miss.. misses... cares

told my fren aka the sm . that i was i was v pale ytd. hence didnt wanna go out tonight. she was shocked. ase dme why am i getting sick these days. i didnt mc at all la. but she sounded v worried and concerned. so yea..

i just wanna head to bed asap after facial mask. just few more mins. go wash face. and hurry to lalaland.

though bro playing gsaw again=.= o well

i don wanna cry. so i drove myself up to the v end..
and i think im now back to square one.
i dunno. im confused

great. rgm both told me that my store looks perfect. al lthose dizziness and hardwork pays off. phew. though i still think there's room for improvement. but yea. as long as they say look great. its great.

sighs. kk. knock me out pls.

gonna hit the sack

dw for me. i m still alive aand kicking.

oh. today this decent looking woman. stole. two bangles. stil la ct so frenl omg. yea. ikr
i cant believe it. she stil lcan ask me what time i open tmr .shes not getting it today cos she's unsure yet. =.=
gosh. i blieved her. baka desu

my pinoy colleague so swt. 2nd time she msg me alrdy outta the blue. say they all misses me.
aw... i was touched.
cos... its always so nice to have someone tell u that they misses u.
though u didnt get to talk alot nor msg. bt yea. the word miss... and a msg from her. rrly meant alot. i can feel that sincerity.
just asking me how im doing .. .
mm.. wonder if tmr night i shld pay them a visit.

jaa mata...

if onl i could slp on forever..

u wanna know me? =.=

i jusst posted a short blog. and then i dded some more sutffs in.

so yea. i deleted the previous one.. .and ..heres the latest blog for today
im... so sick.. tdya. i wasa dizzy and all... =/ and due to sotcks and stuffs... .i nid to climb onto the wobbly ladder.... andi was scared... yea.
but i gotta do it ya know.
so... yea.
at one point i almost fell cos of the wobbliness of hte ladder

so yea. when my colleguae came in. she slike. .you look so pale. she touches my neck. check to se eif im aving a high fever or something .adn yea. .even after my break shes still worried. if im gonna be laright.she say i look so pale.

i looked terrible peeps. i don feel good. i don htink i look good. ayea. .

=/

i dunno hwen i can get my legs back up again.. but. yea. .for now. .im so.. weak.

xmas is coming. ic ant afford myself to be sick ya know' /at no cost am i gonna be sick or mc.

u know... it is quite shocking... my best frens. aka the sm and asm .. they sned me a pic outta the blue . a handsome(? intheir eyes)  muscular hunk.
=.=''''''' my sm asked me is thats my cuppa tea. can intro me. i was like .no. thatss not my cuppa tea. i like love at first sight. and if you'd read my blog. IF any tv characters and such i like, its the nerdy ones. (cept for maybe josh harnett)  i was like. huh??? why are u all showin gme these=.=

apparantly he's their best friend's fren.  and through  that fren's link. linked to my fren.(asm) and link to  my pics. and he say wanna know me. i was like.whattttt=.=

i was like telling them,. for a guy who wanna know u due to ur pics, ... i mean.. i dunno. man
im not interested in 'matchmaking' u know. todl u guys before heaps of times

but they were saying how he's.. like. weekend will stay at home.
play game, aftnoon go gym
i was liek .. .erm ok... so?

i don get it mate. .=/ .
rrly?

i liek . rrly like simple life. no nid to be so forever rich. .but suct simple life.. loving each other...

i can. live in a farm yard. farm life. etc.as log ias im with the man of my love. i dun nic branded stuffsnor rich etc whatever. i just nid... the man i love and a simplest place to live. thats all...
no nid to be the most handsomeo due. or great body . i don care abt thatere. personaility is the most impt.  ..
im  v simple person


asm was like.. u know.. can always go out as frens etc.. doesnt mean antyhign. i was like. hello. now i know his intentions and how he feel,... aint that gonna be a prob?? =. =
kind aworried though.. next time we meet... will they ask him out without my knowledge  = X
=/
oh man... they did that cos .. i think they are worried my situation... so yea... o well.. but... i dunno. i don need help... i think. ..i dunno.

i dunno man. i just make it clear htat u know. match making aint the thing for me. nor is this whole. lookking at pic thing wanna know u.. .argh
and btw for the record, i NVR gone to  photoshop. i dunno how to or go to what whichever website. etc. i just don . the most is colour of the screen .which im so lazy to do so cos i se eno point.
choosing the fikkter is easier thna photo shop etc slim ur chin..waist.. .etc.. omg. thats .. .omg.
..

so yea. no photoshop plssss

though  i know alot of models and celebritits and women doing that nowadasy. including instaagram... or fb or whatever..twitter..lame ne

i dunno man. even if private or whatsoever.. ppl can still find a way to view ur pics and.. eya..like.. here. this situatipjs

omg. my sm rrly asked me out. .... mm.. wil lshe ask thatvguy out too... >_< .. gosh .. .wish me luck as in i hop enot (that  any guy will be there)






jaa... mata

true intentions

oh gosh. so sorry. ive been .. not myself of late. and. .yea. rrly dislike my blogs. i dunno whats overcome me.

its weird. trying to force tears outta ur eyes. as though too tired to do so anymore .or cried till theres no more tears left to flow

anyway.

i just find it so. i dunno .weird. its like. for a outta the blue a guy fren suddenly come along and msg u. so hows u and ur bf.
=..= ''....
like. what???
are u trying to find out if im single or waiting to hear news of us.
like. so weird. especially coming from a guy who used to like u.
thats double weird

pretty obvious whats his intentions i guess.
bt. .yea.... are al lguys like that.

i..stil lwanna force myself to cry out. cos... i cant cry right now ..and i know thats not healthy. cos im keeping it all inside of me.. .adn. .i didint talk. and.. yea. .i stil lhav to forced a smile for the customers.. .
i just... yea. .didnt know what to do.
i thought they say its gd to cry and relieve ur stress and probs out. im at a loss.. .

i love this vid.

gordon ramsay.
he was trying to help this restaurant owner. adn she was crying and saying she wish she could end this misery etc.. adn he looked at her and his voice. so sincere i tell u. so sincere. he siad.. 'im here. im here.''. (as in he's here to help
coming from a foul mouth like him. wow.   and his eyes. rrly sincere.  his voice as well. .u can tell genuinely he wants to help her. and yes. im touched by that .

nowadasy pl only say.. i wish i could help.. im here for u... etc etc... how may meant and stood by their words. how many. its jsut trying to make themselves feel gd and look gd as a kind hearted person.
=.= yea. lik duh

that tone of his voice and sincerity and his look ithrough his eyes.. those aint for show. u can tell he rrly wants to help her. and i think thats very impressive.

.. today im back to myself alil more for blogging.

gd

o well..

sighs

mata ne

to marry....

ha. so here i am again. sorry. cos i wasnt too sure abt last night. i tot.. i needed to getawy from Everything....
i still do.. and.. yea. but.. perhaps blog... they're part f my life for so long.. and.. .the place where only i can tell of my probs and                   share my happiness.. and.. yea. ths si the ..only place where i can talk abt my true feelings. not to frens. but only here. though.

im.. wea.k .physically... ever since yea...
and... even today.. .i felt as htough imma faint again. not that dizzy but ts there u know...
 ... i htink. no. i know. i worsen the case.
but... lsighs. i cant help it. =/

lasgt night. i couldnt finish up the rice. i duno. since ytd i forced myself to eat. i was hungry. guru2. but.. i forced myseld to eat.
cos i nid food to survive. i live for my team as well .to stay focus.
i aim for. within  2 yrs.become a regional manager.
if tat woman can do it, why cant i.

my team say ppl say im strict. my sm say. thatsgood.
my rgm cant believe it. as im alwyas the sso called u knwo.. sweet frenly spoken nice girl .
bbut im strict. hell i am.
anyway...
yea.

a brand new pave ahead of me.

pain is now.
i will try my best to erase them all...

i don share anythign to my frens. thast the problem.
... cos i cant open up.and let  them see me liek this..

my best fren... of many yrs.
phe recently commented on my pic in facebok.
he says... pauline u look different.

i am not that much of  asurprised at this comment. cos....
i Knew.

when i look back  at my pics...
i can tell the difference.

from long ago i knew

cos me...my face. .i changed quite... yea. hugely,
im not ashamed nor afraid to say. yes. i look better than i used to be. even compared to a year ago.
every year... i see something diff abt me. its better . much better not worse.
and i like that alot.
every single year is diff... and... yea... ist almost as if its magical
i dunno how to reply his comment. so i just.. well .liek his comment. thatsa it

*many years back. when i was working in at*... toy store,
this part timer is hte first who asked me.. will u marry me ' Lol.
yea. even beofre u knwo who. cos i met u know who after him.  i blogged abt this before.
sooo many yrs back
it was just.. before i met u know who.
ive been with u know for abt 6 years and 5months yea. (more than half a decade)
yea it was random. he the partimer suddnely ask me... will u marry me. and he said.. if down the road.. we are both single, (somehting like that) shall we get married in future.

yea. ikr. so weird.

and... why am i tlaking abt this? cos...

he just msg me in fb.
when are u getting married?

its pretty obvious. i replied him normally. but yea...

its weird how a person can still remember this after so long.,, i hava  strong feeling he rememebrs.
even if he dont doestn matter.

do u htin i will faint during xmas time/ cos... i dunno. i feel lik.e... im pushing myself harder than i thougt..

jaa mata

away now...

hey guys...

think i might.. just might.. be away for abit..
i dunno. not sure yet... but.. .yea...
just had some chocked and sutff. just somehting bad happened to me.. and yea. .
i was thiking of.. 'dissapearing' for abit u see... jus tbe alone for a while..
i dunno. but i loike to blog so we shall see..

i've been a fool all along. naive.
my fren is right all along. from a guys perspective adn point of view..
.. i couldnt believe how foolish i was.. how naive.. and how hopeful...


weeping all along now.. left me with nothing but scars..

so so oh so foolish girl... hwo can u be so stupid..

there is much to say but i'll rather leave it at that...

o well..

jus t need to clear my head out for abit.. i think once im done, i'll be changed a s a person. lost the used to be and ... yea.. i dunno who im gonna be.. but.. that is life isnt it. forces u to be evenn as a  person who u don even know who u are

things.and /or . events unfolds itself to change ur life and the person u are now.
regrets isfor life
things and ppl u didnt hold onto... the regrets and grey will hang along u to ur grave.

do u live for urself. or do u live for others. live for the sake of happiness for the others. and forskake ur lifelong worth of happiness years ahead

the damage cannot be undone.
scars will be left. blood will be shed .

nothing u do is gonna bring back the dead
 . nor will bring back the pure whom u first knew .

i need time. .


i dont need hurs which will make me cry. no. not tears again. no . pls don give me that again. oh no. pls don

husg from strangers. sympathy from strangers.. commenting how stronog u are from strangers.. thats.. the last thing..i'll ever need.

i think i shld stop now. hope to blog soon again...

u have no idea how much scars there is beneathe the so called strongest person u think he or she is.
..
perhaps i might blog again tmr. i duno. llll

hope to blog here soon..

my fren say.. her ex cheated on her after years of being together. .he wanted to come back but she wouldnt relent.
why does guys always take the stupid chance. . only asking ot come back late.r. aint that too late eh..
 when he's drunk he stil ltexts her...
is that true. .when youre drunk... u know how u feel the most...


jaa...
tc

fainting

had too uch blood flow going on here.. .maybe thats why im like more dizzy than ever.
last night and today. =/

though 3 days agao without time of month... me yet again felt dizzy at the counter. agan. deja vu. was ike hand on my head.. not as bad but almost aas the last time. tot i was gonna faint.
then  blood flow came last night. and dizzy...and today... dizzy worse.. yea.. =/

its terrible. feeling..

told my collegaue had heaps ofdreams. din slpt v well. she said it riaght away. youre too stressed. she said she had thta before. cos too stressed. and dreamt heaps..etc.
v uncomfy =/ .anad words.. are in my head. Loudly. like as though i was awake =/

just occured to me. .when aft shift.. my breaky sometimes might be like at 6 or so ish. menaing.. .yea. u know m e.  i din take no lunch. so yea. ..tats m first meal start of the day.
atook me abit to realized eh. im too engrossed in work
pi just.. didn trealizzed u know..

today whislt having my break i rrly tot i might faint. at one point i almost wanna call my team and tell her i might faint. ha. owell luckily i didnt

too focused on work man.. =/ i .. nid to. cos.  its for my reputations and future..and. .. yea..
if not

anyway... i jsut hoep that the bra store iwll open in sg soon. .cos.. tat store.. .sells se* toys... my colleague say thast why its not easy to find a location store for sg. ..sighs=( so sad.. ..
i rrly  wish and hop ethey do fin dit soon... im nottoo ssure yet. but.. i rrly hoep.. i;ll get to work there..
though iunknown abtthe pay and all..
 though... in au the team there. .do wear abit like yea... and the angmoh ladies are kind awild..they ...erm.. in tattoos...and... yea. leopard prints. not my style but...
yea. i woulndnt andsg store wont ..let us wear hald shirt to show our half bras ba. hahah.
but.. yea. im looking forawd to the store ooeing
hopefully soon..

my colleague tat pretty nice one. she say. .she's been crying(time ago) dunno how long ago...
.. cos one night herhubby say his ex in bed better. .. he's her first .. .u know... and .. he said somethign like that.. .how sad can she be =( such nice girl. and.. .sighs...
man...
ike comparing his exs to her.. -. =/ i feel sad for her oto. .and i know how she feels...
haiz..
stupid. so baka of men. wso insensitive.
=/
rrly

ivebeentryign to tape for my snapchat the resident evil show... omg. finally afetr the one past hr, i got gd shots=.=  like timing aint right ya know or shots aint gd enough etc. finally got some actions for it. gosh .dunno .but snapchat kinda.. fun in a way. i mean..o well
halfway watchign and blogging now... bored.


anyway.
i think tats abt it.

ptonight. .weir.d for s asat.. heaps of nice movies going on till v late night.. gosh. my slp.... T_T

mata

dizzy..back

dunno why same pace doing same thing doing cashiering.. then felt dizzy again. though not as bad as the other time i'd mentioned. but yea. was lie.. touching my head.. wonder why did i feel i out of the world dizzy for a sec there
too stressed, or overworked. i dunno . just weird sometimes

gosh late alryd. i cant wait to hit the pillow. soooo oslpy. my eyes half closed.. .

finally we're heading towards the nightmare before xmas month. .haizzzzz........... uh huh... bless me .
meep. its gonna be one hell of a ride. i catn wait to get over nov and dec!!!!!!!
omg. nightmare is coming... and.... yea. .im not sure if im ready... =/

two movies i rrly wanna watch this week and next. cant wait. when no movies to watch. theres none. when have, theres two  or three==. haiyo

kk gtg slpy like mad.

mata

my day oor week

brought work home for a lil.. so yea.. thoug i tried not to.. .but sometimes.. cant help it

today i found took out my bra padding. the bra i bought ofrm sydney.
was like. how cum uncmofy and as though theres space inbetween. though is the bra too big for me? then turned out... after i took it out, its perfect=.=
so comfy. no nid padding at all.
so yea.
gd thing i found out

they usually pt padding in ti os she said that brand f bra is design mostly for asians. ttas why alot of desigsn i cant fit cos too small for me =(
cos im not the usual flat chested type. so yea. sad i can tbuy my fav design

last week or so, i saw the actress who 'looked liek me ' said from my previous company lil fans. three girls. lol .i mentioned this before. anyway .
i saw her on tv and i really.. .see the resamblecne
. .lour cheek dimples' the way we smile .. yea. its especially when smiling.. thats the cheek dimples.. art. look most alike .
lol .
so weird. but im still me. one and only m e. no one can replace me ever.

haven eat. =/ gotta wakey early .haz. cant wait to slp soon ne

dunno when or how.. o yea. saw this gordan remsay book..
cook book.. then form thre. .watch his videos and get to know more abt him. he's so real and cool
yet kiind and swt.
like he love his wife alot. his daughters alot too.. .for a tough man liek him on tv, its always nice to see someone hwos not afraid to show some love on tv. and towards his mum. they had a comp. and he was kissing her head. and her lips too even though he found out he won.
like. in front of tv, a man in his prime age aint afraid of showing love. .wow. amazing.
especially for his tough fierce chef image. u know. yet he shows love towas his mumg

his book is exp.
in fact, i keep goig to bookstore jsut to touch and feel and looksat his cookbook... his ingredents v difficult and exp to buy... thats hwy i didnt wanna buy the cookbook. .os it slike. .buying it for what. .perhasp 10 out of200 recipes?
i dunno. .but.. im so tempted.. .wanna know hwat he's saying i his bookya know...
so curous. .. oh man.. ..=/ its like.. going into a store.. keep looking at something u wanna own.. i cna.. but i didnt want to ..yet. cos its not cheap.
o well...... liek a lil girl yearning for her lolly..

this noshup or something
restaurant in syd world square.
been following me ard or somehting liking my pics..
i know hwich store cos in chinatown i osw it always whenever i withdraw money over hte years there. its near the atm yellow balck machine

and.. i dunno i wa slike telling myself. i bett rstay away from there when im in world squaer. cos   i liek world sqaure i frequesnt htere whenever im in syd.
and. ..no knowing someone form there is looking at my pics and all. .commented once. .
but yea. .
i just.. .yea. abit freaky. i'll be careful when i walk past their store next time.

jaa mata

5mins bloggy

wanted to blog ytd but.. gforgot. just 5mins here... felt like wasted my ytd off.. .mm... o well

=/

i rrly didnt wanna get out of bed. im enoying slping so much
love to slp
just so nice to rest ur tired body . and slp away

had a long dream jusst now.. consists of quite a few ppl i think. but rrly ant remember much at all.. just felt that its a ncie long dream. not tat v v nice. but just. . ok. .

kk. gtg getting ready for another day. so fast days gone just like that. oh man

o well jaa

mc donald memories

so warm... though at night was raining i think

finally settled some work stuffs. .phew

i forgot how to be happy most of the time. bad huh
i bought the book but i nvr read it either. just a coupe of pages. =.= dang
i recalled i was laughing at a joke made mby my colleagues weeks ago. i said .. wow that feels gd. its i duno when i was happily laughing like that. . ever since that deathful' july month
..still feel like cryin gha. o well
especially when its near time of month ba. haiz.. .
but yea.. then my colleague say.. yea. cos you alwasy sad mah .
i keep quiet lor. spot on mah
but that was a gd feeling. though. .i kinda forgot how it felt... o well

talking abt itstill makes me sad. . teary liao ha

oh ya. mc donald. lets say it mc.
so i was cravin gfor fries with chili sauce. wanted to go to the mall's one. but my colleague say go to the quieter one. at princess there. i was like.. .eh.. sounds familair. like the movie there.. .then there i walk...by her instructions. .then i was like. ..erm..... o..k... thats the mc i used to frequent with him when i stayover at his place== ha
the place where he first drew my nickname owith chili sauce on the paperon the plate.
i was like. .o..k... thats...yea. .coincidence eh... ha.
so weird. so o well. jjust eat lor.
food at that area not bad.
can rrly explore. but dislike the way ppl look at me. jsut os im dressy. alrdy doin gmy best to dress down k.. haiz.

wanna talk more.. but... bored.

took some pics i rrly2 like at aquarium that day. ha.
selfie also. soyea. rrly like it XD
gosh. say wanna upload since before new lappy. now hav new lappy and haven upload anything=.=

ha

gdnight all
slptight and swtdreams.

im going to my lalaland in abit.. my fav lalaland to escape all worries and troubles.
but ...sometimes still bu,ped into it =.= exp alwasy dreamt that im working. haizzzzz

jaa mata

stressful day =/

omgggg gomen. =/ had wanted to blog ytd but so tired and slpy

huu.. been away for so long =//
haiz

over the wekeend spend time with family. cos long story. cos mum had some tickets from company.. but turned out to be... some boring place. so plan B yea

anyway, its abt once a year... so yea. i know. we hardly spend time together as a whole family

mm... sighs. so stress today=(
things to get complete today are loads. yet this t member say shes sick. so.. .i dunno why am i always the one rushing to get work complete ono time
am i rrly pushing myself too hard= /

sighs
then got home .saw bro having ice cream. straight away i took it too. chocolate flav. destress and to relieve tension
had a nice bowl of ramen today too. yummy soup.

sighs.. i rrly hope to get the work completed by tmr
=/
so tired out
cant wait for the weekend u know
 though busy, yet a good thing time passed faster

oh .haha. did i mentioned that few weeks back ktv session
this girl group. 4 girls i think? my fren say only one undergone sugergy (ubt she looks freaky. =( face too fake)
they are called korean's ugliest girl group. sad right=/
haizheard of their name before. but now i forget

then saw anothre group. tara or dunno which one. my fren was like saying.. they all look the same dunno who is who
XD
lol. told u right. i said the same thing longgg ago. haha. so im not the only one who realises that haha
maybe they go under company's same cosmetic surgery ba . one doc changes all korean artises. maybe

dunno what else to type..

just mind blank.

had the porridge at bedok recently.. the other day... brings backk memories... anyway. sadly its not as nice as i remember. not taht spicy though i added heaps of pepper. or is my spicy intake increases lots over the years ?
dunno bah. just find it abit bland. okok only. my block hawker is nicer. my hawker here rrly alot of nice food haha.

sometimes i wish to go  back being simple.. .and not stressing so much.. .

our job.. many ppl quit especially newbies. ha. mia or say mc sick ba c kache..etc
haiz
turnover v high

becos they all thought oh high pay. relax job. dress pretty2
=.=
gosh. they couldntve been more wrong
even rgm say she thinks so too. cos on the outside ppl see that we all everyday dress up pretty2. nice2. like glamarous, but actually tehres alot of hardwork. rgm said so herself ne... the angmoh one.
yeaaaa hardworkkkkkkkkk

kk gtg slp liao. bro say bedbug still at sofa. dunno ba. as long as it don crawl to my mat can liao

another battle dxay ahhead. i gotta stay strong
hate those words but o well

jaa mata

time out for my off

heyy... .its just been crazy... for work ya knw.. blah3. ..before i off after work, i visited my much love previosu team .. .it ws so great to see tham again they hugged me the moment they saw me..
yea... i wa reluctant t o leaave.. but what can i do =/ ...

anyayw, haiz. though tired, yet i had such a long day out with a rare triip with family .yea.  we head out.. like.. abt once a year as a family? something like thazt=.= ikr... pathetic. or rather..more than once a year. haiz.. anyway.  ., nonetheless, its great to hang out together... i do my best to forget aabt work. .to ignored the msgsof work.. .etc...

so tired. so slpy. btu i pulled on

gnna try slp in abit. super early to me. but yea.

 how i wish... to hav someone hug me to slp and tell me that  when i wake up, everthing is ognna be ok....

i think i might be getting alil emtional now as the time of month is closing in...

anywya...

mm.. yup.

jaa mata

just be yourself

mm...

glad another day is over..

its ok.. over fast is good.. busy is gd.. moving on...

wah. was so hungry guru2 till i couldnt take it no more .got up form my bed. hurrily ate abit of nuts and bar.. then quickly go back to slp. guess what. i stil lauto wakey at abt 840am =.= ....'' haiz.... shld i slp eary or not.
omg. wanna wakey late also cannot.
slpy. .dryin ghair now..

so nice. sunday my fren and her bf will go holiday in taiwan. she also like me la. bought sexy nighties. haha.

sighs

anyway. so nice. again this aussie youtuber her house. .wait had i mentioned this before?? ....
oh man i think i did. ..
mm.. .anyway well aa quick mention then. so yea. her house is small .but gd. narrow but u have everythng u nid

i mena i don nid two rooms or anything ya know.
but yea.. .hopefully one day.. can have my own place. or stay with someone

o well

lets not get there
 heart only aches

 mm.. nvr had picnic before. ha. he used to say ot gd. cos will hav ants and mosquitoe. but my frens still go .
duno. aybe diff areas ba.
dunno will i be going anot.. .so troublesome. think rather hea dout .dunno

so cool. when i watched boas performance and recalled. .
her fans commented that during rainey performance. .live conert. the other korean artiste .. girl groups etc. .didnt perform so well. they slipped, (cos raining and wet floor) and just bad performance. boa is the only standing one. think got one time she almost also? but she didnt in the end. hehe.
tats my idol =)
just so cool

like jsut find it irritating in the recent ending of sm entertainment ... convcert. they will alwasy sing ending saong.. same song.
then these 2 or 3 girls started dancing in their own group in circle like v v attention seeking=.= argh. then near them is boa. standin gn smiling. this last song no one nids to dance at all.
some guys also liek show off perform2 dance2=.=
omg. rrly.cannot tak eit. sianz. lol

she an be jus tstanding there. doing nothing much. (oh she took selfie of her gfrens )
no nid do so much purposely dance la. .etc.
 she can wear jsut a checked shirt n tshirt wiht shorts and perform... yea. she stands out jsut by being who she is.
like. who gets to wear so casually yet still look fabulous. sexy pretty and yea.

duno .jsut rrly feel irritated by attention seeking girls .laugh so loud .. .etc... especially in groups. and guys also =.=
i dun even bother to turn my head and look at them. =.= crazy.
talk n laugh so loud purposely for what. sometimes u can tell whether if its intentional or unintentional

mm.. abti hungry.. .
wokey early so get to eaat instant nooodle ..ate finished at abt almost 11am..
then dinner at almost 7... then yea.
thats it. abit hungry now. oh man

better hurry go slp before i get any more hungrier

jaa mata

hungry tired fatique huu

omg im dying.
as in.. dying of fatique

i auto wakey again. 430am. then tats it. cant slp back. head thinking of work here n there. and body too tired. ya kno how body too tired and its difficult to slp?
sighs.
5hrs of slp or less i had.
then meeting
then head out whole day.
been working so much lately that now. at night. im making it a point (though very tempting) not to online for my work. nope. not tonight. i had enough .
im going crazy. my body is going crazy.
i cant think anymore. not rrly
so yea
sighs



so freakin ghappy finally having my aftnoon shift soon omg
mm.. lhad long black coffee before meeting. but not bitter ne. ok i  can drink all. yup no sugar added baby

im abit hungry actually.. but o well

gotta slp and rest. but.. .too hungry also having prob to slp

been having trouble slping lately. not tat bad. just ot as fast as i used to .cos head is thinking abt work..what to do..etc=/

sighs

oh had a nightmare again the other day... house and ghostly thingy. smiliar to my previous one. but not as scary as that one. so ye.
but.. o well. no one to tell
hate this type of dreams

body still weak. din rest today so yea. too bad. nvm next week then rest ba
hoep i wont faint when im up at the ladder. dang aussie ladder so high light and shaky =.= couple of times i thought i was ognna fall .so does the other team memebers
my gosh
dangerous. yet they cant change it ==  .. whatever o well
anything happen... i dunno what to say

mm...
hungry. gosh. ancnot. i must try to slp

but hope wont be like last time hunger woke me up T_T supr early somemore. then i ate cup noodle.
shoot growling guru2 no.w. .=/

mm... dunno wha els eto say
forgot

so yea im rrly trying not tocheck work stuffs from home
T_T

haiz. kk.. gtg.
im so freaking tired.
poor bro
too bad hav to tahan my slping early patterns.
but i ask him to go ahead and play t or wahtver. i will o sl iwht lights on =/ what to do

dunno tmr if im eating late anot.. mm.. .
hopefully can finsih some stuffs up and quickly go makan

on time

hungry nowwww huu

jaa mata

hope i wont wakey for food
not 430 again at least huu

oh did i mentioned last night? I only had one meal ytd. For since such a ..quite a rather long time. Huu

jaa

fainting moment =/

life is worse when u realized that the everyday lil things u enjoyed ...ex msging. is gone.

.. i wa ssurprised today.
rrrly. i . mm.. as usual... mrg again.. i was sly and all... not enough slp even for 7 hrs
.. no breakyfast... usually my  lfirst meal at town area woudlve been  1pm
bubt now after changed, its 230 or 3 at my own accord. cos i wanna ge thigns done. ya konw
so yea,... todya i went break at 245. but.. at abt 240 i think.. .i nearly fainted.
=( yea. that was frightening. the first time i went all wobbly was so many years back ... long story . bubt yea. dad was with me luckily

anyway.
i was halfway doing cashiering when i went blank for a sec and i was like. .'oh!'.. then regain my senses and apologize to cust and tell my fren im dizzy.
she told me to go break fast. then halfway through break also felt so dizzy ...with my rgm in fron to fme..
looking at my rgm.. i wa slike. .i rrly can do this too...
the sg rgm... so yea. rrly hope in two years or so timei could get there too

anyway... so yea. even now im feelign kind aweak. i cant.. .i dunno .my heads in a mess...
ive been pushing myself far too hard. my previous store sm tell me to relax.. don so stress... eat med and rest...
but.. .i don nid med. its just that. .main thig is im mmmpushing myself too hard. trying to compete hepas of tasks.. .and.. u know... =/
ended up destroying my health..

not destroy but you know.. . damaging perhaps.
sighs.
just didn know this would happen.. shoudlve been more careful..
but. ..i cant. cos too much to settle. .
and. .eya. buried myself into work i gues.s.

i feel like. .i can faint anytime time. i wonder if i am bale to wake up for my meeting tmr ,, will ready more alarms i guess.. ...

sighs.

how i wish.. its feb now. . so i an rest...
o well.. .

today this customer... i was telling her our stores promo.. then shes liek okok.. oh this ar.. .okok... your butt very nice.

i was like stunned. O.O ...say whatttttttt
*blink2 my butt very piao liang?? lvery pretty?
 omg

why aunties always notice such thigns ar. like. .features i mean. .i was like. .huh? O.O
butt? ofc i didnt ask more as my rgm next to me
oh gsh

anyway. yea wil ltry to tc of myself bah. its gonna be a touch week ahead for me and my tea, this week. .but we willl pull it through. new role new challenge. .and.. .ofc. also a challenge to my health..
will do my best.

though.. in my heart i know.. .my body is crumbling...
its os difficult fo rme to relax. .even whe slping.. .
o well. .
wish me luck n gdhealth zzzz

i miss.. rrly niss those happy days...

mata

workaholic . yes im working hard!

just a quickie blog

rushing to bed.
work3 mrging shifts straight so slpy every morning wakey like.. zzz wanna slpppppp cant wait for aftnoon shift. even off day also mst go meeting
so yup no slping in i guess

woooo lappy strat up in secs. haha .wow. great2 ^^

so yup. ive been such a workaholic.. omg. rrly i am. if nvr finish task i rrly cant eat nor hav the mood to break.

my break now is 230 and ytd 330 . cos ive been working non stop trying to settle the store and all gosh .
great that time passes fast
but yea.. .was like.. wow... .my meal time rrly.. not gd i know not healthy but.. u know . i just cant. cant go break unless i settle my work stuff. its os hard to leave liek that ya know.
so yea. anywya
hoepfully i can change it. though i doubt so. mm.. .land yea. somemroe me nvr eat breakfast so... yea.

then after break come back to store. .wow. body so shag and sooo tired.
rather no break lor. haha

anyway... will try to look after myself bah. jsut. .so tired out

mata

and im feeling......goooodddddd

wow. last night i was feeling rather gd, todayi woek up also talakative. mm.... strange
ok. glad im feeling good =) weee though alot of work in my head still.. gsh u have no idea how much thing i nid to get done

anywya. also happy pay is in woo hoo early somemore =)
think wanna head out later. uh huh. gonna drink water.. online abit... eat. .then head out bah. hopefully ill feel this gd for the rest of day

finally ihad 8 hrs of slp. though i slpt at 3am last night. online and all
wonder whens the last time i had 8hrs slp gosh.
went k box the other night.. and i was singing this song... and. .wow. the finally part mike was handed to me.. and.. its abt my story ya know. .u related to ti.. for the first time , i think. .yea. i sang it all out. the emotion was there... i finlaly got a taste of what ppl means when they say sing it with emtion. the singer sang it with such huge emotions. it  can even make the ausdience cry.
u know words like that. .so yea... was rrly ...feels gd i guess... like.. u gave it al lout and emotions came poruring out.. u vent ur frustrations into it... yea. ..good to ven tit out.. sing it out.... ..


not like im totaally fine but o well. weird. next week i hav aew activites coming along. nvr happen before . and. .think imma be tired ha

i nid my slppppppppppppppp
fav time of night

kk gotta run some errands and get stuffs for store too

mata ne

crazy day

Had a gd news. And.. anyway.i didnt share it with anybody. Just colleagues knew. Cant believe im blogging in mrt lol first time

Was like.. so bloody stress out man ..sighs. just ..heaps of things . And its breaking me down. Was trying to hold my tears back at work he whole day
U gotta be strong when youre leading a team eh...
Anyway. Yea. I cant for for this say to be over. I feel sad most of the time. And .i dunno wherre or how to get stress out and..its bad i know.

Be strong and do it i guess. Tats what everyday says of me. Im strong.though i don rrly like it. Strong on tge ourside in the end ill still be crying alone at night or bathroom.

Heaps to be dpne again today. Wish me luck

Wow. First time since so long ytd i ate so lil.
Uh huh. Thanks to a v v crazy hectic day
only had 1 old chang kee  sausage at 230 and  a salad. How craz is that =_=
For a person like me who loves to eat

k. Imma work like mad later.

Still hav the feeling of wanna cry..but o well. Im so freaking slpy right now

its  kinda irritatjng when you dressed up and its not town area youre at,.. they will look3. Like.. argh. Sianz. Vos neighbourhood kalls or aea they don usually get to see ppl dress up bah. O well. Wat to do

jaa mata

love and life decisions

had flowers in my hair and received many compliments. alot of customers complimented that i look great. my hair is so pretty.
=) made my day. and ofc i sold those too
i even posted it on snapchat. ha.

just watched a video abt this guru .. talking about caught her bf cheating. she caught it. he denied...blah2... he finally broke down and cry his balls out. asking what he can do to make it up to her..etc. don wan her to leave his house. .she made him text her or sumtin abt cant pick up her cos his gf is there.. cant pick the 3rd party up i mean.
so yea... and she tried for a week. still shes thinking everyday abt the cheatin gpart that she decided to breakup with him.
he wtold her the plan.. .at first he lied abt headin gout with his mates.. (said couple of names whos going)... then to where.. .but actually he's picking that bit** up at a party before headin gto her place and slp with her.
thats the plan. but she found out cos that girl called him so yea...
anyway... haiz. heard he's a pretty good guy too.
was like crying and tellin gher dunno what hes doing.. .blah3... seriously. like seriously ?
 sighs. anyway. they were young so yea...
too bad i guess. o well
=/
..haiz

mm... wonder if my typing will be improve after keyoboard changed..

this sm form other outlet kena sacked. cos team members tell on her to aussie side. not to rgm u know. but to aussie. gosh so evil. somemore one of them is the swt spoken kinda malay girl. haiz... v bad. cant believe it. in order ot become sm, do such a thing.
=/

and the ex sm droppe dby todya. haiz. feel so sorry for her. she say im v pretty. i don dare dsay no just shake my head and say thank u
v wasted... heard sm say rgm was htinking of making her the next rgm

gosh. bro bought a handsoap from bath n body works. its the smell of sammys perfume ...o well...

i went out cos my fren in trouble that night.. .
she and her bf of 4 yrs.. or 5?
broke up.
they always hav probs.
and fihgts.
but yea. sm na di v worried.
shes drunk before she asked me out.
i was so afraid other guys will take her home u know.
first time saw my sm crid.
cried. and the silent type.
cos htey been long frens sfor so many yrs.
found her. then she disappeared. again.
she said to me.
hoep u and your bf can be together happily ( something like thath)
then kiss my cheek. say love me. (did she say i forgot)
then she say wan go take phone call. then gone again

haiz

me and sm so scared and worreid.

=( i even cried abit
cried for fren after duno whens my last
scared the blessings hse gave is her last words.
iw a sleft alone in bar again. yea. one person.
got one guy even cheers his drink with me. i wa slike =.= wth. anyway just one sip.
luckily he nvr tlak to me. i was sad mood to the max. so worried. htink i sat alone for an hr or so plus. haiz. cos sm went looking for her . i nvr even touch the drink

found her. and she was crying and shouting wanna die.
her bf ask her borrow from ppl$ 20 000 . wth right. if he's a man he wouldnt do that. not even as a husband.
she cant give him .feels bad. bbut brokeup over fight of other thigns.

when sm called me foudn her, wow thats such a huge relieved. when i reach,ed, they were struggling. she threw herself towards the road with a big lorry coming so near. me sm and two other guys were shocked and pulled her. ofc i couldnt pull much cos they were pulling and all. imagine she pushed one of us towards the lorry instread how??

anwya. sm then slapped her real hard. few times. she ast down crying. she don care for us. but i know socos shes drunk upset and angry
i don blame her
but yea. was like so shocked.. she dashes out liek that.. .then kicked sm in the stomach and stepped on her foot
real hard

cos drunk ba thats why. plus so upset

haiz... then sm called her bf here. .etcetc... dunno what happen between them now.. .hope shes feelign better bah... =/
she say no money alrdy(when she was crying)...
say what she can give will give.. what she cannot, do not blame her..

sighs. .stupid guy. shes pretty and i like her personaiity. stupid. he's fat also u knowo. ugly. (sorry to say tht. ) but cmon. count his loss for losing her. so baka to the max of his life. u have a beauty for ur future wifey(they bought a house together recently) , u wanna breakup just liek taht? dun wanna win her back?
iw as like telling sm... its his big loss if he break up with her.
bloody baka. i dun understand why. somemore he's fat and not gd looking. got such nice gf what more he want. omg.

borrow money on his own s a MAN better aint it

sighs anyway. yea.

her pain i understand. .sm also. sm say when she broke up with bf of  5 yrs, she also tot of commiting sucidie.
she still dreams of her ex to this day. shes also shocked.
haiz...

its the truth when ppl say....

sometimes.... your one true love... only happen once in a lifetime.... once u missed it, u missed it forever.....
it is a blessing and lucky if u met ur true love one  in this planet of billions of humans all ard...

will u be able to keep ur love one. or missed it and regret for the rest of ur life.. .?
the decision it is all up to u.
u made ur own life decisions. .for u are living for urself. .it is ur life. ur own lifetime.. .
what will you do. what would you could've done. ..

i just wanna slp.. .jsut wanna slp all my probs away...
tht is why i wanna slp

jaa mata