it was pretty comfy.. snuggling under the blankie today.. auto wakey early.. had hourss of rest.. but not enough still=/ wakey soon after, runny nose. not even med can help =/ sighs.. terrible.. im still sneezing. .for hours alreayd =( dunno whats wrong. no energy.. so tired to do anything. everyday feelign like thsi.. .sighs..
=/ erally dampening my mood. =/
i hope i'll be fine soon...
sighs... in need of major help here..
zzzzzzzz
baka.. .runny nose.. brain shutting down.. slpy tired.. all at one go.. =/
all i can do is to online... rest head.. online... but cannot fall aslp.. though it is pretty comfy weather todya. raining heavily desu. sighs.. ..trying to get through this day..
terrible3 one =(
boring............. sickly............... sighs.... terrible day.
very sianz
mm. . not sure. .but think.. tonight gonna have eat as a family..downstairs together.
yea rare to do that. .alwyas busy mah...
once in a whiel is fine.. .. his family is diff ba.. must wait till late then get to eat.. cos together they must. so yea.. once i waited till 10pm i think. very starving . ha. but.. yea. its great to have a taste of how his life;s like. i can undersatdn betetr too.
kk.. maybe i gotta lie down n rest again. i cant do anything much. sighs.. dying of sickness
jaa
31 October 2011
28 October 2011
same lines, same thoughts, same feelings for both
just a quick post.. me super tired. .gonna slp soon...
haiz. .stil ltired as ever.... really3 misses him so much.. =/ how i wish could stay wish him 24/7.. sighs.. .you know how to be happy.. yet.. haiz.. . its not easy..
hope he's doingg well later on.. .i can imagien how tired he is..
gosh... me too
my mum say that.. my energy.. getting lower and lower... haizx. .i know. .i can tell too =/ i felt it wat.
its my own body.. ...haiz...
if only everyday can relax with him... how life happy can be.. ...
oh god.. sighs..
he said so many things.. that i wanted to say.. perhaps.. sometimes me not good at expressing or putting feelings nad thoughts into words ba.. thats why he always manages to speak it out fo rme.. im touched. well, at least i know we feel the same way..
wait. ....huu.. stomach very weird..
...gosh late now... i need to go slp liao...
yawnnnnnnnnn
really wish i can rest for a god old 4 or 5 days straight.. but a pity i cant... not until jan arrives.. huu.. .jia you pl..
mata ne...
haiz. .stil ltired as ever.... really3 misses him so much.. =/ how i wish could stay wish him 24/7.. sighs.. .you know how to be happy.. yet.. haiz.. . its not easy..
hope he's doingg well later on.. .i can imagien how tired he is..
gosh... me too
my mum say that.. my energy.. getting lower and lower... haizx. .i know. .i can tell too =/ i felt it wat.
its my own body.. ...haiz...
if only everyday can relax with him... how life happy can be.. ...
oh god.. sighs..
he said so many things.. that i wanted to say.. perhaps.. sometimes me not good at expressing or putting feelings nad thoughts into words ba.. thats why he always manages to speak it out fo rme.. im touched. well, at least i know we feel the same way..
wait. ....huu.. stomach very weird..
...gosh late now... i need to go slp liao...
yawnnnnnnnnn
really wish i can rest for a god old 4 or 5 days straight.. but a pity i cant... not until jan arrives.. huu.. .jia you pl..
mata ne...
27 October 2011
One And Only
i. didnt realised that i was in any sort of trouble..
i still eat.. but.. just. .very. .rojak' in a kind of way... sometimes skipped. .cos no appetite k.. not cos of slimming shit. yea.. no time eat. .or no appettite.. etc.. well ..i stil lsurvived.. but i think.. htats kinda not good ... i know.. very not good.. but. ... sighs
today.. slpt.. whole day.. i lay on my bed .. after lunch. i lay there... for 4 hours.. it was very cold.. n comfy under blankie.. best if he's there... but.. a pity.. only my bloster was there... .. so yea. .cold.. n snggle under blankie... thinking alot.. alot3... from the past till present..to future.. good.. n bad thoughts.. etc... couldnt slp.. just feel so tired.. .as always. .tired.. energy less... so wanna go out. .but couldnt. .cos. .no joy... =/
to do anything.. ..
..yea..
now also.. anyway, was very hungry. .headed out for dinner.. had the feeling of throwing up. i ate too much. guess stomahc suddenly expand. .not used to so much food. in a sudden.. so yea...
stomach hurts too.. the skin hurting. .not stomachache... cos the skin is expanding.. so yea pain abit.. luckily i held mysefl down. .i di not throw up. phew... ...
..
sometimes i wonder. .what makes me the one i am in this world.
everyone is different. soem are smiliar.. yet a few.. you could never find another perosn like him or her.
and i think.. what plays a huge part is that.. the love you're willing to give to another.. .
the way you carry yourslef..
the way your soul shines..
your kindness... gentleness... your big heart..
understanding.. have mind of your own..
and most importnat of all, be genuine.
everybody cannot be duplicate..
each has their own differences.. good or bad.. they are all different.
but.. you have to see the true behind these souls..
are they lasting.. or just a moment of truth..
the way i heard from my fren's bf.. i can tell they are fine ppl. why? because they've been in more than a couple of years relationship.
soem are willing to change for them.. some. .are willing to show their gf to their mates.. regardless if she's the only gal in the whole groiup..
some. .willing to just spend time with mates instead of hanging out with gal frens..
some. .willing to wait long for their gf just to knock off work.. liek last min ot or what..
it is.. .pretty frightening someteims.. even if i have male frens... i wonder.. whast gonna happen after 6months time.. or blah3.... wil lthey commit the way they do after a period of short time?
bottom line.. good life partner are so rare and hard to find... i still dont get it. .why some ppl are willing to give it all up for yesrs of relationship and go for the new one. ..but when they regret it, the other party will be long gone. why gave it all up for nothing..
i.. really envious my frens though. .they ahve gd bf...like those long term ones.. one of them. .getting engaged in dec....
..sighs.. ..really envy them. ...
yanika.. she stayed with her aunt when she came over in sg... i asked if she need to pay fo rher own flat is theres no aunt here.. she replied she not coming here if they not paying for her..
i wonder.... anywy.. rent shld be fine ba... i hope... dunno how au works..
so yea ..today.. rotting my hours away.. still feet hurt.. stil ltired. ... very tired liek always.. nothign interests me to get up... i dunno why.. just feel so dead.. ..
sighs..
if peeps,.. you have a long term relationship now, don do anythign stupid . if you have one bird in your hand, cherish it. the others wont work. and they wont be he same no matter what. so forget it. forget about owning other birds in the woods.. don even look at them... you have your whole life precious one in your hand.. .cherish it.. and don let it fly away in disappointed.. if she did, how would you be able to find her again? .. rememebr.. nothign is replaceable....
do rem,ember that by heart...
nothing can be the same...
be contend with what you have best in your life..in your life.. look at her.. and think nothign else but how to make her happy.. both happy...
mark my words...
the moment you let go for others, she's gone forever.. don expect the new bird in your hand to be like her.. cos she will not be.. and never be.. never be better than her..... worse case.. .after a few years then realised you relaly changed the wrong bird in your hand? too late mate. your perfect one...alreayd chased off by you....
battre en fagel i handen an tio i skogen
mata
i still eat.. but.. just. .very. .rojak' in a kind of way... sometimes skipped. .cos no appetite k.. not cos of slimming shit. yea.. no time eat. .or no appettite.. etc.. well ..i stil lsurvived.. but i think.. htats kinda not good ... i know.. very not good.. but. ... sighs
today.. slpt.. whole day.. i lay on my bed .. after lunch. i lay there... for 4 hours.. it was very cold.. n comfy under blankie.. best if he's there... but.. a pity.. only my bloster was there... .. so yea. .cold.. n snggle under blankie... thinking alot.. alot3... from the past till present..to future.. good.. n bad thoughts.. etc... couldnt slp.. just feel so tired.. .as always. .tired.. energy less... so wanna go out. .but couldnt. .cos. .no joy... =/
to do anything.. ..
..yea..
now also.. anyway, was very hungry. .headed out for dinner.. had the feeling of throwing up. i ate too much. guess stomahc suddenly expand. .not used to so much food. in a sudden.. so yea...
stomach hurts too.. the skin hurting. .not stomachache... cos the skin is expanding.. so yea pain abit.. luckily i held mysefl down. .i di not throw up. phew... ...
..
sometimes i wonder. .what makes me the one i am in this world.
everyone is different. soem are smiliar.. yet a few.. you could never find another perosn like him or her.
and i think.. what plays a huge part is that.. the love you're willing to give to another.. .
the way you carry yourslef..
the way your soul shines..
your kindness... gentleness... your big heart..
understanding.. have mind of your own..
and most importnat of all, be genuine.
everybody cannot be duplicate..
each has their own differences.. good or bad.. they are all different.
but.. you have to see the true behind these souls..
are they lasting.. or just a moment of truth..
the way i heard from my fren's bf.. i can tell they are fine ppl. why? because they've been in more than a couple of years relationship.
soem are willing to change for them.. some. .are willing to show their gf to their mates.. regardless if she's the only gal in the whole groiup..
some. .willing to just spend time with mates instead of hanging out with gal frens..
some. .willing to wait long for their gf just to knock off work.. liek last min ot or what..
it is.. .pretty frightening someteims.. even if i have male frens... i wonder.. whast gonna happen after 6months time.. or blah3.... wil lthey commit the way they do after a period of short time?
bottom line.. good life partner are so rare and hard to find... i still dont get it. .why some ppl are willing to give it all up for yesrs of relationship and go for the new one. ..but when they regret it, the other party will be long gone. why gave it all up for nothing..
i.. really envious my frens though. .they ahve gd bf...like those long term ones.. one of them. .getting engaged in dec....
..sighs.. ..really envy them. ...
yanika.. she stayed with her aunt when she came over in sg... i asked if she need to pay fo rher own flat is theres no aunt here.. she replied she not coming here if they not paying for her..
i wonder.... anywy.. rent shld be fine ba... i hope... dunno how au works..
so yea ..today.. rotting my hours away.. still feet hurt.. stil ltired. ... very tired liek always.. nothign interests me to get up... i dunno why.. just feel so dead.. ..
sighs..
if peeps,.. you have a long term relationship now, don do anythign stupid . if you have one bird in your hand, cherish it. the others wont work. and they wont be he same no matter what. so forget it. forget about owning other birds in the woods.. don even look at them... you have your whole life precious one in your hand.. .cherish it.. and don let it fly away in disappointed.. if she did, how would you be able to find her again? .. rememebr.. nothign is replaceable....
do rem,ember that by heart...
nothing can be the same...
be contend with what you have best in your life..in your life.. look at her.. and think nothign else but how to make her happy.. both happy...
mark my words...
the moment you let go for others, she's gone forever.. don expect the new bird in your hand to be like her.. cos she will not be.. and never be.. never be better than her..... worse case.. .after a few years then realised you relaly changed the wrong bird in your hand? too late mate. your perfect one...alreayd chased off by you....
battre en fagel i handen an tio i skogen
mata
26 October 2011
No appetite still =/
haiz.. sianz. no appetite again. but stomach growling. ..was so tired and sleepy.. .once home, straight nap abit. .very short bit only.. mum said she's very worried for me... asking if i have probs .or isit work too tired.. if too tiring, find another ba. .asked me to quit. .i said im fine. ..well.. i alwasy lied tha im fine. ..
..anyway... i know. she sighes.. but waht to do. i dunno why either.
felt as though. .no more meaning to do anythign else.
i was 'alive' at work though. like. .back .to fight on. but. after that.. its just. ..dead.
o well.. yea. .nap.. stomach kept on growling.. non stop.. starving. .but leg too hurt and tired to move even for an inch... no appetite to eat anything... only craving for yellow ginger bean curd... .. thus. .headed out for drinks. yea. so baka... o well.. .but yea. .these times, i always drink on empty stomach. my dad always liek to do that too. =.= but yea. .i know.. not good. my frens also know.. also don dare drink fast n much before eaitng. but... yea.. i just cant help it.
sighs... so hungry.. but drink instead.
o well... what to do...
life is meaningless. i wonder if this is how they felt.. when they saythat before they do something foolish. don worry. i still have my syd trip. my own adventure. i wont do stupid things . =.=
but yea.. .its a frightening feelign though. like.. nothing else matters... nothing seems happy.. nothing to look forward to.. just. .tired all day long.. wanna lay on the bed.. not to move an inch... thinking. .wahts life gonna be now. ..its.. another type of terrible feeling besides heartache.
human beings. .are so complicated. .the way they think. .the way they act... the way they interact..backstab.. etc... =/
sighs. .at work.. made stupid small mistakes.. dunno why. overly tired. ? or cant concentrate anymore?
even mum.. could tell.. ive been feeling tired everyday. .. just nap and nap...
.. sighs....
=/ o well.. .what is wrong with me.. =( i wish i can get through this alone.. .
i thought i wasnt good enough.. but my frens said to me.. i am beautiful and gorgeous, i shouldnt feel that way cos of what happened... thsoe compliments really irks me =.= '' seriously .but... sighs.. i wonder hwo would i have feel in the future. ...
... my mum is understanding enough to tell me.. if no appetite,(think she can tell) , then dont eat dinner ba... as in.. don have to force myself to east. .cna eat other things or somehting.
..wonder.. did she noticed that i've not been eating much lately too?..
... i wonder. .even if hteres yellow ginger chicken or beancurd righ tin front of my face now, would i still have the appetite to eat ?
..i dunno....
todya.. very cold.. very.. very cold... i off my fan now...
..cold. .and .. of course. u guessed it. tired...
feet.. legs.. .hurts... ..i do not wish to move them at all... ..=/
..ha. so nice. .all my colleagues have bf fetch them..
..o well..
oh today. .so weird and scary. =.= '''' i was turning towards the direction of my customer.s. and of cours ei have to smile. then i turned, my customer walked towards me, and i walkeds towards my cusotmer. .then i smiled.. ot my customer of course. then this guy leaning against the window at topshop, smiled at me. i was like. .wth............. =.="''''''O.O he thought i was smiling at him!! OMG>... was liek teling my fren.. she say ok wat. .he's quite good looking. i was like. .holy crap...
and then... again. same fren. i was tlaking and laughing with my frne.. stepping back. .then accidentally step onto this guy behind me. (i cant see him behind). i apologied of course. and she's like... 'you purposely right''/ .. in a joking manner. i wa slike. .jesus christ!! hell no!!!!! XD lol. she laughed at me burting out the jeses christ.
erm. .im not christian. im a free thinker in a way.
so yea. omg. imagine she said htat so near and .. not whisper at the guy there.. hold crap. .so paishe. .i was like blushing!! she's like. .you're blushing right.. see..... ..omg. each time i blushed, its that obvious??! O.o oh no...
but yea.. every time i felt paiseh pr waht.. i'll feel hot... maybe.. thats why im blushing eh?weird.. wonde rhow i looked like.. that obvious meh? or she just saying and guessing? O.o
haiz. so nice to sit.
my feet.. numb..and painful..=/ .. of ocurse. .i know. no pain no gain. i dont get this kind of pay for nothing.
but. one of the asm who quit, commented to me that she never regret it. and she dont even feel liek coming back.
u know. .... i f not for the overseas working thingy plan.. .i might've quit too... =/ .. i dunno.. i really dunno...
...6 months to a year huh... .. k... in order to prepare myself for that, .... jan syd trip.. im counting on ya!! wish me luck peeps.. .i want to get used to syd as much as i can.
...lost, lost ba. waht ever.
haiz. .lunch. .only 2 pieces of small breads... =/ ... no wonde rim so hungry now. ..shouldve guessed it. ...
i.. really wish to eat some hot instant noodle soup.. but. ...i really feel sooo bad .. =( cos waht about my mum's cooking. .and the rice? ... sighs............. at least if instant noodle, i think i should be able to finish it up. but if rice and dinner. ... =/ i'll eat very tiny bit. nowadays, im eating like. .half a portion of what i used to mucnch on. ...
haiz.. hope i'll get well soon...
don worry for me...
i'll find a way to smile one day.. ...i hope
jaa mata
mata.
..anyway... i know. she sighes.. but waht to do. i dunno why either.
felt as though. .no more meaning to do anythign else.
i was 'alive' at work though. like. .back .to fight on. but. after that.. its just. ..dead.
o well.. yea. .nap.. stomach kept on growling.. non stop.. starving. .but leg too hurt and tired to move even for an inch... no appetite to eat anything... only craving for yellow ginger bean curd... .. thus. .headed out for drinks. yea. so baka... o well.. .but yea. .these times, i always drink on empty stomach. my dad always liek to do that too. =.= but yea. .i know.. not good. my frens also know.. also don dare drink fast n much before eaitng. but... yea.. i just cant help it.
sighs... so hungry.. but drink instead.
o well... what to do...
life is meaningless. i wonder if this is how they felt.. when they saythat before they do something foolish. don worry. i still have my syd trip. my own adventure. i wont do stupid things . =.=
but yea.. .its a frightening feelign though. like.. nothing else matters... nothing seems happy.. nothing to look forward to.. just. .tired all day long.. wanna lay on the bed.. not to move an inch... thinking. .wahts life gonna be now. ..its.. another type of terrible feeling besides heartache.
human beings. .are so complicated. .the way they think. .the way they act... the way they interact..backstab.. etc... =/
sighs. .at work.. made stupid small mistakes.. dunno why. overly tired. ? or cant concentrate anymore?
even mum.. could tell.. ive been feeling tired everyday. .. just nap and nap...
.. sighs....
=/ o well.. .what is wrong with me.. =( i wish i can get through this alone.. .
i thought i wasnt good enough.. but my frens said to me.. i am beautiful and gorgeous, i shouldnt feel that way cos of what happened... thsoe compliments really irks me =.= '' seriously .but... sighs.. i wonder hwo would i have feel in the future. ...
... my mum is understanding enough to tell me.. if no appetite,(think she can tell) , then dont eat dinner ba... as in.. don have to force myself to east. .cna eat other things or somehting.
..wonder.. did she noticed that i've not been eating much lately too?..
... i wonder. .even if hteres yellow ginger chicken or beancurd righ tin front of my face now, would i still have the appetite to eat ?
..i dunno....
todya.. very cold.. very.. very cold... i off my fan now...
..cold. .and .. of course. u guessed it. tired...
feet.. legs.. .hurts... ..i do not wish to move them at all... ..=/
..ha. so nice. .all my colleagues have bf fetch them..
..o well..
oh today. .so weird and scary. =.= '''' i was turning towards the direction of my customer.s. and of cours ei have to smile. then i turned, my customer walked towards me, and i walkeds towards my cusotmer. .then i smiled.. ot my customer of course. then this guy leaning against the window at topshop, smiled at me. i was like. .wth............. =.="''''''O.O he thought i was smiling at him!! OMG>... was liek teling my fren.. she say ok wat. .he's quite good looking. i was like. .holy crap...
and then... again. same fren. i was tlaking and laughing with my frne.. stepping back. .then accidentally step onto this guy behind me. (i cant see him behind). i apologied of course. and she's like... 'you purposely right''/ .. in a joking manner. i wa slike. .jesus christ!! hell no!!!!! XD lol. she laughed at me burting out the jeses christ.
erm. .im not christian. im a free thinker in a way.
so yea. omg. imagine she said htat so near and .. not whisper at the guy there.. hold crap. .so paishe. .i was like blushing!! she's like. .you're blushing right.. see..... ..omg. each time i blushed, its that obvious??! O.o oh no...
but yea.. every time i felt paiseh pr waht.. i'll feel hot... maybe.. thats why im blushing eh?weird.. wonde rhow i looked like.. that obvious meh? or she just saying and guessing? O.o
haiz. so nice to sit.
my feet.. numb..and painful..=/ .. of ocurse. .i know. no pain no gain. i dont get this kind of pay for nothing.
but. one of the asm who quit, commented to me that she never regret it. and she dont even feel liek coming back.
u know. .... i f not for the overseas working thingy plan.. .i might've quit too... =/ .. i dunno.. i really dunno...
...6 months to a year huh... .. k... in order to prepare myself for that, .... jan syd trip.. im counting on ya!! wish me luck peeps.. .i want to get used to syd as much as i can.
...lost, lost ba. waht ever.
haiz. .lunch. .only 2 pieces of small breads... =/ ... no wonde rim so hungry now. ..shouldve guessed it. ...
i.. really wish to eat some hot instant noodle soup.. but. ...i really feel sooo bad .. =( cos waht about my mum's cooking. .and the rice? ... sighs............. at least if instant noodle, i think i should be able to finish it up. but if rice and dinner. ... =/ i'll eat very tiny bit. nowadays, im eating like. .half a portion of what i used to mucnch on. ...
haiz.. hope i'll get well soon...
don worry for me...
i'll find a way to smile one day.. ...i hope
jaa mata
mata.
25 October 2011
Dizzy night mode
gosh. .no energy =X think im too weak.. didnt eat properly.
i hope my weight will gain back soon. thouhg. .tonight still no appetite.
o well..
perhaps when i get used to it ba. just. .feell.. like.. no... energy to move around ba.. faintish..
...still no appetite... not looking forward to anything at all... why
mm.. yea.. just... =/ so tired.. mm... ..no energy. tired..and tired... confused too.
about alot of things. and. .also wonder.. why am i doing this now
gosh.. working with my manager. .sianz.. so moody... when rgm here, smiley3... when he's gone, black face again. i know.. we ppl cant control sometimes. but.. ...everytime she's liek that. .. haiz.
o well
...why.. not looking forward to work anymore...
work for the sake of working.. or waht.
confusion..
don worry. i'll d my best to smile at work.
oh so yea. its been confirmed. its that bloody stalkers. oh man.. i hope i wont see them again. .T_T scary sia... omg. so irritating ne this type of ppl. very scary. i so wihs not to be the next victim. huu... gdluck to me man..
by nov gotta settle my living place.. then.. when find a suitable time, wil lchange money eh.. mmm.... wonder if the aust money is high or low nowO.o ;; haiyo.. not sure.. ...mm... o well .. nvm ba.
..haiz. nowadays the ability to smile.. is such a hassle.. and so fake. ..so ddifficult..
..haiz..
i miss my happy feelings.. i miss my smile.. i miss being happy..
..i dont miss crying.. i dont miss sadness.. i don miss heartache.. i don miss tears, i dont miss hopeless... i dont miss frowning.. i dont miss pains
but.. what i misses... i never get.. what i dont miss,.. i get it everyday..
..how ironic... ..
jaa mata
i hope my weight will gain back soon. thouhg. .tonight still no appetite.
o well..
perhaps when i get used to it ba. just. .feell.. like.. no... energy to move around ba.. faintish..
...still no appetite... not looking forward to anything at all... why
mm.. yea.. just... =/ so tired.. mm... ..no energy. tired..and tired... confused too.
about alot of things. and. .also wonder.. why am i doing this now
gosh.. working with my manager. .sianz.. so moody... when rgm here, smiley3... when he's gone, black face again. i know.. we ppl cant control sometimes. but.. ...everytime she's liek that. .. haiz.
o well
...why.. not looking forward to work anymore...
work for the sake of working.. or waht.
confusion..
don worry. i'll d my best to smile at work.
oh so yea. its been confirmed. its that bloody stalkers. oh man.. i hope i wont see them again. .T_T scary sia... omg. so irritating ne this type of ppl. very scary. i so wihs not to be the next victim. huu... gdluck to me man..
by nov gotta settle my living place.. then.. when find a suitable time, wil lchange money eh.. mmm.... wonder if the aust money is high or low nowO.o ;; haiyo.. not sure.. ...mm... o well .. nvm ba.
..haiz. nowadays the ability to smile.. is such a hassle.. and so fake. ..so ddifficult..
..haiz..
i miss my happy feelings.. i miss my smile.. i miss being happy..
..i dont miss crying.. i dont miss sadness.. i don miss heartache.. i don miss tears, i dont miss hopeless... i dont miss frowning.. i dont miss pains
but.. what i misses... i never get.. what i dont miss,.. i get it everyday..
..how ironic... ..
jaa mata
24 October 2011
3rd blog of the 24.10.2011 - weight loss =(
yea.. 3rd blog of the day.. ..lol. what a 24/10/2011 eh. ..
anyway.. .
.. u huh.. ... 3rd blkog..
i know. .just now.. i jsut posted... my 2nd blog..
... forgot to mention...
haiz. no appetite.. again. im craving for... yellow ginger beancurd now.. =/ .. .haiz..
but.. im starving ..im still gonna eat ba.. been losing weight..
..yea. really.. i gain weight.. and loss weight. .veyr fast. dunno why. ... anwya.. yea.. =/
sighs... just keep on losing ba.. ..... im so tired of all this.
at work. .so much disopute ..
cant be avoided..
no wonder they say..
humans.. .are always the scariest.. and hideous.. among other creatures... ..= / why.. must i be a human then. .. ..
sihgs.. .wonder.. when am i gonna be eating properly again..
ytd. .always no appetite.. 27 hours later then i get to eat again.. ... yet not so hungry.. only weak... and fragile. ..
i.. coudlnt smile.. yet. .forecd myself to smile.. have you ever try that before? its a terrible ffeeeling. it as though... ... you have no idea whats keeping you hherer anymore.
i know.. and i understand.. ... thast a very ver bad thought. but. ... if hters no happpiness.. ... thers no nothing.. and when thers no nothing... ... thers only darkness.. and when theres only darkness....
//you'll only do foolish things...' and when u do foolish things... . ... theres ... u know what lies ahead....
... sighs. .tired alreyad ..
.... .guess what. i just weigh myself =((( ... my weight... 40kg onluy..... (either 39 or 40 ) =/
...sighs... =(
whats wrong with me... ...
=(((( ... so light?
....
...
usually my weight is 43 ne.. ..huu..... .. =/ sihgs... ... so bad eh.. my situation.. but.. good thing is.. i still have my boobs.. .
ha. .eya i know. but... betetr than them going small. =.='' os yea. good hting they're still fine.
but.. ...wow. 40 eh.. ... im not a tv star.. i don need to be 40..kg
=/
.. sighs..
... o well..
nvm ba..
see how in days to come. ... wish me luck..
...my days.. unhappier by each dya.. why...........
mata
Stalker?? O.O
.. one of my pic. .sighs. .its very frightening.. but u know me. .i don like to talk about my probs sometimes.. ..no.. rather. .tis always.. so eya.. i keep it to myself...
and i do frightening things.
=(
but still... ..i think ne.. wil lpost that pic.. because.. .its good to remind myself. i dont want to explain anything baout that. .but. .yea. its a way to remind myself.. what sort of remind. .you dont have to know..
hoepfully my bro or redz wont see ba. .anyway.. even if they did.. .they wont say anything.
im. .just an excess baggage' anyway..
weird.. today was forcing myself o be ok. .and.. ok. .quite fun indeed.. then heard somehting... .. u know. .being an asm aint easy. nothign is easy in fact. .. .heard htings.. and.. ... u know.. ..haiz.. ..what to do.
sad. but. .im moving on.
but. .all the hardwork of trying to stay alive and being well.. being ok.. ....well. .the wall just crumbled.. ..
...
i.. ..relaly crave to eat yellow ginger bean curd now. .to destress myself.. but. .exp. .so yea. ... cannot ba. ...=./
sighs.. .
am i taking this too hard?
.. that aside.. ..im. ..afraid i met a stalker today. he couldve been the previous stalker to my fren. he came in today.. asking if my frne still working. i siad no she quit. then he asked why i have accent... i say i don know. he asked. .are you from overseas/ ? i said no. you watch too much tv? i said no. i said.. its just natural...(i swear to god i have no idea why . seriously ) . he said somethign like. .... damn.. or soemthing liek envy me or somethign. i forgot.
anyway, he went out. .but he came back again. still with his 'normal' fren.
he asked.. what will i do if i have a fren whos late for 1 hour and a half always. i gave him suggestions. .etc... he asked if i will get into toruble by speaknig with him.. cos he alwyas get my fren into toruble. .i say no. c os. .well u guys hsould know. its my job to chat with custoemrs before asking them about business mode. yes.. thast my job stahndard. what to do. i gotta follow.
then yea. he realsied he's not getin g me into toruble. i wa sliek .... omg..... -.-'
then. .he's fren was likeing asking something or what.. he replied. yea he dunno me.. but he's chatting away. his fren replied. .you dunno her? ? you still chat so long? he's like.. yea i duno her. .but im still chatting with her for so long..
i was like. .o...m....g............ please........ do not let him be that stalker. i wishhhhhhhhhhhhh he's not gonna come into my store again! =X
gosh...
i think. onmly think...
thats i heard my fnre had s stalker.. gosh. .i hope tis not true. .im asking her now. .hopefull yshe'll reply sxzoon. holy crap. wish me luck p[eeps... scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
mm. .weird. when you have this accent thingy.. first thing ppl thought of is htat.. .... you watch too much tv? your parents form overseas? ar eyou from overseas? these 3 questions are sooo common to me. but. .today realluy soooo super paiseh to reply hinm. i dunno why either. =X it slike.. so weird.
ut.. for those who know me.. i really .. .really4 have no idea.. .it was like. . suddenly... at around age 15 or so... i just have this accent' thingy .and.. i don like telling ppl .. ' oh its natural..' =.= that sounds so .... stuck up .i dun like. but thats my real answer. its like. .i have no idea why this happneed to me either =/ i cant lie. .saying oh, yes cos i watch too much tv.=.=;''' i dont! i always online. but not watch tv , or american show.. etc. . howveer, todya. .very paiseh to reply him =/ haiz... if angmoh. .still not so paiseh sia.. .why him .=.-''
anyway... ..sighs... stil lfeeling down. .and craving for my spicy dish..
sighs... i really hate my lfie so much =/
to force myself to live on. .... its so tough. ..
sighs..
please dont giv eup on you rhappiness... everyoine and anyone deserves it.. dont you dare give up if you have onie right by your side now. ...
today.. this is my 2nd blog of the day.
jaa.. .mata..
-better one bird in your hand than ten in the woods-
and i do frightening things.
=(
but still... ..i think ne.. wil lpost that pic.. because.. .its good to remind myself. i dont want to explain anything baout that. .but. .yea. its a way to remind myself.. what sort of remind. .you dont have to know..
hoepfully my bro or redz wont see ba. .anyway.. even if they did.. .they wont say anything.
im. .just an excess baggage' anyway..
weird.. today was forcing myself o be ok. .and.. ok. .quite fun indeed.. then heard somehting... .. u know. .being an asm aint easy. nothign is easy in fact. .. .heard htings.. and.. ... u know.. ..haiz.. ..what to do.
sad. but. .im moving on.
but. .all the hardwork of trying to stay alive and being well.. being ok.. ....well. .the wall just crumbled.. ..
...
i.. ..relaly crave to eat yellow ginger bean curd now. .to destress myself.. but. .exp. .so yea. ... cannot ba. ...=./
sighs.. .
am i taking this too hard?
.. that aside.. ..im. ..afraid i met a stalker today. he couldve been the previous stalker to my fren. he came in today.. asking if my frne still working. i siad no she quit. then he asked why i have accent... i say i don know. he asked. .are you from overseas/ ? i said no. you watch too much tv? i said no. i said.. its just natural...(i swear to god i have no idea why . seriously ) . he said somethign like. .... damn.. or soemthing liek envy me or somethign. i forgot.
anyway, he went out. .but he came back again. still with his 'normal' fren.
he asked.. what will i do if i have a fren whos late for 1 hour and a half always. i gave him suggestions. .etc... he asked if i will get into toruble by speaknig with him.. cos he alwyas get my fren into toruble. .i say no. c os. .well u guys hsould know. its my job to chat with custoemrs before asking them about business mode. yes.. thast my job stahndard. what to do. i gotta follow.
then yea. he realsied he's not getin g me into toruble. i wa sliek .... omg..... -.-'
then. .he's fren was likeing asking something or what.. he replied. yea he dunno me.. but he's chatting away. his fren replied. .you dunno her? ? you still chat so long? he's like.. yea i duno her. .but im still chatting with her for so long..
i was like. .o...m....g............ please........ do not let him be that stalker. i wishhhhhhhhhhhhh he's not gonna come into my store again! =X
gosh...
i think. onmly think...
thats i heard my fnre had s stalker.. gosh. .i hope tis not true. .im asking her now. .hopefull yshe'll reply sxzoon. holy crap. wish me luck p[eeps... scaryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!
mm. .weird. when you have this accent thingy.. first thing ppl thought of is htat.. .... you watch too much tv? your parents form overseas? ar eyou from overseas? these 3 questions are sooo common to me. but. .today realluy soooo super paiseh to reply hinm. i dunno why either. =X it slike.. so weird.
ut.. for those who know me.. i really .. .really4 have no idea.. .it was like. . suddenly... at around age 15 or so... i just have this accent' thingy .and.. i don like telling ppl .. ' oh its natural..' =.= that sounds so .... stuck up .i dun like. but thats my real answer. its like. .i have no idea why this happneed to me either =/ i cant lie. .saying oh, yes cos i watch too much tv.=.=;''' i dont! i always online. but not watch tv , or american show.. etc. . howveer, todya. .very paiseh to reply him =/ haiz... if angmoh. .still not so paiseh sia.. .why him .=.-''
anyway... ..sighs... stil lfeeling down. .and craving for my spicy dish..
sighs... i really hate my lfie so much =/
to force myself to live on. .... its so tough. ..
sighs..
please dont giv eup on you rhappiness... everyoine and anyone deserves it.. dont you dare give up if you have onie right by your side now. ...
today.. this is my 2nd blog of the day.
jaa.. .mata..
-better one bird in your hand than ten in the woods-
23 October 2011
strange staff O.o
there's a weird male staff lol.
he was likke treating every girl so .. 'nice'. XD
omg. its crazy. almost like.. .lol... why do we always have such 'unique' male staffs. XD its weird.
its like. .i don even get to tla with him much.. he asked my collegaue if im attached. cos thanks to my c olleague who declined his offer of spicy lucnh or soemthing. then she mention my name =.=
.... yea. .dots.
he asked if i have any bf. O.O. .holy cow. can u believe that? its so weird.
i think all the female staffs must be discussing this among themsleves right now. haha... '
so totally weird.
need to watch it thats all ba.
i am freaking slpy. not much hours to rest. .=/ yea i know. .wish i couldve slp more. .rest more.. .but.. only a couple of hours i get to do that. in fact, even when i get to rest for a day, im still tired. ha.
o well... when you're not happy... nothings gona be..
anyway, 2 pics were out for the xmas party. i told ya guys right. my fren like my smile . cant wait to get the pic in hand. but yea. i coudl,ndt recognize myself. ha. .so weird eh. perhaps.. not sued to smiling so.. vibrant in a way eh. ...weird.
gosh. .i do not dare to check out the hotel for now. .. cos very scared its gonna be fully booked,. =X
..have a weird ffeling... T_T but. .mm... ppl do can slp in the airport in case that happen right. .. ...brrrr... touch woodddddddddddddddd..... T_T
kk.. better dont think so much.
talk soon. perhaps at night! ;)
ciao
mata ne
he was likke treating every girl so .. 'nice'. XD
omg. its crazy. almost like.. .lol... why do we always have such 'unique' male staffs. XD its weird.
its like. .i don even get to tla with him much.. he asked my collegaue if im attached. cos thanks to my c olleague who declined his offer of spicy lucnh or soemthing. then she mention my name =.=
.... yea. .dots.
he asked if i have any bf. O.O. .holy cow. can u believe that? its so weird.
i think all the female staffs must be discussing this among themsleves right now. haha... '
so totally weird.
need to watch it thats all ba.
i am freaking slpy. not much hours to rest. .=/ yea i know. .wish i couldve slp more. .rest more.. .but.. only a couple of hours i get to do that. in fact, even when i get to rest for a day, im still tired. ha.
o well... when you're not happy... nothings gona be..
anyway, 2 pics were out for the xmas party. i told ya guys right. my fren like my smile . cant wait to get the pic in hand. but yea. i coudl,ndt recognize myself. ha. .so weird eh. perhaps.. not sued to smiling so.. vibrant in a way eh. ...weird.
gosh. .i do not dare to check out the hotel for now. .. cos very scared its gonna be fully booked,. =X
..have a weird ffeling... T_T but. .mm... ppl do can slp in the airport in case that happen right. .. ...brrrr... touch woodddddddddddddddd..... T_T
kk.. better dont think so much.
talk soon. perhaps at night! ;)
ciao
mata ne
22 October 2011
night post
it was.. kinda weird. .yet kinda reliving.. imagine i have him in my arsm while he's slping... i said.. ..words like.. it doesnt matter where i am.. i'll always pray that he'll be happoy.. he'll find his own happiness... he must be hapy t all time.. and no matter where i am.. i'll make sure of htat...
funnty thing is. .it felt as thogouh i woulnd be around anymore.. ..lol.
o well.. after some cryinsgs and confessions... i guess... this is it...
even though i cant talk to him the way i described it here.. but.. well.. yhea...
there is nothing else fo rme here now..
i just wish for him to be on the happiness track...
... yes. .. before anything happen.. i will.. .make sure that he's on the right track..
and .. no matter where i am... ... i willalaywa sbe sending my regards and wishes upon him.
,,
my wrist.. are getting worse.. ... i hope no one notices them...
this is what i chsoe to do..
so be it..
i have to accept this.
..
my melb frens though i'll be going over.. but. .well... nah. i stil lwanan get used to this counry first.. .melb.. i never been there before.. what if somethign bad happen.. in anycase.. i stil lwanna get used to this country first.. i don even know.. if there'll be a next time.. co sof 2012 end of world... however... this could be my very last trip.. it means alot to me.. .even thoguh cant see him as much as i want to.. however.. yea.. i shall enjoy my trip.. .be brave. .and try to do whatever i wanted to.. .
... do u think i'll dare to drink in a bar alone?.....
...
i dunno.. but we shall se.e..
its. ... sort of a .. once in a life time after all.. ..
jaa mata
funnty thing is. .it felt as thogouh i woulnd be around anymore.. ..lol.
o well.. after some cryinsgs and confessions... i guess... this is it...
even though i cant talk to him the way i described it here.. but.. well.. yhea...
there is nothing else fo rme here now..
i just wish for him to be on the happiness track...
... yes. .. before anything happen.. i will.. .make sure that he's on the right track..
and .. no matter where i am... ... i willalaywa sbe sending my regards and wishes upon him.
,,
my wrist.. are getting worse.. ... i hope no one notices them...
this is what i chsoe to do..
so be it..
i have to accept this.
..
my melb frens though i'll be going over.. but. .well... nah. i stil lwanan get used to this counry first.. .melb.. i never been there before.. what if somethign bad happen.. in anycase.. i stil lwanna get used to this country first.. i don even know.. if there'll be a next time.. co sof 2012 end of world... however... this could be my very last trip.. it means alot to me.. .even thoguh cant see him as much as i want to.. however.. yea.. i shall enjoy my trip.. .be brave. .and try to do whatever i wanted to.. .
... do u think i'll dare to drink in a bar alone?.....
...
i dunno.. but we shall se.e..
its. ... sort of a .. once in a life time after all.. ..
jaa mata
day blog again
oh dear.. i couldnt smile again todya. at least last ngiht .gd hting bro played the saw final show.. dvd.. we started tlaking .. but yea. today.. my whoel face muscles is relax.. ha. ..cos i don have any expressions on my face.
i was numb.. took med again.. hey wait. seems as htough everyday im taking nonsense med eh. o well.. nvm ba. doesnt matter to me . .no one knows except for u guys anwyay.
anwyay.. .eya. very.. numb. .stupid med. .think imma stick back to the old type.
was like. .tired all day.. no energy.. not happy.. but not angry. .just. .no expressions thats all..
.. very tire.d. i wish.. i could lay in bed. .all day.. not to move an inch..
just liek a dead person. but however, my brian works. and thats the irritating part u see. i think alot. tried not to.. but brain just keeps on moving.
.. my leg.. so tired.. sore.. .muscles hurts... even though i din walk much today.
i relaly coudl not hold on much longer.
.. i am very tire dpeeps...
i wish its jan now.
sam told me once.. its the most important part to read a map and to have a map with u.
the other day. .as i was making my way to xmas party llocation, i .. relaly have mo idea what this pp area of map is tlaking about. my fren din understand much either. but eventually she did. .. sighs.. .
=/ ... what to do...
its only a freakin small area of town. a smallllll tiny area.... and i still couldnt read a pucking map. ... what do ya say.
...sighs.. .but u knw waht. ... i'll be prepared.. .
if i have to spend hundres of bucks on taxi. .so be it. .if i have to go through some unfrenly auusies.. so be it. if i have to go thorugh cops. .so be it. i must be prepared for all these . it snot gonna be like sg where verytign n everywhere is so convenient.
i... wil lreturn home safely eh. not that i care much anway.
...i still havent told my parents about htis. bro should knwo i think .but yea.. .
... o well. this is it.
.... i have a urge to check out the bars alon though. cos it sgonna be damn freakin boring after 5pm =.=''''''' dotss.... .u cant expect me to slp liek right at 8pm. =. = but the fdangers surrounding it. .oow ell. .. haiz. see how ba.. =/
wonder hwos everythign gonna be like. .will i be very frighten on my own.. wil li be so scared out of my wits.. will cry alone on the streets.. will i end up at the polcie station.. .. brr... touch wood.. ..sighs. liek that ba. .. ... sitting by the night view might be a good idea too eh. instead of going for drinking. yea. .watch the moon.. till sunrise.. beter than nothign to do alone in the hotel rom .scary hotel room im sure.. =/ . don worry. i'l be prepared i guess... take heaps of drinsk before bed.. so i wont be afraid of the dark.
its been a tiring day for me. listles one.. .feel so empty..
feel so lifeless..
.. thinking of bad thoughts.. very bad ones.. btu trying to stay on my sane line. its important. .if not. .i'll go onto the wrong way.
even now.. .dunno the med or waht. ... still making my whole body. .including fingers. .so numb.. and so tired... dizzy still...
i have no appetite now.. .lunch jst foreced myself to eat somehting.. .
i can feel it.. im losing weight again.. .i do not dare to weight myself... but i can feel it..
but good hting. .i do not look like some other girsll super thin wihtout flesh.. im still ok so yea. curves are better than bones ba.
and yea. good hing my boobs still there. love my C cup ^^
lol
sighs... wonder how smy night gonna be liek tonight...
crazy eh.. ..
so.. this is how it feels like. .when somebody deiceded to chuck u aside. and play you like a fool...
.. o well. .i shoudlve been used to this i knw. but. sometiems. .still cant accept it.
about a week or couple of dasy mor. .give me thso se time..
i'll numb everthing agaian.
soon i will ba..
deceive.. is the only way to survive now. without htat.. i wouldntve be still here typing away my feelings.
no matter how unhappy or whatsoever.. i have to get through this. .otherwise work time. .will get affected too. alreayd affecting me and my job.. but. .eya.. i gota be strong.. and push myself harder than ever before..
stress piles on. but. i still gotta do this. u cant expescvt me to face my frens and customers without any expressins eh.
... haiz. .
thx for reading and listening to this . appreciated. .at least.. this blog still able to.. or rather.. at least you're still able to.. .choose to hear me out...
thansk. ....
..
jaa mata.. ....
i was numb.. took med again.. hey wait. seems as htough everyday im taking nonsense med eh. o well.. nvm ba. doesnt matter to me . .no one knows except for u guys anwyay.
anwyay.. .eya. very.. numb. .stupid med. .think imma stick back to the old type.
was like. .tired all day.. no energy.. not happy.. but not angry. .just. .no expressions thats all..
.. very tire.d. i wish.. i could lay in bed. .all day.. not to move an inch..
just liek a dead person. but however, my brian works. and thats the irritating part u see. i think alot. tried not to.. but brain just keeps on moving.
.. my leg.. so tired.. sore.. .muscles hurts... even though i din walk much today.
i relaly coudl not hold on much longer.
.. i am very tire dpeeps...
i wish its jan now.
sam told me once.. its the most important part to read a map and to have a map with u.
the other day. .as i was making my way to xmas party llocation, i .. relaly have mo idea what this pp area of map is tlaking about. my fren din understand much either. but eventually she did. .. sighs.. .
=/ ... what to do...
its only a freakin small area of town. a smallllll tiny area.... and i still couldnt read a pucking map. ... what do ya say.
...sighs.. .but u knw waht. ... i'll be prepared.. .
if i have to spend hundres of bucks on taxi. .so be it. .if i have to go through some unfrenly auusies.. so be it. if i have to go thorugh cops. .so be it. i must be prepared for all these . it snot gonna be like sg where verytign n everywhere is so convenient.
i... wil lreturn home safely eh. not that i care much anway.
...i still havent told my parents about htis. bro should knwo i think .but yea.. .
... o well. this is it.
.... i have a urge to check out the bars alon though. cos it sgonna be damn freakin boring after 5pm =.=''''''' dotss.... .u cant expect me to slp liek right at 8pm. =. = but the fdangers surrounding it. .oow ell. .. haiz. see how ba.. =/
wonder hwos everythign gonna be like. .will i be very frighten on my own.. wil li be so scared out of my wits.. will cry alone on the streets.. will i end up at the polcie station.. .. brr... touch wood.. ..sighs. liek that ba. .. ... sitting by the night view might be a good idea too eh. instead of going for drinking. yea. .watch the moon.. till sunrise.. beter than nothign to do alone in the hotel rom .scary hotel room im sure.. =/ . don worry. i'l be prepared i guess... take heaps of drinsk before bed.. so i wont be afraid of the dark.
its been a tiring day for me. listles one.. .feel so empty..
feel so lifeless..
.. thinking of bad thoughts.. very bad ones.. btu trying to stay on my sane line. its important. .if not. .i'll go onto the wrong way.
even now.. .dunno the med or waht. ... still making my whole body. .including fingers. .so numb.. and so tired... dizzy still...
i have no appetite now.. .lunch jst foreced myself to eat somehting.. .
i can feel it.. im losing weight again.. .i do not dare to weight myself... but i can feel it..
but good hting. .i do not look like some other girsll super thin wihtout flesh.. im still ok so yea. curves are better than bones ba.
and yea. good hing my boobs still there. love my C cup ^^
lol
sighs... wonder how smy night gonna be liek tonight...
crazy eh.. ..
so.. this is how it feels like. .when somebody deiceded to chuck u aside. and play you like a fool...
.. o well. .i shoudlve been used to this i knw. but. sometiems. .still cant accept it.
about a week or couple of dasy mor. .give me thso se time..
i'll numb everthing agaian.
soon i will ba..
deceive.. is the only way to survive now. without htat.. i wouldntve be still here typing away my feelings.
no matter how unhappy or whatsoever.. i have to get through this. .otherwise work time. .will get affected too. alreayd affecting me and my job.. but. .eya.. i gota be strong.. and push myself harder than ever before..
stress piles on. but. i still gotta do this. u cant expescvt me to face my frens and customers without any expressins eh.
... haiz. .
thx for reading and listening to this . appreciated. .at least.. this blog still able to.. or rather.. at least you're still able to.. .choose to hear me out...
thansk. ....
..
jaa mata.. ....
21 October 2011
T_T
and so....
im having a headache now. =.=
ouch
o well...
been a couplf of tough days again huh.. it seems.. hope this wont last like that other time.. ....
... ow ell.. .
sighs. feeling terrible. .
very terrbile.
pains.. doesnt seem to ease anything much. only a little. division .
sighs.
oh.. today rgm posted on web our pic. i couldnt recognize myself. i was like smiling so big. like. .huh. that doesnt look like me at all. O.o like. .so diff.
so. .cherful. .. dunno.. .perhasp sad too long. .so when see myself smiel like that. it felt surreal..
had a dream of him. and. .i woke up. .then realized it wasnt real. i thought it was u know.. but was just a dream after all. .just personal dreams.. .but.. i was sooo ohappy. its like those type of happiness.. and the smiel you;ll get when you're with your love one.
its different.. type of feeling when u laugh with your frens or family.
its all so familiar... i once had.. so.. happy...
i think i might even had smiled when i was dreaming. good ting was in the middle of night. .don think anyone of my family saw ba.
so yea.. for that moment. .i truly felt happiness runnig in my veins and heart agani. it was.. amazing.
just for that short moment... we laughed together...
..but it hurts now that i tried to recall that feeling i had in my dream. because.. well. .that only happneed in my deram.. how can i not be sad....
i didnt speak a word sincce reaching home. too tired. no mood. and all ba.
very quiet. .everything. ... quiet till. .lonelier.. .scarier.. .and having worse thoughts...
sighs.. headache.. i think.. i might need to rest soon..
last night. .about 830 or 930.. started to lay in bed. .getting ready for slp. yea.. too tired out.
but ened up 12 40 or so then slp... energy abit better.. but still super tired.
been crying the whole night . tonight also ba i guess...
tired liao.. very tired.. tired for far too long .. both psycially and emtionally
..so tired of everything in my life.
...sometimes i just wonder if i could hold on any much longer... .
i guess.. im back to my ol dlife for sure now.
wonder.. if there'll be any source of light to save' me once again huh.. ha.. .o well..
tonight. not much apetite.. ate a bit only.. thirsty... but coudlnt drink much.
hopefully tmr will get better..
bah..
gdnight peeps... may u have swtdreams.. but dont get any heartache as side effects aites.
ha ... ...
..
...jaa
im having a headache now. =.=
ouch
o well...
been a couplf of tough days again huh.. it seems.. hope this wont last like that other time.. ....
... ow ell.. .
sighs. feeling terrible. .
very terrbile.
pains.. doesnt seem to ease anything much. only a little. division .
sighs.
oh.. today rgm posted on web our pic. i couldnt recognize myself. i was like smiling so big. like. .huh. that doesnt look like me at all. O.o like. .so diff.
so. .cherful. .. dunno.. .perhasp sad too long. .so when see myself smiel like that. it felt surreal..
had a dream of him. and. .i woke up. .then realized it wasnt real. i thought it was u know.. but was just a dream after all. .just personal dreams.. .but.. i was sooo ohappy. its like those type of happiness.. and the smiel you;ll get when you're with your love one.
its different.. type of feeling when u laugh with your frens or family.
its all so familiar... i once had.. so.. happy...
i think i might even had smiled when i was dreaming. good ting was in the middle of night. .don think anyone of my family saw ba.
so yea.. for that moment. .i truly felt happiness runnig in my veins and heart agani. it was.. amazing.
just for that short moment... we laughed together...
..but it hurts now that i tried to recall that feeling i had in my dream. because.. well. .that only happneed in my deram.. how can i not be sad....
i didnt speak a word sincce reaching home. too tired. no mood. and all ba.
very quiet. .everything. ... quiet till. .lonelier.. .scarier.. .and having worse thoughts...
sighs.. headache.. i think.. i might need to rest soon..
last night. .about 830 or 930.. started to lay in bed. .getting ready for slp. yea.. too tired out.
but ened up 12 40 or so then slp... energy abit better.. but still super tired.
been crying the whole night . tonight also ba i guess...
tired liao.. very tired.. tired for far too long .. both psycially and emtionally
..so tired of everything in my life.
...sometimes i just wonder if i could hold on any much longer... .
i guess.. im back to my ol dlife for sure now.
wonder.. if there'll be any source of light to save' me once again huh.. ha.. .o well..
tonight. not much apetite.. ate a bit only.. thirsty... but coudlnt drink much.
hopefully tmr will get better..
bah..
gdnight peeps... may u have swtdreams.. but dont get any heartache as side effects aites.
ha ... ...
..
...jaa
20 October 2011
Dizzy mode. bear it till next day!!
shoot.. now hten i start to feel hungry... =/
only had one puff and yam cake from old chang kee today. no appetite.. =(
too tired out. thought i would faint. its scary. sit in back room also can slop easily. n guess what. i dreanmt of work. =.= ;; ironic. o well.
anyway, very hungry... groiwling now. im trying to drink more water... dinner looks good tonight. but a pity i couldnt take them. im too tired to. =/ .. yea. hope i'll be fine ba. stupid sia. now then start to growl. bt decided not to eat. s oyea... gotta bear wit it. ...next meal time... .. is more than 12 hours away. More. but what to do. hopefully water helps.
really .. feels like im on a ship right now.
left.. swying right. .then left. .im so hungry. =/
shoot. last night dinenr i aslo no eat properly. only wings n stuffs... =/ meats abit ba...
gosh. so messed up
nvm. hang on till abiot.... 18 hours later. i can hang on . i MUST.
... yup. waiting for hair to get dry.
feeling like shit now. sorry =/
just. ..not just tired. its.. like a hangover type of feeling .bt not hangover. ...its disgusting. luskily got taff to train. otherwise, ... i dunno how to spend my working hours away.
oh yea. me woke up at like 5 plus. can u frggiin believe htta!!??? u gotta be kiddnig me. no . but im not =.= yea. slpt only a couple of hours. ........ sighs.... blocked nose. .runny. .took med.. then couldnt slp back.. head to work.. feelign like im on a baot. n yea. ...gosh. .starving. .growling non stop now.. .
cannot.. must resist hungrer pangs. ... so weak now.... think u push me, i'll just fall onto the floor n lay there motionlessly, and within one min, i'll be knock out. uh huh. its that bad.
no energy to smile either...
im so hungry.. .huu.... why.. tonight dinner is good.. =/
sighs..... i think i can slp on the table now.
oh today get to chat with ppl from oerth n adelaide.
when asked hte one from adelaide, what should i do if i get lost in australia, ... .she smile.d.. and didnt know what to reply. yes. u guessed it. no reply =.= i wa slike. ..o...k..... is she thinking like.. .yes.. u go australia police are gonna be useless.... '' =.=''
hahaha..... o well............. wha tto do.
she hates winter. haha. but not that cold liek syd.
i still have no friggin idea of what to do in syd. sho p n more window shop.. =.=
oh also i asked.. not really asked. .but i mentioned.. after 5pm all shopes close right.. shes liek nodded... i was liek telling her. yea. .then after thta i have no idea of where to go. ha.. .she smiled.. dunno waht to say. yea.. i understand. just a matter of whether brave enough to join in their culture n drink alone for a lady.
hopefully i'll ge to meet nice neighbours or somehting next to my room,... or somehting....
sighs..
cold.
ver y cold.
...ok. calm down.. drink water... but cant drink tooo much otherwise kee wakey go toilet. huu...
rest my fainting brain... ok. dry hair first..
...very4 dehydrated... gd thing my colleague bought me a drink.
k.. cant keep my head straigh now.
jaa mata
only had one puff and yam cake from old chang kee today. no appetite.. =(
too tired out. thought i would faint. its scary. sit in back room also can slop easily. n guess what. i dreanmt of work. =.= ;; ironic. o well.
anyway, very hungry... groiwling now. im trying to drink more water... dinner looks good tonight. but a pity i couldnt take them. im too tired to. =/ .. yea. hope i'll be fine ba. stupid sia. now then start to growl. bt decided not to eat. s oyea... gotta bear wit it. ...next meal time... .. is more than 12 hours away. More. but what to do. hopefully water helps.
really .. feels like im on a ship right now.
left.. swying right. .then left. .im so hungry. =/
shoot. last night dinenr i aslo no eat properly. only wings n stuffs... =/ meats abit ba...
gosh. so messed up
nvm. hang on till abiot.... 18 hours later. i can hang on . i MUST.
... yup. waiting for hair to get dry.
feeling like shit now. sorry =/
just. ..not just tired. its.. like a hangover type of feeling .bt not hangover. ...its disgusting. luskily got taff to train. otherwise, ... i dunno how to spend my working hours away.
oh yea. me woke up at like 5 plus. can u frggiin believe htta!!??? u gotta be kiddnig me. no . but im not =.= yea. slpt only a couple of hours. ........ sighs.... blocked nose. .runny. .took med.. then couldnt slp back.. head to work.. feelign like im on a baot. n yea. ...gosh. .starving. .growling non stop now.. .
cannot.. must resist hungrer pangs. ... so weak now.... think u push me, i'll just fall onto the floor n lay there motionlessly, and within one min, i'll be knock out. uh huh. its that bad.
no energy to smile either...
im so hungry.. .huu.... why.. tonight dinner is good.. =/
sighs..... i think i can slp on the table now.
oh today get to chat with ppl from oerth n adelaide.
when asked hte one from adelaide, what should i do if i get lost in australia, ... .she smile.d.. and didnt know what to reply. yes. u guessed it. no reply =.= i wa slike. ..o...k..... is she thinking like.. .yes.. u go australia police are gonna be useless.... '' =.=''
hahaha..... o well............. wha tto do.
she hates winter. haha. but not that cold liek syd.
i still have no friggin idea of what to do in syd. sho p n more window shop.. =.=
oh also i asked.. not really asked. .but i mentioned.. after 5pm all shopes close right.. shes liek nodded... i was liek telling her. yea. .then after thta i have no idea of where to go. ha.. .she smiled.. dunno waht to say. yea.. i understand. just a matter of whether brave enough to join in their culture n drink alone for a lady.
hopefully i'll ge to meet nice neighbours or somehting next to my room,... or somehting....
sighs..
cold.
ver y cold.
...ok. calm down.. drink water... but cant drink tooo much otherwise kee wakey go toilet. huu...
rest my fainting brain... ok. dry hair first..
...very4 dehydrated... gd thing my colleague bought me a drink.
k.. cant keep my head straigh now.
jaa mata
19 October 2011
xmas party night
been another crazy dinner night with my company xmas party. gosh im dead tired n ... omg. i need rest. my leg... gonna break liao. .huu... .
great news. i won. my groupo won a prize! ha. received a showel gel from body shop n sponge. cool. better than nothign. but a pity i couldnt win the great prize.. =/
well. .though alot of ppl shouting my name when my rgm(sg) ask who is the best dress for hawaiian theme... the prize go to sm of another outlet. cos she helped do alot of the grass' skirt. . o well... its ok ba,
but yea.. though would love to win that wallet.. from our stockholm range=/ nvm ba.
at least me still got other prize. yay.. ha. oh gosh n so many food.... very full. but din really eat much. more of thirsty
gosh im gonna faint liao. head dizzy. too tired.
been a super long day.
but a not a bad one.
luckily theres something to be won.
k ba, gtg slp soon.
jaa mata
great news. i won. my groupo won a prize! ha. received a showel gel from body shop n sponge. cool. better than nothign. but a pity i couldnt win the great prize.. =/
well. .though alot of ppl shouting my name when my rgm(sg) ask who is the best dress for hawaiian theme... the prize go to sm of another outlet. cos she helped do alot of the grass' skirt. . o well... its ok ba,
but yea.. though would love to win that wallet.. from our stockholm range=/ nvm ba.
at least me still got other prize. yay.. ha. oh gosh n so many food.... very full. but din really eat much. more of thirsty
gosh im gonna faint liao. head dizzy. too tired.
been a super long day.
but a not a bad one.
luckily theres something to be won.
k ba, gtg slp soon.
jaa mata
18 October 2011
broken leg
yes.. heavy flow.. till i wanan faint n die T_T huu... =.= so tiring to the max=(
omg..... can die ..... haiz... super tired.... and its like my first day back to work after off k. sighs...
my energy level not very good now. .=/
tired. .sick. .unhappy.
been unhappy for far too long ba...
mm.. wonder if he's fine when he reach home today.. .hopefully ba. .
gosh.. my leg... broke liaoT_T totally don wan to move them =( super ... haiz. no energy. sighs........
=((((((
anwyay, glad im feeling betetr compared to ytd.
sighs...
still so lonely.
so empty.
n joyless.
when u reach home, all u face is justlappy... slp, and everything remains the same again. repeat cycle. i don like this . but what to do eh. ...o well..
today, we were asked to do this book thigny for my rgm. as a surprise gift. one of teh question i have to answer.. is. .the moment that changes your life... i didnt hesitate.. i knew whats my answer. i put htere.. my first love. he changed my life totally.
haha. .bet my rgm must be.. huh??? wah so happening ar.. lol. nah.. o well...
auto answer ba.. knew it by heaert.
sighs... so yup. cant wait to slp. not enough time to rest though.
..=/ dinner not looking good.. very hungry. .but no appetite to eat those. .so... yea. had twisties instead ... ..sighs. .o well. .waht to do.. lost all my energy... wana cook or what, also leg too pain to stand any longer =(
i used to eat downstair stall with him. cos he like eating late downstair. ...sighs... no breakfast.. no supper now.. no wonder i look so diff now eh.
another day passed... ..im counting down.. ...
haiz. ..
=/
jaa mata
omg..... can die ..... haiz... super tired.... and its like my first day back to work after off k. sighs...
my energy level not very good now. .=/
tired. .sick. .unhappy.
been unhappy for far too long ba...
mm.. wonder if he's fine when he reach home today.. .hopefully ba. .
gosh.. my leg... broke liaoT_T totally don wan to move them =( super ... haiz. no energy. sighs........
=((((((
anwyay, glad im feeling betetr compared to ytd.
sighs...
still so lonely.
so empty.
n joyless.
when u reach home, all u face is justlappy... slp, and everything remains the same again. repeat cycle. i don like this . but what to do eh. ...o well..
today, we were asked to do this book thigny for my rgm. as a surprise gift. one of teh question i have to answer.. is. .the moment that changes your life... i didnt hesitate.. i knew whats my answer. i put htere.. my first love. he changed my life totally.
haha. .bet my rgm must be.. huh??? wah so happening ar.. lol. nah.. o well...
auto answer ba.. knew it by heaert.
sighs... so yup. cant wait to slp. not enough time to rest though.
..=/ dinner not looking good.. very hungry. .but no appetite to eat those. .so... yea. had twisties instead ... ..sighs. .o well. .waht to do.. lost all my energy... wana cook or what, also leg too pain to stand any longer =(
i used to eat downstair stall with him. cos he like eating late downstair. ...sighs... no breakfast.. no supper now.. no wonder i look so diff now eh.
another day passed... ..im counting down.. ...
haiz. ..
=/
jaa mata
17 October 2011
feeling better
i knew it! i think time of month is here. not very sure.. not heavy flow.. but. see hows it later in the day.
no wonder i couldnt stop crying last night.
haiz. so irritating. my right eye is swollen again. like.. itchy. dunno is htat a skin irritation or bite or somehting. been a couple of days now. =/ very irritating. and swollen of course wont look good either. huu.. and its red =/
kk. i gtg soon. few mins left only.
hopefully by the time i get out of house, my eyes wont look that bad. wonde rwhy so itchy . huu... hate it.
haiz.. hopefully today will be a better day ne.. and for him too. ...
at least wont cry. or dont feel like crying now. k. all the best to me. and hope.. the rgms today. .will be... mm,.. kind' enough.
jaa mata
no wonder i couldnt stop crying last night.
haiz. so irritating. my right eye is swollen again. like.. itchy. dunno is htat a skin irritation or bite or somehting. been a couple of days now. =/ very irritating. and swollen of course wont look good either. huu.. and its red =/
kk. i gtg soon. few mins left only.
hopefully by the time i get out of house, my eyes wont look that bad. wonde rwhy so itchy . huu... hate it.
haiz.. hopefully today will be a better day ne.. and for him too. ...
at least wont cry. or dont feel like crying now. k. all the best to me. and hope.. the rgms today. .will be... mm,.. kind' enough.
jaa mata
my hateful life =(
ha.. sianz.. =/ 2nd post of the day.
today kept crying non stop whole day. pms or what eh.
i hate it. freaking hate this feeling to the core.
n just when u need somebody to talk with, bloody internet finds trouble. dunno his internet or whos internet. ha. what a great timing.
..for that one moment a tleast i was fine. =/ then everything gets quiet.
sighs. .anyway, dunno how to stop crying now.
feels terrible. like. .everythign just came onto me. like thrown right at me.
sighs. ='(
***k whast wrong with me today. where got anyone cry the whole day . am i too stress out. or was it soemthing else? my tears cant stop flowing. n im down in the ood right now =(( sighs.. .terrible feeling. wtf is this.
too tired? stressed out? heartache? loliness or waht.
sighs. even when i was screaming, no one seem to care.
stupid bug.
o well. just have to kill it myself.
sometimes i wonder. if one day i met with a mishap, will i still be invisible to everyone else.
i just need alot of love right now. and i totally hate my life so much.
i cant stand my life liek this. ive got like.. 2 montsh plus to go. how am i gonna get through this shit?
think im just abit stress out n alot of tired out. but i have to keep moving. no holidays nor rest till after xmas. the frightening period starts from now alreayd. or should i say november onwards its even more hideous.
its absolutely crazy busy tiring stressful and.. .jus tires you out as easy as that.
its.. .crazy. especially when you're working at the town area. now imagine this. this year.. the xmas crowds gonna be like.. 300 percent more. than last year. yes u heard me right. ...
sighs... its good to be busy. but...
sighs. all i want is to talk. at least that wouldve made my night better.
ha.. ...o well.................. not meant to be ba.. ...
...
i wish to stop crying now.
god. .i hate my life so much. i don want this life anymore. take it all back. i dont want it.
will you ever give me back the kind of happiness that once saved my life?
i wish i have someone to talk to right now. ='(((( sighs.
so much pain.. but where do these all gone.
i looked at my scars... those scars.. were to remind me the pains i went through.
and how foolish i was to hurt myself. not serious hurt but yea.
i look at htem time to time.. i wonder why.
but.. i never found the answer. it remains a mystery to me. ...
in what ways it helped.. i dunno.. but.. at least kidna distract n put me to slp ..
pains. .are such a pain in the ass.
.. o well.
i hate my life to the core. but hopefully you love yours. ...
always have that someone u love right beside u k.
..my eyes.. so swollen from all those cryings..... tmr. .how am i gonna face my rgm... ..
...mata
Bad Sleep =/ and tired me
haiz.. sooo glad im off. last night as u all know.. me so sick.. =/
oh just to mentioned.. ytd i kept wakey up. its liek. .im having all these 5,6 little short weird dreams!! soo inrritating.
ok. so.. i was sick. .then morning. .wakey... decided to take panadol cos abit blocked nose.
so tired.. med effect mah.. so yea.
slp wakey slp wakey. .same.. didnt slpt too well =/
but last night getting into bed was good. cosy. bloster comfy too.
mm... today. finally. lol. so bored nothing to do. decided to clean up my room. neater abit now. =)
then.. saw this pressy blue box given by him.. never fail to make me cry. ..=/ sighs.. the then msg was so sweet n real. heartfelt. everytime i read, cant help but heartache. .. and cry. ..sighs. ..
heartache feels kinda like. .your heart get clice thrgouh.. squeezing tight n couldnt beat well...
its very pain. you'd better dont ever find out yourself...
anyway, eye so itchy . haiyo... gosh. so ncie to really clean up. good thing my nose didnt act up.
haiz.. =/ still very tired. tmr... haiz.. must be extra alert. rgm from aust is here again.
o well... hopefully i'll get through the days fast n quick. i really cant wait.
i wonder wheres all my passion gone.
suddenly everything seems bored to me. perhaps.. .i am just looking too much forward fo rmy holiday ba. ... o well.
must save more .i can do this. all for the sake of one week plus joy. not really joy but yea. at least.. i'll have some real holidays to enjoy. not one day to batam thing. as in real holiday. nothing to think about.. .erm.. well.. maybe i might still think of work.. anwyay, today i also.. dreamt so much about work. hate it =(
oh as i was saying.. yea... just enjoy the breeze... relax... even if i get lost somehow.. still must enjoy the place.. etc... forget all about stress work.. etc... gosh.. i cant wait =/ feels like half dead now. =/ i need something to boost me up.
but i dunno what.
not that my rgm is doing anything encouraging eiher. ...o well.. .
hope the xmas party could help. =/
yea.. i know.. i;ve been feeling so tired for so long. not good.
the time to be happy is lesser than i ever know. can also count wiht one hand's fingers. =.=
but yea. thank god i get to off today. as for the workings days ahead,... well.. =/ good luck to me ba.
hope i;ll get through them asap. before i know it.
mm.. i wonder how much money i should change though.
.. will i really shop alot? i dunno ne. .but then again. .i only have this one chance.. so must make good use of it.
oh the other day.. was tlaing to my fren about saving on meals for my trip. then luckily she reminded me.. i can buy bread n wiht tuna. or spreads.. (like how im eating now) to get through my dinner etc.! at first me only thought of instant noodles, and breads.. as in break talk . but then again, having a loaf of bread is so much cheaper! and saves alot of my money! and this time, me so not gonna forget to buy vitagen.. or whatever they have out there. previous 2 times i was htere, gosh. .stomach so bloated n uncomfy =/ perhaps also part of the reason was i was having my period thta time. so yea.
god. i wish my time of month wont arrive at the wrong time again!!!! pleaseee.. =.=''
...mm.... so yea. thats my life for now.
trying to survive for this 2montsh plus. haiz. .i can do it... hang on pl.
..haiz.. i couldnt smile u know. too tired to do so. =/ only frowns. ..huu....
poor me...
why always this tired.. =/
... jaa mata ne.
oh just to mentioned.. ytd i kept wakey up. its liek. .im having all these 5,6 little short weird dreams!! soo inrritating.
ok. so.. i was sick. .then morning. .wakey... decided to take panadol cos abit blocked nose.
so tired.. med effect mah.. so yea.
slp wakey slp wakey. .same.. didnt slpt too well =/
but last night getting into bed was good. cosy. bloster comfy too.
mm... today. finally. lol. so bored nothing to do. decided to clean up my room. neater abit now. =)
then.. saw this pressy blue box given by him.. never fail to make me cry. ..=/ sighs.. the then msg was so sweet n real. heartfelt. everytime i read, cant help but heartache. .. and cry. ..sighs. ..
heartache feels kinda like. .your heart get clice thrgouh.. squeezing tight n couldnt beat well...
its very pain. you'd better dont ever find out yourself...
anyway, eye so itchy . haiyo... gosh. so ncie to really clean up. good thing my nose didnt act up.
haiz.. =/ still very tired. tmr... haiz.. must be extra alert. rgm from aust is here again.
o well... hopefully i'll get through the days fast n quick. i really cant wait.
i wonder wheres all my passion gone.
suddenly everything seems bored to me. perhaps.. .i am just looking too much forward fo rmy holiday ba. ... o well.
must save more .i can do this. all for the sake of one week plus joy. not really joy but yea. at least.. i'll have some real holidays to enjoy. not one day to batam thing. as in real holiday. nothing to think about.. .erm.. well.. maybe i might still think of work.. anwyay, today i also.. dreamt so much about work. hate it =(
oh as i was saying.. yea... just enjoy the breeze... relax... even if i get lost somehow.. still must enjoy the place.. etc... forget all about stress work.. etc... gosh.. i cant wait =/ feels like half dead now. =/ i need something to boost me up.
but i dunno what.
not that my rgm is doing anything encouraging eiher. ...o well.. .
hope the xmas party could help. =/
yea.. i know.. i;ve been feeling so tired for so long. not good.
the time to be happy is lesser than i ever know. can also count wiht one hand's fingers. =.=
but yea. thank god i get to off today. as for the workings days ahead,... well.. =/ good luck to me ba.
hope i;ll get through them asap. before i know it.
mm.. i wonder how much money i should change though.
.. will i really shop alot? i dunno ne. .but then again. .i only have this one chance.. so must make good use of it.
oh the other day.. was tlaing to my fren about saving on meals for my trip. then luckily she reminded me.. i can buy bread n wiht tuna. or spreads.. (like how im eating now) to get through my dinner etc.! at first me only thought of instant noodles, and breads.. as in break talk . but then again, having a loaf of bread is so much cheaper! and saves alot of my money! and this time, me so not gonna forget to buy vitagen.. or whatever they have out there. previous 2 times i was htere, gosh. .stomach so bloated n uncomfy =/ perhaps also part of the reason was i was having my period thta time. so yea.
god. i wish my time of month wont arrive at the wrong time again!!!! pleaseee.. =.=''
...mm.... so yea. thats my life for now.
trying to survive for this 2montsh plus. haiz. .i can do it... hang on pl.
..haiz.. i couldnt smile u know. too tired to do so. =/ only frowns. ..huu....
poor me...
why always this tired.. =/
... jaa mata ne.
16 October 2011
Sick Mode =/
huu... my nose.. me so sick=( suddenly sick....
was feeling so sick n terrible at work. i couldnt wait to get back home!! =(
sighs.. dunno what trigger it. huu....
i need ot rest as much as possible. and slp too!!
imma blog fast cos bro off internet soon.
mm.. so yea. forgot what i wanna blog liao..
today .. not a great start. htink that time of month is coming so yea... not very happy ba i guess...
my cilleague, having her period.. is very grumpy she said. ha. cna understand. we all women mah. but duno ba. perhaps am just too tired.
super tired... i didnt even wanna move my leg!!
gosh. .yes thast how tired i am =/
sighs.. cant wait for holidat... huuu.....
so yea. see. .told ya my off aint enough. very tired. sighs.. .
now sick again. =/
sihgs.. so wish he's here to hug me warm.. n slp peacefully... sigs. .guess life wouldve been much easier n of course happier. even at work will be so happy knowing will see him later on. sighs....
now theres less joy all around.
...haiz. .o well
dunno where to find my joy
=/ anyway, my nose still runny abit even after my med... weird.. .how come that other brand seems to work better... O.o or... is it just me getting worse?
that other brand.. wouldve stop my runny there n then. but this, not only drowsy abit.. but also.. not that powet... still runny ne. .but thank god.. .lesser. gosh. .at work. .so cold somemore... can die sia=((( you couldve imagine how i wish to go home. huu.... especially by 7pm.. can die... the time so slow.. n i was sick to the bone. .huu...
kk.. better get some rest now.
missing him... =/
jaa mata ne....
was feeling so sick n terrible at work. i couldnt wait to get back home!! =(
sighs.. dunno what trigger it. huu....
i need ot rest as much as possible. and slp too!!
imma blog fast cos bro off internet soon.
mm.. so yea. forgot what i wanna blog liao..
today .. not a great start. htink that time of month is coming so yea... not very happy ba i guess...
my cilleague, having her period.. is very grumpy she said. ha. cna understand. we all women mah. but duno ba. perhaps am just too tired.
super tired... i didnt even wanna move my leg!!
gosh. .yes thast how tired i am =/
sighs.. cant wait for holidat... huuu.....
so yea. see. .told ya my off aint enough. very tired. sighs.. .
now sick again. =/
sihgs.. so wish he's here to hug me warm.. n slp peacefully... sigs. .guess life wouldve been much easier n of course happier. even at work will be so happy knowing will see him later on. sighs....
now theres less joy all around.
...haiz. .o well
dunno where to find my joy
=/ anyway, my nose still runny abit even after my med... weird.. .how come that other brand seems to work better... O.o or... is it just me getting worse?
that other brand.. wouldve stop my runny there n then. but this, not only drowsy abit.. but also.. not that powet... still runny ne. .but thank god.. .lesser. gosh. .at work. .so cold somemore... can die sia=((( you couldve imagine how i wish to go home. huu.... especially by 7pm.. can die... the time so slow.. n i was sick to the bone. .huu...
kk.. better get some rest now.
missing him... =/
jaa mata ne....
14 October 2011
Pissed off start of the day
haiz.. missing the good old times... =/ how i wish sammy is here right now.
o well..
mm.. ytd. .was soooo bored. spend my time thinking where to go. .waht to do. .finally forced myself to head out for a little while... better than nothing. gosh.
but it was good though. .get to rest.
ok. im trying to calm down now.. stupid thing. .... selfish ppl. i am very upset and pissed off right now.
i cant believe history is repeating itself. ....@%%#$%^
dammit.
sighs.. o well. what to do.
=(((((
jaa mata
13 October 2011
Lonely Planet
sorry guys, last night was too tired to blog anything.
gosh i had these 2 weird dreams. .very long and super clear in my head. first one is. .a vampire .. who looks like a normal man.. he tried to turn me into his kind. i dunno why me. another dream.. more of me in a contest.. dunno waht. .alot of strangers. .at unknown place.. family around.. sammy waiting for me at one of the are.a.. but the first dream was so bizarre. ha... creepy. i was even flying! soring throuhg the sky. night time. i was looking down a t the beautiful buildings.. .lights.. .i have the wings of an angel. huge pair of wings. very weird u see. ha. op well...
but din slpt quite well. think cos of mm... dunno ba. like wakey abit here n there evyr on2 horus or 3=/
hopefully later will get to slp better.
so slpy. .had a nap. today couldnt go anywhere thx to a meeting to attened throgh phone =/ so yea... o well. .off dya always got thigns like work thing... why arO.o
anyway, am glad i have sammy to company with.. chat on phone even for a short while was so amazing. thoguh sometimes couldnt hear properly.. ..heard the long miss laughter..
and yeah msgs.. gosh.. simple day msging each other liek that.. is te best . other than that, =/ sighs. .today super bored.
super duper bored. =/
dunno what to do.
do nothign. sighs.
last night i ate so much! omg. scary. too hungry. not good eat so much at one go.. but.. cant help it. ha
oh had this customer. malaysian? she came to sg for work. shew as like shoppign alone. and spend like 300 over in my store. i was like... whoa. she was a year younger than me. and.. i was htinking.. huh.. at this age, i never bought any thigns like that till hundreds over. dont talk about laptop , tickets.. holiday.. camera... etc. i mean... this is a store.. where theres alot of thigns. cheap n exp. and.. i have never ever bought many2 items.. that added up to a total of 300 over. wow shes rich huh?
was like. .gosh wish i could spend like that. ha. bt no. i always think very carefully before i get anything.
but this time, i may be well prepared to spend alot at this lingerie store in australia. oops... i couldnt resist! soemmroe its only in aust. thats oneof the dang store stil lstubbornly nono wanna coem sg yet. (but most are here so yup=) )
mm.... was asking sammy for directions.. in case he couldnt join me or soemthing..
was htinking of u know. .walk along hte beach freely n slowly... get some fav sun.. but then.. wait a min. so weird la!! lol. walking along the edge of sea beajc.. alone somemore.. wait kena racists ppl then i know=.= but anyway, im sure sun will still be around somewhere eh.
i kinda.. can picture the whole views and roads... but. not quite fully developed. i hope this time there, its gonna help alot with my memories. and.. well.. .hopefully i'll be brave enough.
thinking about me.. heading out. .walking alone confidently even if he could not join... sounds kidna nice too... but. not that nice serisouly. most of the time i wouldve been in fear. n i mustve been trying to memorise where ive bene.. etc...
tiring n troublesoem. but what to do.
sighs.. no confiddent at all. just ... have this feeling will be lost. but its not in sg. =/ imma be lost alon e and frighten.. and dunno where to start.. or... well.. .hopefully this trip will build up my courage ba. have to force myself.
wonder if will ever get to walk with him. but yea.. soemtimes certain things.. must be risk. or history wil lrepeat itself. too suey. i dun wan.. ..o well.
see how ba. pray for me when the time comes... getting lost in chinatown.. certainly makes me so frustrated n pissed off.. and helpless... ...just hope that.. somehow i'll have great memory to make my own way back home. before its too late.
=.= yea. the chinatown one.. took me 45 misn or so!! omg. before i deciede to catch a cab. btu like u guys alreayd know the story results. so yea.
but cabs are exp over there. ...unless im super duper lost... otherwise i'll rather walk3 till i find my way.. somehow ... wha to do. everyhting look the same. roads.. etx... i must certinly note down every single detail! yea i better do... specific building. .how many lights ive crossed. .etc.. time.. mm.. yea.. good idea. at least better than nothing.
gosh. stil lcant believe im doing this man. like.. its worse than taken.
ha my colleague also watched that movie fo rliek at least 10 times. wee.... very nice.
mm. thought of bringing a dcvd portable player.. in case at the hotel.. cna use .. or someting... but... dunno.. hotel still sounds scary. i think i really need a drink or two every night before i sleep. =/ sighs.. .feels so scary alreayd.. its ok. i'll try to take this as a building up courage thingy. so yup. what choice do i have =/ .. o well......
yea..
mmm..... pray for me till then ba.
jaa mata ne.
11 October 2011
cutting through T_T
ok just a quick blog here befor ei forget anything. im so coldddd omg.
been so cold lately
yup super slpy n need slp. tired. huu... .very late now. gtg ruch fir bed
so... till now me still no plaster. why. cos mum say buy at the block cheaper. at watson too exp. huu.. .but i think she din see me have cuts so yea. then.. .ended up forgot. .and i've been bearing with my woundT_T today keep tearing apart .. in between the tewared up skin n wound. ouch. hate it=( and imagien ur hair. .especially when wet, went through in between ur skin n wound.. omggggg its .. eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww T_T huu.... like using knife slicing across a piece of meat. get the pic? huu.. .disgusting. eew... ok. shoudl stop recalling now. anwyay, should be fine soon i hope. if not for saving money.. gosh.
haiyo... my off day still need to do conference call. hopefully i got nothign on ba. otherwise. ..how can i hear if abckground so nosiy.
sorry i know i spet wrongly. but seriously im rishign to slp now. today u shall se emroe wrong spellings. rushing i mean.
mm.. k thats about it. today still busy.
oh. my manager was like... smoking. even thoguh pregnant. and smoking ok fine. .but. smoke during worktime. omg. i thought she changed!!! but no she didnt. behid my back still smoke. haiz... .
.. o well... always nvr know how ppl in fornt of u act so nice buddy like n frenly.. behind u, will alwasy try to find a way to get u down and into tourble. that includes using u.
sighs... =/
very bad humans.
mata
been so cold lately
yup super slpy n need slp. tired. huu... .very late now. gtg ruch fir bed
so... till now me still no plaster. why. cos mum say buy at the block cheaper. at watson too exp. huu.. .but i think she din see me have cuts so yea. then.. .ended up forgot. .and i've been bearing with my woundT_T today keep tearing apart .. in between the tewared up skin n wound. ouch. hate it=( and imagien ur hair. .especially when wet, went through in between ur skin n wound.. omggggg its .. eeeeeeewwwwwwwwwwwwwww T_T huu.... like using knife slicing across a piece of meat. get the pic? huu.. .disgusting. eew... ok. shoudl stop recalling now. anwyay, should be fine soon i hope. if not for saving money.. gosh.
haiyo... my off day still need to do conference call. hopefully i got nothign on ba. otherwise. ..how can i hear if abckground so nosiy.
sorry i know i spet wrongly. but seriously im rishign to slp now. today u shall se emroe wrong spellings. rushing i mean.
mm.. k thats about it. today still busy.
oh. my manager was like... smoking. even thoguh pregnant. and smoking ok fine. .but. smoke during worktime. omg. i thought she changed!!! but no she didnt. behid my back still smoke. haiz... .
.. o well... always nvr know how ppl in fornt of u act so nice buddy like n frenly.. behind u, will alwasy try to find a way to get u down and into tourble. that includes using u.
sighs... =/
very bad humans.
mata
10 October 2011
shivers
i am sooo slpy and tired today . but down with runny nose cos too cold. =/ couldnt slp again.
gosh.... in the middle of the night. .i think its becos of the rain.. i was awoke shivering!! super cold=( i tried to get some warmth by plaing my hands.. legs.. together... hands on my neck. .etc. didnt work =/ too cold. cos. shivering man. was like .. haiz. .calling out to him in my mind=( so wish.. he's here to hug me warm and tight. well. anyway, took me quite a while to get bac k to slp. gosh. .frezzing...
just now.. i was concentrating thinking of him.. like he was in my arms. n for that moment there, eveyrthing fel tso real. and so near. after u opened ur eyes, well, thats another sory, . =.=
btu yea.. sighs. .so nice
anyway, im rying to settle my 2nd step. sighs.. so difficult. good thign he's there for advice too. but i migh have to go along with the cheaper yet tougher way =/ see how. but i want to get it settle asap. else now, i'll be slping in the streets. huu coldddddddddddd
slpy. very slpy n tired to my max today. right now. k. .i'd better hit the sack. cant take this any longer=(
i really need more than one good off day. sighs.. ...jan..... pkease come soon.. i cant hold on any much longer. .so tired=((
mata
gosh.... in the middle of the night. .i think its becos of the rain.. i was awoke shivering!! super cold=( i tried to get some warmth by plaing my hands.. legs.. together... hands on my neck. .etc. didnt work =/ too cold. cos. shivering man. was like .. haiz. .calling out to him in my mind=( so wish.. he's here to hug me warm and tight. well. anyway, took me quite a while to get bac k to slp. gosh. .frezzing...
just now.. i was concentrating thinking of him.. like he was in my arms. n for that moment there, eveyrthing fel tso real. and so near. after u opened ur eyes, well, thats another sory, . =.=
btu yea.. sighs. .so nice
anyway, im rying to settle my 2nd step. sighs.. so difficult. good thign he's there for advice too. but i migh have to go along with the cheaper yet tougher way =/ see how. but i want to get it settle asap. else now, i'll be slping in the streets. huu coldddddddddddd
slpy. very slpy n tired to my max today. right now. k. .i'd better hit the sack. cant take this any longer=(
i really need more than one good off day. sighs.. ...jan..... pkease come soon.. i cant hold on any much longer. .so tired=((
mata
09 October 2011
Different and better me
so sleepy and tired... wanna sleep badly.. but hair still wet....
gosh. .so nice to chill out once in a while.. .anyway, yup. so tired now.today incredibly busy. till i keep standing behind counter just to key in . omg. super busy. and not enough man on sale floor.
u know... highlight for the day...
ha. i was let showing my frens the pics of me in australia.. with the huge legos and all... cos one of my fren was like showing too. then they wanna see. so i show them. they commented that i look so different from the pic. i asked if its good or bad. they say good. like in one of the pic, my fren say i look fat lol. XD then how sia. year by year i go there, i get skinner ar? =/= '' dots
anywya, yea. they say i look so different in every single pic. i wonder why. thats me. but. .why do i look diff now. cos after a major heartbreaK?
anwyay, .. .sighs. .i did it again ppl. ... add another small cut to my finger. huu.. and guess what. i forgot to buy plaster. huuuuuuuuuuuuu T_T pain. bleed sia. paperbag cut me. now almost all my fingers have cuts on it. no joking. its real. =/ wth. then xmas time how. super busy and cut3... omg. i should waear gloves sia. T_T
huu
recently i finally picked up the book i bought years ago. ha. yea.. the jap book. need to bit by bit learn ba. not much time. but will do my best. cos if not, never will i master it well. its something u have to learn n speak. pratice everydya. otherwise sure cannot rememebr a thing
anyway, in anycase, glad that im able to look beter than in jan 2011 time. ha. o well. evolution ba. hopefully i'll get better n feel beter in future to come.
haiyo.. troublesome. hair not dry yet. but gotta go rest ba. finally!!!! can rest....... omg. my longggg awaited rest!!!
jaa mata ne
08 October 2011
Bad start of a saturday
running nose again =.=
haiz. anyway, its been .. tough day.
first thing first.. i have to wakey early to make payment..
first thing first.. i have to wakey early to make payment..
then.. while omw there, i got lost. phone
aapp the map, doesnt work fo rme either.
obviously. =.= i don know how to read map.. tch... what if that happen in syd too?? how sia =/
omg. wouldve been worse...
anwyay, was abotut to board hte cab, when the drive tell me its just right around the corner =.=''
haiz.. .so yea. finally i reached.
and .. .haiz. u knwo .its over. i'd better don talk about the bad stuffs liao..
omg. wouldve been worse...
anwyay, was abotut to board hte cab, when the drive tell me its just right around the corner =.=''
haiz.. .so yea. finally i reached.
and .. .haiz. u knwo .its over. i'd better don talk about the bad stuffs liao..
mm... 6 months to a years time huh... i wonder whats gonna happen....
am awaiting for the good news.
am awaiting for the good news.
anyway, dunno why recently runny nose starts again. oh yes i know. =.= like duh. nvr see doctor, the germs must still be lying there somewhere. hopefully during bz period xmas time i'll be fine . =/
and yea. with business .cums more bloody cuts. haiz.
alotu know. can u imagine 10 fingers, having to wrap up in plasters? a pity my plasters all used up. didnt realized that.. =/ pain.. but must bear till next day then can get.
haiz. the most pain of all, is the result of me scratches it by accident. cos busy mah. gotta move fast.
haiz. the most pain of all, is the result of me scratches it by accident. cos busy mah. gotta move fast.
ouch. T_T
imagine when water touches it.
i had late lucnh todya. how ar. still feeling full.
and cold. and stupid running nose. haiz.
and cold. and stupid running nose. haiz.
so tired still. =/
ohhhh i cant wait for monday's show. ^^ TAKEN.... hehe.
mm.. i like to watch this show caleld seconds form diasters. makes me wonder.. how sad it is huh.. imagine if im on the place,.. then suddenly it crashes like that.. i'll be dead man. gosh. .the helpness tied to the seatbelt.. u cant even run anywhere... its frightening. .thast why nowadays ppl aint trusting qantas anymore eh.
gosh. i don feel that well. perhaps luch wa abit too heavy.
oh.. how i miss eating yellow ginger beancurd.... =P
yum. hot hot hot. ;)
jaa mata ne
06 October 2011
Lovey dovey times
gosh. im rushing to get some slp and rest. very tired...
just wanna type abit aboiut this
was reading my old notes... and.. u know. .those times when we were together.. mm... every thoghts and ideas. .its all about him.
even planning for 2012 holiday.. thinking of waht to do with him. .etc... but.. when i look at the page now, its differen.t its..not gonna be happening in anyways ba.
yea.
how time flies huh.. though. .still couldnt believe.. its only bee.. 8 montsh or so.. dunno. .sounds long.. but dunno..
but yea... .. so innocence back then.. my world revolves arond him. everything is all about him.
.. sighs. one event just changes everything huh...
thinking back when i read the notes.. i was so .. innocence then. very in love. he's my number 1 . always come first. everything is him . all about him.
thinking of him.. evey sec.. and thoughts.. anything i do, its all about him.
so.. ha. such a typical girl in love huh..
o well....
...
haiz.
anwyay, glad my goals of fture been brought across. thank god i finanly put my words across!! i am not aiming to go japan. omg. ha... bt yea. .my rgm was like. .wah for real ar.. wanna go over. ha.. but yea. of course real.
sighs...
when htats gonna happen? i put asap. lol. he laughed. he then change to 6months to a year. haha.. .
how would i know when.. of course put asapXD
but yea. glad this is the 2nd time i place this across... and.. well, hopefully results will be shown soon.
i cant wait.
wish me luck.
but glad paul is very supportive of staffs crossing over. so yup. =)
k. so my off day.. cannot slp in liaoT_T sighs.. huuuuuuu io wanna slpppp =(
gotta settle my plan.
finally settling eh.
kk.. gtg. slp time. cant take it =( tierd n slpy like mad
jaa mata
just wanna type abit aboiut this
was reading my old notes... and.. u know. .those times when we were together.. mm... every thoghts and ideas. .its all about him.
even planning for 2012 holiday.. thinking of waht to do with him. .etc... but.. when i look at the page now, its differen.t its..not gonna be happening in anyways ba.
yea.
how time flies huh.. though. .still couldnt believe.. its only bee.. 8 montsh or so.. dunno. .sounds long.. but dunno..
but yea... .. so innocence back then.. my world revolves arond him. everything is all about him.
.. sighs. one event just changes everything huh...
thinking back when i read the notes.. i was so .. innocence then. very in love. he's my number 1 . always come first. everything is him . all about him.
thinking of him.. evey sec.. and thoughts.. anything i do, its all about him.
so.. ha. such a typical girl in love huh..
o well....
...
haiz.
anwyay, glad my goals of fture been brought across. thank god i finanly put my words across!! i am not aiming to go japan. omg. ha... bt yea. .my rgm was like. .wah for real ar.. wanna go over. ha.. but yea. of course real.
sighs...
when htats gonna happen? i put asap. lol. he laughed. he then change to 6months to a year. haha.. .
how would i know when.. of course put asapXD
but yea. glad this is the 2nd time i place this across... and.. well, hopefully results will be shown soon.
i cant wait.
wish me luck.
but glad paul is very supportive of staffs crossing over. so yup. =)
k. so my off day.. cannot slp in liaoT_T sighs.. huuuuuuu io wanna slpppp =(
gotta settle my plan.
finally settling eh.
kk.. gtg. slp time. cant take it =( tierd n slpy like mad
jaa mata
05 October 2011
tired to the max day
i am sooo tiredddddddd . super duper tired to the max.. till i couldnt serve anymore. .just on time.. when i was about to go home. omg. very slpy early in mrg. ..then hang on till night. bloody tired.
hey guess waht. so everythings been settled... im awya in less than THREE months time!!!!! but................ .................. my hotel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omgggggggg giving my probs siaaaaa huuuuuu how how how... somemore gotta find a trusted fren to help print out.. shoot. so any to do. so little time =( huu... what if. .waht if.... imma have to slp on the street one of the nights.. omg. freezing. .i really cant imagien that =( shoot. .touch wood!!! i'd better settle fast. =/ not easy at all doing this all alone. will do my best . shoot =(
so yea.. gosh. my whole body is breaking down. im bloody tired like mad. slpy as well. =(
wheres my fucking life?
sometmes.. ..just so pissed off at teh way thigs in life turns out. sighs.........
i hate life. simply hated it.
i didnt even know why am i here. sighs..
o well. in anycxase, i hope to get away sdoon. less than 3 months eh. i can do this. hang on till my last breath.
gosh.. i wish to slp nw.. really wish so...
...now i know where i stand. nt important. not number 1. and most probably never will me. today.. just proved it all...
thanks..
jaa
hey guess waht. so everythings been settled... im awya in less than THREE months time!!!!! but................ .................. my hotel!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omgggggggg giving my probs siaaaaa huuuuuu how how how... somemore gotta find a trusted fren to help print out.. shoot. so any to do. so little time =( huu... what if. .waht if.... imma have to slp on the street one of the nights.. omg. freezing. .i really cant imagien that =( shoot. .touch wood!!! i'd better settle fast. =/ not easy at all doing this all alone. will do my best . shoot =(
so yea.. gosh. my whole body is breaking down. im bloody tired like mad. slpy as well. =(
wheres my fucking life?
sometmes.. ..just so pissed off at teh way thigs in life turns out. sighs.........
i hate life. simply hated it.
i didnt even know why am i here. sighs..
o well. in anycxase, i hope to get away sdoon. less than 3 months eh. i can do this. hang on till my last breath.
gosh.. i wish to slp nw.. really wish so...
...now i know where i stand. nt important. not number 1. and most probably never will me. today.. just proved it all...
thanks..
jaa
03 October 2011
hating tmr =(
haiz,... i am not one bit lookign forward to tmr at all =/ sighs.. i raelly3... wishes theres no tmr.
u how how ppl says.. nomatter how tough a day is, you still gonna live it.
well.. i had that feeling. a totaly true blue live it moment.
the day u wish.. u will not need to spend at that place and time.. u wishes so badly to get out of there. u wish that this isnt happening at all.. and that you will be able to get out of it.. but sadly, no =/ tick tock2... you're still standing at the place u detest.. facing situation u detest... no mood to do anytig, yet forced to do so..
sighs. .those moments, are.... =/ painful.
i couldnt remember since when's the last dya i had my proper off and stay at home to slp n rest. the one off per week is killing me. and guess what. i think im sick again. both mentally n phyiscally =/
sighs
very tired. very3 tired. i shouldve gotten myself a week of leave in july or something. = / i didnt. .perhaps.. o well. .becos i wanan save my leave sfor my jan holidays.. =/ so yea. ... haiz... tell me this is all worth it.. ... sighs
so yea. dunno hwat im doing .. now. .like. .weird. .the work im doing. .i dunno. iim so tired.
sighs
think im getting sick again cos too tired. haiz.
gosh.. i feel like.. wow. so blue. n down.
where's my cheerfulness gone...
later cant wait to watch dvd with bro. been waiting for sooo long. yay. the only nice thing to happen to dya ba =/ yea.. thoght he'll say no. cos he said no when i asked him before if he wana watch with me. then whne he replied ok!' wow. i was like. yayyyy phewww wha a relief. of course better with redz to join us. but i think he's not up to it ba.. o well.
so yup. very tired. stupid thing happen. and. .card not made. .causing me to wait somemore... luckily theres mall to walk around. .n i get to eat this yellow ginger tofu. omg. its bloody hot. hotter than the chicken. its either cos absorbs the sauce or soemthing, or becos that chef actually is a very good one, and he really make it very true blue spicy.
but yea. i will eat it again. another dish to challenge. woo hoo.
so yea.. u'll know when something is wrong with ur body. .then ur body will signal u to slow down.. etc..
haiz. i wish i could listen ..
not much of an appetite just now. had abit of dinner. =/
my face totally is this crumple expression...
my room is messed up.. me no energy to clean.. just .. really need to sit. n lay back. i cant move any longer. sighs.
just wish if only i could feel that same happiness i had years back. why must things be so complicated now.
n i wonder. what is my focus now.
perhasp thast why i felt a sense of loss ba.
no nothing. just same old days everyday. what am i here for anyway i wonder.
is this the me before i met him. could be eh. the way i type and feel.. about the same. i think. =.=
need to destress soon.
mm.. bro will be coming back home soon eh .. ..
mm... living for.. .focus for.. future for... no clear answers for those.
wish i could walk out of it. and u know. figure everyting out.
oh yea. come to think of it. i think im still heading there. i know what imma do there. i think... yea.. i think so ba. could be doing n walking ard hte same old place and stuff.... but.. well, my first time eh. must be brave . tch. but the nightlife there scary sia. but still... mm... =.= see how ba. very challenging. vbut .. can learn. maybe one day i can go backpack eh. lol.
o well.
the perfect dream of future.. thos ebeautiful pics.. sighs.. o wel...
mata
u how how ppl says.. nomatter how tough a day is, you still gonna live it.
well.. i had that feeling. a totaly true blue live it moment.
the day u wish.. u will not need to spend at that place and time.. u wishes so badly to get out of there. u wish that this isnt happening at all.. and that you will be able to get out of it.. but sadly, no =/ tick tock2... you're still standing at the place u detest.. facing situation u detest... no mood to do anytig, yet forced to do so..
sighs. .those moments, are.... =/ painful.
i couldnt remember since when's the last dya i had my proper off and stay at home to slp n rest. the one off per week is killing me. and guess what. i think im sick again. both mentally n phyiscally =/
sighs
very tired. very3 tired. i shouldve gotten myself a week of leave in july or something. = / i didnt. .perhaps.. o well. .becos i wanan save my leave sfor my jan holidays.. =/ so yea. ... haiz... tell me this is all worth it.. ... sighs
so yea. dunno hwat im doing .. now. .like. .weird. .the work im doing. .i dunno. iim so tired.
sighs
think im getting sick again cos too tired. haiz.
gosh.. i feel like.. wow. so blue. n down.
where's my cheerfulness gone...
later cant wait to watch dvd with bro. been waiting for sooo long. yay. the only nice thing to happen to dya ba =/ yea.. thoght he'll say no. cos he said no when i asked him before if he wana watch with me. then whne he replied ok!' wow. i was like. yayyyy phewww wha a relief. of course better with redz to join us. but i think he's not up to it ba.. o well.
so yup. very tired. stupid thing happen. and. .card not made. .causing me to wait somemore... luckily theres mall to walk around. .n i get to eat this yellow ginger tofu. omg. its bloody hot. hotter than the chicken. its either cos absorbs the sauce or soemthing, or becos that chef actually is a very good one, and he really make it very true blue spicy.
but yea. i will eat it again. another dish to challenge. woo hoo.
so yea.. u'll know when something is wrong with ur body. .then ur body will signal u to slow down.. etc..
haiz. i wish i could listen ..
not much of an appetite just now. had abit of dinner. =/
my face totally is this crumple expression...
my room is messed up.. me no energy to clean.. just .. really need to sit. n lay back. i cant move any longer. sighs.
just wish if only i could feel that same happiness i had years back. why must things be so complicated now.
n i wonder. what is my focus now.
perhasp thast why i felt a sense of loss ba.
no nothing. just same old days everyday. what am i here for anyway i wonder.
is this the me before i met him. could be eh. the way i type and feel.. about the same. i think. =.=
need to destress soon.
mm.. bro will be coming back home soon eh .. ..
mm... living for.. .focus for.. future for... no clear answers for those.
wish i could walk out of it. and u know. figure everyting out.
oh yea. come to think of it. i think im still heading there. i know what imma do there. i think... yea.. i think so ba. could be doing n walking ard hte same old place and stuff.... but.. well, my first time eh. must be brave . tch. but the nightlife there scary sia. but still... mm... =.= see how ba. very challenging. vbut .. can learn. maybe one day i can go backpack eh. lol.
o well.
the perfect dream of future.. thos ebeautiful pics.. sighs.. o wel...
mata
02 October 2011
Stupid luck. bad luck =(
gosh.. ytd terrible night. =( reach hom so late. .cos of net card thingy. .sighs. how the hell it disappeared just like that!!??? its absurd=(( sighs. .what to do.. couldnd find it at all. why this happen?? why lke as though magic.. .disappeared wihtout a trace =( sighs....
dunno hwats gonna happen.. but yea. .tmr imma pick it up n hand it back to stor.e so tired htese days.. cos one day off only =/ and yea... sighs..
ytd omg. i just recalled. theres this indian family. the moment this man steps in, i knew something aint right. then his dad asked me stuffs.. i was tlaking to him .his son keep looking at me n go.. ''oh..... your voice is so soft~~~''.. blah3... nonsense sia! omggggggggggg =.=''''''' the way he look at me when he walked past me, omg.. i felt so violated. omg. disgusting!brrr -_-''
sighs.. ... down on my luck man.. =. been so suey.. tired and down..and .. whats wrong with my luck these days. or what esle? haiz=/
im glad sammy is there for me..
seriously nothing is good todya. only msgin ghim is the only best thing that happened.
haiz...
last night also no appetite... ate abit.. today.. hungry. .ate more.. okok ba.. but yea..
sighs. still feeling down.,
but yea. just cant wait to get over with the nets card tmr. i wish to just pass the card, and without the manager nagging at me. dunno what shes been tlaking about behind my back to my rgm... sighs. say one thing, then doing so hereself. wth???
haiz. thoguht tmr can finally take a good long rest.... but.. o well... this thing just have to happen.. so yea=/
tough luck eh.. haiz.
gosh. so tired. .
jaamata
dunno hwats gonna happen.. but yea. .tmr imma pick it up n hand it back to stor.e so tired htese days.. cos one day off only =/ and yea... sighs..
ytd omg. i just recalled. theres this indian family. the moment this man steps in, i knew something aint right. then his dad asked me stuffs.. i was tlaking to him .his son keep looking at me n go.. ''oh..... your voice is so soft~~~''.. blah3... nonsense sia! omggggggggggg =.=''''''' the way he look at me when he walked past me, omg.. i felt so violated. omg. disgusting!brrr -_-''
sighs.. ... down on my luck man.. =. been so suey.. tired and down..and .. whats wrong with my luck these days. or what esle? haiz=/
im glad sammy is there for me..
seriously nothing is good todya. only msgin ghim is the only best thing that happened.
haiz...
last night also no appetite... ate abit.. today.. hungry. .ate more.. okok ba.. but yea..
sighs. still feeling down.,
but yea. just cant wait to get over with the nets card tmr. i wish to just pass the card, and without the manager nagging at me. dunno what shes been tlaking about behind my back to my rgm... sighs. say one thing, then doing so hereself. wth???
haiz. thoguht tmr can finally take a good long rest.... but.. o well... this thing just have to happen.. so yea=/
tough luck eh.. haiz.
gosh. so tired. .
jaamata
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