Ppl Get Killed

u know... nothing is ever fun without swty by my side with me.. =/
be it party, clubbing, shopping.. walking along the beach... no matter how many funful frens there are,.. i'll always feeling something is missing. its just so different.. ..me would be so much happier with him around... .........he can take away my stress easily too.. me's my miracle and everything.. ..
i'll always have him in my heart... though sometimes might be tough.. say like.. tmr's interview.. but well... thats the only way i can feel him with me.. i have his blessings.. so yup.. hmm....... lets just get the interview with. once its over, yay.. me can be free from stress. ha.
and now i realised why these couple of days feeling kinda down.. today is full moon already =.= me din realized that. haiyo..
i want him.. to share every thoughts with me.. can...isnt it.. ..

sammy can tell i was gonna cry from my voice.. wow huh. ha... how did he do tat. XD 2 years of relationship together i guess. ha..

hm.. see... 7 months gone just like that.. ... since he's been gone.. .. yeah.. i wonder... .. is that kinda fast..or slow... feels slow.. but seem fast.. ..o well....

nights back, me had alot of weird montrous dreams. =.= dunno why.. also dreamt of being chased.. ..o well.. must be the interview thing ba.. ha..

gosh.. the spate of stabbings in melbourne continues. so many ppl get slash, or stabbed at for no reason. u come outta a party, u kena stab, u closing the club, kena stab too. for little2 small reason, they get angry, and just charges at u. ear being sliced off too... =/ its so violent.. theres no safety as though =(
dunno what the police there is doing.
also dunno why these slashings keep on happening again and again in such a rapid time. wow.
even with a group of ppl, u'l lstill get outnumber.. especially when they have weapons in their hands.
it really is frightening to hang out in the night, or maybe even in the daytime now eh.
especially at complicated places like clubs, parties, or even just walking past among a group of youngsters. u never know what they're up to.

hm.. me soooo sleepy... tonight..relax.. then hopefully will wakey to a relaxing start of the day.... o well..

oh gosh.. theres more earthquakes.. at 8.8.. poor ppl... =/

hm.. school's starting for him.. .. all the best to sammy... ..i'll accompany him in his heart...
oh, seem like theres alot of new ppl, frens to meet. happy for him. as long as they are good ppl.
so yup.. ..

mata ne

Phone Interview

gosh... so sleepy!! =.= leggy pain again.. ha.. too long no go out bah.. walk aabit, pain le.. first day of work, sure gonna be sooo tiring. o well.. .gotta pull it through.. gosh.. sleepy.. had only 5 hours of sleep.. hopefully tonight can slp early ba..(though so far haven happen yet) then tmr wakey in morning.. i hope i can!

..=/ bro and redz not coming back tonight again... sigh............. yeah.. u know.. i dont like that =/

tch.. oh... my fren's matter ne... talked to sam about it.. hm.... o well.. what can i say.. even without the religion prob, i think.. hm.. dunno.. maybe she might not accept him too?.. .. anyway... sigh.. thast what u get when u have a very strict parents who cares alot about religion.. good thing mine wont. ^^ mum always the most supportive one. ha.. o well..

ok.. just now mum is making noise about some money issues... then she relented.. say if don have then don have ba... she said that with a normal ok smiling face.. gotta hand it to her..
then dad, tell me another part of his situation.. gosh.. i dunno whose side to be on.. like. .who's the 'victim' here??

yawn.. haiyo... so sleepy.. even dozes off abit just now....

k. .hopefully tmr can wakey early ne.. but so gonna be sleepy again.. =.=

k. .im sooo gonna cherish my days before i start work.. yeah.. me went to submit my resume.. had a phone interview.. tehn gonan have a face to face interview soon.. haiyo.. troublesome ne.. ha

o well... see how ba.. only one position up for grab.. and theres other ppl in line for it too.. if me get, then ok.. if not, nvm. the benefits are good though. but dunno why.. the feeling is weird... i wonder if this job is meant for me.. erm.. anyway

hm... =/ so gonna miss my carefree do whatever i like days.... eat healthy... cook.. bring mum around.. chat with swty... nice... so nice...

wow.. for the very first time, sam called me using his handphone. the first time he called is using his fren's phone. hee. me so surprised. good thing i pick it up =) aw..

morning.. .gosh.. i was sooo nervous... good thing i managed to get through phone interview.. but morning.. wah... terrible feeling.. like theres a stone in my heart. but no one to company with.. cos its last min notice.. morning everyone slping.. and me just wanna settle it asap. somemore swtys back.. so yup... realy wish sam could go with me.. well.. in heart ba.. but.. yeah.. i really wish theres someone with me to go with.. perhaps too long never go through interviews.. so yeah.. feeling really nervous. argh.. hate that..
so.. well.. i picture sam is with me.. yeah.. ..at times like this.. i need him so much..
oh yea.. early morning, quickly buy my top up card.. then msg him. ha. he's the only one who can warm my heart.. give me support in everything.. and yeah.. he's the best person to talk to..

like i'd said.. so wanted to call him.. that night huh.. my bloggy.. i mentioned.. o well.. hear his voice in my phone ba..
i love my life. my life, = salim.

mata ne!

Phone Interview

gosh... so sleepy!! =.= leggy pain again.. ha.. too long no go out bah.. walk aabit, pain le.. first day of work, sure gonna be sooo tiring. o well.. .gotta pull it through.. gosh.. sleepy.. had only 5 hours of sleep.. hopefully tonight can slp early ba..(though so far haven happen yet) then tmr wakey in morning.. i hope i can!

..=/ bro and redz not coming back tonight again... sigh............. yeah.. u know.. i dont like that =/

tch.. oh... my fren's matter ne... talked to sam about it.. hm.... o well.. what can i say.. even without the religion prob, i think.. hm.. dunno.. maybe she might not accept him too?.. .. anyway... sigh.. thast what u get when u have a very strict parents who cares alot about religion.. good thing mine wont. ^^ mum always the most supportive one. ha.. o well..

ok.. just now mum is making noise about some money issues... then she relented.. say if don have then don have ba... she said that with a normal ok smiling face.. gotta hand it to her..
then dad, tell me another part of his situation.. gosh.. i dunno whose side to be on.. like. .who's the 'victim' here??

yawn.. haiyo... so sleepy.. even dozes off abit just now....

k. .hopefully tmr can wakey early ne.. but so gonna be sleepy again.. =.=

k. .im sooo gonna cherish my days before i start work.. yeah.. me went to submit my resume.. had a phone interview.. tehn gonan have a face to face interview soon.. haiyo.. troublesome ne.. ha

o well... see how ba.. only one position up for grab.. and theres other ppl in line for it too.. if me get, then ok.. if not, nvm. the benefits are good though. but dunno why.. the feeling is weird... i wonder if this job is meant for me.. erm.. anyway

hm... =/ so gonna miss my carefree do whatever i like days.... eat healthy... cook.. bring mum around.. chat with swty... nice... so nice...

wow.. for the very first time, sam called me using his handphone. the first time he called is using his fren's phone. hee. me so surprised. good thing i pick it up =) aw..

morning.. .gosh.. i was sooo nervous... good thing i managed to get through phone interview.. but morning.. wah... terrible feeling.. like theres a stone in my heart. but no one to company with.. cos its last min notice.. morning everyone slping.. and me just wanna settle it asap. somemore swtys back.. so yup... realy wish sam could go with me.. well.. in heart ba.. but.. yeah.. i really wish theres someone with me to go with.. perhaps too long never go through interviews.. so yeah.. feeling really nervous. argh.. hate that..
so.. well.. i picture sam is with me.. yeah.. ..at times like this.. i need him so much..
oh yea.. early morning, quickly buy my top up card.. then msg him. ha. he's the only one who can warm my heart.. give me support in everything.. and yeah.. he's the best person to talk to..

like i'd said.. so wanted to call him.. that night huh.. my bloggy.. i mentioned.. o well.. hear his voice in my phone ba..
i love my life. my life, = salim.

mata ne!

Confidante

hm... i think im getting back to closer with bro again.. ever since chinese new year... dunno.. but its good ha.. .

wow.. see.. first day gone already.. another to go.. cant wait for sam to get back home.. .

me.. try doing lots of things today in order to shift my attention.. for the first time, me never stay in my room for long.. not staying by my lappy's side.. feels.. different.. o well..

i hate being neglated... thats a extreme big no no for me. got it?

ouch.. my feet... =/ lots of 'bubbles'.. pain when they burst. very ouchie.... ..

oh... played pool with my g.f. she say i aim good. ha.. but i gotta say, my strength sux.. like.. no 'power' XD she also compliment my legs look nice. ...woo... i was surprised. .cos im short.. so.. yeah.. thats a nice compliment, and a fresh one at that.

i only wanna make love with the one man i love most. i wonder hows it feel like.. when u.. ahem..without any protection inside.. eh... erm.. yeah.. ha. .juts wondering how that feeling might be. .can feel or not.. bleahx..shy..

me.. never been through any kind of lucky in my whole life worth mentioning.. but. only luckiest thing, is to have him, meet him..

wow... i was so taken aback.. ... =/ my fren.. fallen outta love.. called me.. confide in me.. he always does.. he say im the only person he can talk about this with.. his other male frens.. cannot.. so.. yeah.. i was like.. wow.. im the only one who could help him huh..
its difficult to explain his situation.. but.. all i can say is, he's so heatbroken, like.. wanna commit suicide.. and if i wasnt there to listen, he would've done so. =(
so yeah.. after the talk, he went drinking his fren.. then yeah.. thank me alot.. say he wont forget this(that i helped him).. well.. i tell him, i just did what a fren should.. theres no need any kind of thanks or whatsoever..

sigh.. so poor thing =/ i understand how he feels.. to lose a love one,(erm.. more of like.. he woo her, but she.. ..=/ mislead him..and now like this.. sigh.. gib him fat hopes.. =( )
and feeling as though its the end of the world, u just feel like killing urself..
i say i understand.. becos if (touchwood) my love one abandon me one day, i would've feel the same way.. and i wouldnt listen to anybody's advice.. cos.. yeah.. too upset..

so i told him the same thing. .ask him to calm down even though i know he wouldnt. but just try to relax.. then.. well.. me just talk3... advice3... and yeah.. well... sigh... ..shall see how ba..
me never ever imagine that one day i would be such an important person to someone. =.= important as in.. well.. the only one who could confide in.. so yeah.. im glad he managed to calm down a tiny bit.. then yeah.. ask his fren to tc of him while drinking.. so.. hopefully they're fine ba.. poor thing.. that fren also gonna move out this weekend. =/ haiz..
...well.. all i can do is to listen, advice, tell him about how i feel of all these.. hm.. yeah.. just lend him my listening ears.. hm... i hope he'll get better..

he may be crying now..
oh.. speaking of that.. haiyo.. last night i was feeling quite ok ne.. then... go through sam's photos, cry alot. -_- ha.. forever. XD o well.....

tonight.. im not accompanying my lappy.. cos sam aint around. so.. yeah.. k then.. off me go to living room...

mata ne

no blog! T_T

problems occured.. so no blog for today.. my blog only posted at wordpress pauline87 and friendster blog princess heart.

Chameleon

im pouting.. =/

gosh.. u know.. my fren tell me that khine, erm a ex colleague from myanmar working with us at MW.. he's a touchy guy! i dunno hwwat happen.. but nisa was saying he invited her for a drink after work.. and he's like touchy2 with her.. gosh.. i asked izuan doesnt he know she's attached? but. .omg. .seriously i didnt expect him to be like that! he;s so bloody honest looking!!! omgggggggggggg. its creepin me out. thats so weird.. me worked with him.. i find him alrite.. honest.. blur abit.. but.. ..yeah. .fashion sense is unwise.. all the more making him look nerdy.. but.. wow.. i have no idea how he treated nisa.. but... but..... gosh!! this world is frightening!! yikes! O.o im much careful with my frens now.. lol XD still.. that doesnt stop me from meeting up right.. well.. i dunno.. like my mum said.. just be extra careful when u're outside.
seriously.. i've met too many wolfs in sheep clothings type of ppl... its shocking.. hey. even girls also k. sometimes those scheming women are even scarier! brr....

anyway... hmm... really cant believe this.. =/ wow.. ... i hope he's not such a person.. .. tch.. its disturbing.. the last time i walked past the shop, i even wave and say hi to him.. ehhh!!! creepy now! XD but anyway.. nvm.. me not working there no more.. but seriously had i did, i would've had 0% guard against him. cos i just treated him as a very normal not even that close fren.
wow.. he is the last person on my mind to do such thing. i mean.. as in asking a girl out.. and trying to act all so nice with her. it reallly3 isnt in his image. WOW. so.. well, be it truth or not, i dont care. he's still ok... hm.. yeahh.. cos me not working there no more.. yup.. i still think well.. haha.. dunno. he's just a human.

so yup.. o well.. glad my close male frens aint like that.. erm.. or at least should be fine ba... =.='' *glups..

hmm.... =/ i think i need a break from home. tmr morning sammy's heading for bbq with frens.. so nice right.... at least can breathe some fresh air.. hmm... thinking i should need air too. hm.. =.= anyway... wonder what time am i falling aslp tonight.. haiyo... last night couldnt slp till.. eh.. forgot wha time.. 2plus or 3.. then today wakey late..

ah.. glad sammy's classes are over. but soon gonna start again.. o well..
hopefully have more time with him before that

u know.. when i was girl, i had these wishes.. to marry my childhood fren.. hey.. i think i'd mentioned this in my blogs before... O.o ... deja vu.. .. erm.. well.. anyway... marry a childhood fren, marry my first love, consummate for the first on wedding night as i only wan my husband to be the only man ion this world to have me. . XD haha... sounds nice and innocent eh? lol.. well.. i wonder how it feels like huh.. when u.. .. ha.. nah.. i think its too.. erm.. nah.. im shy XD lol. hmm.. nah.. better nt discussed this here.
anyway.. im glad who my man is.. so yup.. for another 'first' with him, will be precious and priceless nonetheless. =)

hm.. i think i feel sleepy.. but a lil uncomfy... my back.. o well

mata ne

Black Sunday

sianz... =/ im not in a good mood... so.. .really doesnt fee like blogging at all.. just.. typing away a couple of words i guess...

oh.. good.. my shoulder aint hurting no more..

funny.. last night i tried har not to shed any tears, but i did it again. oops. after cny, like.. back to those nights again. ha.

hm.. ok ba.. stomach think better already.. .. but.. dunno.. still feeling no genki at all.. .. =/ sianz.....

i wonder.. cos i don know.. whats the most important thing after all. i thought its one way.. then it appeared to be so confusing.from someone one else's views i mean.

today.. same ba.. tv, online.. nap abit.. eat.. blah3...... online again.. never really left my room in a way..
been bored.. stupid sunday.. worst weekend im thinking..... dunno

o well.

even weekend dreads now

sigh........... i need to chill.

mata

Ren Ri - Happy Birthday Everyone

doesnt feel like blogging at all.... =/ but since nothing to do.. whatever ba..

oh. today is ren ri. every human's birthday in this world. legend has it that the goddness created animals.. like.. cows..ducks..chicken..blah3...on previous days.. then on the 7th day, she created humans. so today in the chinese month, 7th day is our human's birthday. ren ri. so yup.. later my family gonna have lao yu sheng. waiting for bro to come back first.

today.. watched an india movie.. sad.. =/ ..and dunno why missed the way sam huggie me holding my hands.. every details close up.., me keep thinking about it.. ..dunno why..

me stomach feels weird.. =/ argh.. feeling really unwell =/ after shower, abit better... then.. sianz.. haha. haiz.. dunno ne.. just feel so unwell =/ like just doesnt feel like doing anything at all =(

o well............. ....

oh.. indeed.. the victoria's secret is comfy.

wow..with redz gone, like the place so quiet. hahhaha.. think either mum or dad said that. but its true.

last night.. finally... gosh.. nothing disturb me, me slept all the way... till the singtel delivery man came knocking on the door -_-. nonetheless, me glad finally no difficulty in slping last night. yay.

im so slpy.. tch. .not feeling good=/ hope can slp soon or something.. see how ba.

mata

Itch Sleep

so sleepy… again.. didnt slpt well… thought wow… so nice..finally i fall aslp at about 1am.. but i awoke about.. 2.40am? cos a mosquito bit me all over!! hands.. legs.. gosh… cant stop the itch! then.. all teh way.. scratchy3 till 3.20am.. decided to online since couldnt get to slp.. then.. 4.30am… back to slp.. but the mosquito is still there!! huu… so.. me wakey after abit, and head out to living room.. was gonna slp there.. but then mum ask me go into her room to slp.. so yea..
today.. feeling so sleepy.. sigh.

no mood desu. =(
tch.. .so irritating ne… .. o well..

haiz… whole day so sleepy to do anything =( zzzzzzzz

so bored.. watched movie in lappy.. very2 good movie.. perhaps should watch a 2nd time.. ..it’ll be so much better to catch it in the big cinema.. o well… =/

..sigh. down down down down down………………………………..

oh bother………

mata

Universal Studio Prelude

sooooooooo tired.. gosh.. leg's killing me...

was out to sentosa today with redz.. redz wanted to go.. so yup.. off we go.. hm.. its nice. .incredible place.. atmosphere.. everything's good. hm.. oh yesx.. finally get to shop at victoria's secret!! gosh.. so looking forward to it man. but a pity no bras in there.. T_T so bought panty. lol. o well. hm.. not bad really.. yeah.. kinda like luna park plus jamberoo. ha

oh..last night.. slept at around 3.30am.. couldnt slp again =/ dunno why.. ... this morning wakey early hoping to slp well later on..
cried alot last night. .after everyone went to bed, me aint that slpy i'l lsay.. so.. saw the photos me and sammy took.. at sentosa..luna park..aquarium.. ...o well.... just cry lor.. ha. couldnt control it.. =/ .... im still missing him so much.. ..even if i did say gimme a month or 2 to get stronger.. but.. well.. im glad to know im not the only girl who cries everynight.. ..
i miss him ne.. ...alot3...

my mum is older than dad by 8 months. oh.. =( sad sia.. the sweet 3 legged hamster is dead.. .sigh.. got bitten to death =( sad.. ..sigh. she never bites anyone... =( she's such a lovely baby..

gosh.. net sux today.. =/

hm....... so tired... wanna go slp.. but. .as though something is bothering me.. =/ haiz.. i dunno.. i dont think i can have a good slp.. but yes im tired.. so.. yup.. hopefully can fall aslp... ..

today... talked abit to sammy ba... yeah.. hm..

o well. once net is back to normal, imma head for bed.. sleepy desu.... but.. i dont think its gonan be back to normal. .sooooooooooooo slow!!! gosh...

hm. .today.. ...wow.. near weekend already.. so fast.. ... ..hm... ...... o well.. dunno what to do.. hope day will be better always.. ...
just.. didnt really feel like im enjoying anything after i came back.. ... =/ sigh.

mata.. ..

Resume

today... hm.. quite a long day i supposed..?

was out with redz to buy my lappy chair.. good thing me not go with mum.. cant imagine how we women are gonna carry the chair.. ha. so yup... well.. bought it. hm.. must say.. not abd.. my shoulder aint hurting for like 90% now. cool. glad its worth the money alrite.

tehn.. dunno why.. felt so... weird. .dizzy.. strange.. very3 uncomfortable.. =( very2 weak... sigh. even after shower.. =( then.. redz got a msg that theres a fulltime job available. so... yeah.. gonna pass my resume up.. and.. me no have one.. so yup.. gotta prepare one.. dunno where to start.. but with noth redz and sam's help, me done it. so.. yup.. was very stress... cos.. i wanted things to be as perfect and best as possible. well... now only left to do, is to print it out.

....hm.. i dunno if im ready for this.. i know i need money of course.. for trips.. for lessons.. for phone.. etc.. but.. hm...... =/ i dunno.. i still have things left to do just yet.
well. .shall see how then.. whether i get this job or not, i don mind.

hm...........

now.. i gotta find a time to.. well. u know.. handle my time properly.. im not sure if i can do that.. but.. hmm.......... ...i shall try ba...

so yeah.. basically today been a stressful,tired, long day. oh, me cooked asam fish today too. niceeeeeeeeee. haha.

see.... =/ forgot to tell sammy about some details... ..i wonder.. if my 'details'..are that important after all to him..

oh.. good.. last night i tried hard.. i think i didnt cry. hahaha.

say.. 2016 he's gonna complete his studies ne... wow.... isnt that long right. haha.........
o well........ months down the road... with each busy with one's work and studies... i wonder.. if there'll be enough time for communication..
well. if theres goals ahead, we'll achieve it ne.. ...

hm.. working in ion.. not bad.. can be with bro abit.. but... will be soooo busy ne.. always so crowded. infested with lots of ppl especially during weekends. =.= o well

gosh.. from redz, me learned that bro spend near $900 in ikea. =( sigh........ .... dunno what to say... then today, bought more card games.. one box.. anyway. well... ..sigh
oh.. yeah. .today me spend near $90 on this chair.. o well.. .. just hope it'll really save me the pain.

love shapes.. started to appear right before i met sam... is it a sign of fate and destiny?..

mata

Finally 3rd Day Of CNY

last night gave sammy a call.. apparently, he couldnt remember a thing. hahaha........ aw... it was so nice..

i wonder what he msg me in the morning...... =/ he say he did.. but i never receive it.. or. ..perhaps i deleted it accidentally.. anyway.. yeah.. im really curious.. cos every msg counts from him alot. o well..

wow.. 3rd day of cny.. over just like that.. ha.fast eh.. from cny eve..till now.. like.. wow.. and i've been so tired too.

hmm..... .............. well..... happy for sammy.. he got a personal invite to his fav sport.. hm.. he's really good.
just..thinking.. ..why am i so lucky to have him huh.. fate? destiny? ...
hm.. oh.. anyway, webcam with sam just now.. really nice to see him. so charming as ever... alluring in a way... =3 naw... love him! haha..

saw the news from italy... =/ gosh.. the mud slide.. over 100 cases already in days.. i pity them all =( u should've watch teh video.. its like. the whole half of moutain all got washes away. =/ falling down.. sliding away.. gosh.. another sign of earth ending?

haha.. o..k... didnt think i'll be thinking this way one day... maths is fun. kinda in a way i think. =) now i understand how ppl really come to like it so much. ha.. why couldnt i feel this way years back?.. anyway.. it can be really3 frustrating as well.. when u couldnt find the way to solve it. argh. haha.

ne.. i find that my hair looks abit browner weeks after i got back from sydney.. my skintone too. its like.. in the pics, me sitting next to bro,.. i dunno.. but.. me look really3 dark! my skin.. haha,.. hm.. i like it though. i dont mind. yup. sun is nice ^^

u know.... ...some matters will happen.. if its too bad, u wouldnt wanna tell anyone..even with the person closest to you. but. .its hard.. hm.. cos.. u never say anything.. and so.. u're suffering alone.
=/ i..dont like that. i dont think anyone will like that. but the intention.. is maybe it'll be better for everyone if its being kept as a secret.. ..

i was out for abit this afternoon... alone. suddenly i feel so lonely. but i tell myself.. its just..u know..
but i know.. i always picture sam with me.. me tired today.. perhaps thats why was feeling weird abit.

hm.. k.. gotta go rest later... hm.. bro tmr back to work.. so.. yeah.. tmr see how ba..

oh.. regarding my cousin's matter,.. her mum was saying they're just classmates. then my other cousin ask.. tehn she'll get married to hong kong.. then her mum reply.. 'not ok with me'. meaning she's not ok with that. lol. i understand.. she's their only daughter.. but my mum's right.. its her daughter's decision.. if she wanna go, why stop her?
well....... after uni, say.. if really the rich hong kong guy wont go back there, ha.. if he stays,.. lol. i might get another hong bao soon in years to come. XD lol. nah.. jk... well... gdluck to her ba.. though me dont really like her.. cos of the way she treated my late grandma =(
sigh... o well.. one of my sensitive topics about grandparents. dont talk ba.

mata ne

Reunion Gathering

me just now gib sammy a call.............. i know..... he's slping......... =( but... but.. couldnt resist myself.... i called him in the middle of the night......... u know.. theres just times where i really3 miss his voice soooo much... i just wanna hear him....... so.. yeah... his voice is so magical... i called him.. he woke up to pick up my call... his voice. ...its only a min call... but.. his voice.. gosh..... its just so magical.. after i hang up...., sigh... im still yearning for his voice... like.. really3 wanna call him again... but.. thats too much.. i cant do that..
so yeah.. he's waking up in about half an hour's time i guess... will msg him ba.. .. ...miss him...... miss his everything... EVERYTHING.

this year's reunion at my aunties's house.. hm.. is more lively and happier i think. ha.
so.. yup.. but main highlight of the night is, i talk alot to their maid! she's so nice. =) and she understadn abit of chinese too. very good. haha. so yup... hopefully can get to see her again next year. she's from myanmar. but her name is ailing. hahaha... cos she asked whats my name first. i say its shiling.. then she say she like it.. cos her name is ailing. ha.. cool =)

everyone is so high after drinking wine.. ha.. sammy ask me dont drink.. course i dont. cos he never too=)
but.. haiyo.. me dont like the way i reply to his msg.. sounds abit rude ne... =/ argh. i duno.. just me..

my cousin walk my other cousin to mrt... then along the way he asked her something i guess.. he was like telling her mum.. theres this 25 yrs man kinda like her or something. he's from hong kong. straight away, she say that they're only just classmates. but i can tell from her tone and voice.. she really really treats tehm as pure classmates.. he's rich.. his family have business too.. but she did mention that if her daughter's gonna get married and migrate to hong kong, oh no she said. lol.
o well.. all the best to her ne. ha.
her mum.. also revealed that.. when she just given birth to my cousin, she kept crying non-stop.. like those screaming type of crying... for a full non-stop. she told my late-grandma.. then they go to some.. u know who.. and that priest or who say that.. while they're coming back from the hospital or something, their cab passed by this very haunted place..(perhaps at a wrong time) and yeah.. the reason why she kept crying, its because theres 6 ghosts trying to pull her 'apart'. 2 reaches for her head, one for left arm, another for right.. and both legs too. =( so yeah.. in the end they solved it.
...........
but still... that cousin of mine..that family.. why must they ill treated my grandma like that..... =( evil.. sigh.......... regret.. also no use... i'll remember what they did for life.

mum say.. weather has changed. even for china this year, not alot of vegies able to produce out.. cos it's been snowing heavily. o well...

oh.. bro was talking to me about wisdom tooth thingy... then me asked sam.. cos remembered that he once mentioned that to his fren when we just met. so yeah... then talk2... then like... then the way i talk about him to bro..., like.. ha. .as thought he's my husband.. yeah.....

my aunt... passed us the books. erm.. something like scrapbooks.. 2 of them.. the wedding scrapbook of my cousin. its so nice. i realized.. i really like the pics of couples holding hands... the last pic, theres a black and white pic of them holding hands.. its shot from the back.. when they're walking around the wedding dinner avenue in their gowns.. so like.. wow.. really nice..
a... normal holding hands gesture... i think its really precious... ITS SIMPLE AND LOOKS NORMAL. BUT YET ITS BEYOND LOVING. you... only you.. are the one who can hold that woman/man's hand..
...yeah.. i really like that pic...

.........marriage huh....... so nice to spend everyday of ur life with the one u love... yet..... .... ..o well...... ...my turn is far.. ...

oops... thought i wouldnt cry.. lol. cried again tonight... o well. k ba.. after msg sammy, will go slp ba...
i miss him soooo much............... soooo much!
thought could last min webby in afternoon.. ha.. but he ended up in toilet.. so yup...
then me out already..

anyway.. yeah.. basically, i think not bad. this year's reunion at my 4th aunt house is quite lively. yes.

k.. gotta stop! 4am already!! but.. feeling not too well to slp ne.. .. =/

mata ne...

1st Day Of CNY

sigh..... tired.....sleepy........leg pain..... today hm.. is by far the most sleepy day ever. ..ha. o well.. oh.. this year, my bro.. weird ne.. but he seems more energetic compare to last year. XD

so.. we went to visit our relatives... hm... like that ba...

valentine's day gonna be over in an hour's time.. thought of webcam with sammy.. then... dunno ne......... ...nothing been planned.. oh.. somemore he gotta wakey tmr early.. hm..... shall see how then.. ..
hm.. tmr. .dunno what to wear ne... me shoulder hurts again .=/ sigh

so far.. .. alrite ba.. not bad.. just like that ba. ..

=/ the chinese horoscope thingy is bothering me abit... about sams's one.. love luck eh.. =( like... yeah.. really bothers me...... its scary.. o well........ what to do.. no use worrying kinda.. what will happen, will happen.. until then.........

..

tch.. abit frustrated.. .. hm...... me try not to think about it ba... ..

mmm.........
gosh.. i need someone to massage for me........................

met my newly wed cousin.. .. so nice... tobe with the one u love everyday.. but.. theres 2 couples plus a child and a mother living under one roof.. .tough ne.... =/ o well..
anyway... .. yeah.. saw them going into room.. sigh.. so wish i can be with my love like that one soon.. =/

mata

Happy Chinese New Year And A Very Happy Valentine's Day

today.. busy abit more than usual today.
.. cleaning up house abit.. settle final stuffs for cny.. me do my nails for new year.. hm.. so hungry.. then finally redz and bro reached home, we had our steamboat.. abit later, had the birthday cake from mum.. celebrated it in advance.. hm.. yeah.. basically.. just get ready for cny.. ..yup.

... its also valentine's day... .. i told myself.. dont ever cry today nor tonight. no matter what. no tears for the next 24hours at least. the very first cny day is important. musnt cry. the others.. nvm much.. but yeah.. im sick of tears. so.. lol.. hopefully whole year i wont be crying much for this year.

......... basically its good.. ..not a bad day.. ...

the only empty part is my heart. i still wish sam is right here beside me. 6 of us right now.. ... but.. great things aint easy to get.. so.. yeah.. i already picture him here with us... ..so .. .yup.....

hmm....... so yeah.. basically... no matter how happy one occasion might be.. .. theres alwasy this empty space in the air.. but.. i always try to atone it with the heart and soul of him...... ..

happy chinese new year and valentine's day everybody.. ...

may you all be with the one you love.. and stay faithful.. with full of trust for each other.. full of love and hopes..
have a happy reunion with your family or your love ones.... all the best peeps.

mata ne

may tomorrow be good.. ..

mata

CNY Is Coming Fast. Wow

..wow.. having funny feelings.. .. found my ex school mates fb profile.. .. 2, from tom boy, tehy became more girly with long hair.. another, a nice2 sweet girl.. now turn out into a ah lian with even a tattoo on her hand.. and one more.. always have something against me.. and always wanna compete with me.. bully me in a way.. that girl. looks no difference now.. but.. like.. ok.. from her display pic.. like.. normal girl..
o well.. anyway.. feels really weird.... ... perhaps of some bad memories.. =/ i wish i can erase them.. ..

last night.. i read my notebook.. found that.. i actually noted down how i'd spent my birthday last year. then.. suddenly everything come back to me..
sammy sleptover at my place.. but went out for abit cos he say his mum want him to settle some issues at lavender.. me thought he'll be out for long.. so.. i get ready to head out too.. tehn about to head out, he say he's done.. so me meet up with him.. then we walk along ion.. town.. then took a bus to bugis.. and had a piece of cake.. i was so full!! gosh. haha... he kept saying happy birthday to me.. and.. he sang me a birthday song..
only the birthday song part, and he went out to lavender part i forgot.. oopsy. but yeah.. its important to me.. so.. yup.. glad me recorded it down.
i swear i still remember the way he look at me when we're on the escalators.. we were facing each other.. he say happy birthday to me again.. he say.. he's happy to spend the 2nd year with me.. for a moment there.. his eyes redden..i think.. for that moment, i felt it.. i know what he's talking about.. how he's feeling. .cos im feeling the same too... its as though saying... yes its 2nd year... ... its a precious one indeed.. for.. there might not be a 3rd..... .... no.. its.. there's definitely wont be a 3rd.. in person that is. ..

today the show.. .. reminded me of him and me.. i was so envious... ..ha. but i know its just acting k.
..that night.. was watching another show. theres this part of story about this couple.. bf and gf going australia to study. bf last min cant go cos of mum sick. so break up with her, and stayed behind. the girl went there alone. soon, she came back. saying... she realized she cant live without him.. so decided to come back.. anyway tehy can always go overseas again in future if they want to. when redz saw her, he's like. .oh.. she came back for him! i felt the same way too.. it was a good ending for this couple in drama. for that moment, i thought.. wow.. wouldnt it be great if that happen in my case..?.. but. i know... thats just a drama...

hm.. i think.. me told sammy just now about what i wanna talk about.. hm.. but nt sure if i'd missed out anything anot.. ha.. but just type out alot to him.

wow.. .valentine's day coming.. our first valentine day spent is on the 16th. he's sweet shy reserve.. ha. really2 nice =) yeah.. due to work.. so.. yup.. couldnt spend it on the 14th. my 21st birthday he couldnt spend it with me too. but he's on the phone with me, and first to say happy birthday =)

cny is coming too.. gosh. i never prepared anything much.. =/ like.. what to wear.. or.. .. sigh.. i guess.. this year without him.. just. ..i dunno.. i dont have any mood for this cny.. .. =/ anyway..... ... yup. .tmr is the eve.. wow. .fast huh.. .. hm........ tmr.. me gotta get ready already. o well... =/

so.. yup.. wow. .cant believe cny is here in couple of days time.. .. k.. just. .. try to be happy ba..i guess. and u know.. well.. have a new year.. ha..

oh.. tmr another happy occasion.. we're gonna be celebrating mum's birthday in advance. haha. tmr gonna have steamboat too. gosh.. gonna be so full. ha.. yup.. i hope i wont cry on cny first day.. i must do my best.. especially at night. i have to do everything to stop my tears from coming out. i dunno.. but ppl say if u cry on cny, u'll be crying for the rest of the year.
so........... yup. i did that before.. so.. haha.. well.. let just say, believe it or not, i'd better keep my eyes dry at all cost. haha.

valentine's day.. ... hm.. just gonna have a phone chat with sammy ba.. cos.. couldnt actually plan a date.. me will be out.. he also have school.. and sleepy.. so.... yeah.... like i said.. ..o well.. spend it through our heart mind and souls.. thats the basic i supposed.. ..

..i miss him.

oh.. yesterday morning, me wakey.. feeling sexy. XD!!!!!!!! LOL. omg..... wonder if thats the reason why sometimes sammy would say that to me.. ha. anyway....... i only care about his compliments.. not others.

oh.. me and mum are taking out the new year tibits.. and places them all on the table. ... i still really wish sam could be here.. ..

..... anyway.. well .gonan be meeting my relatives alot.. and. .hm.. kinda exciting in a way i guess.. not like its fun. but.. well.. whatever, ha.

mata..

Late Nights

.... morning.. force myself to wake up early.. though i only fallen aslp after 3am.. yeah.. still like that.. couldnt slp at night.. so.. watch bro play game.. me watch tv.. then.. try to slp.. finally.. at 3am, i did.
so yup.. in order to let myself feel sleepy, and can sleep earlier, i tell myself to wakey. so.. yeah.. hopefully later.. will finally have an early night ba.. =/
been slping late.. ..me don like.. ..however.. got a feeling i would be slping late.. tonight again..
oh.. forgot about my lunch again. ..sigh.. cant be bother.
i just.. dont feel that happy for some reasons

bro just baked a cake.. wow. ..
..sigh.. no mood ne.... .. =/

like.. .. =/ i dunno.
just find it so difficult to talk already.

so yup.. my day.. ..who cares.. its just a day.

mata

A Sense Of Emptiness

=/ hmm......... is it my first time?.. ..feel so empty... without swty around... sigh......... a kind of emptiness.. dunno how to explain ba.. though.. online.. sometimes he also doesnt talk much.. but at least i know he's there.. hm.... its a kind of feeling ba.. ..
so.. yeah... me went out abit for new year chinatown, came back, he's already aslp.. but.. even if never head out.. dont think there'll be much time to talk anyway.
ah..... i think theres a number of things wanna tell him... nvm ba.. i can always tell bloggy here if anything ba.. ..

the angmoh fren who say he like me,(me got tell my bf k) contacted me again after a couple of months. but ever since he said that, me no longer contact with him. so if my frens are going out, he's coming along, i'll declined to go as well. so yup.. he msg me.. but me never reply back anything. so.. o well.. lost a fren! ha.. but its ok.. better to stay away from him ne. ... i feel much better and comfortable this way.

wow.. last night.. not comfy to slp.. then suddenly me wakey in early morning.. read swtys msg.. then.. oopsy.. accidentally press send! haiyo.... he in class mah.. so.. yeah.. morning wakey, me still blur2 abit..
anyway, after that, me nose keep on running =( then me go out to bro's sofa bed and lie down.. yea.. he places his sofa bed in the living room already.. hm.. kinda looks nice.. and comfy to sit.. anyway, its just a sofa.. me no pull it into bed shape..
guess what. its so soft! it had such a comfy soft touch to my body ya know. i slept better, theres cushions as my pillows.. then me slp.. dream alot! hm.. dreams. very dramatic. .as though in movies.. oh.. wanna tell swty about this too.. .. anyway, its amazing! as though the fallen cars were diving right at me! and i dodge it just in time! not just one car ya know.. anyway, its an exciting dream.
hm.. i think theres another.. oh yea! motorcycle.. hahaha.. yeah.. dunno why suddenly dreamt of cars..motors.. ha.. anyway. yeah.. its a good slp i guess.. only for a couple of hours on the comfy sofa bed. been so long since i slept on any big and thick cushion.. so yup..
then.. when me wakey, go into my room lie down, runny nose again. =.= so fast..

hm... chinatown.. just walk abit only.. once a year thingy ba.. cos of chinese new year.. so yup.. nothing much there.. just eat and walk.. look at the lights..

...came outta the station, really reminded me deeply of how i first intro sammy to my bro.. he meet us up after his work.. had lunch with his colleagues first.. .. hm.. ... haiz...... sometimes the memories can be just so deep and real..even with 2 years passed.
sigh... o well......... ...then we went to bugis.. then.. ha.. okok.. stop now ba.. later wanna cry le ...

hm.. getting sleepy..

mata ne.. ....

CALLS

hmm.......... ...theres always great disappointments ahead.. whenever i had my research done.. and through time of web searching.. =/
..what to do... thats why.. i hate that kind of feeling.. where u put every thoguhts into it, and end up with a bad result. all for nothing. haiz. o well.
thought i could do something about the calling thingy for overseas.. .. well.. seems like i could only wait till i get a phone plan..and see what offers they might have. heard from sammy they have such.. but.. ...well.. i got a doubting feeling with me. anyway, thats a couple of months to go.

ah.. me called sammy.. then.. forgot again.. >_< ha.. like.. always forgot something to say to him after i heard his voice.. aw.. making me wanna slp too.. ^^ he sounded so comfy.. ha.. he might even forget my letters for him if me never remind him huh. =P
he's really busy today. i hope he eat on time.. tmr.. class shouldnt be too boring for him ne. hm.. yeah.. should be better..
oh.. actually was gonna tell him his msg so sweet in msn. he really changed it. makes my day. super duper sweet. ^^
last night also.. wanna ask him about it.. then end up msn him while he's offline. anyway.. very sweet..

was waiting for his msg though..today. he said breaktime will do so. but i waited.. never come. so im sure he's busy. but yea.. just hope he have a proper time to eat well thats all... ..hopefully.. my future job can allow me to have some free time enough to msg him.. at least.. for a goodnight msg.. ...imagine. .will be so sad if i couldnt even reply him a proper on time goodnight.. =( ..huu.. hate that..

sigh.. nowadays been falling aslp slp.. like.. couldnt slp.. dunno...
last night.. was looking through my pics with him.. ...as usual.. then.. close up my slide phone, saw my pic.. like.. =/ so wanna replace it with his.. then.. dunno.. haven yet do it.. cos.. i know myself.. if i miss him extra lots, if i happen to look at my phone, then saw his pic, i might just cry T_T ..
ne.. when i finally stop crying for a night before bed, i'll tell ya guys aites.

oh.. me noted that date down... I watched him sleep for the very first time through webcam.
been a while.. thats why thought of it.. *teary eyes
the moment i remember that night,.. my heart clenches hard together.. and then.. my eyes got all teary.. i dunno.. i cried easily. ha. its just that.. every little memory counts so much more in my heart especially now that we're apart.. You Can't get to do that everyday or anytime you want ya know. and so.. every special moment, makes it all the more special... ..always in a special place of my heart... ..

have you ever tried.. like. .happily and smiling talking to another person, then the next Sec, your tears fall down when u are reminded of something....and your eyes goes red.. and still trying to talk with another person.. like.. talk casually.. then.. wiped off the tears, and back to normal after you've stopped thinking.
its amazing in a way..ha. but it can be done nonetheless. its possible.

wow.. me and mum fixed a chair from scratched today! ha.. but mum lend her strength, me read and do.. wee... and lend my strength as well k. ha. its difficult.. but yea.. managed to fix a chair. haha.. oh no.. im sorry.. its assemble a chair!! XDso yup. its pretty cool.
girl power.

oh.. mum told me that.. in day time, she took a bus.. changing bus.. at geylang there.. bus 26 always pass by there when we heading to city plaza. anyway, she tld me that theres one time, she's standing there for bus.. then theres this uncle thought she's those type of ahem.. hooker.. mum say there got alot.. so yup.. he asked my mum what bus to where.. blah3. hten my mum say she don know.. after that, that uncle scolded her in vulgar words. argh.
ever since tehn. my mum dont dare to change bus from there again. phew..

mum always ask me if sammy got call me everyday. dunno whether sms considers as da dian hua anot.. so me say yea.. then she told me.. sam wont anything wan.. he's not(even) a huai dan. huai dan in chinese, meaning bad guy. or a bad person. hahaha...
i know what she's trying to say to me.. that he's a very nice guy.. and he wont do anything bad to me behind my back wan..
i know.. thats why she also tell me dont anyhow.. must stick to one man.. hahaha..
.yea.. i know how she want me to understand.. and just point them out to me.. that all i already knew.. well.. but its still nice to have someone else trying to assure you that.

me went to city plaza there with mum.. bought some steamboat sauces.. have a look at new year stuffs.. then redz joined us.. ha.. he found a new job. working near pp. well, guess he'll be staying with us for more frequent times eh.
2 hours to go.. sammy will awake.. ... =/.. so feeling like.. wanna wait till 2 hours is up,when he wakey..then msg him morning..
.. sometimes ne.. in the middle of the night, couldnt slp.. thought of him... misses his voice. .so wanna call him.. but.. cannot desu.. not nice mah.. ha.. imagine huh.. his 5,6am.. me called.. he pick up.. me say.. miss u.. just wanna hear your voice.. gdnight.. bye. then he.. in a blur2 way.. ee.. orh.. miss u too.. nights.. zzzzzzzz then fall back aslp. ha. nah.. just imagine him slping tightly under his blankie will do.. ...

... =( heard the price for the tickets to australia might be rising up.. cos they are building some kinda.. erm.. full body scanners thingy in airports.. so.. yea.. .. sigh.. nvm ba.. wanna rise it, then rise ba.. what to do.. =/
.. o well

..i thought about the future... its sooo uncertain..and so risky. and frightening. sometimes.. i tell myself.. heck care.. just look forward at least until over 2012 dec 21st. after that.. u can worry all you want. i guess.. thats the only reason to..kinda stop me in a way from wondering into the future.
it needs to be planned. i want it to be.. so.. i wouldnt have any disappointments to come.. i hate those heavy ones..

kk.. gotta head for bed already.. goodnight peeps.

mata.

Change The Law!

ouch.. my shoulder is hurting at the start of the evening.. =( chair too low huh.. o well...... hopefully can get a new one soon.. =/

lol.. my mum.. like.. talk to me in a serious warning way.. XD!! me using lappy halfway.. she always ask about sammy.. i say he's not here.. then she say to me.. you dont anyhow hor.. already have him, so must stick to one man(one person) only.
i was like.. wanna laugh already! XD of course i will! she think im that type of girl huh? haha.. i find it so funny.

aw... from tonight onwards.. sammy gotta slp early already... ..tehn.. when my work start, it'll be even more difficult for us to talk. when im near closing time, he'll be off to bed most properly.. ..o well...
..sigh.. future will come.. so.. yup.. haiz.. like that ba..cant stop it from coming anyway.

mum was telling me about my birth.. ha.... she was in an emergency room. i say.. maybe it was because of her age.. around 30? she gave birth to me. not sure.. but.. well.. she say cos i was too big. haha.. yea.. she say i was a ;big' heavy baby .naw......
anyway, ...yeah.. gosh.. giving birth huh.. ..ouchie.. dont want think now. future ahead still long. ha

i was..kinda surprised ya know... it all happened in a cafe.
4 men bully this girl at the working place, till she decided to take her own life.
punishment?
-first man, got FINE $15 000
2nd man Fine $45 000
3rd man Fine $#30 000
4th man Fine $10 000.

thats it???? yes that was it!
omg. you drove a poor girl to death, and you GOT AWAY WITH IT BY PAYING FINES.
WOW. Australia really in need of money huh. everything is fines3. you got away with anything you want. as long as you have MONEY. thats it. go on. you can cost somemore innocent and precious life away.
agrh! making me angry at the thought of these. .. gosh....
..she's a young waitress.. ..sigh.. poor girl... =/

"As far as I'm concerned they drove her to the edge and they pushed her over - as far as I'm concerned they should be in jail."

Ms Panlock's father Damien said the law should be changed to include a custodial sentence.

"Change the law," he told reporters.

yes.. i couldn't have agreed more.

she's only 19.. getting bullied by her work mates of 28,26,23... ... tch... argh.. how could they get away with this... sigh.

Outside the court, Ms Panlock's mother Rae, who had been unaware of the bullying, described her daughter as a "beautiful girl who was full of compassion".
..how could these ppl keep calling her fat and ugly. c'mon. now whats wrong with being a big size? in fact, i dont think she's even that fat. she aint ugly either. what gives them the right to call anyone ugly.

The parents of a young waitress who killed herself after being subjected to relentless workplace bullying says the law should be changed to allow courts to jail tormenters.

.. o well.. .. =/ may she rest in peace..

..sigh

oh.. tmr ne.. sammy wont be home till.. when he's about to sleep time ba.. hope everything will go well there, and.. yeah.. all the best to him.

.... huu.. ..so gonna miss him... =/

mata

Not My Days

mouth... i couldnt... i think i cried.. i hugged my stuff doggy tight.... hearing his soothing voice... i cried so hard.. afraid of my family to get notice of...
how did i react this way............

im a weakling now upon this moment...
but i do not care one bit.....

this weekend isnt fine at all...

i do not know.. how our conversation lasted for 31 mins........... ... i.... wanted to ask him questions...... but.. i couldnt open my mouth... i couldnt... i think i cried.. i hugged my stuff doggy tight.... hearing his soothing voice... i cried so hard.. afraid of my family to get notice of...
how did i react this way............

im a weakling now upon this moment...
but i do not care one bit.....

this weekend isnt fine at all...
it really sux..... to the core.... =(

me. no appetite to eat these few days........ i dont feel hungry.. somemore.. me wakey in afternoon... ...
time to time will wakey in the middle of the night.. or early morning.. then.. trying to slp back again.. why.. .i wonder... =(
im a person who doesnt mind not eating at all. i can take a meal a day. and im still feeling alrite.

i miss his voice so much

bro bought alot of items today.... alot of money spent must be.... =/ .... ..i do...not know what else to say...

felt kinda lonely when it comes to money matters.... .. =/

that day.. my mum asked me.. its like.. kinda hard for me to eat the dishes i wanna eat huh... she was right.. i noticed that about her too... we.. couldnt bear to eat the dishes we cooked... we'd rather have other ppl have a taste of it..

.. i wonder if my mum is aslp by now.. i... do not want her to see me cry... they were still handling the bed a min ago...

... ok.. goodnight...

this is the worse year ever... i do not even look forward to the cny.. and nope. i do not intend to shop for new clothes and shoes...

... for the very first time.. ... wow.......
have i changed...... .. yes.. i did.....

mata.

it really sux..... to the core.... =(

me. no appetite to eat these few days........ i dont feel hungry.. somemore.. me wakey in afternoon... ...
time to time will wakey in the middle of the night.. or early morning.. then.. trying to slp back again.. why.. .i wonder... =(
im a person who doesnt mind not eating at all. i can take a meal a day. and im still feeling alrite.

i miss his voice so much

bro bought alot of items today.... alot of money spent must be.... =/ .... ..i do...not know what else to say...

felt kinda lonely when it comes to money matters.... .. =/

that day.. my mum asked me.. its like.. kinda hard for me to eat the dishes i wanna eat huh... she was right.. i noticed that about her too... we.. couldnt bear to eat the dishes we cooked... we'd rather have other ppl have a taste of it..

.. i wonder if my mum is aslp by now.. i... do not want her to see me cry... they were still handling the bed a min ago...

... ok.. goodnight...

this is the worse year ever... i do not even look forward to the cny.. and nope. i do not intend to shop for new clothes and shoes...

... for the very first time.. ... wow.......
have i changed...... .. yes.. i did.....

mata.

Caring

hm.. its late already.. me wanna rest.. i'll make this blog short. actually doesnt feel like blogging tonight.

gosh.. my right shoulder hurts so much. argh... need a massage..

oh.. ytd.. so.. my chicken meat ball turns out well, and bro and redz say its very nice! their expressions say it all. yay.
and nowadays, when im cooking with mum, she ill ask me for advice. lol. i was like.. eh.. isnt she supposed to know better than me? ha.. anyway, yeah.. its good. all the more i get to learn, and i asked for for advice too.

sigh.. last night and this morning.. =/. . dont wanna talk about it no more. wanna forget about it..
perhaps i just.. say the wrong thing, at the wrong time.. making things worse.. ...when i keep quiet about it.. not good. when i say it.. not good. haiyo. dont even know what im talking about now. ... anyway... i guess i just u know.. ..wrong timing.. =/

....*point2 finger...but.. i just.. dont wanna sammy to stop caring for me..

bro bought a larger tv. -_- haiz.. no comments... alritey.. i gotta go =( my shoulder gotta take a break now! huu.. ouchie..

oh.. last night didnt slpt well again. =( tonight.. ha.. im prepared.
gosh.. been so long since i slept well.

mata

Negatives Not

hmm.... =/ today.. nothing much ba... oh.. cooked a chicken meat ball dish today. turns out good. so yup.. me glad .

feeling abit irritating =/ i think.. last night never slept well at all. haiz. keep waking up, then slp.. happened so many times.

=( so bored now.. just watch tv.. and online.. online2.. ....

ne.. was thinking about the club night with sammy when i was in sydney. couldnt really remember much about the dancing part ba.. but yeah.. i guess drink too muchXD haiyo.. end up didnt get to enjoy much. still. its good. cos with the right person around.

he once kidna hurt me unintentionally when he's angry about something.. his face doesnt show it.. but i know.. then just tell him.. say if he need someone to talk to, i'll be there.. just feel free to talk to me anytime he want if he feels like it.i'll be there for him alwasy. then he reply a straight cut answer. ''no need.' that hurts alot. i dont think he realised it then. then i turn away straight. i kept quiet.. he's already upset.. if i talk about this thing, wait yeah.. too stressful. so... yea.. but i understand.. of course sometimes u wouldnt feel like wanna talk about anything when u're upset. but.. is there a no need after all?
still.. i understand.. just sometimes wonder on the negative side.. am i someone he could not talk to?.. ..
but i know he loves me alot. so. yup.. i believe that. and that should be enough said.

last night..couldnt really get to sleep.. was in my room.. feeling.. o well... cried again. see. like part of my routine already

haiz.. today.. dunno what to say.. =/
bored.. cos dunno what else to do online.. then sammy.. he's feeling too bored to talk. is it me? just.. some negative thoughts ba i guess=/ trying to shake that off. i hate that feeling=( sometimes like wanna stay positive also cannot.. =/

gosh.... im scared when the time of month is coming.. theres always this bad vibe around thats so negatives.. =( cant tell ya how much i detest that. sigh.. if met with fullmoon, all the more worse. if you ppl out there who belong to the horoscope cancer, u'll totally know what i mean. isnt it cancerians.
ahh......... hate the sensitive part.. but love the gentleness of mother like.. and kindness it sends out..

o well... =/ will stay positive.. will do.. keep reminding myself of whats important, and whats real.. i'll try to keep my head on that.

mata

Snowy And Pauline Both Misses Sammy =/

gosh.. its been warm these days.. hot hot hot... haiyo.
hoping it will rain soon. the climate totally changed around the world now. argh.. bad news around the world aint good.

3 years.. in 23years time.. should set a goal huh.. hmm..... ok.. ... i think i might know.. ha.

anyway.. lets talk about 2 years back. the first time sammy left me for sydney for 3 weeks holiday. sad of course.. =( one of the chatting night, he told me.. he hugged his bloster very tightly.. and whisper to the bloster... 'so wish you were here..'. =).. see.. i never forget that.
yeah i know how he feels.. me too.. of course everynight wishing i was there with him..

last night ne.. dunno why also.. i looked to my side.. there my teddy.. sitting there.. she's given to me by sammy.
overccome by a uncertain kind of emotion, i reaches out my hand, and touchy the tip of her nose.. then i feel her face.. her head.. her fur is so smooth and soft.. i then 'asked' her.. ' do u miss ur sammy?.. you miss him too huh.. i misses my sammy too..' then, i huggie her into my blankie.. as my tear rolls off my cheek.. and off to lala land we meet.

hm...... today didnt cook.. my day.. pretty much the same..
just.. finding some websites where i can get some info on.. thats all.. while i work, or nothing much to do, perhaps i can feed off that. get some foundation before i start the real thing.
..=/ well... as long as the 2012 dont come true yet. technically speaking, its about 2013. cos its already dec.. O.o
well.. not gonna take things too lightly just in case there's even a 1%.. so.. for these 3 years especially, i wanna do almost everything i can..,.. that i wanted.. that.. at least i.. can accomplished. when the deadline is gone, I shall take things more seriously.
that doesnt mean im not serious now. i am. just that, in the future, things might just get a little different.

well.... end of convo.. XD ha.

oh, there's this person's personality.. its like.. i need that kind of attitude now. im trying to learn.. yes.. that'll do good for me..

hm..

oh yea.. again.. was so sleeping by the end of night.. O.o.. wakey also.. =/

mate ne...

He's My Knight, Prince Charming, My Everything

there's this book across the web.. this author, a woman.. she was in a 7 years of long distance relationship. but. she was married!!! deng3*!! O.O wow... never get a chance to have a look at the actual book.. but it was amazing isnt it? she's married for 7years ldr?! cool. but.. not sure if she already had a child by then or not. anyway, i think its really inspirational. yup. hm.. seriously.. how did a married woman like her get through this. hm.. still... i guess it doesnt make much difference.. only thing is that, she's married. and had a 'contract' kinda bound to it. so yup.. like that nice fren of sammy.

gosh.. had a terrible dream.. huu... its yucky!! gosh.. and good thing sam msg my phone on time, as my head was next to it, i immediately woke up, and ended the nightmare. gosh. yeah.. its good,. usually me wont wakey from phone.. but this time, yeah.. great timing.
he ar.. ha.. always there for me. as though guarding me while sleeping. ahh...... ... i miss him so much.. even me here, he still manage to make me feel safe.. like.. me msg him tell him what happened.. then he reply back.. means alot to me. so comforting..... ..really feels liek he's here..

when i was with him in his room slping, i had nightmares.. he woke me up.. twice. which i saw him, was soooo frightened of him. ha. dunno why. anyway, now that i think about it carefully.. its quite amazing how he managed to hear me.. or.. hm.. i dunno... what kinda noise im making.. really not sure.. =/ but... well.. for a person like him who can sleep so tightly, and to notice me, =) im happy. i find it amazing. ^^ hehe.
wow

last night ne.. gave a call to sammy. =) it felt so great to hear his voice. really couldnt bear to hang up the phone. me told him how i feel about his gestures. he always put his hand beside me when im slping.. cos he's on the bed.. me on the floor.. so me would get to hold his hand and sleep soundly. one time, as days were drawing near, once again i saw his hand.. then i cried.. =(
even till now, everynight before sleep, sometimes i'll thought of that, and my tears will roll down again. its not surprising for my nights to be full of tears already... theres.. tears of joy.. miss... love..
.. yeah..

hm.. haiyo.. duno why.. so want sam to be here right now. today like.. extra craving for him =X i mean.. want him here.. yup.. bleahx. hahaha.

we'll do everything we can to make sure things work out between us, and we wanna be by each other's side at the end of the day.
the day will come.. so yup. will work hard.. will passes whatever thigns got throw in our faces..
we can make it. definitely.
i trust his words, he gave me hopes..
so lets have faith ne.

mata!

Busy Kitchen

newapaper.. this morning was reading it.. about 2 ppl in a singing competition are married today. was surprised.. cos didnt know the rumours were true.. they were dating for 3 years! haha.. the guy had 2 or 1 album on his hand.
then.. read this speech by the girl.. saying something.. about thank you to the guy or something? saying.. thought theres no real fairy tales about prince and princcess happily ever after everytime she broken up.. but finally she believe in it when he shows up. about though in between theres thoughts of breaking up, theres up and downs.. one of them had a bad temper.. stubborn.. and unromantic.. but yet.. i remember the last line she says.. to the guy.. 'i'll always be your princess.'
aww... such a wonderful speech.. =)

hm.. so.. this is the so-called wedding speech huh... hmm........... .... lol. i think i'll roughly have an idea of waht to say.. ehh.. hm.. i wonder.. not every wedding ceremony gotta do that right.. -_-
lol.. well.. who knows.. far future perhaps i shall find out. o well

oh.. today the kitchen is crowded abit. ha. bro and redz were baking in the kitchen. while me and mum were cooking. 4 persons in kitchen. like what sam and redz said.. sounded as though we're opening a restaurant. XD
but its nice.. i like that.. its a different kind of feeling.

hm.. tonight gonna gib sammy a gdnight call.. suddenly misses his voice like soooooo much. ^^ hehe. cant wait.

ohhhhh.... u know ne.. since sammy is starting his school soon,.. =/ well.. in case i ahve no one to chat to, heh.. im thinking of using this free time, to buck up my jap. my basic is alright.. but.. i need some 'connections' to link everything up.. so i could get a better understanding to everything. sounds good to me. so.. yup. we shall see. =)

omg.. so gonna get a job after march.. really cant wait. though would love to work, and earn money again, im still cherishing my free time here. cook,learn, do whatever as much as possible here.
save up for my phone before it gives me prob again.. i counted already.. every about 6 months, or 4, my phone would have prob. so not gonna send for repair again. argh.
hm.. after that, im gonna look forward to the day to see sammy again.. not sure when.. but yeah.. when he holiday, and me earn enough.. and yup...
anyway.. main thing is.. gonna save very hard.. cant just buy the things i like now..

oh.. that day, my parents and i went to get the new year tibits remember? ha.. me saw this satay fish tibits.. then not sure wanna buy anot.. dad cos got his pay, gave me a 5bucks to pay for the $3 item. though its a small gesture,.. i felt happy then.. hnm.. dunno.. not say happy then... hm... i dunno.. but its nice.. cos.. when's the last time he bought me something? ha.. i cant even remember when's the last time i ask for anything from my parents.
so.. yup. .thats why.. that packet of satay fish.. really.. hm.. cant explain ba.. somewhere near happy. ha.. .. simple me? ha.. i dunno.. just that.. im glad someone bought something for me for once.. xmas is a good one eh.. and birthday too. ha.. =P

hmm.. why ar.. so wanna hear his voice so much... cant wait for later ne.. ^^ hee.

its time.. for me to.. u know.. really2... ... haiz.
..i need to think things through.. make some rules for myself.. sometimes i really hated myself when i looked back some memories. =( sigh.

i know i love sammy alot. i dont wanna lose him.
there'll be give and take.. respect and communicate.. whatever it is, im prepared to learn more.. and gotta learn more..
how to say ne.. i try to sometimes u know.. look back on the day when we had our first few dates.. the first few months might always be the best and sweetest memories.. cos couples would be so polite to each other .lol
o well... =) swt.

oh... omg... couldnt believe this... ahhhh haiyo!! theres so much stuff never see sammy do!! cos too excited to see him, plus he and me long time never get to do those.. or see those.. then.. forgot about that.. =( ehhh.. huu.... sad sia.. haiz........
... sometimes its scary.. wondering if humans will say.. change just like that...
o well.. gonna note it down.. and.. well.. hopefully when we see each other again, he can do that for me ba.. wont be able to resist it =) hee..

gosh.. suddenly feel so sleepy.. O.o..
hm.. today.. finally.. i smile so much.. all becos of sammy.
i hope he read abit of the free e-book everynight though.. =.= hahaha... well... just hoping.. it'll get both of us to understand much more better.. still.. the most important part is.. as long as his heart is always on me..

maat ne!

Anger Management

yesterday i woke up a couple of time.. its was weird.. i keep having the same dreams even though i fall back aslp.. its short though.. i dreamt of sammy msging me.. then i'll wake up from the dream, and check my phone if its real.
then found that its not. slp again, same dream again.. ...pretty weird huh.. ..

i thought some matters had been settled..

oh.. for the traveling part.. i've decided to go for sammy's way. meanwhile i'll just try to save more money, while waiting to see what happens then. so.. well.. ..saving money shall be my goal then.. ..like that.

..wasnt feeling in the best of shape yesterday.. perhaps.. never eat much i guess?.. .. night time.. was hungry again.. feeling a little too tired and weak..
was thinking of heading to bed early. but.. decided to stay with with sammy after all.. there wont be much time online with him soon.

i felt.. as though one of my organ is gonna burst.. days.. hasn't been good lately.. there's always tears and.. it has its own moments..

have u ever met someone, and u knew right away theres something about him or her.. something.. seems so familiar.. something that might spell soulmate.. something that says.. he or she's the one.. something that says.. i'll be having my future spend with him/her for the rest of my life..
..

like i'd said many times in my blogs before.. i rarely have an anger fit. but when i do get pissed off for real, my temper is very3 bad. i will change into another person.
i think.. sammy should've seen it before.. hm.. but.. that time me only kick the drawers or something. or slam it?
anyway.. gosh.. i hope when i have another one of those fits, please not let anything precious stay around me, for i might destroy it.
oops. yea.. a day or 2 later, i found that the drawer corner part.., theres a piece of wood chipped off le. =X quite a big piece. oopsy....

so.. yea.. but good thing it happens as rare as once or twice a year. so phew..
but.. all because of my brother.. when i was young.. he's the one who causes me to be so afraid of anyone who's angry these days. sigh............. =(
i really hated that.. especially when sammy's gets frustrated, sigh.. i dunno what to do.. but.. he taught me one.. =) hug him. so.. well.. slowly bit by bit i guess... to learn..
wish i could..somehow.. 'change' it in some ways..
so yea.. it will be better.. but.. gosh.. how to.. -_-
its a yearsssss phobia kinda thing. haiz.

oh.. me blogging so early..

k ba.. perhaps at night blog again..

mata ne.

Food Wasted Day

....
hm... didnt have much appetite today.. .. lunch.. a little bit of cup soup.. didnt managed to finish that..
then.. dinner time will be arriving soon..
me lay back.. stomach growling until i fall asleep.. wakey,.. couldnt wait to have some food..but then.. by the time me eat, already... hm.. lost my appetite i guess. couldnt finish my rice either.

i feel sleepy.. and .. a little more than that..
well.. tonight gonna try to have a good night's rest. last time i had one, might be a week ago..

mata.

-i almost thought i couldnt breathe-