sad blog. irreplacable

i was.. ... reading along this book.. birthdya book... fo rme... july 22nd... i am suitable for man younger my age... and blah3.. everything is all accurate. and yea. .the age part.. .. guess im always attravted to ppl younger my age eh.. dunno why. mayeb cos i don care about age. i care only about persinaility... and how we interact with each other. and sriosuly, my persoinatiy is always younger htan my age =.=. i do not care abut my age htats why. its just numbers. cos i feel like nothing like 20+. which is weird. i jsut don feel that way =/

i met up with my 3 years nbever met fren. very nice. very nervous. .btu good. cos yea. long lost fren kidna thigng. soryr. i said not to say anythign here about my personal life.. but.. well.. ,mm. .it bizarres me. .

he.. really reminded me so much of sammy... 

same age.
same in scdf as an officer..
likes gundam figurines when younger.. still liek to look at their boxes now..
played canoe polo during JC time. njow thinking of taking htat up again as a hobby..
studies chemistry now.. not really into engineer ( abit diff here)
dislike horror movies.. but he still watch sometimes.. ha
likes watching animes.. especially naruto and bleach..
played abit of online games.. thoguh he lieks to read alot. not sammy though..

we walked and chatted a long way from orchard to PS..till city hall... liek that time i chatted with with sammy till raffles..
but one thing fo rsure. during his last day of work 3 years ago, i met his mum as his family drove us home. his mum is a very nice person...
very diff.. ...from sammy's  family...

all these smililarities. .really makes me wonder.. ..
why.

hey2... i am not interested in him or hwatsoever . we are only frens.
pure frens . I relaly treated him as my frens only./ 

just htat .. i wodne r why is there a guy so similar to him. fo rme. .i would never ever allow myself to fall in love with another man because he is similar to my sammy. because of any reason related to sammy. nor because any person could become a replacement for him.

just kinda intrigues me. ...how come so smiliar to each other... yet.. soemthing's seems diff.. ...

u might be perhaps thinkknig. .soemthign is weir dhere. .but well, im just saying only. and seriously... he is just a friend to me here.
jst that.. i wonde rhwy.. htey could be so same to each other..... ... that really puzzzles me.. i was liek.. ...huh??? u liek canoe polo?? huh?? u really liek gundam figurines?? ,,, .=.= dots.... and what?? you study chemsitery? .. haiyo..
remidned so much of him.. but still. .waht to do.. ..
haiz.
well, sammy  made it cleared htat we could neevr be together.. but. .well.. sammy will always have a place in my heart no matter what.
,... h ewill always be someone special .....

my fren used to smoke .. but then quited. he doesnt even dirnk. he dont club becaus ehe find it potinless as if you wanna club, u have to drink. so must get high and club high more. but . becaus eof that, becaus ehe doesnt drink, he didnt go clubs, nor bars, nor pubs.. etc. which im happy for him for. =) ... ..
which.. .how i wish sammy coudl be like that too ... sighgs. but o well. ... 

haiz.. but yea. don worry. i will never take another man as my man just because he is someone abit aliek to sammy...

wow. alot of work to be done.. ... i am still pulling it off.
working hard as ever. .haiz. jia you desu. ....

i. ..really missed his smiel. i wish.. ...i could se eit righ now and cheer up.. though deifnitely i wil ldrop tears again

shoot=( las tnight, after bath, i put on my bra of a years' old or mor.r.. and it snapped!!!!!! the front part snapped!! huu,,. expensive bra... somemore triumph brand ne.. i d oliek that bra. huu.. snapped.. broke liao .. i couldnt wear no more =/
howveer that bra is small inded.. i knwo2.. im suppoed to throw after 6 montsh r so of evry bras.. but im not rich hello??

=.= so yea.. haiz. .broke liao.. ... gotta throw now =/ sighs...

is it because my breasts grew bigger?? btu then again never knwos. cos we women always change as pms , weight blah3... takes us.

so eya. if bigger of course i dun mind like. my .. ... yea,, alwyas very fleshy. .. .but yea.. just wasted though. .exp bras... howeverm bras thats good are important to me. ...well ... gues sits time to throw agter all. .been wearing way too lnog. .sighs. .my fav bra though.. on e of my fav i mean .. =/

 mm.. ok. this is it. ..

oh. btw, my fren todl me that, to marry a malay woman, you must spend at least $10,000 in total. omg. serious!!???/ O.o wow.
iwas like. .why nmot just honey moon onlym, and save all these money. though. .every women sure like to kepe it grand and all. .but.. if it stoo much, .... why not just keep it simple and cheap? after all.. it sonly you and him together forever. not ur relatives.. nt ut parents.. not your couins.. not yoru frens.. so whats the prob??? if only.. every girl could understadn that for hteir hubby...
..but yea..

from now till everm... i will always think that.. forever it is important to be who you love.. .. not becaus eof otehr issues... 

and i .. .pauline.. prays that. .i would never ever be with someoen jsut becaus ethat person could replace sammy's position in my heart. .because. ...i do not think htats ever gonna happen. ... nope.. i hope not...

i wish. ..tat god or muslim god. .i dunno .i do not have a god of mine own as you all know.. dots.. sorry. but yea. .hipep his muslim god.. iwill bles him a good life.. and.. .gib him all years good results... ...

my fren... 2014 then can graduate from his uni...

hey u knwo.. .... as scdf officer,.... (well he is) .. he can join back anytime he want. his pay before ord, was $1600!! i asked.. if he join back how much? he said its about $3200. then every 2 to 3 years will get promoted.. etc.. wow.  and get pay increase.. ..
..sighs... how i wish sammy owuldve done that fo r me.. ... i really wish. ..
 oh my frne also say... was a teacher here, you could earn about that amount too. ...

..sigh.. .. how i wish.. sammy couldv estay back.. perhasp. .... ..he wshes better for that $4000 he tol dme of  in aust pay.. .
rather than sg $3200+ over pay.. how i wish.. he couldve chose me and the $3200+ ove rpay instead.
hbut he gave it all up.  

sighs. .waht to do.. ...

=/ sigsh... nvm ba.

all i wish for is tht. .i will never be with a man whom is  identical to u knw how.
becau.e. all i wann love, is fo rhte man himself. his pros and cons. nt becasue of .u knw ..

sighs...

how will the future be like. ...
nv,mm.... ... w shall see.. i jus twanna get past 2012 first. .end of 2012.....

sighs.. ... jaa =(