new relaxing drink

mm.. thanks to a work call.. ruined my day.. seems lke misunderstandings always occured. .yet they say don assume. dunno ba

anyway, im still in the middle of nowhere. .yet i ned to keep updating my rgm abt the visa. wonder if i shld rrly get an agent. where to find, how much. .etc.. sighs. i dunno where to begin at all =(
i need help

anyway, was so stressed abt the morning call, makes me more unhappier. .couldnt bring myself to smile at all for the day. it is a gloomy day
thoguth i would try this gabalite? hope i spelled correctly .its a daytime drink relazer. drank once fo rthe night before.

it was ok at first.. not bad.. i calmed down abit.. then.. few hrs passed, boom. whoa. is that little thing power anot. to think it says it May casued drowsines. what May. its it Will. its like.. body shutdown
? body weaken.. erm.. like being drunk man.
slowly bit by bit.. it consumed u. but then again its my first tiem drinking this stuff. furthemore, i slpt at 3am .. so yea. perhaps that may be the reason why im so drowsy.
anyway, this thang forces u to slp man. (maybe due to me slpt late and not enuff rest..dunno)
totally knockout. its just liek shutting down ur senses.. forcing u to slp.
tot of drinking it before work.. but.. mm.. not sure if i shld now. anywya bought two more for backups. cos been stressed out so much for few weekks alrdy =/
and i still.. couldnt feel any better =/
dunno whats wrong with me.
sighs
but yea will definitely try that drink again. though the drowsy drunk feeling ..the urge to hit ur head back down to bed..rly aint a very nice feeling =.=

wow . so nice . that youtuber apartment. at bondi rememebr?
it was smaller than i though. but simple enough. bedroom, kitchen and living room all in one.. bathroom.. very simple. narrow, but good enough.
bedroom only consits of bed and closet. dresser table in living roomtoo. behind dinner table. just a good enough apartment for everything.
i think its awesome.
best part is to decorate ur own house ha.
its nice to have the freedom like that.
do waht u want. .no need care abt what ppl think
start all over again.
how nice...

still tired though.. and slpy abit ba.
mm.. shld i slp now i wonder

sighs. sad day eh.
though i tried hard. .to make time for myself.. yet still.. perhaps work stuff is rrly getting into my life and head. so much worries.
plus the visa thing.
even he tea cant help me much now

thinking if i shld take the risk of drinking gabalite at work.. mmm..........
shall see how ba
at one point. .so slpy ..body shuttign down.. need to sit.. talking to mum abt getting guinea pig food. .ended up keep saying dog food. no wonder mum was like huh>? whta dog food.
gosh i din realsied. guess i was dazing ard too much.

felt as thoughi might jsut faint or slp by the road if i din get home fast enuff ha.

trying to breathe..
how to make my days better and happier again ne?
find it so difficult to smile.
yet need to smile at work

apity couldnt apply visa on time ..sept visa application fee gonna rise liao. yup. by sept. haiz. too bad for me ow ell
k ba. wish me luck
hopefully this down mode will go away soon

oh yea! recalled what i'd wanted to blog abt. so theres a few blogges right. i dont read them at all. but somehow u jsut came across their page from news by yahoo or fb.. etc
theres this girl .shes pretty swt looking. married liao ha. i was like..wow. so nice.pretty , rich and famous ar.
but i was no fan of such peraosn anyway. just thinkngoh shes lucky ne.
then recently read.. oh chey......... she undergone surgery. no wonder shes pretty. at first i rrl thought shes so lucky, borned rich and pretty. ha. owell.. .i shoudlv eknown. with money, ppl will change their face and body. shes not natural after all. after that, i was like .ok. dang. i shoudlnt even had think she's 'real 'ya know.
and besides her, alot of bloggers all does the same thing .go under the knife and change their apperance
scary ne. imagine one day their eyes nose or skin falls apart. . gosh. o well. anyway their rich, they will spend their money to do anything. influence more girls to do the same as them huh=/ hmm.. o well. up to ppl ba.

jaa mata

loving

v late liao. just a quick blog ba

kept forgetting what ot oblog.. though it felt like its gota do with bro.. mm

forgot. nothing too serious though ba

i still rememerbed.. watching tv at sammys place. he say miley cyrus sure when hit 18, will grow up to be typical teenaager star.. getin gall messed up. that time i thought rrly?? cos i found her to be down to earth adn all... but he's right. she did turn out the way all htose young stars uknow.. crazy and all 
gosh .too bad i guess. 

mm.. waht else. 

so slpy

mm.. wonder if love can make one happy forever huh..  sammy say hopefully one day.. can give me al lthe love i nid. cos i asked for hte rest of my life haha. XD

but yea. .the girl to get it will be the luckiest girl ever. 

...ok. stop thinking. 

head abit not good liao. too slpy.

mm.. 5yrs and half gone jsut like that.. always feel so bless to've met him..my darling. 

just another day at wor.. long day

dunno what to do for tmr.. mm..=/ bored.. as always

haiz

gosh rrly cant rememebr what i'd wanted to blog. .abt bro or what. =.=

kk maybve next time ba

mata

down down wed =/

headache now.. need slp.. been so slpy ne..

=.=

sighs..
u know how i feel..
o well

anyway .. halfway getting ready i got spooked otu a lilttle.
hairs standing. just a feel ba. notin too seriius. but yea.. just an uneasy feeling ba

weird

oh great. suddenly my primary school mate contacted me. ahh... yea. my fren did say maybe can help with the visa. not like help help. but.. u know help me ask ard kinda help?
o well. better than stucked here and duno what to do next. as long as theres a certain bit of help or hope, its gd enough

so slpy.

don think gonn await for sammys msg alrdy like alst night. wait till nothing at all
till night

o well.
me better go eat med eh. eyes closing soon

sighs. hopefully tmr will be a good day

luckily today passed not too slow

mata

feeling down

ha. seems liek now i have the habit of listening to boas disturbance whenever i type blog.

gosh i feel terrible =(
sighs... feel so down and sad..
i dunnno what happened either.
its like every ounce of happiness jsut depleted off form me
=/

haiz.. .oh yea. so scary. heard rgm talked about his cat suddenly so fierce cos it seen a ghost.
hey wait ive blogged abt this eh
O.o

o well.

ah.. finally this third time .. lavender earl grey tea.. taste so much better now. wit the right amount of sweetness yet not too sweet.
i needed soemthing like lavender i guess... to relax abit. though i dunno how much thats gonna help.. but at least.. o well

soemthigns aint right with me i think. =/
its liek i cant smile at all. i just wanna be alone and keep quiet..
still feeling stress and sad .. feel like crying ..
its terrible. .extremely terrible =( ..
sighs.

u know .. it was so nice to sit at teadot cough. .drinking a cuppa nice tea.. reading book... it was a ver short while. yet so nice..
imagine if i have a small area like that... ha. probably i wont be onling all day long liao.
will jsut sit in comfort.. reading.. sipping away my tea along with my comfy kusy couch.
how nice

sighs.
rrly dunno whats wrong..
ever have that feeling where u cant feel any ounce of happiness in you> ?
i think i'd probably had this before. before i met sammy.
sighs.. wish this seventh month thign to be over soon..

cant wait to slow down my life alittle

mm.. could it be me?.. how come always felt better when drinking this tea.. lavender or me?
o well. dunno. at least tiny bit of better is better than jus tnow..
mm.. should try camomile necxt time eh. heard its good to relax one's mind too

am i all too stressed out or what
or too much happned , or too little time to make myself happY>?
i dunno what

o well..

everyday is a battle.

mm..
dunno what to say..

oh the other day had this customer. this lady.. bought so many thign. spend so much. from malaysia i think. she say her bf is from far away. i aked her long distance isit. she nods her head. ha. well.. nowadays alot of ppl does that ba.
so.. yea. .guess im not that surprised anymore.. even the v famous youtuber also. yea.. ppl always say their match make in heaven cos her bf is a model. french i think .v handsome
thats what ppl always says. ha

anyway..........
lvoe know sno boundaries ba

i miss him.
if only this visa thing can go through successfully
ahh.. changed to another boa's song now. sad one. ha.

k ba..

gotta stop brooding about it

slpy day its bene. cos slpt late last night.

jaa.. mata..

may i smiel again.. soon

struggling moments

whoa. bro was saying why keep having hte rotting smell in kitchen. then i was lije.. hey rememebr the movie in conjuring? 

i thought he farted u know. but i dunno how many times it occured already. but its only for a short passing moment. to be honestm.. its seventh month. .anything can happen... .but dang it. he souldnt ve said it out loud jus tnow =/ 

be it supernatural or what,.......
i have enough probs in my hand so yea. 

i don care

gosh. dreamt of cute puppies. dunn owhy redz is in there arghhh =.= 

but yea.. bro brought home . three. naw... so real. really thought they're mine. 

then wakey, gosh. all those happy feelings are gone. =( 

sianz. 

at least i was happy for that moment 

haiz .

still feeling listelss.. and thiknig alot.. stress. feelign down. very negative.. like i can cry anytime.. am i being depressed i wonder

depression maybe? maybe jsut sterssed out ba

lighten up abit after a bottle of tea. bought it as i neede a perk me up drink 

nice to company sammy till he slp 

anywya, yea.. still unsure of u know. where im heading

dunno how the visa is gonna work its way

everyday im struggling to stay positive at work .

its difficult to u know. and its difficult to talk about

so unhealthy to keep it 

need more soothing tea ba. at least its caffine didnt kill me as much as coffee does

coughed more today. more than ytd. its starting to get to my throat now. hoep i'll reemebr to take med later

hav a feelign tmr might be worse. 

nose stil lsticky as ever

eew

so nice. this youtube lady get to move from perth to syd , stay at bondi apartment. 20yrs old i think. haha so rich eh. 

but what i envy most is her apartment. gosh. so nice. imagien u get ur own furniture, everythign nice and clean. start from scratch. nice kitchen.. everythign clean. u can have ur own set of plates, tbale chairs rugs, table. .spacious.. 

sooooo niceeeeeeeeeeee

thats what i'll have wanted too ba

soemtimes the most simplest thing in life.. cant be achieved without money. 

i don liek that kind of thiking though. cos money ..financial issue. .it kills ppl ya know. 

it kills them inside out. slowly. 

its terrible. 

anway,.. such talk.. 

erm. yea. hopefully... 

haiz.. i'll feel better ba

both pyscially and emtionally 

i think the last time i truly felt happiness and smile sincerely from inside out, was during the time with sammy eh. 

i can feel that i am losing my glow now. the inner glow that shines when u smile. that glow im talking about.. 

i feel like im struggling so hard.. its so difficult to stay on the line. .

haiz. o well

if only this visa thign can be a miracle. say oh settle in a few weeks time. gosh. i'll be the happiest girl for year 2013. 

its a great tiem for em to start anew, learn new fresh thigns, get away from this boring life, thats making me suffocating every single seconds... 

and most of all ,he's tehre. 

so yea. 

if only huh.. 

oh man. gottta rush through my library books. deadlin in two days! 

mata

very sad day

a very bad day for me indeed..

sick to the stomach. .threw up twice.
cried.
feeling terrible right now

hold back my tear for as long as i can.. doing hte same as i can.. smile .. serve customers.. talk.. stay strong i tell myself  at least till after work.

blah3.. the colleague i thought of being really good at working, .. had some misunderstanding of things about me and ppl..
it shocked me. besides rgm and sm shocked me, this colleguae did too.

the thngs i did. .the effort i put in.. im sincere.. im true.. i dont pretend.. im not even being fake.. etc..
but yet..
thigns happened

im scared .. by humans. its like .can u imagine doing notthing wonrg, or doing the best u can.. for hte best or ppl u should.
then out of nowhere, ppl tell u.. oh you're actially making them feel bad.. etc

its like.. what?

i thought of like ..say.. sammy suddenly telling me one day oh i dont love him enough.
its liek that bamg. get it?
like. what? u love that person so much, spend ur every sec, and tiem making an effort to love a perosn, thinking of him all the time.. etc..... then all those for a line of  oh u dont love me enough?

get what im trying to say?
its liek. relaly a big shock.
all thsoe efforts.. love , time that u spend on. .making sure he's being llove.. then end up he gave u aline of oh i hate u , cos u don love me,
how absurd is that?

thats just the exp btw. but thats what im trying to say about this colleague of mine
disappointment ..

and my sm and rgm.. htigns that they said.. i thought of asking hem on the spot.
why they say and teach differently . say a then b now.
but i was too shcoked to handlde everyhitng. i couldnt say it all
'
gosh stomach growling now cos threw up all my dinner =/ o well.
wanna eat bu t later right awy slpo liao. unhealthy. haiz... hungry =(

anyway yea.. .

of all feelign, this is one of the worst oen .. being misunderstood.. especiallly after youve put in so much effort.
making it work.

kinda like.. .how when i first met sammsy family huh...
i was still very shy back then though..

anyway forget it .gonnam ake me more sad only

if canot take it i'd better eat soemhting. rrly too hungry. huu =( ... nah better not. later must slp right away. not healthy. plus brush teeth again. gosh. k. gonna tahan. gosg, extemrely hungry =(((((((9

so yea. still vey upset.. things they said.. balh3. .im rying to digest it all before i know whats going on

after work.. no msg form sammy. gues she's slping still ro soemtheing
though yea. .would rather be him.. but better than no one, at least one of my fren asked me for me day i think .cant rememebr , .at elast can let out abit first.

im not able to speak out the details here nor msg sammy unless im talking to him ya know.
cos its long and detaill... and imma be cryign for sure .
so yea its difficult.

still sad .but i gotta work on.

will i be putting up another strong fdace tmr? i dunno. most  likely. ... k. will do my best.. see how.
im so tired liao...
tmr when free nid to fin out mreo abiot hte aussie hting vida i mean

jaa mata

customers at work

haha. i knew boa will be a natural born great actress.

anwya, huu stomach not feeling good.

today wokey for work.. didnt feel well eyt. throat still.. losing my voice.. but yea. no choice byut to work..
nose still not very gd.
but yea...
glad the day is over.
now v late liao. im supposed to be aslp by now. bro played dvd mah.
but its ncie to do soemthign diff rather than home eat and slp =/
my life is alrdy robotic enough ya know

mm.. wonder whats wrong with my stomach. .

anywya, worked alot today. alot of thigns i wanna do..

me still thinking about certain life issue..
still trying to get around it. .
o well

anyway, just a quick blog ba. will slp soon

have i ever write this down before..?

that the other time, there was this girl. maybe in her early 20s?
she was like .. she kept lookingat me. its liek payment over. i packed her stuff.. i looked down then up at her.. and she as like staring at me intensely. i think i emntioned before isnt it?? cant remmeber
just that i wonder what happened back then.
she find me pretty ar? LOl. or im very familiar?
or what?
very weirdi tell u
her look is liek yea.. i was like.. huH? es? shes like. smile2.. shakes her head..
dunno la.
o well

mm.. wonder if i can slp with my stomahc liek this

oh yea. two days back?
served this guy with a aussie accent i think.
my collegaue was like. .she smile at him he nvr approach her leh. but he approach me.
isnt that normaL ?its liek. .if he's looking for something, wanna look on his own, of course wouldnt wanna talk to anyone mah. then the moment he couldnt fin dit, or he decided to cut to the chase asnd ask for help, he'll find someone the hnearest to him right>?  maybe im just there at hte righ ttime ba.
my colleague funny la. haha.
i tried to avoid serving himm, but hbought quite a numebr of stuff. i nid sales. .=/ so yea. no choice but to do cashiering for him. he actually signed up for member. wow. din expect him to do that. liek straight away just say yes. O.o

shoot .late liao. guess imma slp with wet hair

mata!