Not A Scaredy Cat

hi...

back again...

was watching videos of ellen degenerous.. and so funny... hhaha. the alan guy.

I feel so out of place sometimes.. cos.. im diff from other girls. not that it bothers me.

but.. even whne last year i went to uss hallow night, im the only one not screaming. just got abit of scared for like 3 times out offew houses visits.

weird eh.

i think cos...

i dunno.. im guessing due to my bro?
cos he's been playing resident evil etc horror typeof game.. and i watched him since young...
like.. im wel prepared.. though scared.. but those blods and stuffs reminded me of gamess ive seen before.. .so it nvr rrly shcoked me. but then againm. im with friends.. and.. i dunno.
their screamings shocked me more than the monsters lol

im not daring. and im afraid of the dark.

but... these sorta zombies etc fakies.. its not that scary. it is at certain point.. but... yea.. o well.

anyway..
jaa gdnight mata ne

Hi, I May Be Back..

wow.. hi everyone. ever since ive gotten my job ive disappeared.

this whole year... its insane... took a toll on my health...
my  stress level was high till i got shingles...

sammy visited me recently...
i was so hAppy...
and he finally bought me something from pandora. and even victoria secret. i was shocked. i thoughtpandora was it. .but he spent it on vs too...


i laughed the most whenever im with him..

my friends and colleagues were discouraging as they disapproved of us going into a relatioship without his parents knowing.

.. i feel kinda envy.. his bro gf is known to his parents... but i... im an outcasted..of sort..

i feel so much pressure on my shoulders. cos of the tem memebrs and store results ht ive to delivered...

i know that i can do it.. but...
i dunno.. do i not feel enough s upport from my upper managers?

so tired.. and stressful.. im so afraid my shingles will be backk....

will blogging start to relieve some of my stress again? ..

especially after he's gonne.. i dunno how to pickup my feelings again.. a world without him here.. .

sorry i mean.. my lif ein sg without him here...

thurs night.. we were at burgerking with his frenids.
sammy was away and his best friende asked me how was my work eetc...i think he asked.. are you happy?
right away i answerd... no. im not.

he gave a look like oh... =/
but.. thats hw it is. his gf mum said the same thing.  thats why she quit and became a .. school teacher again? i couldnt remember..
( cos shes bbeen through the same thing. ) futhermore< aussie side worst as they're... stupi++.. anything cangt find, they call her. =_=

i... think im feelin gslightly better... anywya...

sorry for typos as usual.. iim tired to change it..


what should I do....

i have what i got it takes to do something big in retil...
but... what im doing now... its not giving me anhy happiness...

especialy with  country maager whos changing her mind every few days or weeks...


jaa mata...


wish me luck ='(

Planning Out/ Working On Offs

had 3 days off.

but. all so sulky. none of my off yas... excludes from working.

todya is abit better. but past 2 days, looking for shifts covers. sighs

its tough

anyway,

i missed being tan sometimes.
i got abit tan today as hte sun was so hot and burning. i was under the sun too.
yay
great thing is, i get tan easily. unlike my fren, whos sofair, she always get red burnt.
thank goodness im not like that.

perhaps cos of my dad? i dunno. as my dad is very tan. my mum fair. my bbbro took more of my mum side. me of my dad.

so ya

i had a great night and day planned for him when he's back in sg.
but prob is.. unsure when can he see me. which is my off.
my offs will obvi be weekend. but im pretty sure weekend he won tbe free with me.

..unless he gets to tell me easrlier which date in precise he can meet me .
then i Might be able to apply for day off or al

so yea.. months ahead, but hopefully i can spend a special day with him in sg. cos.. i dunno. last yr he was in sg, i only spent one night with him.

o well....
better than none i guess.

so yea.. i hoep to have this nice plan of mine carried out smoothly hehe.

cos if only one dya then rush... but if 2 dasy.. ebtte.r..

anwya, sanz back to work tmr.

off days also stressed and workiing. sighs

mata

Goals - Hardwork

finalllyyyyyy weekend offfssssss T_T OMG

onne of the store been giving me such a big problem, andi am so glad that this weke is over. but still need to do some work at home though o well.

anyway,
liek  ytd, it was mental. 930Am - 1240AM. cos when i got home i still need to rush for report. after that then i had my dinner /supper. =(

sighs

tough side of rm role nobody will see. only us knows.

rememebr i was talking abt how the slap arm thing? i wonder if its me having the look of wannna smack, or its just the aussies.
my ceo, did the same when he casually talking to me and walked past me. I was like. O.o huh? again ar. i kena smack on the arm by my 2 bosses liao. i dun mind la. just so weird like pppl like to hit meXD lol

then ytd tlking to my cm., i also did the same to her. omg. told u. i have this habit la.
not that hard la. more of like.. touch? or.. flip of hand? if that make senseXD

anyway, hope she wont think why im so rough =.= haha

mm... so yea. been such a tough weke. again, even though my cm is tough, and at times, kinda like heartless..etc.. .but.. i actulayy learnt so much from her. and shes been a rm for 7 years. she's been one since she was 20.
wow. cos she started out aat 15. as pt first. then she dislike school, and dropout from high school, then they asked if she wanna go into management role.

from then.. well.. story unfolds itself.
and so nice. her rm that time. or state manager thinks hihghly of her and htinks she will go far. when store opens in usa, she even ask her to come along. wow. so nice.

then we were tlaking... and she say how if i were to go syd, its like im i dunno what she said ..forgot. 10 days.. 10 montsh or 10 somethign ahead of them.
like imagine primary 1 in sg and primary 1 in au. like... if sg go au, this sg student wouldve alreayd learnt primary 6 stuffs. something liek that ba

she said the same hting thouh. how if i wanna go syd, someone must replace me. so must take under my wing, and yea. .rise them


she said the exact same thing before i became rm.
mm... o well.. i take it as a gd sign bah.
but gotta save up. if not i think wihtout certain amount of money they wont allow u there. =/

but must sayang2 the team there. =.= cannot chop2 do this do that. they will complain. omg its liek baby sitting!!

my main cm (the biggerest in sg) , she mentioned to me that day, saying i have an aussie accent. she heaard me tlaking dunno when or where, and she slike.. yea. im like.. .huh??
rrly ? so weird.
i duno.
my accent alwasy been  u know. can go singlish or the other way kind.
so idunno. i didnt even realized it.
dunno bah.

my other cm very weird . they say shes racistst. i duno
shes always happy and excited when i drink coffee, or when cm say i sounded like aussie accent... she will starting saying .. yay.. becoming liek one of us.. .loookin glike one.. .speak like one.. eat liek one.. (she eats ssalads alot so when im with her, i always eat same) ... etc. i duno bah so weird lol

very entertaining eh

o well.

anyway, i hope to get more stable etc. anad start ouot strong.

i wanna be the first singaporean to make it to syd culture.

i am jus t... very concerned with how to drive ard.

theyy were tlaking inforn tof me while having lunch.
how driving takes long time to travel .but its like one store u cant spend more than 3 hrs cos u wont ge tto fininsh on time for other stores. aka finihs late night .

jam... stupid traffic... near 7am u get out, u rch store at 830...
etc things like that.

got home, still checking emails as no time to do so when u are driving for hourssss

that why my rm always say.. min 2hrs drive to work. 2 hrs drive back home. rch home 8pm, check emails etc...

i dunno bah... see how.

but still i know hwats my goal, and i will still keep working towards it.

and... .if i do reach it, i have my other goals ahead.. but... if i rch it, sure alot more stress.lke duh.... diff culture. must sayang2 team.. .babysitting. .argh

kk jaa mata

wish me luck =)

Worst mothers day ever

i hada rrly rough day today.

 i couldnt control my  tears... for the past couple of dyas i knew  i was sad.. i wanted to cry all out. but somehow i dunno why i couldnt.

today my off. and i dunno what triggers me. i just felt like crying.

thank god id alrdy given mum a given fro msyd as mothers day pressy.


cos today sucks. i didnt wanna communicate with anyoe. li seldom speak. no reaction etc.

i felt bad too. but im so depressed.

ending, asked mum wanna go eat tha express my treat? she declined. cos due to i know she don wan me spend money.

so we eat as per normal.

home. back at work 2nd round.
then realized. couldnt find one of my thing. i looked everywhere. so long. crying. etc. i smashed my delivery empty box in my room. i let my frustrations sadness anger all out. i neded that so badly
i need to vent my anger sadness frustrionas all out but how .

perhaps i toook this excuse... to vent it out. my mu kept knocking on my door. say she'll look for it for me.

in the end i found it. i felt stu.

but yea. end of story.

i felt abit more better now after tears flowing and smashing.

this job landed me in toruble.
im not even myself anymore.
sammy  not ard isnt helping either.

my higher rank cm say.. its always hardest for the first 2 weeks. i know.
so many yrs now. its nvr easy u know. especially for a girl.

i looked terrible. slping late. not eating drinkgin well.. etc.
even whne with my boss.
thank god he's the frenly oen

u know how i'd mentiooned even yearsss before...? im kid aliek a guy if im ard my trusted guy frens. i will be like slapping their shoulders etc. u know


i dunno . maybe im like. the way i talk or the way i handlded myslef/ like very..
i dunno what to say.

then like rob and my gm right.  i dunno, is that a common thign for men. like,

we were talking blah3, then when excited at an idea, their hands like slap my knee and arm.
i think its a guy thing.
thing is im not even close to them . thankfuly i have an brother im closed with so im ok.
if not i'll feel like whattttt. lol.
but im totally cool with it. just a bit surprised cos usually im the one who will slap my best frenarm shoulder...
or isit becos they htink im like a guy>? lol .
i dunno but so weird. especially for my gm to casually hit my arm with his back hand.

rob is... whilst we in car, we were talking abt bikes and he got excited asked me to rate the bike he's getting leter. i was like. ok.. so exicited eh haha.

but yea. im cool with them,. cos i know no weird intentions.
i think maybe i have the presense of being a u know. guy can related to presnense ? brotherlly presense? lol.
cos for my gm, im still like..
are u kidding?
XD
i didnt se ehi do that tomy cm leh.

and omg in train and he treated me lunch, i was like wth.... no topic. nervous etc....

omggggggggg

awkwardness 10000%


if my more serious ceo , its gonna be  1000000000000% awakward.

im feeling it now. omg.

so awkwardc. what if next time they come gaain. i have ot face my ceo . the stern ones =((((

im dead man.
further more im not a good talker. sighs.

anwyay.

yea thaat si tbah.

don get me wrong gat all. 1000% no doubt they are great men. no ill intentions at all.
just wanna make it clear.

how about u? if youre a guy, just met someone, will u be hand slamming them ?

if not,... maybe its me ar.. like.. .byish jokie... i dunno.

so weird.

but gd thing im not the kind of wgilr who iwll get miss ideas. =)

jaa mata

Job Woes

wow i blogging again., gues si mustve been very stressed eh.

anywya, i was still u know.. stressed and all until my main cm (country manager) (not the one without lovelife workaholic) , spoke to me abt whats her plan to get rid of MCs and hvaing us keep looking for ppl etc.

after spoking to her, gave my ideas etc, i felt so much bette.r like a stone lifted off my chest.

my ideas , i just shout it out to her. (and great thing is we actually can talk better than other rm ) anyway.

yea. my concerns and my views in future towards xmas, if we odn fix it now, (whihc i thikn we're alreayd fallen way back behidn) .. xmas, its gonna be 10 time shell for me. and im not even kidding.
it will be worse than hell. i will cry all day and night .working 24 / 7 without a life in xmas. perhaps oct onwards.

sighs. .
anwyay, ,
i hoep all will be resolved soon.

this is out of control.

my worklife is ...disrupted.
sighs

my personal life too.
health too.

i don feel like im myself anymore.
good thign sammy is there to keep me here.
i like his   quote. today is priority, tmr is a plan.

but for rm, we are lookin g forward to months ahead of plans.

that is why i foresee, the future ahead , with ppl quitting and newibes gone etc...
this company gonna lose its money man,

imma be the main speaking person in the meeting next week. im nervous nvr done that before.
imma rant it all out and make sure all sm understanads what it menas,

sighs.


this regiona passed down to me was terrible. i dunno why but  its terrible sighs

haiz.

at least today feels abit better than ytd.

i worked 9am-1030pm ytd

sighs

o well

jaa mata =(

im good with this role. im confident. but now this roster calling ppl all the time to beg them to work, its killing me and wasting my time. my time is precious and expensive. i need to be thinking of hoow to  imrpove a stores sales. not finding ppl to work =(

sighs. .

mata

Detached =(

tough day todya.

i worked from 9am - 1030pm today. its usually rosters that causes me trouble

im so stressed out. its my first day back at work. im still sick.
im just so tired and stressed out. i dunno what to do

i hate rosters i hate finding pppl to work shifts, i hate it.

=(

i love this job. only thing that affected me the most is rosters

rosters and ppl mia.

stupid ppl mia mia mia

wth

so irreponsible

sighs

i miss sammy so much =(
i feel so sad, ,lovesick
.
somethign happeneded to him and i so wish i could be there . i wanna aask hows things now. everyday. but i scared i ask too much. later he stress more.
= ./
i misses him dearly

i dunno owhat to do .. thigns wouldve been much easier and less stressful if he''s here.

my gm asked me (he's in sg) so when am i going to sydney.
my country manager laughed say no he's nt taking me away.
but yea she still needs to train me more.

i feel so detached. from ppl. not sammy. likemy frens family.

when i got my phone back, i was with fren for dinner. she always asked me out but i turend her down cos i was busy tired too much thigns to od.
i paiseh. i finally said yes.
and my mood was so down and stressfuk =(
it was rrly bad. i wasnt myself anymore.

this is what i learnt.

tracey my previous rm she was right. when in sg shes alone she work2. always work till her partner arrved. her partner will be like. close ur laptop now.
like in a nice waay la. .not scold her.

u know how... close it now. come lets watch tv. eat etc.

thats balance. and im missing out on that right now.

i dun wanna turn into the cm .. shes alone her no frens fmaily etc.
all abt work.
sighs.

o well.


 i gtg.

i just wnana let out this rant.

i fee like a zombie now.

mata