haiz.. sianz. no appetite again. but stomach growling. ..was so tired and sleepy.. .once home, straight nap abit. .very short bit only.. mum said she's very worried for me... asking if i have probs .or isit work too tired.. if too tiring, find another ba. .asked me to quit. .i said im fine. ..well.. i alwasy lied tha im fine. ..
..anyway... i know. she sighes.. but waht to do. i dunno why either.
felt as though. .no more meaning to do anythign else.
i was 'alive' at work though. like. .back .to fight on. but. after that.. its just. ..dead.
o well.. yea. .nap.. stomach kept on growling.. non stop.. starving. .but leg too hurt and tired to move even for an inch... no appetite to eat anything... only craving for yellow ginger bean curd... .. thus. .headed out for drinks. yea. so baka... o well.. .but yea. .these times, i always drink on empty stomach. my dad always liek to do that too. =.= but yea. .i know.. not good. my frens also know.. also don dare drink fast n much before eaitng. but... yea.. i just cant help it.
sighs... so hungry.. but drink instead.
o well... what to do...
life is meaningless. i wonder if this is how they felt.. when they saythat before they do something foolish. don worry. i still have my syd trip. my own adventure. i wont do stupid things . =.=
but yea.. .its a frightening feelign though. like.. nothing else matters... nothing seems happy.. nothing to look forward to.. just. .tired all day long.. wanna lay on the bed.. not to move an inch... thinking. .wahts life gonna be now. ..its.. another type of terrible feeling besides heartache.
human beings. .are so complicated. .the way they think. .the way they act... the way they interact..backstab.. etc... =/
sighs. .at work.. made stupid small mistakes.. dunno why. overly tired. ? or cant concentrate anymore?
even mum.. could tell.. ive been feeling tired everyday. .. just nap and nap...
.. sighs....
=/ o well.. .what is wrong with me.. =( i wish i can get through this alone.. .
i thought i wasnt good enough.. but my frens said to me.. i am beautiful and gorgeous, i shouldnt feel that way cos of what happened... thsoe compliments really irks me =.= '' seriously .but... sighs.. i wonder hwo would i have feel in the future. ...
... my mum is understanding enough to tell me.. if no appetite,(think she can tell) , then dont eat dinner ba... as in.. don have to force myself to east. .cna eat other things or somehting.
..wonder.. did she noticed that i've not been eating much lately too?..
... i wonder. .even if hteres yellow ginger chicken or beancurd righ tin front of my face now, would i still have the appetite to eat ?
..i dunno....
todya.. very cold.. very.. very cold... i off my fan now...
..cold. .and .. of course. u guessed it. tired...
feet.. legs.. .hurts... ..i do not wish to move them at all... ..=/
..ha. so nice. .all my colleagues have bf fetch them..
..o well..
oh today. .so weird and scary. =.= '''' i was turning towards the direction of my customer.s. and of cours ei have to smile. then i turned, my customer walked towards me, and i walkeds towards my cusotmer. .then i smiled.. ot my customer of course. then this guy leaning against the window at topshop, smiled at me. i was like. .wth............. =.="''''''O.O he thought i was smiling at him!! OMG>... was liek teling my fren.. she say ok wat. .he's quite good looking. i was like. .holy crap...
and then... again. same fren. i was tlaking and laughing with my frne.. stepping back. .then accidentally step onto this guy behind me. (i cant see him behind). i apologied of course. and she's like... 'you purposely right''/ .. in a joking manner. i wa slike. .jesus christ!! hell no!!!!! XD lol. she laughed at me burting out the jeses christ.
erm. .im not christian. im a free thinker in a way.
so yea. omg. imagine she said htat so near and .. not whisper at the guy there.. hold crap. .so paishe. .i was like blushing!! she's like. .you're blushing right.. see..... ..omg. each time i blushed, its that obvious??! O.o oh no...
but yea.. every time i felt paiseh pr waht.. i'll feel hot... maybe.. thats why im blushing eh?weird.. wonde rhow i looked like.. that obvious meh? or she just saying and guessing? O.o
haiz. so nice to sit.
my feet.. numb..and painful..=/ .. of ocurse. .i know. no pain no gain. i dont get this kind of pay for nothing.
but. one of the asm who quit, commented to me that she never regret it. and she dont even feel liek coming back.
u know. .... i f not for the overseas working thingy plan.. .i might've quit too... =/ .. i dunno.. i really dunno...
...6 months to a year huh... .. k... in order to prepare myself for that, .... jan syd trip.. im counting on ya!! wish me luck peeps.. .i want to get used to syd as much as i can.
...lost, lost ba. waht ever.
haiz. .lunch. .only 2 pieces of small breads... =/ ... no wonde rim so hungry now. ..shouldve guessed it. ...
i.. really wish to eat some hot instant noodle soup.. but. ...i really feel sooo bad .. =( cos waht about my mum's cooking. .and the rice? ... sighs............. at least if instant noodle, i think i should be able to finish it up. but if rice and dinner. ... =/ i'll eat very tiny bit. nowadays, im eating like. .half a portion of what i used to mucnch on. ...
haiz.. hope i'll get well soon...
don worry for me...
i'll find a way to smile one day.. ...i hope
jaa mata
mata.
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