie.. but perhaps.. not the 3rd.. so im not gonna watch with my fren. unless its with sam. but  not possible i gues. so yea.

rather iinterested in the kawaii to the max puss in the boots!! nawwwwwwwwwwwww who can resist that cute lil kitty =3 maww.w.... .

mata!

Leggie pain =(

hi there.. just a quick blog here.. saving my gb remmeber? ha. 

gosh.. dunno why today so tired.. both my legs. .sooo sore and pain =( huu.... dunno ba.. now better after sitting down=/

today lunch... had abit only... tch.. not good huh... =/ 

dunno ba... .

sighs. 

has this been going on for liek weeks/
?

i dunno... but. .o well...

at leats dinner.. still can eat abit. still little... but.. well.. at leats i still xan eat more than my few mouthfuls of lunch right

=/ but. .seriously.. sometiems eat alot.. soemtimes none.. when will this ever end... fear for my health..kinda. =/

haiz... see how ba.

but yea.. im so freaking tired.. ...=/ really need a good massage now.. sighs. ..

u know.. soemtiems i wonder at my status.. .nah.. nvm.

will see how in syd ba..

gosh.. when will i be changin the money.. do u think last min is a gd idea?

i dont keep watch on the currency thoug=/

mata 

Forcing myself

so... i feel like crap yesterday.. i wakey, still feel like crap. lol... omg.
sianzzzzzzzzzz
today u know what.. i cant be like ytd. imma forced myself to go out. really have to force. if not i'll start thiking again.
as u guys know alreyd. .my interenet left abit only.. i have a few days to go before my internet gb start over  soy ea... =/ i cannot anyhow use. .sighs... those games la.. cost me this.. .haiz.
 byt should be worth it ba,. liek he said. .take ur mind off things.
i guess so. cos when u do something, and which is great.. i am sitting down and playing. anyhow play also can. ha.
yea. .i don have to keep waiting for his reply... i forget thigns. .i forget ppl... i forget everything.. .but after u stop, that one i dunno yet la.. ha. bt yea.. .i guess so. u know.. just forget everything ba..
better than drinking all the time.

today... i dunno.. i still have no apetite.. but... after hearing what my fren said about the one meal a day.. blah3... what heart prob... something2... of course im not an idiot. i know its not good for my health. but.. when u forced yourself to eat, thats emtionally drained too k. its not easy.
its just not=/

especially if im working somemore then how.
now... gonna hit 1pm liao... im thinking.... =/ tch... i feel very tired... i don feel any guru2 hunger... but isnt this lunctime liao?> but me just wokey ne...
lets see how it will be at 2 or 3pm...
sighs.
but.. seriously.. usually when im out, i don eat till i get back home for dinner.. so thats another problem... i relaly have to force myself.. but. yea.. im still figuring out a best way to do so.. =/ tch/.. very irritating.

see la.. from a small prob statred out as no appetite.. sounds normal eh.. but then it ocntinues on.. and now its posting a huge issue in future towards my health.
how i wish.. things can be different.. without being so difficult..

sighs. ytd was such a freaking disaster.. omg. i hope i can make today be better.

my leg really still need to sit and rest more. .but cannot sia... i have to go walk2... if not dunno what to do at home.. .like stuck... if i eat outside for lunch, ... meaning i'll be spending money.
...haiz... dunno what i wanna do.... =/
ytd was htinking.. like in a serious way.. how life is so boring.. and i just hated it so much...
i meant it in a ver serious thought.
but here i am. .stuck in one...

im.. not really say.. excited yet. .i am looking forward towards the holiday.. but not like. .wow i am goignn. .so excited.. u know .not that feeling. cos i stil have a few questions in my head.... adn.. .sighs. im not sure if this is what i wan. perhaps.. i should try and cast away my worries.. if lost, lost ba... thats something i need to learn to isnt it. i've given up on map..(kinda) lol. imma rely on  my memory instead.. hope it works.. memories the buildings.. (they all look bloody the same=.=) how many traffic lights... left right or what... i hope that'll help me in a way.
i almopsr got very los tonce when i was left alone in syd. that was frightening.. panicked.. but. good thing i manages to find my way back. ohew.. memory not good huh. omg. i have to train my mmemory!

..just resting abit now=/
head's heavy. .try not to think so much...

how weird it can be sometimes.. when you're probs, the first one to lend u a helping hand or advice..isnt from somebody you're closest with...
why? perhaps the closest ones been taking htings for granted.. for far too long....

sighs. k ba. gotta stop now. the rest of internet shall be left for online fb and blogging in the next coupole of days to come.. sighs=( have to wait so long till can play.

=/ boring days.. boring nights... .
bah.. perhaps just need to get out of sg soon ba... tired of getting lost in sg... nvm.. lost in syd will be something new soon

mata! mayeb at night blog again> ? shall see

will i have my dinner?

=(. .sighs.. here i am bloggnig again... so fast huh..after that blog..
but yea. .im so bored... supposed to be a good day u know.. but. .=( sighs... dunno ba...
dunno what happen also.. everuytime like that... oo well.. get used to it ba.. but sometimes.. the words. .get used.. still aint true.. some things. .can nvr be get used to..

sighs

so yea.. cos of that mouthful bites of lunch, my stomach is growling now. .yet.. my mind say don wan to eat.. cos very . .u know. sianz. -=/
-.-'' i know. .very irritating...
rather do something else than bother with eating.

anyway... haiz... din even nap properly. only less than half an hour.
imma try and find somethign to do. i cant stay online for very long. my gb is running out.. otehwise i have to pay =( huu... sianz..............

was thinking about life and stuffs againn...
sighs.. i relaly dislike all.. =/ i dunno... im just so tired of everything. .. so boring. .so... ..tiring. .so sad..
just the same life over nad over again....
haiz... dunno ne...
just seem so listless now... nothign to hold me back anyway..

sighs.. i think my mum brought food back home. i dunno...
but .. gosh. if i don eat now, later will become not nice and cold right... gosh.. how i wish im wrong.. wonder if she did brought food. .if she did, i'll be so feraking sianz... =/
alreayd so.. sighs.. stil lwanna eat... but im really starving.. but... i just cant bring myself to eat. and i dont like that. because liek i said. i don like to see ppl not eating.. it makes me think they are on diet. but im not. but yet i dislike cos im like wasting food and all..
sighs.

see how ba....
maybe eat chips.. better than nothing. . but. .have to waste dinner.. .gosh.. how i wish she never buy..
but if i say no, later she worry again howhope not ba. o well.
sighs. .

what a boring post huh. .gomen.. this post aint cheery at all ne.. haiz.. sorry. just not my day ba..

jaa mata