Causes sickness =/

gosh. hi guys. sorry. internet was down yet again =( couldnt blog. sighs. anwyay glad now i can do this with his help.. .o well. yea. so.. uh huh. hopefully tahan till bro can figure how to fix it once more ba. really thasnk to the samsung galaxy s phone. though. .i think other phoen also can do that isit? dunno

anwayy, sighs. couple of days back since my last blog here was chaos .
just numb, tired. and totally given up all hopes.
yea. was so sick. guess thast what i did to myself ba. i don blame anyone .
haiz but yea. it was madness. all sick and beat out inside out somemore... stil ldo crazy things. bt yea.
its over now ba. im just waiting for my blocked nose to unblock, and coughs to stop soon. i hope.
at least fever after coupleof days, now ok alreyad ba.

sick still must work. sad still must work. no hope still must work. 

anwyay, my neck theres this cut. red and fresh. wait. like deja vu.. i don think i blog this right. ... dunno. but anwayy. .eya. then my colleagues thoguht look and asked if that was a love bite. i was like. waht???????/ nooooooo!! it was a red cut sia! omg. so paiseh. i could feel the heat coming outta my face..  my manager say my face so red. omg . i was blushing like mad. somemroe theres the male colleague standing in front of me. omg. paiseh sia. i ask them look carefully. its jsut a cut!! omg.....

haiz. this new manager.. like. .... heart not at work u know. haiz. what can i say man. ...

anwy, today such a diaster. but .. troublsome,. .but i answer this vvvvvip very well. i think. ha. anwayy yea. haiz. wasted my off time also. forget it ba. don wanan say anything. but yea. she's such an important figure. and im so glad to be able to talk with this shareholder even for a short while. phew. thast nice

so yea. haiz. not been eating full ywell and all.. so tired out and sleepy from sickness....
.... im jsut gald im feeling better abit now.ytd so much worse sia. sighs. i still pull mysefl to go work though. =/ .much to be done. 

my fren tell me that he recently first tiem went to this club at rebel. saw 2 girls. totally drunk. and the guy.. in the open act, grinding her hard behind her back or .. i dunno la. jsut so disgusting. just grind hard ba. i was like. no. we both were like. .wtf?? dunno ba. nowadays i cant stand bitches and sluts. they fucking pissed me off so badly. shameless. and so disgusts at the thought that they throw away their prides as a woman. wtf right. yea at leats my fren is a decent one. lol. was poking fun at him as a wolf. no la. he couldnt be... i think =.= 

anway... haiz.
just don wanan talk more about bloody bitches. makes my blood boil so much.

sighs. wanna eat but no appetite =/ 

sighs. i slept for only 3 hours or so. sianz.
duno what to do . just feel like watching tv and don wanna slp even though so sleepy. 

i'll always remind myself with what i just gone through. must be careful i wont drop into the piles of rocks and knifes underneath again.
..so tired of climbing out process.

somethings jsut disgusts me so much.

ha

.. o well... sighs.

if only im not so sleepy now eh. o well.

no appetite .but wil ltry go find soemthign to eat later ba . so sleepy. but cannot. musnt sleep.

hate my blocked nose. grr....

haiz .today been such a longgggggggggg day. dunno how to say. a day without proper sleep.

=.= zzzzzzzzz

but worth it ba for my vvvvip.

haiz. heartpain till scik more. so baka of me.

anwayy, yea. so much to blog. but perhaps i forgot yet again .

dunno what to do now., eat abit of rice. then snack abit too?

wahtever ba. i sjut wanan sit and relax..

oh so galf thats bros pics can be recovered! gosh... his cam cant read his memory card. wth. so scary. thoght all memories of pics gone. 

...haiz. k ba.
thafs all. and yes. im starting to disliek my neew manager liek evryone else.
wth is wrong with their eyesight =/
whast wrong.. .sighs .

jaa mata 

Blinded fool

if only i just headed fo rbed.. .

so this is how it feels like. to be lied to.. to be a toy for soembody. to be someboyds evil joke.
to be make a fool out of.
to be make used of..

finally  i see these all lies. right from the beginning.
i was utterly wrong. i thought i knew what i used to know.
he';s good. oh yes he's so damn good.
i was completely fooled al lthis fucking while.

and to think i was backing him up all along. i am such an idiot. to be hit at the back without realising it. lies . uteerly completely all full of fucking lies.
why am i so stupid.

yea good. this is good. its out in the open now. i wont be speaking up for as well.
i placed too my trust. i hrt myself in the end. and yes. i well deserve it. i wasnt that bright. adn i just trusted the wrong person.
uh huh. this type of person is good.
so good. they probably enjoy best hurting other ppl out eh.

ha. ...hahaha..............
haha.....

ahhh.....

baka me ne.

really such an idiot for all these years.....
o well.
from today onwards. i wont stop myself no more.
i will do wahtever i want.
no one can restrict me.
yea. i'll rather be thsi way. yea. .i could protect myself.

u know what. perhaps i should start by doing soemtiing that is the most hateful. i dunno. but.. .well.. we shall see.

guess waht. suddenly all these pains seem sto overcome my fatigues. yea. ...
so be it ba.
life is definitely too short.

don worry peeps.
its just another and yet another rounds of pains... thats as thogh my med already eh. hahahahahahahahha

yea. i'll start by tomorrow.
i'll see awht i can do. but i wont be revealing it here though. sorry.
so yea .
liek that ba.

girl... who kena so many lies for so many years.. .gonna get away from lappy fo rnow.

jaa ne

felt as though imma faint

sighs. .lost track in my life... ..=/ anwway....

today is one of the worst day of my life.
i slept for only about 2 hours or less. OMG. and i can die sia.. be it standing, sitting, walking, eating. =( i even stand to eat today. sighs.
well, i brough tit upon myself. weaht to do.

gosh. i really cannot wait to sleep. dry hair and thats it , dunno waht gonna happen though. co syea. me never really have time for dinner. nor energy. huu.. but abit hungry. but no energy liao=/

haiz dunno ba. i wanan get outta here.

hey ever heard of staycation? i heard from my fren that its a singaporean thing now. instead of leaving for overseas, ppl book hotels in sg(we have heaps of fabulous hotels here woo!) and then travel around... singapore. yea. dont be surprised. im thinking thats a good idea too.

haiz.. i rlaly cant take it man. body weak liao.. very weka. shoot. now im gettinghungry. how. but dun wan home cooked meal ne. =/ haiz. dunno ba. slp away all troubles so much better .

k ba. i gtg. my eyes are like =.= now. kinda. cos yea. i wanna sleepppppppppp huuuuuu

jaa =( huu.. don wanan go slp early.. but.. huu.. o well..

Lame Movie

oh and regarding last night's blog post, my fren actually also dislike taking pics. but when i asked him about it again (after 3 years) he said that he is fine with it now afdter ns. i was like.. huh? can like that wan ar. wow.
suddenly auto fine with it. o well maybe ba.

and hey peeps, do not ever watch this so called thai horror movie called FOUR. it totally SUcksss... omg. =.= lame movie... 

gosh... sighs.. i am so tired. oh gosh. can die sia. i slept for only 2 hours? no. yea. less or about 2 hours. sighs...
i dunn owaht to say. shooty huuu...............

k ba. gtg. sighs. .im not feeling well. will hang on desu =/

jaa.. .huuu 

sad blog. irreplacable

i was.. ... reading along this book.. birthdya book... fo rme... july 22nd... i am suitable for man younger my age... and blah3.. everything is all accurate. and yea. .the age part.. .. guess im always attravted to ppl younger my age eh.. dunno why. mayeb cos i don care about age. i care only about persinaility... and how we interact with each other. and sriosuly, my persoinatiy is always younger htan my age =.=. i do not care abut my age htats why. its just numbers. cos i feel like nothing like 20+. which is weird. i jsut don feel that way =/

i met up with my 3 years nbever met fren. very nice. very nervous. .btu good. cos yea. long lost fren kidna thigng. soryr. i said not to say anythign here about my personal life.. but.. well.. ,mm. .it bizarres me. .

he.. really reminded me so much of sammy... 

same age.
same in scdf as an officer..
likes gundam figurines when younger.. still liek to look at their boxes now..
played canoe polo during JC time. njow thinking of taking htat up again as a hobby..
studies chemistry now.. not really into engineer ( abit diff here)
dislike horror movies.. but he still watch sometimes.. ha
likes watching animes.. especially naruto and bleach..
played abit of online games.. thoguh he lieks to read alot. not sammy though..

we walked and chatted a long way from orchard to PS..till city hall... liek that time i chatted with with sammy till raffles..
but one thing fo rsure. during his last day of work 3 years ago, i met his mum as his family drove us home. his mum is a very nice person...
very diff.. ...from sammy's  family...

all these smililarities. .really makes me wonder.. ..
why.

hey2... i am not interested in him or hwatsoever . we are only frens.
pure frens . I relaly treated him as my frens only./ 

just htat .. i wodne r why is there a guy so similar to him. fo rme. .i would never ever allow myself to fall in love with another man because he is similar to my sammy. because of any reason related to sammy. nor because any person could become a replacement for him.

just kinda intrigues me. ...how come so smiliar to each other... yet.. soemthing's seems diff.. ...

u might be perhaps thinkknig. .soemthign is weir dhere. .but well, im just saying only. and seriously... he is just a friend to me here.
jst that.. i wonde rhwy.. htey could be so same to each other..... ... that really puzzzles me.. i was liek.. ...huh??? u liek canoe polo?? huh?? u really liek gundam figurines?? ,,, .=.= dots.... and what?? you study chemsitery? .. haiyo..
remidned so much of him.. but still. .waht to do.. ..
haiz.
well, sammy  made it cleared htat we could neevr be together.. but. .well.. sammy will always have a place in my heart no matter what.
,... h ewill always be someone special .....

my fren used to smoke .. but then quited. he doesnt even dirnk. he dont club becaus ehe find it potinless as if you wanna club, u have to drink. so must get high and club high more. but . becaus eof that, becaus ehe doesnt drink, he didnt go clubs, nor bars, nor pubs.. etc. which im happy for him for. =) ... ..
which.. .how i wish sammy coudl be like that too ... sighgs. but o well. ... 

haiz.. but yea. don worry. i will never take another man as my man just because he is someone abit aliek to sammy...

wow. alot of work to be done.. ... i am still pulling it off.
working hard as ever. .haiz. jia you desu. ....

i. ..really missed his smiel. i wish.. ...i could se eit righ now and cheer up.. though deifnitely i wil ldrop tears again

shoot=( las tnight, after bath, i put on my bra of a years' old or mor.r.. and it snapped!!!!!! the front part snapped!! huu,,. expensive bra... somemore triumph brand ne.. i d oliek that bra. huu.. snapped.. broke liao .. i couldnt wear no more =/
howveer that bra is small inded.. i knwo2.. im suppoed to throw after 6 montsh r so of evry bras.. but im not rich hello??

=.= so yea.. haiz. .broke liao.. ... gotta throw now =/ sighs...

is it because my breasts grew bigger?? btu then again never knwos. cos we women always change as pms , weight blah3... takes us.

so eya. if bigger of course i dun mind like. my .. ... yea,, alwyas very fleshy. .. .but yea.. just wasted though. .exp bras... howeverm bras thats good are important to me. ...well ... gues sits time to throw agter all. .been wearing way too lnog. .sighs. .my fav bra though.. on e of my fav i mean .. =/

 mm.. ok. this is it. ..

oh. btw, my fren todl me that, to marry a malay woman, you must spend at least $10,000 in total. omg. serious!!???/ O.o wow.
iwas like. .why nmot just honey moon onlym, and save all these money. though. .every women sure like to kepe it grand and all. .but.. if it stoo much, .... why not just keep it simple and cheap? after all.. it sonly you and him together forever. not ur relatives.. nt ut parents.. not your couins.. not yoru frens.. so whats the prob??? if only.. every girl could understadn that for hteir hubby...
..but yea..

from now till everm... i will always think that.. forever it is important to be who you love.. .. not becaus eof otehr issues... 

and i .. .pauline.. prays that. .i would never ever be with someoen jsut becaus ethat person could replace sammy's position in my heart. .because. ...i do not think htats ever gonna happen. ... nope.. i hope not...

i wish. ..tat god or muslim god. .i dunno .i do not have a god of mine own as you all know.. dots.. sorry. but yea. .hipep his muslim god.. iwill bles him a good life.. and.. .gib him all years good results... ...

my fren... 2014 then can graduate from his uni...

hey u knwo.. .... as scdf officer,.... (well he is) .. he can join back anytime he want. his pay before ord, was $1600!! i asked.. if he join back how much? he said its about $3200. then every 2 to 3 years will get promoted.. etc.. wow.  and get pay increase.. ..
..sighs... how i wish sammy owuldve done that fo r me.. ... i really wish. ..
 oh my frne also say... was a teacher here, you could earn about that amount too. ...

..sigh.. .. how i wish.. sammy couldv estay back.. perhasp. .... ..he wshes better for that $4000 he tol dme of  in aust pay.. .
rather than sg $3200+ over pay.. how i wish.. he couldve chose me and the $3200+ ove rpay instead.
hbut he gave it all up.  

sighs. .waht to do.. ...

=/ sigsh... nvm ba.

all i wish for is tht. .i will never be with a man whom is  identical to u knw how.
becau.e. all i wann love, is fo rhte man himself. his pros and cons. nt becasue of .u knw ..

sighs...

how will the future be like. ...
nv,mm.... ... w shall see.. i jus twanna get past 2012 first. .end of 2012.....

sighs.. ... jaa =( 

Exotic eyes

ha. it was hilarious. i was jokig with my mate today. talking about love probs n stuff..

anway yea. was talking about how if ppl in depression mode, suddenly become so happy and positive among their fers n family memebrs, ..... they are to be wathc out carefull yfor. thats hte most dangerous part .not when they are having depression. tagts when familyh really need to ewathc out for. because............. why? because they acted frenly and happy.. ... well.. it is becaouse they are ready to leave to this world. htis is when family gotta be extra careful for.
then.. well. .nmy frens knwo about my kinda what happened.. i was like. .saying ..oh.. how wonderful this world is.. i can see te light.. .etc.. ahhahaha. yea. wwas freaking one of my mate out. lol. just a jok ela. but yea. so funny.hilarious. but . .didnt bring me any happiness.

anway. mm. guess its time to just u knw. let it all be. and. well. im gonna .. ...mm. .o well.. dunno ba .
sighs...

oh my amamnnger otady said htst i have exotic eyes. i dont look like singaporean. ... i was like. .erm ok.. ha. in the end i was blushing.thats what manager said. but yea.i admit though. cos not god with complinents sia!! dots.... .=./=
so eya. well .so far.. my eyes n lips gotten the most compliemtns. with eyes come first. thasnk to ppl ba. well. i guess htats a great thing eh. eyes and lips. seductive fdeatures. i don mind. i do  liek that^^

so yea..

sighs..

... i do not wanna say anythign futher. mata

jaa............

-disappointments-

Love that bounds by someone else.. =(

was so reluctant to head out. but i did. whle day down. no mood. i duno what to say. but just. no mood..  i didnt ask for pressy.. i didnt .. this n that. i wasnt myself. the entire day.. ... last mn plan to have dinner. anway.. yea. was so down. my special day wasn tso special after all .
nothing goes my way.
nothng makes me happy.
sighs. i felt liek im down into the bottom less pit again.
and im so sad. it was a pathetic day.
so waht if thers good food and wnies? u think i'll liek my life this way>
?

oh fyi, i only minded the fact that i have no birthday cake. no candle. .+ no birthday wishes.
sighs.

o well .for the first itme eh. .no brithdya cake at all. ..o well .nvm. ove ralreyad. ..waht to do

its time tha ti don and shouldnt troubel him any further.
i think its time to.. just let it all go now.
words been made clear. and i guess in a way that.. shoudl be an answer eh.

be it now or later. yea. .... this is his decision. i shoudl respect htat .
i actually wanted to say.. i would learn to be strong on my own. but sorry peeps. i couldn not lie here =/ i cant. i knew i couldnt be.
if i do, life wouldve been happier isnt it.
so yea. ..

i said it umpteen times before.. ppl, take good care of the one u love.. never give uthem up fo rno reason aites. trust me. u do not want to suffer like the way i do.

at hte end of the dya. .i jsu wish i could share at least somethin gwith.. but... .o well.
sighs............

ppl, if you follow your heart, and your heart tells u follow your dreams,  hten go fo rit. do not give up on something important n matters to u the most.

i wish to tell him all these but i cant. because.. .there are a couple of reasons not to. ...
mainly becos i cannot be selfish between him n his family.

to give up on something u love dearly ,is liek cutting a piece of flesh off urself.

just mark my words peeps... hold on dearly to ur love ones.

sighs. .3 years and 6 months now. .. i wish him all the best ne..

i bet he definitely has a better life than me right now. good for him ba at least.
yea definitely..

k peeps. here goes my birthdya ending. and it sucks badly . o well .nv m ba. anwyay its over. no one wil lrememrb it.

my soul and heart all badly wounded. .... just need somebody to heal fo rme righ now... who woudl that be...
how long will that take huh..

...o well. .sighs..

i hate today. even though it shoudve beem sopecial..

we lost each other becaus eof them. and my life therefore changed forever too.

sigsh..... waht to do.

.... the feeling of abandoned.. .is the worst that  u can ever get.. ..
sighs...
perhaps someone else will learn to appreciate it more ba. ...

jaa mata

I hate msn like totally. / heartache birthday

sighs. couldnt take it anymore. need to blog.
well.. =/ i cant stop crying man. this totally sucks. i hate it. totally hate3 it.
sighs... .
=(
and certainly does not wish my mum to see me in tears on this day.
not like its very special or waht. but yea. tch. i just dunno how to stop crying. ***k. sighs.... so sad. waht a sad unenjoyable day for me. =( wish i could tlak about it the other way round. sihgs.

oh, i hate it when msn causes me to lose a long unread msg. like wtf? god knows how many important msgs i missed out on. bloody shit this msn. pfft!!!
yea its him. just that have afeelign its a birthdya wish long msg or something. but yea.. all hte more i so much wish to read it... but cant now. sighs. .=( o well waht to do. perhaps al lthe more i should just stick to it and leave it eh. yea.
sighs. .haert hurts so much still. =( i dunno why am i crying so much on my birthday. fml.
heart really hurts like mad. i will do soemthign about it ba.
sighs.

guess.. i can be jsut pretending to be happy on this day. but.. god knows how sad n tragic it is.. ..
waht should i do now.
eevrythign is ruined. oh great. i just realized that i have another memorable birthdya in my life. liek. .well, for example.. one of the worst. ever. well, wait. it is the worst ever i think. yea. pathetic.
sighs.. now to figure a way to stop my tears, and head out with a fake smile on my face .
dunno how.. but im trying.

sighs. =(
sorry peeps. wish i could've blog out soemhting happier. yet... o well. what to do. i just need to let htis all out. though not all can be let out.. but at least i stil lcan blog.
and i really appreciates for al lthe birthday wishes send by frens. thogh jsut a short ones, but yea. i guess the longest ever given to me should be from him ba.

o well. birthday sucks. properly better if i never was born. ever.
i hate to live like this. seriously . such a pain in the ass.

oh, i just drank this jap brand of energy drink. honey flav. not bad. tastes better than redbull i think.
gosh. last night slept at 4am. bloody headache now.
huu....

no atter how much plans and fun.. i truly doubt fo rany instant or seconds, i
ll ever feel happy. now now... hwats the feeling of happy again?
i dunno. couldnt really recall it. even if i do, that'll linked to just another sad part of my life. i yearned for some true happiness. without any hindrance of ...pains.

=( sighs. .o well.
lets see how today wil lgo now. and tmr.. and day after tmr.. .and so on...
biorthday girl week is the same as other days. unhappy =( and more unhappiness..

sighs. i wodner where im going with my work.
and i wonder ..

oh! i should probably dl the game my fren given me. shit. but im so lazy to dl .=.= even though now i ahev the time . huu...
so troublesome. i head dl something. so complicated.
se ehow ba.
now would probably be a good tiem to play and get my friggin min doff everything.
should drink3 n drink somemore.
i hate my health too now.
who cares.

sighs. k ba.
gtg.
at least.. thsi helps eases my pains fo rabit. .and i finally stopped crying for now. but im scared . after i stop, will i cry again ? then i 'll have to come back here n blog ar. stuck in my room whole day? =X omg.
choy... hopefully not. i'll try to hold back my tears as much as i can.

thsi pain is killing me.

sighs. .rally don wanna say mata ne.. .
jsut really feel like blogging n blogging... as though im tlaking to someone.. .
of all stupid probs...
sighs. i shold get another drink ba. energy level low and sol isnt lifted at all

sighs. shit. hate it when i though tof how my 2011 birthday is such a diaster with tears and all. and stupid msn again. n stupid birday pressy wish. i don tink they're giving me a camera.. but o well .i should probably buy on my own ba. thin ki relaly  want one. sighs. and guess waht. i may have to purchase tics exceeds my plan. date i mean. cos yra.
money no prob. only hte passoprt. well.. no one pushes me mah. jsut so lazy to renew. hate taking id pics. -,-
so yea. o well.. guess all my plans bene thwarted. now where to go.. how many days... go to 2 places. or just one. i wonder if i can get back without a map. wth am i saying. =.= dots.s.... map doesnt work fo rme one bit man.
wish could meet him up at melb. tch. o well. impossible thinking.

must forget must forget..
force will be good. sighs. its time to properly think of waht i wan tba.
but.. i dunno... wait. theres nothing i.. yea ntohing ne.
sighs. waht am i doing for work now>? and what am i doing for myself now?

my mum just now look at the peeps on my clsoet door. she said i look so chubby htat time.. ha .and i looked so much happier lik e without any worries at all. so carefree and yea.. in those photos 4 years ago.

well.. look at how i turn iout now.
life is cruel. i wish i could've taken better care of myself. but. truth is, i didnt . i couldnt. and i didnt want to  i guess.
i know i shold .but i couldnt do it . becasue i fin dit no point to do so.
i jsut didn tknow what to do. im trying to find a way out.

sighs. hungry. but dunno wha tto eat for liunch. =(

yea. .u know. i don have the habit of eating befor ei work. be it aftnoon or morning. then that time i kjena 6pm break. no its 5? but it drag on cos of work. anway, hwne i was eating, then i relises that. hey. thats my only meal of the day.O.oi don care about such little things. i dunno. just. .yea. not good i know but. seriously... =/ i dont find it important to me at al. tiem to time i sitll forget that. ha. even at home. have early breakfast. then lunch forget . . ==.= and i thought it was only at work.

oh. i think i am the only perosn among all pl i know, who isnt psyched about wathcing harry potter. the last movie. ha .im not surprisd .cos im always different.
but yea. im trying .. jjsut out of curiosity.. i wanna see who else is the same as me.
well.. i liek the movies odn get me wrong. jsut htat. .u know .i don like happy endings. and i dun liek thigns to end. and somemore i didnt cathc the 6 th or fifth movies of harry potter. duno la. whatever. but yea. would be so interesting to find anyone who doesnt give a shit abot that movie. its good i knwo. but yea. i jsut didnt want to watch at all. all my frens wanna wath that. i was like.. oh god =.= could any one talk to me about a diff movie? i rather spend my time eating or at a bar chilling out man. seriously.
sighs. .somemore remdinede me of buying the dvd to watch through lappy with him.
but anwyay . .

mm.. yea. i hope msn can fix this prob somehore.. sighs.
waht a way to start off my day.
think i felt better a bit now. but still.. who knwos the pains im enduring.
o well..
i used to.. look forward to my bithdays. especially when i was a lil girl. btu now. thigns just gotten worse. no matter whast bene planned, or done, i couldnt feel any true excitement abou tit.
o well.
will get though this day ba.
no matter waht tiem will passed. then soon my birthdya will be over. ppl will forget  but i wont. becos its with me for life now. 2011 the teary birthdya ever. totally -,-

sighs.. .liek that ba.
wish me well peeps.
im jus tso numb righ tnow. o well..

jaa mata ne. who knows. maybe i'll be back for a blog very soon huh.
still unhappy .forever unhappy..

jaa

So what if it's my birthday

jut had the worst birthday ever. don ask me why. ...sighs.

as once again, i dunno where to start to talk with him. but yea.. really appreciates he called early. ohwever..
yea. .some thing he said. just. kinda confrims with me. and .. well.. perhaps thats how it shoulve been in the first place.

i was... wailing painfully in pain n tears... ever since i broke up with him. i dunno if htats the worst one .but yea... ... it was a terrible crying session. i wish i could erase my memory of .but i cant . i have no magic.
wonder if dad heard that. .cos he was in the livng room. .but anwyay,...

after a sleep over, i shall re-think everything again.
i knew this would happne.. but yet i coudlnt control .. but i know now. i have to .i must. and i just got to .
no matter what.
this type pf pains.. i dunno to say if its nnot worth it or not.. however, it is certainly something no body wanna ever experinice it...
and.. yea .. ...

sometimes i felt like. .for 20 over years i;ve lived in this world.. but i only truly exeperiinice less than 20 years of whats life about on this earth.
i really have no idea of what htis is al about.
but workwise, i know what im dong .but when it comes to life,.. .seriously, ... im weak at thst .

and ppl kept tellin me to tc of myself.. i tried peeps. didnt work. im used to it. and im used to work comes before my health . like. yea. whta do u expect? wtf.
sorry. not in a good mood.
birthdays are nothign but reminders of how much pains u had endured in lfie. and when u feel liek its tiome to end it all . fuc*

sory.. just pisesed off.

anwyay.. yea. .like. .that could never happen..
i dont care much abot that now. given up. now just to earnmoney and do whatever that pleases me. yea whatveer that is.
good or bad.

almost o12am now.. almost my b
day... but.. i am not happy. i am not exvited. i just felt liek.. u know .i wish this this is it. .. its time to let go. let every pain go just like that.

if onl y i have a perfec chance to.

oh last nigh was watchig this taiwan drama. oimg .cried sia. when this main character said' ifor all my life i have been taking care of other ppl.. never thiught of myself.. etc''... cos hte guy was liek telling her he's gonna protec her no matter what happen.. hten bro came in talking to me about soething. i was liek crying.. omfg... so paiseh sia!!! -_-
wel.. what to do.. i feel her.. ...tkaing casr and thinking of others always before myself. ... sighs.. i need oto forget everything .

sorry lets skip this

anwyay yea.. i think i know waht kind of guy i like now. u knwo ..when u're a stil la child, u
;ll say this and that.. prince... blah3... now, i know who and what im looking for in a guy.
but so rare. i hope .. oh no. =X i jsut twised my ankle!!!!!!!
\OUCH!!!!!! T_T
 huuuuuuuu

o well. .sighs. waht to do.

haiz...

let it be ba.

i have no idea.. wha tis going on right now.

oh! hey guys. i jsut rescalled somthing thanks to sammy.
bene wanting tho blog htis! rememebr how i said i coudlnt remember waht to blog sometimes? well this is it.

my dad after dirnkign. .we were wathcing news(i think) and he said.. duno wanna tell u somehitng anot.. nah.. better not... i pushed him saying. .go ahead and tell la. then he say, .dunno me born arelady anot that itme.. there was this sg earthquake.. . a girl who died in that earthquake has the exact same name as me. =.= i wa slike............. ....omfg. so freaking creepy!!!!!!!!!
omg! i dunno what to say really .wa slike. .goosebumps all over .glups *
but i wonder. .sg  earthqake.. long before i was born ar? thoguht that was lie couple of years bacl.

anwyay... haiz. midnight liao =/ ... ..sighs...
my birthday now.. o well. .wahtever ba

,,,./... mmm.... so yea. now i htink i still have somehing ot say.. i cant remember. .

oh that day ne. wow. so pissed off my letter was gone. in teh end? mum placed it in my paper bag. omg. sighs... why3.... keepign saing don tidy my room. .yet. .sighs. o well. .parentsd be.. but me, i will not becoe that type of mum

haiz. =/ sometimes saw a couple of customers pregnant.. tlaked about it with the,,. .was so happy and excited for them. .tehy were liek. .why are u so excited for me? i was like. .dunno. cos i am just so happy for pregnant ladies.. liek such a haopy thing. .happiness thing to happen to someone... wow. amazing.
i was literally so pysed baotu it .relaly . so glad fo rthem, . ...sighs. i could not be like them.. ...o well.. .

ok .so .. ..happy birthday to me. s opathetic like that. ha. o well.. ahtever.
soemtiems. .i coudlnt keep track any more... .

crying on my bitdahy. nono. not good. gosh. now that i thin abotu it, i cried on my every birthdays eh. since dunno when. o wlel.

sighs..........

i wish i could've pretend all better when i tlaked with him jsut now.

dam*****!!! my ankle hurts!!! i rlaly twiseted it badly eh =( ****. argh... sighs.

byw, today for hte first time in soooo long, i wen tout, doll myself up relaly... long n nice. .like. .yea. been so long since i have the mood to do that. perhaps ocs it smy big day coming? i dunno .but yea. i wa sliek. .rady to go out and have some fun. .... and yea.. ... it was greast. i liek to doll myself up and present another part of myself. yea. .tis always been to goody too shoes PL at work. i need to let my hair down too aites

sighs. .im jsut so not happy at all. ..=(
i wonder. ..if i ever will have my mr right right by my side soon..
my frens alwasy tell me go find one myself whenever i grumbled about couples. lol. yea... couples makes me angry. ha. so yea. then they'll be like ..go get one urself la.. i was like. hello / u tihnk buy lunch n dinenr ar? =.= dots.

sighs. im sorry peeps. i just .. coudlnt be happy no matter how hard i try.
tmr whoever wishes me bday, me jsut ssmile2 say thanku and let them go ba. waht to do. =/
.
why is it that. .so much to say... ...=/ yet so difficult to let it all out ..only left silence to face it all...
but wahts the use of saying either.. nothing helps now.

.. sighsf,, fml eh

he has chsoen his path n life. and. .waht am i . i ... im, not so sure. im still headinf ro teh overseas path i guess. but not eassy.. but.. for now, nothign else. theres no me. no me.. ...

all i need to do is to just earn money. and.. work. n .. thsts my lfie ba. ii dunno. so weird eh.

k ba. ned to fix my ppoor ankle =(

jaa mata

sad birthday eve =( sigsh

headeachenow... huu.. anwyy, weird. sighs.. i couldnt remember abagain.. .im supposed to blog about something important..

o well.

he y u know.. my bro is taking off on my birthday. i dunno its coindence or what. butyea. whne i asked him ,he say he's on leave.. so eya... ...i really seriously didnt expect him t o take leave for my sake on my birthyda. well,... ='/ last year he didnt.. so yea. i thought.. o well... but he said he's on leave. perhaiins. jsy coincidence, or he really took leave fo rmy sake. but in anwcaye, im glad he did.
becasue. ...seriously i am losing faiht.. .of not being  an important perosn
....
..

today omg. fml. guess waht.soooo many bloody couples sia =((( like kissing, hugging.. omg. all around me!! WTH????/ i was like. .omg. am i being sensitive? but like. so many couples near me .+( sighs...

todya.. was looking . .i mean winderow shopping .. then.. u know. i realized how much my wardrobe has changed. in the past, i wouldnt dare to wear certain styles and so on.. but... whe u forced urself to change, well.. u knw. it happeded. ..

i cant talk for long cos internet gonna cut off soon. sorry peeps =/

so eya.
sighs... why am i not looking forward to my special day. cos of no special special. .orknowing imnot important at all to my family..
what am i..

mata

Birthday gal soon

i am so superly duperly sleepy. been a long day man.. and busy one. 

wow. i just realized.... ...whoa. O.o a few days to go lny! my birthday. wow. so fast eh. mm... a young woman now. .. my job matures me a lil here n there i supposed.. .. but overall... well.. i guess the heartbreak also changes some thing. overall, well.. im still pauline i guess?

gosh theres this new staff. he is liek the ... blurest guy i have even met. =.= not in a bad way. but.. .lol. every staff look at him like wanna laugh sia.... omg. actions...talking ways... ha. i have no idea what to say. good thing is he listens. but well, i really need to push him hard n train him more man. hope he'll turn out fine. weird that i found out he have humours too. O.o he joked with our customers. but well, i wonder if thats true. should be eh.
another new staff, imn working on her training. geez.. might as well i go be a trainer. yea. such easier job. but well. 

mm...

i wonder what should i do... gosh my birthdya is coming?
like weird eh. well, just another day ba i guess. not liek i have special someoen to celebrate it with. ..o well

today when near closing tiem, theres this angmoh guy with this sg chinese gal(from her dinglish accent). like ... the guys like huggin her or somehting. .tehn they were reading through our love conversation starter. i was serving my customer... i was like. .omg. get the hell outta my store!!!! ha. i cant stand it man like couples .. .arghhh...... wth. wanna play, go buy the item ! pfft. stand there lovey dovey for what-_- grr... 

mm... bought a blouse today. lucky oen eh. only one piece left. with my size. geexz, love at first sight again. hte sec i saw itm i knew it liek it liao =3 heh. so yea.
so silky soft. omg. well. .if he ever touches it,.... ha. o well.. .

anwyay, haiz. i think tmr must think of something to do.
birthday coming soon.
i never relaly asked fo ranything. well, expect this tiem. i wreally wanted a new camera. but. .bro say very exp. .i dont mind paying hte rest=/ .. but o well... if don thave.. .then .. nvm ba.. ..

mm... tch. o well.

thats about it.

jaa mata 

Bad manager

heh.. now i am back for my everyday blog. boo yea ;)
perhaps after no lappy for quite some time eh.. now i am back with everyday blog. even for a short one .

mm... forgot what i wanna blog ne..as usual... ha. mm...
well...
oh. highlights of the day. everyone is so unhappy with the new manager.
my colleague was like. .why not me be the one.. i should be given a chance to do so mah... i was like. ..hello??? she was the one who told my rsm i am not yet ready. wtH???? -_- whateverrrrrrrrrrrr
but yea. sighs... i hate it when ppl cget so arrogant, and couldnt listen to anyone just becos htey what... been a manager for 12 yrsd... gone through management courses... blah3. don gib me such bull****. !! if u have hwa it takes, no matter how much books, they int gonna aid u man. its total bu*****t.  and i am pissed off of the fact that she didnt listen with respect of what my staffs gotta say. wth???? this is why i hate it when ppl think they can be so proud just becos htey wen tthrough courses... books... whatever shit even with 12 yrs doing so. i don give a dam* of those ppl. u lear ur own way. but never be proud. never. sorry. i just hate it when ppl get all proud and dont put anyone else in ur eyes. like. .wth??
pfft. even if we didnt go through whatever shoot courses, we know things she doesnt veen after 12 yrs of her being  a manager. wth. sighs... o well. see hwo ba. so far she dint mess with me yet. perhaps cos im the most senoir here? but whatever. i dont give licking boots a care.
but yea.. .just very disappointed. thought new manager was funny and smily.. ...but.. ..sighs... whatever ba. i really just wanna do my job and thas it. ... tch.

haiz......
someitmes i just wish i have a decent driking partner man. at least can relax and stuff. who ask me to be so busy and tired most of the time =.= .. .but well, im learning . .u know.. of how to relax here and then.. .not relaly working much. lol. but yea... im trying. cos... well, i work. but liek my frens said. .my health... o wel. i cant control it. its just work now. or most of hte time im just being sad. so eya. what to do. =/

mm. .geex.. ytd aftnoon internet really bad. keep dcdcdc.. =.= irritating .wireless b a. what to do.

mm... o well.... k ba. just stop here for now.

u know. perhaos i should go ofr a trip to melbourne. i dunno.. seroously i really dunno... even if i stay at my amnager place, ts too weird. she need to work. oh gosh. nvm .hotel can. but...  ,,.... perhaps go surfing couch again see2... mm... yea. .. haiz. but. .well.. if only he could come alone eh.... ... haiz. i rlaly have no idea. nvm. settel passpor tfirst ba. bene lazy to go take me pic. ha. o well... so yea. will decide later of where to go ba. at leats melb i heard its wasy to get around. whereas syd.. ha. sooo difficult . but o well. as long as i know how to walk ba. so need him to teach me which route to take. the last trip. .hotel route.. always no ppl so quite and remote. and scary atnight. brrr.... really dangerous . i simply cant imgaine im alone walking there. oh and melb won t be too safe either. remember that night beach>  early 8pm isit?? ?the king or dunno what beach. drugs and prositution.. .eew. omg....
must have a .. .whistle around man. lol. was joking to my fren. .i should hold it right up to purposely show off my whistle whiel walking at night. so if any bad guy, can see i am armed. ha. but jk only.

mm... haiz. future is so unkknown. i am hurt. so badly hurt. and. .sighs. wounds.. that could never be heal... unless.............. .....

o well....
.. jaa.. mata ne

Loving still

mm.. i almost asked him. .wha if.. one day if he get a new gf, and shre requested that we couldnt be in contact with each other... again. .. but .. i didnt. was afraid of the answer. so i stopped. and ddint ask.
scared to get hurt again. so yea.. but. wha to do. sometiems u cant control a love for somone. .haiz... ....=/ o well...
just so afraid eh.. becaus eu cant control of how u feel.. and. .u lknow. .th elove will always be there..

..sighs.. .anwyay., .// today saw this corset. omg. so friggin nice.swt colour. mm.. had wanted a nicer hot seductive collour. but then again, decded that yea.. its enough. the pink will do.
i 've alerayd had one pink and one black. mm... just tht i neeed occasions to wear u se.e. .mm. .what happen ar.. if i wear for work. col eh =P wil lfeel extra sexy. but then again. i heard lingerines supposed to wash once a week or somehtng. but... omg. after one day wear, still not washing it? O.o.. wow. i dunno man. wonder if i am able to do tat. glups.. used to washy my bras everydya liao. but yea.. expensive bras ne.. perhapys thats why they didnt was h everyday to prevent the bra from spoiling or something.

haioz. ....i relaly miss him.. =(... ... sighs... im so scared too. i love him so much . but what if i get hurt again . i must be prepared fo rthat. .but i dunno. its not like somehting u can be prepare for . because feeligns are feelings. thats ur heart tellign u what u feel, what u do... u can never change what ur heart is thinking or feeling..

no one to replace him... really no one.. .sighs.. =/.. i just realy miss those happiness i spend with him. ....really.............. .....

i still cry even now.. .and i didnt know wha to do.

today cold wind blows.. very cold. cos last night rained i guess? yea. .cold.. but yet nice... and so nice to hidfe under the blanket... comf y with bloster.. but.. if only hteres someone else... ..

k ba.. haiz.

no one knows the future.. how i wish.. .. yea. how i wish. this man could fly all the way back to stay here fo r me. well, operhaps im not worth it after all. .thast why that iddnt happen

mata 

What to do in sydneyT_T

mm.... haiyo. i forgot ne. again. somethng i wanted to blog about =/ geez.. .what is it???
=/ tch. i forgot again the memoment my fingers touches keybpoard

 =.=

o welll.... ok. and so, my voda phoen officially been taken out. haiz. .long memories with my voda =/

so one down. hte next to settle is my passport. gosh. no time for pic taking ne. huu..... just wanna settle it asap. then gonna check out my tics liao. haiz.

guess what. was tlaking with my fren todya n realizes something.
...the worst thing to worry about isnt about me wandering around australia alone. it is actually............. after 5pm or 6,/./ when al lstores and malls are close,... what should i do!!!???/ BORINGGGGGGGGGGGGG OMG. =.=''''' 'i just thought of that sia. OMG. sianzzzzzzzzzzz how ne. huuu =/ cannot go pub also. cos me alone as a girl. like duh?? =.=
haiz.. .how how hnow how... sianz. so bporing in hotel from early evening =( omg. i jusy thought of that. .... shoot. ...haiz.. .tch dunno ne. -should i go? ... nothing much to do anyway.
..=/ haiz. ...seriously man... i cant slp at 7pm mah. like what for man>? spend my hours at hotel every night early till slping time. .... tch.haoiz./ really ne... omg. my fren ask me go look at lonely planet mag. especially good for ppl travelling alone n for women.

dunno ba.

just gotta see how. relaly dunn o what to do. but who knows eh. early wakey up, get myself all tired and so sleepy till i wanan slp at 10. like my working til ltired here situation eh. ,mmmm.. .hope that works. but yea. see how ne.
if so, then yea. purposely slp ealry, aznd wakey super early ba. O.o thas the only way i could think of. anyway, earlier go out... should be safer too. oh the lovely sun... ^^ hehe. so so hot and burning... oh yea... peace

ok. so i read it somewhere recently. and confirm liao. u get break outs. and bad mood. get upset and angry easily. very sensitive. get bloated stomach, and most anmd worst of all, get water retention. omg. no wonder i always felt not so good. or even felt abit fat' right before my period. after its here, i felt like i lost weight sia. gosh. i hate that. i wish9 for next year jan holiday trip, please do not let me get period again =/ omg. suey sia...... ruined my trip! and mood. huu.. and well being =(

tch. so yea. i cant control. .but i wish its not gonna bumped into my holiday week again huu.... baka desu.
hate that.

couldnt feel pretty and comfy during that. haiz. ruined my holiday and all. sianz.

wow. today is so cold. weather is perfect. been raining all day. =) heh. cold~ and nice. just right. unlike freexing till lippy cracked. ppor my rgm. lips turned white too till now =/ gosh.....
and to think thats only like 4 , 5 degrees or so u know.  winter australia trip is bad idea. especially when u got nothing to do =.=magine stay at hotel n rot till freezes to slp. .brr. .however, would love to try out the cold air coming outta ur mouth.. 

mm.. k ba. should be able to slp abit better tonight

oh! i had this dream. yea. i dreamt of going to syd again. see him. he showed me his work place. his colleagus. i was allowed to hold his arm like a couple does. and hotel .yea. .slp nicely.. sad . cos i went there for a coupld of days. in my dream i really regretted not taking more leaves. ha. o well...
haiz... kept dreaming about it.. but..  whens that gonna happen eh.. ....

mm.. anyway, i wonder if i shold buy a map. but then again. map is useess to me. i do not know how to even read a map from orchard, to somewhere near somerset.. dunno what road name. yea that day a tourist asked me about it u see.

today saw a bf kissed this girl. =.= almost in front of me. i was like... ...haiz. dunno wanna naw... or what. but i did naw.. and aww.. when my customer, a angmoh lady. said she's getting married june or may next year. =) her bf just proposed to her! she said it was very lovely and sweet of him.  in fact, he just went for interview, and she said who knows. maybe i'll get to see her (in sg) again. then i saw her awalked past with her bf. aka fiance now. =) very good looking angmoh i think .only saw a couple of secs.was like. aw.. .so happy for them and her =) so touching. hope he get the job in singapore ba. good luck and all the best to them =)

..awww... .still gushes for them .so nice.... 

...o well. soemtiems like that ba. if u're not fated to be married, then u're not yet to do so..

jaa mata

Couples go away =.=

ok. and so... haiz. i really if the new manager can work anot. like seriiousl =/ felt as though like kena push work to me. but anwayy, we shall see ba. one thing for sure. definitely better than the last snob one.

mm.. ok. so cancelled plan liao. haiz. o well... just hope bro can decide soon which one he's gonna sign up with.. and yea.

mm... oh today so irritating sia. this couple in front of me ne. =.= especially more irritating. because the girl is the proud type of typical girl. well, u guys know how much i dislike those rich typical snobby proud girls. =.=
so yea. then halfway through payment, she turn and hug her bf. i think they kissed. im not sure. i just felt sad thats all.. then look on at the comp screen instead. gosh. then another one also .... like. sia la. why 2 couples kissing at the store today =.= pfft. so upsetting.
welll, avoiding couples is what i do. ha. but sometimes cant be avoided la. o we;ll. wat to do

was touched by his words tonight. but... well... he made his choices.. and i cant be selfish to insists yea stazy with me.. get away from ur fam. u know i want to . but it wouldnt be right of me to do so. well.. decision lies with u know who. and decision been made. so.. o well..
all thats left.. are just regrets.. and once a beautiful memories in my life. i still think back though. ha. o well. .wat to do. cant control sometimes. those memories are what broght me the most happiest times of my life. who wouldnt wish to look back at those happiest days of their lives.

o well. haiz...
k. one day to go. mm... haiz. just wish sometimes there can be a support there
mm,.. thinking of changing hairstyle again. ha. haiyo.. .tch dunno go where to cut.. perhaps later on ba. o well

oh, my rgm tell me that when he was back at melb for training, he met yanika again. awww =) sobx. i was so touched. she told him she really miss me. huuuu....... see. .al lthe more i wish to go find her sia... haiz................ wis i have more moneyh... ...anwyay, yea.. he said she put on weight liao. hahaha. well, aussie food mah. soemmore the portions .. .omg.... scary sia. i buy one plate, enough to last me two meals. lunch n dinner. =.= anwayy yea... they met each other, like long lost frens. haha. then when its his final day, he say she almost cry. aww....... =/ when i heard abiout her, i almost wanna cry too sia. gosh.  cos thoght of hte last day she was here , anad everthing ... haiz.............. ...tch... i wish to learn so much more from someone better... haiz.... but who can teach me now?

dad say i look dark. mum joke and asked i just went to the beach isit. =.= ha... well, i relaly wish to buy bikini and go. but no one suitable go with! and no time. maybe yea. but to find someone go with is so difficult. not many ppl like going under sun. haiz. those who like, are so busy. haiz... nvm ba.

gosh.. .when can i go holiday again...... =/ next year jan huh./ . haiz. hopefully can go batam bintan or bali . o well... but i still have to save money first.

mm.. me not looking forward to my birthday. i do kinda actually.. but... like... nothign much ne. still wondering what to do. well, i bet bro and redz sure wont apply off for my sake. =/
wat to do. im just a outsider more than they are.. o well.. nvm ba.

mata

COLD

hey i think ht balls are working =)
good

mm.... haiz. stomahc not good

u know. i realised that age doesnt matter at all to me. yea true. i mean i shouldve realises that long ago when i fell in love with him. anyway,
it really doesnt matter to me. now that i think of it, i find that it is so stupid and rude of my THEN child hood fren to even make a joke of it. not joke liek serious though but yea. it isnt nice still. perhpas shes jealous. o well. anwayya, yea... to me personailty matters the most. what attracted to me most from the guy is personailty.
and i don care whats he's religionm, wheres he from, who he is. imean.. well, yea. most important is to love the person for who he is ne. =)

gosh. now even mum is asking me. girl.. now u better hurry find bf n get married.. .OMG. WTH??????????????? =.=''''' sighs. so dramatic. never dream of that happening to me one day. i wish my relatives wont ask the same question. anyway im not afraid . why? cos im not close to htem. n i rarely see them. like just once a yea. or twice a year. so yea. oh yea u guys should konow by now =)

so yea. i just kept quiet whenever my parents askedf me that. sighs. nowadays ppl married late mah. somemore im not like 40!! hello?? i still have my freedom to choose right?..the one who can capture my heart future and soul. well. .how i wish to find a man like that too. yea i did. but . well... soemthing blocked us among the way. anwayy,... yea. wow. so... argh......
but i understand =/ of course which parent don want a grand son eh.. sighs...
o well.... =/
im just sorry i couldnt get married before they... sighs... o well. =/ touch wood ne.... but what to do... something just couldnt be forced no mattter what.....

me very slpy n tired to talk more...
very dizzy now.
.......

oh rg manager told me tolday when he went to meblbourne. very cold u know. till his lips crakced till now. so white!!! omg. anwhaym ,,; , he said one of the night he was having dinner with other rg managers. then u knwo... aussie drink n drink =.= .... anwha yea... so he did not drink cos he's muslim... then .. ha. as expeceted.. he have to carry liek 2 persons home. guess what. next day they working still!!!!OMG . wow. very power sia the aussies.... =. = then he said.. some of them, got home alreayd, still keep drinking at the balcony. OMG WTH? AUSTRALIANS ARE SUCH alcholics. omg. ..... imagine the life of marrying a angmoh or a person liek that =/ omg. scary sia. but so power isnt it. imagine next morning 9am work or somethng. then u still dare to drink till drusnk??/ i dujno man.. u thinik aurssie manasgers are taking their jobs seriouslY?> or even lighter than sg? =./
i hope they are more than that. cos thats the reason why im working hard towarsd being there one dya.
and i do not wish to work with ppl who don regard their job seriously u know...

anwyay, that day was talking to this couple. old couple ba. talking to her husband? theyare from perth. he thoguht i wasnot form sg. he wonder why i have american accent. =.= dots... he even tell his wife too. i wa slike.. i dujnno! he siad oh i watched too much tv show. i was like thinking... noo.... -_- suddenly i was able to speak this way.. i wasnt even keen in watching those tv shows man. noep im not a american tv show girl.

sharks. my bro off all lights =(((( huuu...
i better hurry to on them n brushy then slp. jaa nights.

scary huuu =(

Wireless not working =/

wow. sleepy sia. alreayd cant wait for my bed time. mm... today ate the ballz. mm.. o..k... cos mrg slpy mah. then got energy. but then. again. like the coffee effects... heart racing... feelt so weak in a way... not good. but.. wlel.. im not sure. so.. i'll still give it a try though. especially if it aids me to finish my work without feeling all too tired n stuff.

last night my throat really hurts again,. today.. mm.. ok not pain. still the lump is there. guess its nothing after all. phew. should be body heat ne. thats what my frens say,. but anyway, most importantly, not pain anymore. phew

mm.... ne.. it does certaininly feel nice to msg a love one eh...
of course nothing beats being together.. but o well...
haiz. anyway, certainly nice to have someone to talk to at times eh..

geez.. last night wireless didnt go so well ne.. =/ abit worried... dunno isit too far or what. somemore bro say its 3mbp or whatever mb. huu... but well, as long as can use ba. mm....
dunno one month must pay how much thouhg.. ned to chekc with him. but first need to know how to use wireless. huu. and how to connect. how come cannot eh. but bros phone can. then after he on his ps3, ok alreayd. me  can use internet without voda phone =.= wth. i have no idea hwats wrong. hope to do it before 15. otherwise have to pay 70 again. =/

mm.. yea i should give it a try now eh.
mm..... settle this soon. then hurry for passport.. then must check tickets liao. for my australia trip wee... i cant wait. so wish to go like now!!!! u have no idea man =/ haiz. i want a real long holiday.

 kk i better try now

mata!

Throat Pain

=/ each time i swalloed, i can feel this lump. like a small ball of pain. right side of my throat only. =/ sighs. dunno hwats wrong. abit worried. but i hope the pain will be gone soon.
cos each tiem i swallow anything at all, my brows arched, and my throw hurts. like though i just swallowed a needle =/ haiz...
geez. i guess this time i must really keep check of my msgs. whats aoo didnt inform me of anything the past couple of days.
mm..
haiz. tch my throat is bothering me ne =/
sighs...
it hurts like hell. wish i could open up my throat and have a look if anythgn is swollen in there, or infected or something. whats that lump stucked in my throat about .haiz...

oh bro bought router todya. he's tryign to fix now. he say it could be slower than my internet now. but well, i hope to try soon. dunno how to use wireless ba. but will figure a way out i guess?

sighs.. i miss him alot.
=/
i wish he is by my side rigti now.. .=/ sihgs.. .

sad

mata

Notification sucks =.=

haiz..  dunno why u know. i always check my phone if theres any notification from whats app. guess what. i just found out that i have both sat n sun msgs from wast app from sammy, but nothign notify me about it!!! wth>????? oMG. sighs.. i miss him so much.... =( was like.. .trying to cheer his day up with night msg.. so he could see it int he morning. but then never reeived any msg from him at all... thought perhaps he's too busy to reply me. .or forgot about me again.. . cos usually he wouldnt reply even i msg him in mrg or at night... if he's too busy with school or somethign. or maybe he didnt receive my msg at all? due to mis connection? i dunno...
till today, i checked my whats app, and found out he did msg me. WTH>>??????????????// =.= 

OMG. besides msn, now that is irritating me too? gees!!! sighs. .... tch.. i dunno what to sya man.. seriously.. ..haiz.........
...but anyway, im glad i made his day... reallly. sometimes i'll just imagien how if he really smile to my msgs at all.. ..

todya was playign thos conversation dinner party game with my frens.. one of the questions is.. whats the most memorable date u ever had... i had two. and while i was desicribing it, my tears drop. ha. well. .that always happens.. i  cant control it.. ...its like.. u won lottery in ur once in a lifetime. .n how u lost it in the end.. ..

sioemteims i still blame myself.. but al lof my frens supported me. .saying i am not the one to be blame.. .i wish i could've be 'pretencious; enough.. act good enough to win his parents heart.. i realy wish i could.. just u knwo. force myself or somethign. i have only first time meet n u know.. just once. im glad my frens understand.. dunno if he relaly does.. but im sure his parents doesnt...

its so hard to let go.

i have this fren. she's 19 . her bf older few years than her. he already asked to break up with her for like a couple.. more than a couple of times. breaking her hearts time n times.... then. taking her ba ck again LIKE SPARE TIREs.
sighs. guys shouldnt do that at all =/ haiz.... but yea... anway.. .im not worrieed for her. cos she's a great girl.
i... im worried if for me thoguh.. cos..... .... if for me,... im sure guys will take me. point is. .im not sure if imma able toaccept them.
but anwyay... .yea. no girl deserve to be treted like she did..
anway, they're back together again. he's loking fo rsomeone who knows everything. well, he did. he's olde rn knowsn alot. butu cant force someone to be perfect all the time =/ u gotta love her for who she is. so what if u find other girl who's smarter than u? u htink that girl is  gonna love u more than she does? sighs. she dont deservce to be treated that way.. .. cos im very sure if they do break up, for real, theres gonna be a lot of guys after her. she's a great catch .

haiz... i just really miss the simple times spend with the guy i love... its so simple. ..yet aamaizn. guess what. today i kept thinking about the first time we being cloe together.. first time i slept at his palce. and so.. i dunno why.. but i just miss him. and hte times spend tpgether. how i wish.. those days couldnt turn back to me... how i wish... everything is back to how it used to be... im scared things will change one dya...... scared. but i couldnt control it eh...
how i wish to experiince the outsome if thigns had not change at all... ... happiness is so hard earn as we all know... ..

how far would you gop for ur love one?
i would like to know....

my throat.. stil laint getting better. nope. gettin gworse im afraid. cos i've been giving training to my fellow team members.. n talk talk talk... ..thus explained the pains. so yea. back to square one again... 

coiughing non stop. thurs at my worse... till now. .sunday? still not better yet .. =/ sighs/ get well soon ne i hope.... .

pray for me peeps..

tofday, was disappointed at the staffs my manager did. soemomre she smoke!!! taking smoke breaks =. sighs. why must malays smoke so much . i dunno why.sighs. but in anycase... ...sighs.. o well.
whatever ba....
at least i think she's better than the last manager.. i hope . gosh..

sighs.......  ..o well. dunno what to say. feels o lonely n helples especialy when sick.
nose still stucked at night or moring.. .coughing starts forever... yes i hope to get well asap.

ok. my internet is abot to be settel soon. perhaps by tmr. then will settle passport photo submission. after taht, air tickets!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!111 yes. finally .guess ive decied on the dates. jus need to buy tickets now. after i settel passposrt. mm... wish me all the best amtes. !!

mm..........  haiz. i wish i could be happier. seriously.
sometimes i also dunno what to say to my frens whos gonna go through ldr soon.. or being in lrd now...
its easier when u knew u are gonna love the person forever no matter what. a pity.. its not easy for em cos of his u know who//i know.late now.. very late.. but i still don feel liek slping.... i miss... im sad.. im down.. et hyper... how then?
haiz.

 k ba. stopping now i guess? .... throat pain since.. monday. no. last sunday nihght . haiz. till now couhgin non stop. ...

if only i have the time to rest....

wahst most important is.. find a partner whom u can be who u are. fooling aroud, make a fool out of urself.. be silly.. be stupid.. be the best...
i just wih i can have that person next to me now. // but apity somebody just loves to stop us eh..

haiz. ..o well =/ cry also wont change anything,., k.. my throat hurts now.

jaa, mata 

Router

throat not healing! huu.... anyway, just a quick few mins blog here.

just thought of something. rememebr that time i mentinon dad n mum said i put on weight abit? then soon after, dad said i lost weight. =.= see? very weird right. but o well. i still love to eat so much. trust me on that.

eh the energy ball i cant feel anythign much i guess. cos i was feeling weak still. so yea not too sure. but anyway, mm... yea.
nvm. think today i have some energy ba. thogh didnt get to slp more cos stomahc ache. huu...  soyea

haiz. i hope my lappy can receive wireless ne. used to know how.. but then i forgot T_T gotta find out how ba. otherwise if bro get router, then i cant use how
but yea hope to settle tmr once n for all~! haiz. spend money again =/ but sharing with bro ba. so yea. see how. dunno which to get and stuff.. hazi

mm... k ba. gtg

jaa mata

Bluish Saturday

ok. last night too sleepy to blog again. i kept falling aslp on the couch this week. yea. too tired out i guess? but no one carry me slp in my room no more=/ haiz..

u know, each time i went back to parkway, there'll always be so many memories there. visions of us lingering around the whole area. everything. yea... but parkwy still one of my fav place to head to. haiz... just sad that.. the perfect person to go with me isnt there anymore... =/

o well..

and so.. ytd. talking about my throat. so pain! its liek im swalloing a pebble each time i swallow down anything. omg. now better. still feel the small bump. but at least not unbearable pain. omg. then just so weak body. but liek i said. i force myself up and get out of the house. so yea. u have noo idea how much i wish to lie on my bed now , and just close my eyes to rest. for a saturday. yea. 

haiz... anyway, good that im better abit now. couldnt talk much for the past 2 days. haiz. 

every morning theres huge lumps of yellow mucus i sneeze out from my nose. about 4 days or so alreyad,, i hope they get out man. cos me no more med to kill those virus. huu... so yea.
now just hope my throat will be fine  .taking home med ba. 

u know. i jjust wish he is here for me. and u know how everythings gonna be just right and fine with him around.
sighs.. .

sometimes life is so tough i wonder how to face it. ...

oh, me just took this energy ball thingy. u know how redbull don work fo rme.. coffee nono either(i think)  so im really hoping that this ball will be able to help out.  im having one instead of 2 first. see if anything happen. if not, will try 2 next time. u know how soemtimes working here is tough and tiring.. then kena morning shift will be sleepy and tired. especially kena night, next day morning shioft =.=

sighs. my batam trip is over just liek that. so fast huh. o well... what to do. reality is back again. ha. i cant wait for aust trip. just need to settle voda and passport now. thats all.

haiyo. need to take passport photo somemore. omg. 

haiz. dunno why today feeling blue desu. =/ how ar..... my sad sat. 

can anyone cheer me up now? =/

mata

Weaken Me

sometimes so sad to be sick. like no one can tc of u. =/ so poor thing and all alone. 

thats why i chose to force myself up, and head out. been really weak these days since i gotten sick .my med is out. so now just tahan everything first ba. haiz. will hang on. rather go out walk walk than to stay at home and lie on bed thinking nonsense or work. so yea. might as well just bear with it and head out ba. 

gosh. so weak my body now =/

oh no. i gtg! hope to continue blog later on.

voda phone matter im trying to settle asap. =/ 69 bucks u know. so exp

jaa mata

Sleepy Me

haiyo.. still not used to blogging without frenster... =/ but o well. what to do. .sighs. all memories gone. well.. about there.

anyway, my throat is geting worse. so pain. so irritating. =/ and today i was training alot of staffs. and.. talking non stop for hoursss. so yea... i know. u cna imagine how hurtful that is eh.

gosh i am so slpy ever sicne i came nack from batam.
shot. should've bought a new piece of bikini. =.= last min then found out theres pool and i lost of bikinitop. so yea. haiz... but owe ll. ... liek that ba.

haiz. .just wish my throat to heal fast. swallow rice so painful today =/

mm.... so sleepy inddeed...
i cant wait to do something tmr. i dunno. perhaps find the phone line or something. but yea. just u know. wanna do soemthign for tmr.
haiz...
peeps,.. sometimes worries are so hard to get away.
and.. well... mm,,,

dunno waht else to say... mm... so yea. so sleepy!! been slpoing early these few dasy. cant tahan sia. by 930 or 1030 alreyad like.. eyes cna close and slp. but i did not. cos wanna wait for bro to come back first.

weird. i couldnt think of anything to block right now. oops. =/
perhapsy too slpy yea.. .always. then brain cant think liao.
anyway, will try to enjoy myself tmr!

mata ne

Blogs ended there huu..

sad. friendster no more blogs. they relaly updated everything .sighs. .well... guess that this is it huh =/ blogs al lgone. from now on will concentrate here ba?
haiz.. .
what a waste..

today me stil lsick. at work stil okok.. but then once at home,. u stop working n all of a sudden. , ur body gets so sick. =/ now also. my throat getting worst. but doc only gib me lozenages. sighs. .how sia. nose also blocked.. =/ hope will get well soon.
sorry din realy have time to blog. becasue ive been soooo sleepy. and very thirsty. maybe cos of medicine? dunn oba. me could relaly use some sleep righ tnow

mm.... so yea. see. whenever i get too sleepy, i forgot what i was supposed to blog about. =.= haiyo..

oh deciede dto settle my voda phone fast. thurs ba with bro. shall find out which suit us. dunno if theres a us. but well, let bro decide ba. duno about such thing.
that time sammy also tlaked about router or modem.. o well. see how ba

soooo sleepppppyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy omg.

i wan to sleep now =(

mm,,, o well.
so like that ba.. .me duno what else to type now. cos too sleepy for anything to come to mind. sooo sleepy.
so many thigns to blog. .yet forgotten. soon ba.

so yea... sleepy me... .dots. very sleepy.
think me got sick from batam.. haiz.
never been sick till this way. as in this type of weak body n yea. i really need alotmore rest. but cannot.
kk. gtg.

oh today saw a skinny malay girl almost faint sia. scary... omg.
she then sat down. but yea.. hopes shes ok now

mata

Welcome back lappy!

wow.... after days without my internet, im glad to say finally i can blog, online n so on. been so stress n . .sighs.. feel so down during the breakdown of my lappy =/ so stress and all, yet cant blog to vent it all out.
so many things happened, but i forogt what. dunno where to begine. in anycase, just glad lappy is back. sad that bro didnt thought of handing my lappy over to his fren earlier. otherwise my data couldve been saved. =/ but o well. at least i can use lappy now. so yea. all good.

u know that time... i stopped my blog at about.. the phone thingy.. with him. ytd i saw this msg a year ago. i didnt know. thought how come theres this msg i didnt see any notification. .then realised that yea that was in 2010. haiz. then so sad when u see it... haiz. so many couples i saw everywhere.. .sianz.. =/ make me moer sad.

sorry i couldnt type much. because i am very very sick today. =( sighs. i hope by tmr i will get well. because im too sick right now.
sighs.... tch. if mc also not nice. wait ppl say i purposely take leave, then get mc . get wha i mean> ? so yea.. =/ haiz.... dunno la...
im just so nwell now. i need to slp asap. right after blog.

im half faintish righ tnow.. gosh... i cant waste anymore time. i rrly need to go and slp.
sighs. .hope tmr i will be fine. =/ otherwise dunno hwo sia..

so wish he
s right beside me now...  thats all i need...

mata