First day of uplifted

ytd after a nap in the aftnoon.. wokey.. not feeling so well.. and last night actually i slpt with some pains on.. woke up.. found my hand with red lines.' but.. doesnt matter.

well, i think .. for the first time in so long, i felt better now.
i dunno. think its the craziness goig on or something. i was literally going crazy getting all so excited and nuts. but yea.. great. i won the prize in managers meeting.

sad. mrg, step out, the realised.. im heading towards another palce. and its raining heavily. me no umbrella. haiz. so yea. all wet. walking and standing under the rain for 5mins or so? yea . heavy rain mind u =.= . its heavy rain. how i wish to slp in mrg. supposed to be my off! huu...

anywya, so tired whole day down. then gotta get home. .and soon, meet him up for free movie. if not dun wan go. so tired=/ 

haiz. so yea. .i do feel abit more uplifted now.. perhaps i shold.. think things through... think of how to handle it. . u know. o well...
yea. its tough. but. mm. .lets just hope tmr be a better day.

its just so . ssad.. u dont have ur most love one next to u.. sighs.

o well. at least today gets better abit.

kk.. slp. gotta dry hair.. then zzzz

maat

i need confirmation

if your close fren asked you out on a date,.. yet he or she is attach,.. but u know himn longer before he's attached.. wouldnt that be stil lso weird??
but because you'r close, so you do kinda know he or she aint a too bad person. but still.. that sounds so weird and wrong isnt it.
mmm... very interesting. if not close. .fren wouldve been lost once again..

so yea..
i dunno.. just alil concern about myself now. .been over aweek.. no reasons n so on.. i dunno why im so down.. and.. itss affecting my work and all. which is not good. so yea.. work is important. but. soemtimes its so difficult to work in this situatuion u see

wonder when's the alst time i relaly am happy. couldnt remember.
o well. just gonna take it as it is ba. 

wahtver happen will happen.. 

so yea.. 

feeling so dang sad... but nothigns to be done. or solved. i'll try to find my way out. 

dunn owaht ways. .but wil ltry. 

today gotta help save ' my dad cmoe back home. gosh =.= gotta help drink for him. but ow ell. used o it ba. drinking is good when you're sad. and im sad all the time. so thats fine . . 

geez.. i hate myself saying that. weird. ha.. o well. .pftt waht to do eh

very frustrating i feel.. but. .yup. hopefull ytmr turn out to be a gd day. 

this feelign of disliking everything.. i hope thast ll be gone soon. 

and i hate these bloody ppl callgng me swt nas like darlin n swty or shit... im like.wtf??? we're frens. not even close close. omfg. =.= 

sighs. had enough probs

anyway, yea. if i dont abandon this sick feeling soon, my performance at work and heath aint gonna get any beter.

sighs. 

=/ like that ba. hope i'll bring osme gd news tmr.. 

thasnk for reading.. 

and yea. everythign been taken awya.. everything.

jaa mata

2nd thoughts?

geez... .=/ i didnt know why i even bother buying the sydney travel guide for.. sighs.
yea cna u believe this? im actually having 2nd thoughts about going. cause everything a lso troublesome, and im doing this all alone. im starting to wonder. .how should i travel alone. the stores over there i like and yearn to visit, all one by one open in sg alredy. =. ='' dotsssssssss i knowwwwwwwwwwww its ridiculous. i liek. but, whats the point now. tch. i dunno.. tic and airlines are running out. and.. i seriously have nio ideaa what to do. to go ahead and book it, or wait.. till prices gone up, wiht only left with quantas... =.=
i really have no idea. sighs.

should i really be going? but its such a great chance for me to be u know.. explore a foreign place alone. i mean yea hats freaking scary. and i don like it. its stressful. but.... mmm...... it is a challenge for me eh.
tch. sighs.
i jsut checked over the notes ive written. seems liek io've been upset for over a week. and its not helping. =(
tch. .fml

i relly don know what to do..
sighs.
nothing to do there.. or is there... i dunno. who ask them open so many stores which i liek in singapore. now go there... also dnno liao.
but u know.. i think i should. think about future trips like to sweden.. or. .somewhere else.. shit. but i dunno their language =.= '''''
anyway, that can think later.
but yea...

... how guys.. to go.. or not to go... think my heart is saying.. to go.. but... sighs. .if only someone could help me with the tix n hotels.. n stuffs...
well, i hae to do this i guess. doing it alone is fine. if only i know someone working in airline or soemthign2

i'll think about this again ba.
...sighs. what can i do in syd all by myself..
im starving like hell.. but i don fel like eatng.. but i craved for spicy hot food.. so.. later imma go cook up hot noodles, and .. i know.. empty stomach. .but i couldnt care less now. nvr care bfore. not now, not ever.

jaa

Easily Forgotten Being

sometmes... somethings just doesnt matter anymore. when you've come teo realize that.. .then yea... sighs
o well. .thast life my friends..
oh dear.. today so stressful =/ ... fml. sighs.
totally breaking down man.. =/ i cant believe this lasted this long>>! ? wth.
=.= haiz... tch.. i dunno man.. perhaps i just need a god long rest huh... getting tired of my work..
or rather, its my life.
 words cant speak.. of how.. haiz. how i feel . sighs.. =/ i dunno man. are my managers really being racists?
or.. what is wrong???
i dont get it.
totally breaking down man.. just so many issues going on.. have no confidence in dealing with them u see....
sighs . this isnt me eh.. =/ just feel so weak right now. wish to overcome this soon.
guess what. my rgm say.. melb, everyday, have 4 seasons. until he dunno hwat to wear. lol. windeter, spring, summer, autumn... all in one day!! the aussies told him that its normal. i wonder if syd also liek that. omg.. scary.. windy.. sunny and hot.. then rainy the next .=X gasps... o well.
weird. very weird...
my fan is blowing dry my hair righ t now.. my nody is shaking a lil.. im feeling very cold. hear cold. body cold. mind cold.
sigs.
...o well =/
today i paid attention to the jap cutsotmers tlaking.. i kinda know what they are tlaking.. but some im not so sure.. making me more curious than ever. once i start to speak even a word or two of jap, i'll be so itching to learn the lanaguage once again. =.= yea i knw....
its like. .meant to do it.. but.. no heart to do so.. would anyone prompt me to?
anyway, sighs.. .nothign is perfect. working life partners, nothign will ever be perfect.
guess waht. we are having a xmas party. ...in the middle of oct. ...... ....-_-''''' yup. u read it right. oct. dots............ haha... i dunno what to sya but better than nothing eh.
...sighs. even a small tiny simple one promise' couldnt be kept.
gosh.. i feel liek throwing up. sick to my stomach.
yea. u know.. stomahc weird lately. bloated or something. i dunno. just don feel quite right. from mind body to everything.
crap. totally .. argh. .crap
sighs... so cold
oh shoot. guess what! las tnight, midnight, i went to bed straight about that time. .12 plus or something. then i wokey in mrg found so manay posts regardin gwhat happened. guess what. wind was blewing so scarry and loud!!!! cos rainy. but everyione say so creppy. omg... all i recaleld awas.. i close my door, but didnt shut it. and hte door wa slike. .creaking bit by bit.. i was too slpy to be scared i guess. but errie indeed..the door tta is.
gosh.. i wanaa know hows the wind sounds like!!
oh i htink i know why now. i've not been eating wel.. sighs. feels ling pucking crap righ tnow. lunch with breads.. dinner, a tiny bit.. follow by a small snack. ytd.. not bad. ate quite alot ba. i mean full.
gosh. .so thirsty now.. but.. tch.. crap sia.. wish could throw up everything man .. =/  dang... ..sighs
i gues.s. today still not happy ba. 2 weeks alreayd? or how long. i've lost count. dunno whas gotten over me. perhaps i know.. but.. o well....
just coldnt pick myself up at htis moment. if.. the moment i did, everythign of me will change completely next time.
shoudl be. but for now, still ok ba. i guess. unfortuantely. o well
gosh slpy. sighs =/
 feels liek crap now =/ i wanna throw up.. .but cant .better go drink some water first.
k done.
so yup. =/ sighs.. i just couldnt see anything thats happy . nothing atl all . dunno what to do.
life just sucks.
that day my fren gave me a hug while we were out.. and i was surprised. a kind of warmth.. nvr relaly felt before.. felt different. but frenly. fren's warmth.
but still... =/ bah.. life still sucks to the max. uh huh.
when you've lost 'everything', youve lost everything. so this is it huh. thtas how life felt after the lost. suddenly. questions steps in. mroe questions after that. and yo uncovered ugly truths. and lies. and white lies. and things youve gotta face. the truths. thruths hurts.
somteimse i asked myself. .is this what i want in life right now> waht i yearn for? wahts gonna make me happy> ? i duno. i hae no answers to that. confuses me . who i am. what i am. what i want. where to go. how important i am. .. simple standard questions, yet matters..and so difficult to answer.
less ppl will grieve for the less important beings. thast, is a wiser choice . a luckier choice.
stomach still uncomfy. reminded me of the time to syd. gosh. .cna die sia.. tch perhasp didnt eat well ba. duno =/
..not fit.. and unworth for anyone to remember.. nor being regard as someone important.
oh.. how fragile a heart can turn out to be.. but why didnt you guys show me much love and care in the first palce. must it all end up too late
sighs.
dunno why keep crying. .too stress out. .or what.
ha. pathetic being.
baka na. just a fool in waiting. waiting still while evrybody long gone and abandoned you right by the road side.
suddenly now, i hate my life.  ii dont want it. i wish i didnt hav
geex..didnt relaly feel any better after bloggin this out. gosh. o well.. =/ perhaps time for a rest ba.
sighs...

=( jaa  mata



- one day, the day you need me, i wont be there no longer.. you know the reason why. -

One less off #T#@$%

slpy n tired. sighs. .so yea. i bet she didnt even bother to help me look through my shifts.. this week only get one off,,, next week will replace. but god knows whats gonna happen. ...@$%$# hate it.

actually tmr couldve be alrite.. but think she didnt check or what. .then straight away say cannot off.. .whatever ba.
today sales dang bad. no mood to work anyway. somemore super quiet. hwavrter. just treat this as my off ba. @$#$#$

haiz. anywaym today didnt get to eat bread.. cos redz came down for break with bro.
mm.. wonder if tmr will get to eat bread anot.. if rgm there, then cannot liao ba.
anuyway, gotta slp now. been slpy.. mood hasnt gone any happier so far.. =/ so yea

sighs.. wheres my happiness all gone
jaa mata

=( not me

haiz.. gezxz... kinda pised off when  i heard my manager say.. rgm asked her if she's alright. .why she sound so weak.. blah3... not feeling well isit... etc.. i was like.. wtf?? when i was sick for that bloody 2 weeks, he say nothing!!! so freaking pissed off. if its yanika or tayissa, htey wouldve shown sooo much concern! omg... my colleague swas like.. saying she feel tgat its all becos of racist. seriously i am not keen on that kind of shit. but i do agree with her. sighs.. angry alos no use. whatever ba.

=/ haiz. anyway, been slpy n so boring at work today very sianz.
and bad thing... off day kena manager meeting. supposed to shift my off. but manager no reply yet.. saying this day cant off.. tat day cant.. wth. sighs.. dno tell me only one off per week.

rgm also tell me. .don compare urself with other outlets.. other managers... (only god knows wth he tell me that for =.=) if i make noise becos only get one off,  and he say other managers also still come to work.. i'll tell him not to compare either. given the fast pace and workload of my store, if get one off, is as good as telling me to slack the whole bloody day off. who will have energy to work u tell me.
sighs...

glad theres this palce to vent my frustrations... just need to say somehting. .and hope net day ill forget n feel better

anyway, yea.. sighs. crappy day =(
..fml

tch.. been jsut unhappy lately. weird eh. still aint recover . .wahts wrong i wonder. sighs.........
doesnt sound like me at all... i dunno=/

perhaps htinking too much stuffs.. .wonder... wahts important now.. n whats not.. n whats real.. n .. whats not... its abit confusing i have to say.

k.. pretyt slpy.. gtg... hope tmr be a better day =/ sighs

jaa

New drink ideas

mm... well.. todya is a boring day as usual.. .butfinal few hours are quite good.
cos it was soooo super duper quiet with no one around, we started to chat about drinks.. pubs and bars.. i was like. .wow.. memories man.. certain drinks thats interesting... i didnt know i drank so much. like.. wow. so many different types and stuffs. it was more happening the other times. .now im just concentrating on work. but.. well, its all good memories.. mm... i really miss it.
haiz..
anyway, =/ shoot.... im lagging behind my budget. i dunno how much the hotel is gonna cost yet =/ but.. sigs.. troublesome when i thought of booking n printing out.. i don have bloody printer u see=/ anyway, yea.. haiz. last itme 800 +++ this time dun ohow much its gonna cost.. =/ i hope imma save on time.. haiz... less than 4 months to go... tch. very tight budget... how sia =/
luckily i decided to eat instant noodles or breads. i dun care. then.. perhaps do less on shoppings ba... so yea.. .mm... se ehow ba. should have thigns to do .. walk2... sun tanning or whatever ba... that don need to cost a thign huu... bbut see how ba eh =/
gosh. come to think of it. .we can actually talk about drinks like sooo long. O.o haha. one m colleague is so happening. gosh.. .hardcore sia.
anyway, get to learn a couple of interesting new places.. and yup. ideas. good. something new to find o ut more about
slpy n tired tioday=/
todya extra slpy. bloster so soft n comfy.. i relaly didnt wanan wak eup at all sia. huu.
why couldnt i feel that way when it was my off =.= when my off, i auto wakey early. haiz.. .why. o well
ok. gotta hang in there. haiz. i'll do my best not to spend so much ba=/ k. .will jia you n hang on.. hope its all worth it.
jaa mata

No cures for regrets

gosh super slpy. slpt at about 430.. then wakey super early... stomachache mah.. huu

anywya, haiz.. toda feel so lonely =/
things i said  not heard.. it s like. sighs. .just so lonely. imagine u're talking to ur family .. about ur concerns or seomthing.. then they didnt even pay attention listening. its as htough youre tlaking to the wall . =/
sighs. .its terrible.
i felt like an outsider.. =(
toda totally sulky... like. .transparent i am...

remembr tat time i blog about the colleague of mine.. ldr.. my only and her last day working with me.\  anyway, that stupid ex of hers.. duno why. .i also dun wanna ask her. .cos too sensitive ba.. anwyay,.. yea her ex post on her wall.. like.. love.. like thigns liek that. i was like... ombg. this type of guy don wan also good. that stupid angmoh. dunno what happened la.. but. i can understand how she feel... i'll hate her ex and tat bitc* to the core. but i wonder what happen.. cos that girl betryed him? so he's turning back to my ex colleague now?? or what.. or he realises that she's still hte one he lov after all? is he and that bitch still bestfrens? or are they even in an relationship after that bitch broke them off.. i have no idea.. i wish i could help her. .but abit weird. .cos only met one dya.. so yea.. weirdd ne. .to ask her so much personal stuffs... but yea.  i still dislike them. he chose his bestfren over her. why turn back now??? or yea im sorry. perhaps he didnt chose his bestfren.. but yea i dunoo la. just that from her posts, all i know is that the two of them have something weird going on.. and my colleague hate tha bitc* so much.. she deleted her from her fb fren list. i think. yup.

sighs.. good example eh. u wanna turn back, ppl don wan u alreyad.
so why abandoon her in the first palce? sighs=/
foolish man.

ok. eyes cant open long. .brain is shuttign down .i gtg slp!!! gdnight..
jaa mata

Vision Cleared

gosh. .had a tight slp last night... speaking of yesterday... o well.. i had my lunch break at 1.. then.. when i got home, dinner just. .o well.. =/ so i skipped it. had half of my lunch. .couldnt finish my rice.. anyway, i knew i'll be eating late.. but. .still i couldnt force myself to glope it all down. anyway, my next eating time.. 330. so yup.. its like. .26 hours man.. only drank fluids.. and i forgot. guess what i had for lunch. double vocalnoe ramen from ajisen =.= yes the double vacanoe. .not the normal usual one. anyway, yup. stomach prob.. i was like. .omg. how could i forgot! i didnt eat for liek 26 horus. .and i chuck down chili.. omg. my poor stomach.
oh the other day was pretty weird.. had a customer. .tlkain.g. n she asked for directions.. then halfway tlaing, she suddenly say, wah you got very good skin ar... i was like. .O.o.. dots.... what was that. lol. haiz. =/ these days feels like crap. but imma stand back today. still unsure cos was thinking of the past and all and verything.. trying to find some answers.. and i found it i think. so yup. some things.. ar ebetter left... u know.. o well.. better to know than nvr e.. ..
anyway, i get this scratch or cut or somethng on my neck. bleeding! and suddenly it was so painful after i wiped the blood off. no.. not my necklace.. but dunno waht. actually in day time alreayd saw redness.. like a tiny dot. dunno where the blood came from.. sorry i meant the cut. like.. weird. n suddenly bllood just came oozing out. =.=
ouch. pain
mm. .suddenly getting slpy.. ha.
better get to bed soon
peeps, lush i scoming to sg. omggggg. now one more store... no. make it 2 now.
supre, and bras n things.
omg.. if these 2 stores arrive, seriously i wonder whats so fun about going to australia now. the malls i mean. well,  count the cheap drinks aside.. hteres my fav k mart!! ha.. yea...
o well. and of course. the sun there=P
if u've been reading what i'd been typing about syd, u'll know what i mean
ok. will concentrate on my jap language. i must, but.. my heart keep on wanting to go out. haiyo...
tch.. must find a time for my interest.
yoga, pilates, dancing, japanese language, i guess these are the lessons iv'e always wanted to go for. but.. o well.
...money is important. so yea... o well.. im not as lucky as other ppl and certainly do not wish to become a brat like u know.. those types of.. u knwo. o well. lucky girls cum brats. .
yawn.. .was so slpy last night.
jaa mata ne

Unimportant

sometimes. .some words are just so easy to get across.. including questions.. nowadays. .im left with my blog.. its still alright for me to type into the comp.. sighs.. =/
tch.. i rrly didnt have any happiness huh.. i couldnt remember .  after we broke up n whats left. but o well.. suffering right now.. doesnt mean that theres no happinesss in the end right. o well...  i wonder whas my ending ...
sighs.. =(
o well..
i know.. i should, and will be fine soon. .i think. usually.. after days of heartwrench moments, then heart will be sealed off .
then turn into crazy mode or so. yup.. just gotta wait for that ba.. i'll bear with these couple of days first...  sighs .how pathetic is that..
have no answers. no nothing. ... sigsh. . just where do i stand?
just need to come to terms with it ba.. i...shoudl be ok soon..i thin. or so i hope.
sighs. lost my appetite again. always like that. same steps.. over n over.. .
yea.. i should start thining of future now.. for mysefldunno how . but. yea. .i dunno.. i don see anything in front
jc... =.= soooo many store managers needed for nsw sydney!!! wthhhhhh so many new stores open there sia. (mm maybe i can start my mystery thingy again) . only 3 sores needed for asm. i was joking to my collegaue.. mayeb i should email the regional there about it. lol. my regioanl manager in sg is soooo gonna kill me la. hahahaha
o well.. mm... k ba. may i get over this awful days asap. i,k so tired .. abit slpy.. but very confused...
don bother about me if u dont..
sighs
jaa mata

Bad feeling =/

sighs =/ not a very good feeling day i gotta dsay. anyway, i wodner why ppl aint buying much nowadays O.o whats wrong.. .
i have a lot of doubts lately.. weird feeligns gushes upon me too.. i duno whats up with me =( sighs.. its terrible. i hate this =(
sighs...........
o well. tch... dun feeli like saying anyting today. cos of the weird feeling im having . i hate it. what is it?? =/
sighs. =/
even with my phone now, my interent is somethng.. really wrong. i dunno. cant be bother now. sighs
bad day  again =( sad.... .
o well.
THE THINGS THAT YOU DONT CHERISH, WILL EITHER BE GONE FOREVER, OR JUST BELONG TO SOMEONE ELSE RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR EYES.
but.. sometimes.. huamns dont understand that..
sighs.. internet sucks.. k ba.. no mood to talk =/ been feeling down for so long. .when am i gonna cheer up again.. ? =/

jaa mata

Another bad day =/

stupid internet =/.= doesnt work. so have to use phones internet. omg. suckssssssss
sighs. today sooo boring. and quiet. due to rain? dunno.
just so slpy n super tired=( sighs.. .cant wait to slp.
alst nihgt. .dunno what overcomes me. .ha. so missing him. but o well... soemtimes u know. .u gotta break down .. cos u're just putting up a strong front .once in a whioel breakdown is good. strong front is to protect myself. act as a barrier i guess? yea. .the heartache isnt good thing to feel.. its better to have protection around my fragile heart.
so yea..
didnt know i was so weak eh.. .o well
today guess what. yanika called! cos of some work form thingy have to fill up. yes.. its that dam* form =.=
anwyay, so great to hear her voicde. i wish we could see each other again soon. haiz.. but im heading to syd.. or how.. sighs. .perhaps get used to syd first. i dunno. tix lazy go se en buy. o well.. nothing promts me to do so anyway.
mm... oh.. mum told me about that cousin of mine again. her bf have car and hid in the car today. ha. long sotry. anyway think u guys forgotten alreayd ba. i don liek my cousin. cos the way she act like a brat n a bitch and so mean to my late grandmother. i still hate her. and her family. though envious her bf can drive n send her andher family around, oh yes.. mum was telling me just now.. i was just laughing it off about the hid in car part.. just .. laugh to cover up ba. other wis eshe's gonna ask about him again n say nvm if he nvr contact me, still got other guys to find. .blah3.. u know. .old ppl words.. ha. o well.. naggy eh.
mm. yea. sometimes wearing a mask on the sleeves.. is better than facing it.
ppl changed. fog covers that up.. unknown.. tears it further apart...
reality is cruel . strangers.. are wahts left of it all..
that day.. went to mustafa.. walked past this condo.. reminded me of memories once forgotten. or nvr try to think abt it. yea. so forgot.
nah. .not worth mentioning. nothign much anyway. bt yea.. same place.. but diff now. the person i once knew, cos of issues, i dedcided to give up our frenship. better dont let us meet again. wouldve be too awkward. dots
gosh. .so gald  i have phoens internet. sigsh.. .
today sucks. =/ how would tmr be then. ...
sighs.........
perhas im jsu too slpy n tired? o well. ....

oh that day, a customer.. old lady.. asked me.. where did u get ur american accent frm? ... i was like... =.=''''''''
she then asked.. you study abroad? i was like no. you get it from ur parents? i was liek no.
you get it from urself? i was like .....-_-'''''''....... dots...... i just smile only and shake my head whispering no... =.= dots....
its sort of a yes.. but i didnt go and purposely learn it. it just happneed, and i speak the way i speak. i din learn nothing =.= dots... hate it if ppl think i purposely go learn what freaking accent. omg. ... but what to do. not my prob if htey wanna think that way eh. why care. perhaps its god sent gift ba. o well =/ dunno which god, but god or heaven. duno.
k.. haiz. .so boring. slpy n tired...

jaa mata

 -always being kept in the dark.. always the last to know.. what am i.. the last bread crumbs on the plate?-

caffine's fault?

mm. .today i am so dead... =/ a bottle of coffee... i dunno. .htink mustve been the caffine? =/ sighs...
i felt terrible for the whole day. in anycase, so glad i off. so nice to tug into bed this morning! gosh.. comfy n cosy... only missing out that person.. =/ so yea.. sighs.
u know. that day. .was talking with my manager in store room. .suddenly i coughed n wana split. then she say split properly ar.. nowadays alot of the ppl here(the staffs) are coughing. i was offended . hello?? who was hte one who didnt allow me to go on mc????? is this my fault now? anyway i don hold a grudge i think cos perhaps she's just stright forward? i dunno. i try to be understanding. but still, she shouldve think before she said spit properly. =.=
anway, i don see alot of ppl coughing. dunno hwat she meant. o well.
then todya, claled up talk about some work stuff. then heard i coughing,asked me. .ojh u still coughing ar. try drinking  sour plums add in warm water. i was like. .erm.. ...-_-'''' o well.
sighs.... 14th day.. yup. the germs stucked in me for so long.
oh u know. i relaly cant wait to slp n rest. cos yes. the caffine or whatever it is, is killing me. huu..
mm... sighs... i cant wait to go for holiday. shoot. n i forgot to apply for leave for oct =((((( so yea..... sighs....
..haiz.. duno waht to say. .just cant wait for  next year ba.
not so happy today ne. .huu... cos of my coffee.. huu.. terrible feeling. sick =/haiz. kk. .i gtg...
sit down also fel terrible... oh yea... last night, gosh. .soo nice to sit! n just move by my hands. lol.
o well. gtg peeps

jaa mata

tough and difficult days =/.

o well.. though still feeling down. .but definitely so freaking glad hte day is over. overrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr for now. yea. stupid. sighs.. so tough. o well =/ waht to do.

anyway, after 7hrs of hardwork n brain storming, m form is done. ombg. its soooooooooo freaking complicated. i dunno what to say =/ but well, i done what i ciould so see how ba. sighs.. .
eyes closing just now after movie.. .but eyea.. after bath, now better abit. gosh. freaking tired n slpy. cant wait to slp. tmr sure feels like crap again. i guess? but yea.  life goes on.. waht to do. o well =/ so sianz... .yup..
mmm... wanted to blog about soething. i forgot ne. geez.. .nvm ba.
sighs.. =( tough days mate... tough days.. =/ nothings cheering me up. haiz. o well. .gotta do my own things then.
ha. reminded of last night. wow... ... freakin sucks eh peeps.. was so... .devastated. =/ .. ow ell
anyway... ...like i said.. glad its over...
k ba. me gonna go chill abit... yup. so nice to sit i tell u... so nice.

oh tmr.. mark the day of 14th.. of being sick. yes. bloody dang 14 days. germs still lays inside of me. ...
jaa mata ne



-the feeling of heartache isnt something you wanna feel. sometimes you tried to avoid it, by doing so, you're setting  a barrier around yourself.. what causes that... well, there's always a reason....-

worst sat ever.yet

yes i know.. sats.. i dunno whast up with tat.. today, one of the worst day of my lif.e. =( sighs.. .
i feel like dying alreayd.
i worked so hard on this important form to fill up for.. and guess what. it got deleted within a sec, and fuck. fuck. seriously. ... i duno what to sya... ...3 hours baby.
fuck.

o well. life is so difficult soemtiems. wha tt dod o. cant be avoidded

from the moment i woke up, my dya sucks big time. =/

..don wanna tlak about it. feels more sulky.. cos theres so much to rant about.. ubut. i cant. =( and i cant cry. becos of my position at work. i have to maintain my cool n calmness... its so fucking tough.. n u know me. when i type this way, u know somethigns not bloody righ twith me

i cant talk to anyone now. i cant say im tired, im stress or im hurt.. etc.. cos im working.. professioately. so eya. im tring so hard to be strong. but. i dunno man.
someitmes jus t feel like.. i couldnt hang on to this. i dunno man.. .=/ i dunno

bu tyea.

guess what. today i read a blgo of someone..

she's returing from hk. thoguh her bf said he wouldnt be picking her up(after a week apart) she still thought perhaps he might surprise her and pick her up at the airport. cos he always surprises her. but they missed each other, and she went home alone. yes.. he was at the airport. ha. then yea... once she reaches home, he ran the bath for her. they went down to eat. .balh3... and.. she misses him so much. and.. there was this time. .she was llost. cos the cab driver drop her at the wrong loacation. and she was scared. .blah3... she reminded of him.. always with him around, nothign to fear. cos she knew he's gonna find a way out for htem. but this time no hjim ,then somehow theres his voice in her head.. telling her to find a policeman...(could work for me next year.. hehe) and yea... yea.. i totally get what she means. if i get llost, i wouldve fel tthe same way.

i wonder.. =/ o well.. just how lucky she is... nowadays.. how manay guys will run a bath fo ru eh. .or still try to surprise u even after years together? yea.. theyve been together for long.
even she herself said sometime sshe take thigns for granted.. ..

u know.. certain innicidents.. makes us realsie tha early.. but .. others... not so fortunate.. by the time ppl realises simehting, they've alreyad lost it long ago... na.d.. its too late to clal it back...
sigsh

i am hur tbadly today. very badly.
but im still breathing. .. my heartbeat still moving on...
i am still alive. and thats the worst part of it all.
and i have to face tomorrow.
i thought i'd gotten stronger. but.. i did not. o well.

sighs... jsut so tire.d. n so.. disappointed.. felt liek i am misused. i am a toy.. n a spare.
but don worry guys, i wont make myself to be that worthless..
i know what to do..

anyway, tpoday a guy same age as me, thought i was 18. then i said no. hten he guess 20... i was like no.. then he said older? i said yes. .he was like. .omg u look so young. how i know his age, well i sign him up for member. =./= he with the wwf ppl i think. yea.. interesting group of ppl. very lively. the're holding an event at wisma or sioemthng i hope u guys wiwill support them too.
and yes. i'll fdefinitely be seeing them as htey said i will too

guess wat.i gtg. my bro off internet. i jsut tunrned it back on. gtg.
..see.. my day fucking sucks isnt it. told ya so. =(((((

sighs.. fml

jaa

Rare nice offs

so sleepy now. cxant wait to blog n slp. yea. .trying to keeep up with my postings yea... while internet is still available...

nothing much to type about. but. .well, guess what. i had a coupld of rarely nice offs. like. .wow. didnt expecet that. yea. .gosh so sleepy now.
mm... yup/ pretty much just hanging atound n stuff. .going out.. blah3... just relax... burnt a hole in my pocket again .sighs+( but ow e...
then yea. *yawns.... gosh.. wanna slp

mm... soryr blog is boring tonight eh. jsut that don wanan tlak too much about my days u see...
basically same ol dcoughing n nose prob... but getting better i think. should be so yea...
mm.... o well. mooncake festival is officially over i guess=/ so sad. like. .i din even know which day it was on. can u believe it. omg. =.=

haiz.. no one to celebrate it with anyway. thigns are different now. so much diff.
my offs wouldve been better is only theres someone else . but sadly, nothing happen. so yea. lets just put it at that.
o well. not worth mentioning it. only make ppl sad.

kk.. better go slp n get through my day

jaa mata

tangled again

gosh. .sleepy... just done watching tangled.. gosh. .brings back memories with me and him .. haiz.. .so miss that... o well.. =/
sighs

anyway, though imcomplete work is still on my mind, howveer, todya i had a pretty much relaxful day... not too bad ba. why. because.... my brain works fine.. i had okok just enough slp.. nos estill have its prob.. but not liek runny nose till headache type so yea.. im glad its pretty much ok.

so slpy now, after blog, gotta brushy n slp righ taway. mmthese few days had weird dreams.. some are scary =/ huuu
some are swt. i dreamt of hinm. very3 clear face .. bt... yea. i wonder whats up with my dreams nowadays.

i hope tonibht either no dreams, or just nice onces will do. weird.. i rememebred some of my dreams pretty clearly. O.o
ha

sighs.. no happiness feeling afer all... so diff when i watch tangled without him ... yea.. =/ sigs.. .whens u have the wrong ppl with u, the happniess level just aint ther.. .=/

kk.. gtg. eyes are starting to close..

jaa mtata ne!

syd best place??

ok. almost cant blog. cos interner keep dc!!! omg. kk.. gonna make this a quick one before dc again =/
oh ytd i think? i was wearing specs.. and.. i dunno... my collegaues was surprised .. was like. .commenting..funny surprise look. i asked why? guess what i get.  'you look decent'. =.=''' what???? lol.
i was like.. huh? what does that mean.. haha. weird sia.... o well. part of me i guess. this side here n there. not a bad thing. i dun mind
gosh.. mm.. have alot of work to do soon.. for now, imma not think so much. .just gonna enjoy my offs so yea... im hoping tmr be a good day... be it whatever i do.. i hope its good.. gd day gd weather.. gd health. .please don let me auto wakey too early n get headache n slpy =/ hate it wha that happen on my off. huu....
so yea.. still sick.. coughing badly.. haiz... dunno what to say.. =/ hope heal soon
mmm... oh. the other day my colleague ask me. .if she were to go sydney, (we're tlaking about holiday trips..of hte place i went) where would i recommened her the must go place. i was .. stumped for words. syd is big.. but... i dunno. must go place?>.. .no idea... =/ even opera house. .is just opera house.. nothign much to do there.. cept to take pics of course. its great view.. but... mm.... yea.. same old thing. .zoo... u know. .malls... i duno what elseO.o anywya, just that some stores i really like to shop at in syd. i cant wait! and hopefully will get to see him. and.. .yea.. gosh.. shopping out alone.. ....mmm yes. i must tell myself i can make this through... *glups=/ i can do this. .pratice3.. train3.... *glups.... huuu
jaa mata

Sleepy...

sooo super slpy =.= gosh..
mm.. still coughing... o well...  same old thign as ytd.. nothign to tlak about ba
sooo slpy huuu... i ant wait to slp.. but gonna wait a lil longer ba... zzzzz slpy liao. hope i can hang on longer
todya i ate healthy lunch. ha. so proud of myself. i had salad and sushi! but.. u know me.. ha. always eat alot..... =P well, i ate alot at dinner.. plus choco snack..n bangdung.. so yea.. but at least i had greens k.. sighs.. just that no fruits=/ me not used to it ba... mm.. or shold i make salad myself.. n buy fruits.. haiyo expensive either way .
man.. im bored.. n so slpy. .and so full.... huu.. but think shld be able to knockout nonetheless. cos too slpy =/
k.. hang on a lil bit longer..
jaa mata

7th day sick

=/
feeling so puck up. like rrly. like.. how to say.. wanna throw up... wanna faint. .in between that feeling. yup. thats how i feel. its disgusting. i couldnt .. almost coldnt hol dit anymore. wth.
sighs... oh u knwo wahst the last line my manager tell me? ''dont forget to drink more water''. ...i was like. .yea. duh of course... but. not liek thats gonna help me heal. hello? i have germs inside of me. u think water gonna washes them away> ? -_-
anyway, sick to my stomach righ tnow. no energy to work well today. =/ well, when u sick,. and forced to work. this is it. u work 10% hard only. waht to do. if thats what they want....
sighs.. oh. i won a drink today. ha. so weird.. like. .never really won anythig. gd eh. will redeem soon ba. yay
haiyo.... my fren go learn hippop=(( pouts* me so envy.. so wanna go along too. huuuu....... waht to do.. gotta work... haiz... sometimes wishes in life couldnt be fulfill... it might. but i might not willing to give up something for that. so yea.. guess language still my interest 1st. mm... not bad to work in japan. but. touchwood. goodness gracious... earthquake.. flood.. blah3.... omg. .nono. .don wanna die there!!! train ppl there short while still ok. but work there? omg.................... touchwoooddddd
anyway, .. =/ yea. i hope tmr i'll feel better. cos seriously today my work really.. no heart put into it much. =/ when u sick, no matter how u force urself, somethign wouldnbt be the same no matter what.
u know what.. ..i might wanna train my language soon.. .dunno why suddenly have this urge.. but.... howeverm, i wanna settle my project in making. see how. so yup....
waiiting for hair to dry now. sighs...
=/ *shake head..so this is how life out to be huh...
so blur and full of  fogs... where are u leading or heading towards...
i blow my nose in the store .. in the toilet.. at home. . in bed.. everywhere.. till my energy all depleted... i am so weak.. so tired of doing pathetic thing liek blowing nose in toilet... ... =/
shoot... ..
blow till no energy alreayd.. .o well
sometimes u wanna talk, but once the timing passed, no more urge liao. the chance.. wont be waiting for u there forever. u lose it, u aint getting that golden moment back
k ba.. need to rest soon... the throw up feeling still there. and hopei wont cough up blood ba. nad no nose bleed

jaa mata

coughing...

the other day bumped into my fren at the bank. he suddenly msg me.. tired? or something.. i reply yes.
then msg again... im right behind you. i was like..wthhhhhh... ha... so yea. i asked if i look very tired.. he say yes.. well i told him i am sick..thats why.
gosh.. i mustve look terrible =X.. poor me=/ but what to do... sighs
....haiz. dunno ba

still sick. nose and cough. nose at least no more runny... abit here  n there... but still blocked.. and sooo sticky like glue=/ the worst i eveer had. sighs
wish still.. to mc and rest at least for one day.
today my colleagues mc.. partimer. yea.. i wonder if thats anything to do with me... hope i didnt infect anyone.. oops. .but anyway, see... in the end staff still mc. but i kow. .to them, as long as i stay on the shop floor, its ok. =.= whatever. haiz..
but u know me.. i don liek to see doc unless is to get mc and rest.. i jsut dont like u see.. =/expensive too.. sighs

haiz.. tired ne. sleepy. but more tired.. leg mah.. s yea..
ive decided to apply for leave first. yea.. no choice. then tickets will purchase later on. hopefully he'll grant my leave asap... but still. i need to sought for my tix ne.. gosh. .whos gonna help me =/ wish i could have some help..
i don really know alot about tix... so yea=/ plus hotel.. omg..
alotttt

mmm i tink today is the mooncake festival... O.o o well.. over alreayd ba... haiz... swt memories.. o well

anyway, i think on my next off, i;ll try to settle tix again =/ haiz. .troublesome sia.. searching for cheap tix... haiz..
see how ba... just can twait to off =/

haiz

jaa mata

Unheard

sighs... =/ ...well. .its always liek that eh... my words not heard.. between them, im just a shadow.. just an outsider.. ..thast why couldnt talk about personal probs with family... =/ words not heard.. not being taken seriously.. redz words matter more than mine.. its always been liek that...
o well. .waht to do  . im just a nobody. ..

don know waht to say ba...
just very sianz.. sighs...
big or small probs.. i rather talk about it here..
haiz.

mm... yup. still sick. heard one of my colleague is sick. my manager runny nose i think ? or she's just pretending in front of my reg manager. anyway, yea.. i feel liek saying everything out . like.. well, this is what u get when u dont allow ppl to take mc. then, me, the infectious one, will sneeze and cough loudly and rudely.. well, i cant help it k. and spread everything to my fellow colleagues. tada. u want me, u have me. and u'll have smiliar colleagues too. u should let somebody go for rest, and get everything all heal up. not force them don take mc, and continue to work, hurting (myself) themselfe, and ended up hurting others. meaning infecting my illness to colleagues. wtf? i am so pissed off. sighs.. such a simple matter to see... why cant they understand it? hello??? not like imma mc for 1 week right. wth. but having said that, i swear.. i didnt even mention that i wanna see doc and take mc. then mamanger alreayd say dont mc ar.. u just came back from ur off(mon i off).. then sick.. look at me.. i sunday then off..so long leh.. wth wanna care about when she off!!??? wth sia.
ha.. pfft. not a caring manager at all!!!
i know. not enough ppl. blah3... of course i know!!! but! just one day of rest for staff, is that too much to ask for? one day and i'll get better, and prevent from spreading my illness to others. ...when i sneeze really loudly, customers also look at me u know. ..so paiseh. i don liek that=(...
sighs. they are so bloody stupid. stupid.... relaly.... as managers, stupid till liek that. hello??? they have eyes to see that i am gravely sick k!!!! wth.
..sighs...................................
=/
sorry. .just suddenly wanna say evrything out. cos.. yea. felt unheard and unwanted.. then .. u kwno .everything just crashes..
sighs.. sometimes don wanna talk about personal stuff here.. but sometiems gotta. why. cos no one talk to. just weird ot talk about this matter sometimes.in anycase,.... ....=/ o well.. haiz..

sighs... cant stop sighing...
humans beings..will always be human beings.. always makig the same mistakes... don wait till one day when im gone away for good, then start to regret anything.
.
hate my life

jaa

sick for 5th day

wow... still tired n sick.. however, i had the nicest slp ever like since sooo long this monring!! weather was fine.. my fan;s on.. cold abit.. cover tightly with blankie.. i remember i smiled n slp..wakey smile.. n thinking.. 'oh so nice...to slp...' then smiel..and yup.. back to slpyland. gosh.. i must've either lok cute, or like im daydreaming=.= ha. but ye.a. that is a look he wouldve love to watch... anywya, yup. a couple of times u know. i kept smiling n slping.. hugging bloster so tight n comfy. snuggle up under my blankie... gosh.. kinda comfy eh

but dunno why.. when i get to work, sick n weak again =( huu.. .late evening then i started to get better abit. but throat. .sighs.. still hurts. nose, ... haiz. don talk about it =.= sneeze so loud. .disgusting. huu

yup. hope i;ll get well soon ba. sighs. .suey ne. the moment u get back to work fall sick=.=

ok. so... imma try to get my 'project' done asap. secret.. heh.
dunno why suddenly have a thought.. but. o well. jsut give it a try. oh yea... mm......... tickets... sighs.
really think i should get asap... =/ if not.. .i might not be able to get away. sighs.. work3... i liek my job.. but. .somtimes.. .=/ tch. no freedom.. .no pain, no gain. always liek that. u have to give something up in order to gain something. ....always...

jaa mata

sulky day =(

haiz. so sianz. =(
today totally sucks... forget it ba. just wish to forget everything =(

haiz

anywya, me still sick. but ytd worse. even down with fever . sighs. .after bath eat med.. just knocout .. thought of lying to rest.. but ended up slping. .so yea. o well.. .luckily had dinner liao
and to think manager see me sick. still can hin to me don mc. wtf. ha. omg. its like..  omg.. i dunno what to say seriously. she loves to hint ppl and say things. whatever ba. cant be bother

so yea. been falling aslp on the couch, internet slow.. etc. so yea. .no time to blog. sorry ne.
haiz. been sick n tired. =/ today also not good.
me bene having dreams of work too. sighs... =/
...tch

i thoguht i blog it the other day.. i will say in details about certain matter.. i forgot liao .=.= soryr. too lazy n troublesome to read back my blog. so nope i wont.
mm wonder wha ti d wanted to say..

anyway yea. still sick. gosh. bene waking early these days. sighs.

ohhh i remmeber now. the portable charger. cool thing . ive not used it after since that day. as somehow my nbatt still last.. but yea... hope i dont have to recharge soon. cool thing. just hope thats not gonna damage my phone ba

wah so sianz.tch. .duno waht to say.

oh this morning.. weird. suddenly i have this idea. and imma try it out. will research abit or so ba.. mm... wonder if thats gonna work =.= ha. but no harm trying

haiz. bored sia. so tired n sleepy.. but.. o well... sick of slping early. mm.... not really but yea.. o well

gosh saw yanika's photo through the net today from work. huu.. she seesm well.. sobx. i hope she's doing real good . aww... if only i could go there to see her.. ut.. haiz. dunno la. this whole hotel ticket thingy are bothering me. .somemore if new store open how. =/ die.. i scared cannot take leave. ..omg. shoot.. i wish that wont happen =/

haiz. dunno how many times i sneezed today. sighs.....
=/ sianz.. today jsut so sulky omg .sianzzzzzz

=(

my nose can sneeze on forever.. nah. i mean... perhaps 24hours non stop ba

boring.

sighs

=(

better read up on my research first ba. sighsz.. so sianz...

jaa mata

Brief blog

huu gonna do a quick blog. cos dun like no blog =/

i am so sick. ytd was so bad. i didnt slpt well. no energy.. ears had probs. .but after reached home im home. so weird .. i dunno ba

anyway short blog tonight k

i am sick again. no energy liao. bad cold=( huu...
todya boguht a portable charger for phone. but i hope its good. cos my phone still auto off. scary sia.
huu very sick i am=((((
miss his voice.. sighs.. scared to cry again sometimes.. but.. .sighs. o well... i dunno..
gosh.. tmr more thigns to do.. alot more work. today work been quite fine. diff tyoe of day today. uh huh.
mm... k ba. gtg.
im abt to collasped =/
hopoe tmr i;ll feel better soon
will talk in details about tonights blog asap k.

mm... oh... mbs... mm.. gosh.. if imma work there.. how sia.. .. my regular customers and all. .what to do sia.. but great position..

kk.. jaa mata

No party gal =)

wow.. .i think for like one week or so alreayd? i kept falling aslp at about hte same time after eating.. slept on the couch =/ haiz.. nvr get to watch finish dvd also.. huu.. so sleepy cant help it no matter how much i told myself do not fall aslp again! dots... o well

haiz. .sad. today anoter staff going off. =/ haiz...........
thast why.. u see my blog.. cannot keep up.. =/ cos too sleepy.. would just hurry force myself to wakey, brushy, wash hair bathe n hurry slp liao. haiz
u know.. =/ sometimtes its so difficult to wokr when u know ppl are being fake' .. tch.. but well, everywhere .. its not ognna be perfect. workplace are liek that. unless you are one of those brat.. born with a golden spoon...
but yea.. well, i hope these events that happened.. will make me a stronger person
last week or so? i went to this store.. bumped into my fren sia. omg. long ago fren. my bro was with me tha time. again, =.= my fren tot i was out with bf. i was like. .what/ ? noooo htats my bro! lol. thats the thing u get whenever u are out with family member who doesnt look like u. =.= anywya, didnt expect to se ehim there. pleasant surprise. luckily though, thanks to him, i finally bought my earpiece. phew. but a pity.. haiz. no mike. =/ abit inconvenient.. cos not samsung one. .anyway,
so was like catching  up.. then suddenly he mentions about sometimes he'll check oiut my profile in fb, and see alot of party phtoos of me. he thought i was a party girl who always partys alot. i said nooooo i am not@! i am grounded .. like to be at home.. he's like.. really? i was shocked thogh. cos. .seriously, my photos,.. where got party sia. very rare. wher got alot =.= i seriously have no idea wher he get that idea from . like. .really bizarre. so was shocked ppl thought that i am someone who loves to party . ha. hello.... im so tired most of the time to do that. but then again, who would turn down once in a  while offer eh. ha. o well
mm.. anyway, haiz. so decided to put on hold for my tix.. not sur eif thats a great idea though=/
my fren advices that.. its way too expensive that tix cost over 1000... sighs.. i dunno.. but well.. u know waht. i gotta take this gamble ba. if not, at least its an expensivec lesson learnt. so eya. ... see how ba=/ haiz .. sad sia.. have to put on hold=/
mm.. think i've been pretty unhealthy lately... so yea... i really gotta watch it man..
fruits... haiz. nvr eat at all... vegies. .whenever i can.. haiz.

kk. .tired liao.. gtg ne

jaa

..sighs=(

been falling aslp on the couch everynight while watching tv.
omg. been really tired  =/ sighs. .waht to do. ..

gosh. tch. .was having a conference call with headoffice the other day.. and.. tlaking about overseas work.. tlaked about japan.. they laugh.. mentioning me.. i was .. omfg.. don let it be me pls.. not japan... =/ i tell u first hands.. i wont be able to survive the quakes k. haiz.

oh. .was nice having a chat with him the other morning.. good timing luckily. mm.. .yea... nice to know about stuffs he does more.. but. .wish i could knwo more of him.. .otherwise might seems so far ..

guess waht. u've colected my passport today. omg. finally .mm... need to start checking up on the tix now.. .. haiz.. but.. somethigns holding me bacl =( . back* i dunno.. .i just dont.. ... =/
tch... confusing.. .i know..
anywya, this is a good chance for me to pratice being alone in a strange land. who knwos if i might get to travel to somewhere else alone eh.
pratice with austrlia first

sighs...

sometimes... wishes are so difficult to come true.. no pains no gain...
sighs......

u know. after the 2nd 'outbreak', my heart became numb. which is good. it reduces tha pains along with..  u know what.

sighs...

oh.. so sa. my colleagues ytd wa asking me if i am workign today n the day after..  i was like. .sighs .. so sad u know. .i said no... =/ cos.. yea. .ppl are quitting and leaving. .so .. .yea. .ahzi........ ..... but i off.. what to do... =/

sighs................
i got my passport now.. but.. dunno should i be happy or sad. =/ just dont feel right.
but u know. .certain things..... .... its meant to be... not up to my control.. so yea...
mm... o well. at leat the daylight i sbetter than the night for tonight

wow. another day is down. iwas so tired. and when i ddint get enough slp, i will have a bad headache. .. or get very cold. and runny nose will start.
toda is the headache.. not really headache.. mroe of liek.. not enough slp.. brain is calling type. so eya. runny nose so bad. med taken all up liao. .so after colelcted my passport, need to go buy med. but before that, consumed a panadol.. i knew i might get weak later on.. but i still need a stronger med for my nose.
pan isnt working one bit at al=/
so yea. .was so slpy n more slpy.. gosh.. poor nos eof mine =(
so sensitive as always

gosh.. i didnt know i'll react this way.. bro bought mooncake.. durian.. i ate.. and the lingering after taste stuck in my tongue. omg. i hate it. i regret eating it.
u know. guess todya m,ight be the start n first day of me dislike eating durian

wa supposed to hang out with fren at bar this week.. .sighs.. =/ what to do. .too tired.. somemroe ytd head ot for dinner with parents...
my energ level aint that good anymore. jus so tired easily. din eat well.. lifestyle is upside down.. resting time upaside down. u name it, i did it.
sighs.. =/
i dunno wha to say
=/

sigsh..

yea. so liek that ba.
haiz..
sometimes i wonder.. wahts thepoint of going throuhg all these pains...
its just devastating
bah,.,,


..just cant stop sighing u know.. ..=/ o well

perhaps i should stop. u know. just stop. before sinking any more further.

sighs..............
down down period for me this time
=(

just wish.. someone could've support me through..

jaa