miss.. misses... cares

told my fren aka the sm . that i was i was v pale ytd. hence didnt wanna go out tonight. she was shocked. ase dme why am i getting sick these days. i didnt mc at all la. but she sounded v worried and concerned. so yea..

i just wanna head to bed asap after facial mask. just few more mins. go wash face. and hurry to lalaland.

though bro playing gsaw again=.= o well

i don wanna cry. so i drove myself up to the v end..
and i think im now back to square one.
i dunno. im confused

great. rgm both told me that my store looks perfect. al lthose dizziness and hardwork pays off. phew. though i still think there's room for improvement. but yea. as long as they say look great. its great.

sighs. kk. knock me out pls.

gonna hit the sack

dw for me. i m still alive aand kicking.

oh. today this decent looking woman. stole. two bangles. stil la ct so frenl omg. yea. ikr
i cant believe it. she stil lcan ask me what time i open tmr .shes not getting it today cos she's unsure yet. =.=
gosh. i blieved her. baka desu

my pinoy colleague so swt. 2nd time she msg me alrdy outta the blue. say they all misses me.
aw... i was touched.
cos... its always so nice to have someone tell u that they misses u.
though u didnt get to talk alot nor msg. bt yea. the word miss... and a msg from her. rrly meant alot. i can feel that sincerity.
just asking me how im doing .. .
mm.. wonder if tmr night i shld pay them a visit.

jaa mata...

if onl i could slp on forever..

u wanna know me? =.=

i jusst posted a short blog. and then i dded some more sutffs in.

so yea. i deleted the previous one.. .and ..heres the latest blog for today
im... so sick.. tdya. i wasa dizzy and all... =/ and due to sotcks and stuffs... .i nid to climb onto the wobbly ladder.... andi was scared... yea.
but i gotta do it ya know.
so... yea.
at one point i almost fell cos of the wobbliness of hte ladder

so yea. when my colleguae came in. she slike. .you look so pale. she touches my neck. check to se eif im aving a high fever or something .adn yea. .even after my break shes still worried. if im gonna be laright.she say i look so pale.

i looked terrible peeps. i don feel good. i don htink i look good. ayea. .

=/

i dunno hwen i can get my legs back up again.. but. yea. .for now. .im so.. weak.

xmas is coming. ic ant afford myself to be sick ya know' /at no cost am i gonna be sick or mc.

u know... it is quite shocking... my best frens. aka the sm and asm .. they sned me a pic outta the blue . a handsome(? intheir eyes)  muscular hunk.
=.=''''''' my sm asked me is thats my cuppa tea. can intro me. i was like .no. thatss not my cuppa tea. i like love at first sight. and if you'd read my blog. IF any tv characters and such i like, its the nerdy ones. (cept for maybe josh harnett)  i was like. huh??? why are u all showin gme these=.=

apparantly he's their best friend's fren.  and through  that fren's link. linked to my fren.(asm) and link to  my pics. and he say wanna know me. i was like.whattttt=.=

i was like telling them,. for a guy who wanna know u due to ur pics, ... i mean.. i dunno. man
im not interested in 'matchmaking' u know. todl u guys before heaps of times

but they were saying how he's.. like. weekend will stay at home.
play game, aftnoon go gym
i was liek .. .erm ok... so?

i don get it mate. .=/ .
rrly?

i liek . rrly like simple life. no nid to be so forever rich. .but suct simple life.. loving each other...

i can. live in a farm yard. farm life. etc.as log ias im with the man of my love. i dun nic branded stuffsnor rich etc whatever. i just nid... the man i love and a simplest place to live. thats all...
no nid to be the most handsomeo due. or great body . i don care abt thatere. personaility is the most impt.  ..
im  v simple person


asm was like.. u know.. can always go out as frens etc.. doesnt mean antyhign. i was like. hello. now i know his intentions and how he feel,... aint that gonna be a prob?? =. =
kind aworried though.. next time we meet... will they ask him out without my knowledge  = X
=/
oh man... they did that cos .. i think they are worried my situation... so yea... o well.. but... i dunno. i don need help... i think. ..i dunno.

i dunno man. i just make it clear htat u know. match making aint the thing for me. nor is this whole. lookking at pic thing wanna know u.. .argh
and btw for the record, i NVR gone to  photoshop. i dunno how to or go to what whichever website. etc. i just don . the most is colour of the screen .which im so lazy to do so cos i se eno point.
choosing the fikkter is easier thna photo shop etc slim ur chin..waist.. .etc.. omg. thats .. .omg.
..

so yea. no photoshop plssss

though  i know alot of models and celebritits and women doing that nowadasy. including instaagram... or fb or whatever..twitter..lame ne

i dunno man. even if private or whatsoever.. ppl can still find a way to view ur pics and.. eya..like.. here. this situatipjs

omg. my sm rrly asked me out. .... mm.. wil lshe ask thatvguy out too... >_< .. gosh .. .wish me luck as in i hop enot (that  any guy will be there)






jaa... mata

true intentions

oh gosh. so sorry. ive been .. not myself of late. and. .yea. rrly dislike my blogs. i dunno whats overcome me.

its weird. trying to force tears outta ur eyes. as though too tired to do so anymore .or cried till theres no more tears left to flow

anyway.

i just find it so. i dunno .weird. its like. for a outta the blue a guy fren suddenly come along and msg u. so hows u and ur bf.
=..= ''....
like. what???
are u trying to find out if im single or waiting to hear news of us.
like. so weird. especially coming from a guy who used to like u.
thats double weird

pretty obvious whats his intentions i guess.
bt. .yea.... are al lguys like that.

i..stil lwanna force myself to cry out. cos... i cant cry right now ..and i know thats not healthy. cos im keeping it all inside of me.. .adn. .i didint talk. and.. yea. .i stil lhav to forced a smile for the customers.. .
i just... yea. .didnt know what to do.
i thought they say its gd to cry and relieve ur stress and probs out. im at a loss.. .

i love this vid.

gordon ramsay.
he was trying to help this restaurant owner. adn she was crying and saying she wish she could end this misery etc.. adn he looked at her and his voice. so sincere i tell u. so sincere. he siad.. 'im here. im here.''. (as in he's here to help
coming from a foul mouth like him. wow.   and his eyes. rrly sincere.  his voice as well. .u can tell genuinely he wants to help her. and yes. im touched by that .

nowadasy pl only say.. i wish i could help.. im here for u... etc etc... how may meant and stood by their words. how many. its jsut trying to make themselves feel gd and look gd as a kind hearted person.
=.= yea. lik duh

that tone of his voice and sincerity and his look ithrough his eyes.. those aint for show. u can tell he rrly wants to help her. and i think thats very impressive.

.. today im back to myself alil more for blogging.

gd

o well..

sighs

mata ne

to marry....

ha. so here i am again. sorry. cos i wasnt too sure abt last night. i tot.. i needed to getawy from Everything....
i still do.. and.. yea. but.. perhaps blog... they're part f my life for so long.. and.. .the place where only i can tell of my probs and                   share my happiness.. and.. yea. ths si the ..only place where i can talk abt my true feelings. not to frens. but only here. though.

im.. wea.k .physically... ever since yea...
and... even today.. .i felt as htough imma faint again. not that dizzy but ts there u know...
 ... i htink. no. i know. i worsen the case.
but... lsighs. i cant help it. =/

lasgt night. i couldnt finish up the rice. i duno. since ytd i forced myself to eat. i was hungry. guru2. but.. i forced myseld to eat.
cos i nid food to survive. i live for my team as well .to stay focus.
i aim for. within  2 yrs.become a regional manager.
if tat woman can do it, why cant i.

my team say ppl say im strict. my sm say. thatsgood.
my rgm cant believe it. as im alwyas the sso called u knwo.. sweet frenly spoken nice girl .
bbut im strict. hell i am.
anyway...
yea.

a brand new pave ahead of me.

pain is now.
i will try my best to erase them all...

i don share anythign to my frens. thast the problem.
... cos i cant open up.and let  them see me liek this..

my best fren... of many yrs.
phe recently commented on my pic in facebok.
he says... pauline u look different.

i am not that much of  asurprised at this comment. cos....
i Knew.

when i look back  at my pics...
i can tell the difference.

from long ago i knew

cos me...my face. .i changed quite... yea. hugely,
im not ashamed nor afraid to say. yes. i look better than i used to be. even compared to a year ago.
every year... i see something diff abt me. its better . much better not worse.
and i like that alot.
every single year is diff... and... yea... ist almost as if its magical
i dunno how to reply his comment. so i just.. well .liek his comment. thatsa it

*many years back. when i was working in at*... toy store,
this part timer is hte first who asked me.. will u marry me ' Lol.
yea. even beofre u knwo who. cos i met u know who after him.  i blogged abt this before.
sooo many yrs back
it was just.. before i met u know who.
ive been with u know for abt 6 years and 5months yea. (more than half a decade)
yea it was random. he the partimer suddnely ask me... will u marry me. and he said.. if down the road.. we are both single, (somehting like that) shall we get married in future.

yea. ikr. so weird.

and... why am i tlaking abt this? cos...

he just msg me in fb.
when are u getting married?

its pretty obvious. i replied him normally. but yea...

its weird how a person can still remember this after so long.,, i hava  strong feeling he rememebrs.
even if he dont doestn matter.

do u htin i will faint during xmas time/ cos... i dunno. i feel lik.e... im pushing myself harder than i thougt..

jaa mata

away now...

hey guys...

think i might.. just might.. be away for abit..
i dunno. not sure yet... but.. .yea...
just had some chocked and sutff. just somehting bad happened to me.. and yea. .
i was thiking of.. 'dissapearing' for abit u see... jus tbe alone for a while..
i dunno. but i loike to blog so we shall see..

i've been a fool all along. naive.
my fren is right all along. from a guys perspective adn point of view..
.. i couldnt believe how foolish i was.. how naive.. and how hopeful...


weeping all along now.. left me with nothing but scars..

so so oh so foolish girl... hwo can u be so stupid..

there is much to say but i'll rather leave it at that...

o well..

jus t need to clear my head out for abit.. i think once im done, i'll be changed a s a person. lost the used to be and ... yea.. i dunno who im gonna be.. but.. that is life isnt it. forces u to be evenn as a  person who u don even know who u are

things.and /or . events unfolds itself to change ur life and the person u are now.
regrets isfor life
things and ppl u didnt hold onto... the regrets and grey will hang along u to ur grave.

do u live for urself. or do u live for others. live for the sake of happiness for the others. and forskake ur lifelong worth of happiness years ahead

the damage cannot be undone.
scars will be left. blood will be shed .

nothing u do is gonna bring back the dead
 . nor will bring back the pure whom u first knew .

i need time. .


i dont need hurs which will make me cry. no. not tears again. no . pls don give me that again. oh no. pls don

husg from strangers. sympathy from strangers.. commenting how stronog u are from strangers.. thats.. the last thing..i'll ever need.

i think i shld stop now. hope to blog soon again...

u have no idea how much scars there is beneathe the so called strongest person u think he or she is.
..
perhaps i might blog again tmr. i duno. llll

hope to blog here soon..

my fren say.. her ex cheated on her after years of being together. .he wanted to come back but she wouldnt relent.
why does guys always take the stupid chance. . only asking ot come back late.r. aint that too late eh..
 when he's drunk he stil ltexts her...
is that true. .when youre drunk... u know how u feel the most...


jaa...
tc

fainting

had too uch blood flow going on here.. .maybe thats why im like more dizzy than ever.
last night and today. =/

though 3 days agao without time of month... me yet again felt dizzy at the counter. agan. deja vu. was ike hand on my head.. not as bad but almost aas the last time. tot i was gonna faint.
then  blood flow came last night. and dizzy...and today... dizzy worse.. yea.. =/

its terrible. feeling..

told my collegaue had heaps ofdreams. din slpt v well. she said it riaght away. youre too stressed. she said she had thta before. cos too stressed. and dreamt heaps..etc.
v uncomfy =/ .anad words.. are in my head. Loudly. like as though i was awake =/

just occured to me. .when aft shift.. my breaky sometimes might be like at 6 or so ish. menaing.. .yea. u know m e.  i din take no lunch. so yea. ..tats m first meal start of the day.
atook me abit to realized eh. im too engrossed in work
pi just.. didn trealizzed u know..

today whislt having my break i rrly tot i might faint. at one point i almost wanna call my team and tell her i might faint. ha. owell luckily i didnt

too focused on work man.. =/ i .. nid to. cos.  its for my reputations and future..and. .. yea..
if not

anyway... i jsut hoep that the bra store iwll open in sg soon. .cos.. tat store.. .sells se* toys... my colleague say thast why its not easy to find a location store for sg. ..sighs=( so sad.. ..
i rrly  wish and hop ethey do fin dit soon... im nottoo ssure yet. but.. i rrly hoep.. i;ll get to work there..
though iunknown abtthe pay and all..
 though... in au the team there. .do wear abit like yea... and the angmoh ladies are kind awild..they ...erm.. in tattoos...and... yea. leopard prints. not my style but...
yea. i woulndnt andsg store wont ..let us wear hald shirt to show our half bras ba. hahah.
but.. yea. im looking forawd to the store ooeing
hopefully soon..

my colleague tat pretty nice one. she say. .she's been crying(time ago) dunno how long ago...
.. cos one night herhubby say his ex in bed better. .. he's her first .. .u know... and .. he said somethign like that.. .how sad can she be =( such nice girl. and.. .sighs...
man...
ike comparing his exs to her.. -. =/ i feel sad for her oto. .and i know how she feels...
haiz..
stupid. so baka of men. wso insensitive.
=/
rrly

ivebeentryign to tape for my snapchat the resident evil show... omg. finally afetr the one past hr, i got gd shots=.=  like timing aint right ya know or shots aint gd enough etc. finally got some actions for it. gosh .dunno .but snapchat kinda.. fun in a way. i mean..o well
halfway watchign and blogging now... bored.


anyway.
i think tats abt it.

ptonight. .weir.d for s asat.. heaps of nice movies going on till v late night.. gosh. my slp.... T_T

mata

dizzy..back

dunno why same pace doing same thing doing cashiering.. then felt dizzy again. though not as bad as the other time i'd mentioned. but yea. was lie.. touching my head.. wonder why did i feel i out of the world dizzy for a sec there
too stressed, or overworked. i dunno . just weird sometimes

gosh late alryd. i cant wait to hit the pillow. soooo oslpy. my eyes half closed.. .

finally we're heading towards the nightmare before xmas month. .haizzzzz........... uh huh... bless me .
meep. its gonna be one hell of a ride. i catn wait to get over nov and dec!!!!!!!
omg. nightmare is coming... and.... yea. .im not sure if im ready... =/

two movies i rrly wanna watch this week and next. cant wait. when no movies to watch. theres none. when have, theres two  or three==. haiyo

kk gtg slpy like mad.

mata