empty shell

game suddenlky cannot be play... =( huu.... but not gonan give up trying yet .

mm.. gotta be careful with my gb for this month.. dl the game and alreayd 2gb near 3 is gone. =/ so yea.. by tmr morning should be all done eh

dunno why.. been so slpy lately... these few days ba.. in bus also can fall aslp... cant wait to slp... inside this body.. only emptiness.. thats all i feel...

sighs. terrible night once again...

very slpy... cant wait to slp..
feels like an empty shell right now.
dunno what im doing
like a living dead zombie.

that other day met my ex colleague. .she came to visit.. adn first thing she said when she saw me was'' you're so skinny!!'' i was like. .huh? i was wearing a jacket... fluffy one. like. .how u can tell im skinny sia.. or could it be fomr my face? perhasp too long nvr see each other ba... dunno... dun think im skinny till like that ba. =.= hate it

bro talks alot.. he's like. .so happy n cheerful. .so diff... perhasp holiday realy helps huh.. asked if he got lost. .he said yea.. scary.
wodner.. waht will it be like fo rmy case...
but most importantly, i hope after this trip, i'll return feeling at least aeven for abit.. happier...
dunno if thats possible huh.. but.. i hope so... hopefull ycan turn ot to be like my bro...

u have no idea. how. .the feeling of ... couldnt even smile anymore feels like...
the only time u smile was when u're with customers , colleagues and frens. family. .seldom. cos alreyad at home mah.
so yea.
i feel terrible... =(
heart is so heavy...
and couldnt even lift up the slightest smile..
sighs.
endure for another 4 more weeks and see how ba....
if things dont get better... .=/ i really ..have no ideas of how to hang on anymore.

the mask to hide everyday's pains.. is essential.. must be brave and forced to wear it everyday..

weird huh.. i didnt feel any better even by blogging it here... .

oh...
that night my colleague and her husband send me home.. .duno which night. anyway, supposed to drop me off at mrt. .in the end was surprised he drop me off at my block. which i sgreat.
many days later, lol. she ten tell me that. .her husband that night said i so pretty... later 11 plus pm go back home alone dangerous. aw.. how thoughtful is htat. really appreciated

in bro's pics,... seriously... japan... got sooo many ppl queuing soooo long fo rfood la.. .restaurant. .etc.... hy the hell singaporeans keep on shooting at oneself? hello? japan also k. sg queue up not often wat. japan queue up also here and there. seriously.. makes me realised how certain singaporeans love to dig themselves. other ppl could be worse k. omg. learn to be zhi zu.
as in.. enough is enough?

haiz.. .anwyay.. sighs. .k ba.. gtg... .
duno what to do.. .feel so sad..

jaa

stuffy painful heart

today heart feel so stuffy.. =/ duno .. ...then.. bathroom was the only place to let it out. .after which, gotta pretend everything is fine again... just.. concentrate on work and making ppl happy.. customers happy, family ok, then ok ba.. me not important anymore.
let them think im fine also can.. uh huh...

today heart hurts.. as in not only the outside. .i mean. .its the realy heart this time round. hurts abit.. then i recalled this commercial.. and my fren's comments... duno isit paranoid or what.. maybe its really gotta do wit my eating cycle? i dunno.... but... betetr to be safe than sorry. was really starving the whole day... forced myself to eat a bowl of chicken noodle no matter waht(for lunch). so yea.... hope its not as my fren said.. what eat muscles tissue away.. holy cow... i hope now=(
but yea.. should be fine now ba.. tmr see how. dinner soso... mm... yea.. o well... sighs.... tch.. everything is so difficult and.. ..=/.. just black and dark.

bro bought me better pressies this time. surprisingly, he said that can be my xmas pressies. ha. so yea.. i no need to pay him.. but TT_ he hinted for expensive xmas pressy liao... huu... o well. need to go around and find ba

gosh.. i feel so down at htis moment. .that moent in the bathroom was great.. .such a relieved... short lived moment though.. o well...

today theres this angmoh with a woman.. maybe his wife or gf.. .was cashiering him... his girl just looking around... then my manager whos standing next to me say, 'i think he like you',. i was like.. wth., =.= '' but the way he's looking. .abit weird la... but.. .nah. i rather not believe my manager... angmohs really so... omg. fickle hearted? ha

sighs.. .weird.. did i forgot to say anything again? how come im still feelign down=/
like. .soemthigns not out from my heart...

ha. glad htat bro is looking good. he's like energetic now.
i hope i can be like that when im back from syd. ....4weeks to go now.. and.. .i have no idea ...whats my plan. o well... wandering around.. is good in a way ba.. .looking at the sun.. sunset... ppl.. o well...
wonder if thats gonna destress me..

ha. the syd map that i was reading, .. lol. even mentioned that after midnight especially on the weekends, must stay near bouncers. lol. where got ppl say htat of hteir own place.. but well i guess.. cos too chaotic ba. howveer.. it intrigues me though... the more ppl say unsafe.. the more i wanna try and explore their night life . even if alone. but wonder if i;ll back out in the end hhuh..

that aside, .... yea.
mm.. 4 weeks. i wish it be fast over....
sighs... .
at least i brought smiles to the ppl around huh.. more than one today. so yea... but. .whos gonna make me smile. .ha... o well...

oh game is about to be finish load. omg. yay.

kk. .need to sdave my gb.

mata

juicy lips of mine =)

i am blessed with a rosy lips..... usually i'll jus use my clear lip gloss.. or not even lip glos.. all i ahve to do is to apply my lip blam.. and i'll have a shiny reddish pinkish lips.... i recently bought a concealer for my laips lately... because... seirously.. i have suh rosy rosy ;ips... if i don conceal it, the lipsticks that i wear are will gonna be.. u know=/... but anyway... i really... am thankful that i have such natural rosy lips.. somteimtes.. i don even have to apply any lip balm nor lipgloss... and i can get a natural $20 dollars effects of lipstics...
i love my natural lip colour.. even he does too.. i was in his comp room.. when he asked' is did u apply lipstick? i replied no.. h sad then dont.. .. he love my lip colour....
i love it too..


haiz.. ... yup... its gd though.. .save my money.. all i need is to add some balm shine to my lips.. and viola! i'll get a juicy lip shine;) i like my lipss... and eyes te most ba.. lisp cos.. they are plumb by nature... and red by nature.. natural trueness to it.. eyes.. well.. not relaly sure.. but cos many ppl.. complimented my eyes.. so yea... lol

mm./. today.. i aalmost didnt eat anything at all.. for lucnh that is.. but my mum.. she kept thinking of food fo rme... then finally i relented.. and i finished it all up! sighs.. wha'll i do without her.. or hinm... =( ... sighs.............. ..... anwyay.. im still hungry though..
not sure if imma be taking dinner or not.. howveer.. .will try ABIT ba... but better than nothing...

my fren is shorter than me.. yet weighs 40kg.... me.. .40kg also... but why.
aim not a person to care about weight.. but becso of health i... =///

...haiz....

in my life my leath weighs 0. love is evrytig. family 2nd.

my fren asked me recently.. .''ask him to come sg to prove that he really love you!'' ... yet i still stand up for him.. i said.... ...no way he could do that... ....u gotta understand his situation... uni..car...and family.... ''
my fren was speechless

u know. .treat the ppl/..the way u wann be treated....

..yay.. bro is coming home soon. so glad he's safe and soun.d... without tsunami and all.... phew....

u know.... ...i found a restaurant in syd.. i wanna go check it out..
but of all places.. nothgin els.e. only that place=./.
see how ba

and do know taht... i will.... post out a note in fb...

if i dont ever get back to sg... (in case anything happne at night or whatevr in syd..)./...
...u know who's my love one.... and.. .don cry for me... for... my happiness is the least.. yours are forever the most......

mata

No light

today not as tired as ytd.. weird.. last night i was .. like. .totally wiped out. ha. 

this morning me wokey to a new feeling . like.. fresh. relax... verw eird.. i never had that feelign for ages.... 

imma cut down to the chase again. gb is running out.

se.e.. was  discusin gbaout nmy trip again.. .one of my colleagu said that australia is boring. true though=/ ... and my colleagu also cna tell me to rot after 5pm. loL. yes rot in hotel i agree=.= i wonder if i have the courage to head out at night. i might u know.... im not gonna waste my money to stay in hotel! though we all know that its dangerours.. but... u u know.. i might. 

anyway, its a nice thought though.. thinking.. .of not work at all.. my missio of the day! is only to shop. just shop.. window shop or whatever. .sjut shop.. no need to think of nohting else.

very relaxing thought.. but.. after the 2nd or 3rd day, then how... =.= ha.. o well. we shall see ba.... worse to wors.e.=.= i'll just see the fishes again ba. lol

mm.... haiz. so yea... 

leg so tired... 

its just a ... relaxing day ba.. not relax.. but.. the feleing. .is diff. 

and today,... i actually eat! see told ya. somtiesm eat and sometimes not. i had my full lunch sia... at night alreayd guru2... growling. but.. .lost my appetite.. however, i forced myslef to eat=/.. so yea.. din finish. but finished about 85% ba...

so yea... wonde rhows tmr eh...

mm....

my fren said to me todya.. i look like barbie today with my make up.. lol .then said i have cat eyes look. LOL. wth. 

my fren . .another frne. asked me to go watch twilight. but im not interested at all=/ 

first time i watched with sammy. 2nd time.. i watched cos he asked me to. .cos the movie related to me. .which it really did.. hte hurting part and all.. 

but this final movie wit happy ending and all... ...i .. unless its sammy.. otherwise=/.. .i swear i'll never watch that movie. firsthing.. im not into edward.. duno whast great about hinm.. duno why girls go gaga over him=.='' blah3... i like vampires.. but not edward. 

2ndly and most importantluy is.. becos theres marriage...baby..and happy ending... i think tat'll make me sad.. i can relate to the 2nd movie.. but perhaps.. not the 3rd.. so im not gonna watch with my fren. unless its with sam. but  not possible i gues. so yea.

rather iinterested in the kawaii to the max puss in the boots!! nawwwwwwwwwwwww who can resist that cute lil kitty =3 maww.w.... .

mata!

Leggie pain =(

hi there.. just a quick blog here.. saving my gb remmeber? ha. 

gosh.. dunno why today so tired.. both my legs. .sooo sore and pain =( huu.... dunno ba.. now better after sitting down=/

today lunch... had abit only... tch.. not good huh... =/ 

dunno ba... .

sighs. 

has this been going on for liek weeks/
?

i dunno... but. .o well...

at leats dinner.. still can eat abit. still little... but.. well.. at leats i still xan eat more than my few mouthfuls of lunch right

=/ but. .seriously.. sometiems eat alot.. soemtimes none.. when will this ever end... fear for my health..kinda. =/

haiz... see how ba.

but yea.. im so freaking tired.. ...=/ really need a good massage now.. sighs. ..

u know.. soemtiems i wonder at my status.. .nah.. nvm.

will see how in syd ba..

gosh.. when will i be changin the money.. do u think last min is a gd idea?

i dont keep watch on the currency thoug=/

mata 

Forcing myself

so... i feel like crap yesterday.. i wakey, still feel like crap. lol... omg.
sianzzzzzzzzzz
today u know what.. i cant be like ytd. imma forced myself to go out. really have to force. if not i'll start thiking again.
as u guys know alreyd. .my interenet left abit only.. i have a few days to go before my internet gb start over  soy ea... =/ i cannot anyhow use. .sighs... those games la.. cost me this.. .haiz.
 byt should be worth it ba,. liek he said. .take ur mind off things.
i guess so. cos when u do something, and which is great.. i am sitting down and playing. anyhow play also can. ha.
yea. .i don have to keep waiting for his reply... i forget thigns. .i forget ppl... i forget everything.. .but after u stop, that one i dunno yet la.. ha. bt yea.. .i guess so. u know.. just forget everything ba..
better than drinking all the time.

today... i dunno.. i still have no apetite.. but... after hearing what my fren said about the one meal a day.. blah3... what heart prob... something2... of course im not an idiot. i know its not good for my health. but.. when u forced yourself to eat, thats emtionally drained too k. its not easy.
its just not=/

especially if im working somemore then how.
now... gonna hit 1pm liao... im thinking.... =/ tch... i feel very tired... i don feel any guru2 hunger... but isnt this lunctime liao?> but me just wokey ne...
lets see how it will be at 2 or 3pm...
sighs.
but.. seriously.. usually when im out, i don eat till i get back home for dinner.. so thats another problem... i relaly have to force myself.. but. yea.. im still figuring out a best way to do so.. =/ tch/.. very irritating.

see la.. from a small prob statred out as no appetite.. sounds normal eh.. but then it ocntinues on.. and now its posting a huge issue in future towards my health.
how i wish.. things can be different.. without being so difficult..

sighs. ytd was such a freaking disaster.. omg. i hope i can make today be better.

my leg really still need to sit and rest more. .but cannot sia... i have to go walk2... if not dunno what to do at home.. .like stuck... if i eat outside for lunch, ... meaning i'll be spending money.
...haiz... dunno what i wanna do.... =/
ytd was htinking.. like in a serious way.. how life is so boring.. and i just hated it so much...
i meant it in a ver serious thought.
but here i am. .stuck in one...

im.. not really say.. excited yet. .i am looking forward towards the holiday.. but not like. .wow i am goignn. .so excited.. u know .not that feeling. cos i stil have a few questions in my head.... adn.. .sighs. im not sure if this is what i wan. perhaps.. i should try and cast away my worries.. if lost, lost ba... thats something i need to learn to isnt it. i've given up on map..(kinda) lol. imma rely on  my memory instead.. hope it works.. memories the buildings.. (they all look bloody the same=.=) how many traffic lights... left right or what... i hope that'll help me in a way.
i almopsr got very los tonce when i was left alone in syd. that was frightening.. panicked.. but. good thing i manages to find my way back. ohew.. memory not good huh. omg. i have to train my mmemory!

..just resting abit now=/
head's heavy. .try not to think so much...

how weird it can be sometimes.. when you're probs, the first one to lend u a helping hand or advice..isnt from somebody you're closest with...
why? perhaps the closest ones been taking htings for granted.. for far too long....

sighs. k ba. gotta stop now. the rest of internet shall be left for online fb and blogging in the next coupole of days to come.. sighs=( have to wait so long till can play.

=/ boring days.. boring nights... .
bah.. perhaps just need to get out of sg soon ba... tired of getting lost in sg... nvm.. lost in syd will be something new soon

mata! mayeb at night blog again> ? shall see

will i have my dinner?

=(. .sighs.. here i am bloggnig again... so fast huh..after that blog..
but yea. .im so bored... supposed to be a good day u know.. but. .=( sighs... dunno ba...
dunno what happen also.. everuytime like that... oo well.. get used to it ba.. but sometimes.. the words. .get used.. still aint true.. some things. .can nvr be get used to..

sighs

so yea.. cos of that mouthful bites of lunch, my stomach is growling now. .yet.. my mind say don wan to eat.. cos very . .u know. sianz. -=/
-.-'' i know. .very irritating...
rather do something else than bother with eating.

anyway... haiz... din even nap properly. only less than half an hour.
imma try and find somethign to do. i cant stay online for very long. my gb is running out.. otehwise i have to pay =( huu... sianz..............

was thinking about life and stuffs againn...
sighs.. i relaly dislike all.. =/ i dunno... im just so tired of everything. .. so boring. .so... ..tiring. .so sad..
just the same life over nad over again....
haiz... dunno ne...
just seem so listless now... nothign to hold me back anyway..

sighs.. i think my mum brought food back home. i dunno...
but .. gosh. if i don eat now, later will become not nice and cold right... gosh.. how i wish im wrong.. wonder if she did brought food. .if she did, i'll be so feraking sianz... =/
alreayd so.. sighs.. stil lwanna eat... but im really starving.. but... i just cant bring myself to eat. and i dont like that. because liek i said. i don like to see ppl not eating.. it makes me think they are on diet. but im not. but yet i dislike cos im like wasting food and all..
sighs.

see how ba....
maybe eat chips.. better than nothing. . but. .have to waste dinner.. .gosh.. how i wish she never buy..
but if i say no, later she worry again howhope not ba. o well.
sighs. .

what a boring post huh. .gomen.. this post aint cheery at all ne.. haiz.. sorry. just not my day ba..

jaa mata  

fright night

i am only left with 2 gbs to use internet with.. huu..... wish me luck ba.. hopefully it can last...

gosh stil slpy.. had a nightmare. and woke up too had a shock .thinking oh no! gotta work at 8am.. but phew luckily not that case.
but yea.. sammy was in my dreams though. .acouple of htem. but all my dreams.. gosh.. about 4 or 5.. all bad. plus one nightmare. omg......
last night had a bad tiem trying to slp=( was so frighten out. cos of my outlet at changi.. its haunted.. the ghost even followed my colleagues home! huu.... .im scared=(  but i don wish to help work there... sighs.
but yea.. totally scared me out. and there i was trying to slp. .so frightneded.. thinking.. am i gonna feel worse when im slping in a hotel alone? imma be like... i dunno... dun even know if im able to slp peacefully anot.. but i pray that my hotel will be safe =( scaryyy huuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

my rgm was talking about how aussies hate americans.. and americans look down upon aussies too... aussies dislike americans because they think americans are very stuck up. which is true in a way he said.. like u know. .very ungreaceful too. .always use.. f***... here f*** there... so yea..
his american frens was like shocked when my rgm told htem he's working for a australian company. they're like.. u whattttt????/ !
lol. but its just a job he said. which is true.. .
gosh... i better don anyhow guess where they are from in future. i believe him though. sometimes like. .british ppl or americans.. when i gues theyre from aust, they looked abit offended.. .like. .wha? i siounded like an aussie?.. wiht that face... but anyway, point is.. .i wotn guess liao. dunno hwy even the british also...
but yea... if u're from aust, better stay away from bad' americans... watch out for ur safty when you're there for holiday .

so yup. my lunch.. sighs... =/ i dunno.. i just took a few bitefuls.. thats it. guess i'll need a nap later or something eh.
dinner... hopefully i can do better than that. =/
is it.. .i dunno.. im stress, emotionally drained, work , or what... thats affecting me that i cant eat properly anymore. i dunno.. liek that other day.. i ate a big meal... but. .yea. jus keeps on changing ba. .i dunno whats wrong with me either. hope i;ll be fine soon huh.. =/

kk.. thats about it i guess. .though kinda like... i still need to blog about something. but i cant rememebr... o well. nvm. haha

mata ne

Lost my smiles..

another great performance night by my fav contestant... josh something... lol. dunno how to spell his last nname.
anyway... he was talkina about how the song is menat for his daughter.. .his mum was saying.. he fell crazy in love when he was 17(first love).. but thigns don go smoothly always.. (as in maybe the girl left him after she bore him a baby girl..whos his now daughter)... he said.. its like you just fallen off the edge from a cliff...

his mum said that he loses his smile..  said that as a mother, she felt helpless as she cant help his son...
in the end he pulled himself togetehr for the sake of his new baby girl..

point is.. when she was saying all this... i was thinking...  yes.. fallen off he edge.. or worse than that feeling.. i understand him..
..but his mum's words... makes me wonder..
when i loses my smile,... was my mum feeling the same way as his mum did?
i wodner if my mum felt helpess that couldnt help me..and worried about me more.
i don know.. but... u know... even if thats true.. i cant do anything much. when u loses all smiles, its very difficult to be happy again. its like. .the bottom of the cliff aint that easy to climnb back up again u know.
not like i have a baby girl to encourage me to u knw... smiel again.
but yea.. i wish.. that my mum wont feel the way his mum described.... =/
sighs....
so.. indeed huh.. there is someone in this world same as me... ..how frightening it is. .to lose all ur smile...
and i think i know.  my mum.. must've been so.. .sighs.. .=/ worried and.. .. i hope not helpless.. but.. .o well...
no wonder sh ekeep tellign me how i used to be so much happier in the past. ..but. .u know. some thigns cant be forced... even if force with a smile,. .thats not a smile.. and no happiness for me either..

sighs

anway... gosh im starving now. soooo slpy. glad i could slp on tmr. hope cna slp on ba.
gosh.. been using phone internet. .gonna exceed soon liao. huu.. .=/

mm.... forgot what i wanted to blog...

anyway.. im still eating little.. sometimes abit more. .but .. o well. .just very irregular.=/ when im back to normal will elt u guys know. don worry

u know lately, i am more confident with my body.figure.. whatever u called it. i really wanan try wearing a u know. swimsuit. lol. but. geez.. i dunno.... ..mm.... sg difficult. .overseas.. mmm... not sure if ... somemore its gonna be near that month of mine... what if stomach bloated and body swollen wcause of water retention again. haiyo... .o well.. see how ba. lol.
i hate how water retention destroys' u whenever that month is near-.- sooo irritating n uncomfy! grr... imagine i take pics in syd looking all bloated up and swollen face. =.= omg. but what to do. i cant control it mah. haiz... .
oh .i found out that gaming is so freaking fun. but. requires u to sit alot and ignored the world.=.= '' not very good.. but.. .o well. beats the time. abit wasted to tbe told truthfuly.. but.. .well, nice try mah ^^

yea. .i hate to be no 2 in ppls life. why cant i be no 1. ....not to my bro ba.. no 1.. ha. dream on..

mata

slpy mode start

ok.. so... was so hungry when i wakey... hten.. finally time to eat.. but when i look at the food. .plus no place to sit,.. haiz.. losing appetite.. red lights alert.. so i decicded.. no choice. head towards ajisen to have some ramen.. =/ huu.. expensive abit more. .but what to do.. better than deciding to eat bread or what again. as in one or 2 small picecs type... so yea..

gosh i am sooo sleepyyyyyyyyyyy

i bought bro's pressy.. haiz. he went to japan liao... 2 nights ago still got the tsunami warning news. =/ hope he's fine.. ...haiz.
he's also like.. noooooooo. haha.. .relaly hope evrythign will be alright. .pray for him yea...

mm.. wanna slp early i hope...
but weird.. without bro aorund.. haiz.. =/ quiet and.. .ow ell..

kk.. i wanna check out some other stuff online before headin gto bed.

damn that game... why why why.... why no online. haiz...

oh! today this middle  age man.. say i look cute. even my colleague say i look cute with my bumbum hair tied up . =.=''' i don like sia when my male customers compliment me.. it slike. .i cant look them in the face alreayd. omg. =.= '''' 'so paiseh.....
why nowadays i get flush and red easy ar. or perhaps no ba... yea.. shouldnt be.
so weird. i don like that feeling. like. .cant serve properly liao. haiyo...
then i think ytd? i just recalled this only.. theres thsi malay guy eh.. say my voice very cute sound like mickey mous.e hello???? =.= me mickety mouse>? u gott ab ekidding me.... omg. wheres up with them ar. ..nah.. im not liek tha right.. =.='' o wlel.

mata

Gifts that you'll never find out.. =/

omg.. .theres this game im interested to check it out. but. .. haiz. cant online. i would prefer to paly in my room than to use my bros game console. somemore so much more convenient . anyway, yup. heard from my frens liek talk about hiow awesoem that game is.. omg. but sighs. .what a pity=/ if only its online. can dl for free . huu... 

too bad eh.
but i m very curious why its so addictive. haiz..

anwyay, ytd lunch. .i ate one popiah and a cuppa soybean drink. ful lalreayd. i was shocked.

today lucnh. .only 2 pieces of old change kee.

haiz. but nichgt i got eat. .just that. .o well.. relaly not how i used to eat now =/ 

really .. .weird ba. i guess. .appetite just aint the same no more., =/.. .o w ell.. .mm.. dunno what to say also. but yea... cannot force myself eat too mcuh. .alter wanan throw up how. cos too long never eat so much.. .o well.. .. haiz

im so slpy and tired.. really cant wait to slp. 

bro is heading off to japan soon .yes again =.= ... ha. o well. .soon my turn ba. 

few weeks to go only.. .
..great chance for me too see things through too huh.. ...
after so long.. ...will see how ba...

haiz..

if u dont talk to me about urself or life and things that happen,  then do not expect me to talk about it too with u.
guess thast how with me and bro huh. .great example. .he almost never tlak about work.. life n all... then.. why expect me to do the same when im having problems... or feel sad.. right anot.

perhaps thats why i don feel like opening up anymore... =/ haiz... life is tough. as always.

slpy. mm. .tmr gotta standyby bros pressy. gosh still long to go. but yea.. he saw somethign he like. so i quickly.. yu[p. reserve first. ha. guy stuff sooo difficult to buy =.=

that makes me wonder.. so long ago... or monthssss ago,.. he once said he found something or more than one item, that i sure would love. but he never tell me what t is .. the items in syd so yea .guess i'll never find out huh... =/ o well... really curious. .what pressys he;s talking about.. .

=( huu.. .wish i know... bet he forgot too... o well... ....sighs....

k ba. .betetr dont think.. .

jaa mata 

I only smile cos of him

u know how sometimes u cant say something... 

mm. .where should i start...  my frens. .dun understand how could someons parents dislike me.. then we realised. .its their probs... 

not me... 

like i said.. if u;re against someone in the first place, you'll only have more reasons to dislike them furtuher.. 

but i cant tell... .. ha. who knows of the part when i tried to talk, and get cold resutls from them.. .

i cant simply tel him. .oh i said.. blah3.. and ur parent reacted this way blah3... 

and how much do u know of how the wayi feel ...when you're getting such response back.. 
so rejected.... so unsure of hwo they think.. haiz. but well. .in the end. ...i never really talk about htis did i? O.o ...

just that well.. its.. .somethign i never ever told anyone before...

but no matter how hard u tried... the other party din appreciate u.. then.. .what else can u say......

anwyay, i hope he'll get his wishes soon ba... bike n all... as long as hwats gonna make him happy.. happpiest man in the world...

and truly.. ...how i wish.. in that deram when i smiled because he smile........ i wish that was real.. and i wish i could feel happy that way..

i was cleaning my room(super boring todayyyyyyyyyyyyyy) and mum look at me.. .and say.. '' kai xin yi dian'.. .she aske dme to be happier abit more... she said i relaly lost weight his time.... 

i htink .. she knows that im not happy .... 

o well... 

i hope... that one day.. everything will be fine fo rme... 

oh.. bro leaving for japan again soon.. maybe cos of me ba. .cos im headin gout alone... then he also htink its ok. o well.. .hope he'll be safe n sound ba.. as fo rme, i cant wait to be there...

oh.. he's gonna print out hte form for mel.. .mm... yea.. thought no need.. but well... perhaps ned ba O.o

dont ever hinder the happiness of someone u know... that may be the most painful part of hteir life you're gonna cost them.. 

haiz. ...thansk fo rreading.. ... i hope my life will get better soon... work... i wonde rhow will that be...

oh. .he's so tired out today.. i feel him.  10 hours including break... ..o well...... i kena that so much.. imagine i get that many time s a week... 

thast hwy i can feel him so much... ha. lol.. i was like wondering. .if men. .could still do their business in bed afer tired out at work.XD LOL. omg. what a question.. i know. ha.. but yea. i asked himn .lol

so blushing.. =X ... yea is till blush alot.. ha. im not a guy mah.. so just curious.. will they brush off hteir woman, or continue with what their capable of.. =P hahahah

bleah

gosh.. im getting slpy=XN NO.////..///.... 

u know. .glad that while im doing my cleaning up, i din think of nothign much... so yea.. .better than laying in bed all day huh. think about work and life. .ahiz.. .

may u bless the most important person in my life... 

this is my 2 nd blog of the day of 19.11.01.. ..

wonde rif theres a 3rd. ... ha. o well

jaa mata ne..

Boring life

haiz.. remember that tiem i mentioned about this pic i nvr upload cos its very sad... my poor wrist.. well, last night i almost did. ha. but couldnt find hte pic. so yea...
but this aftnoon, i found it. but... don wanna put up.. not now i guess.
perhaps last night just too sad or waht ba

today also... im so bored. and im feeling very blue =(( and very. .just so sad.... stress also.
i just lay in my bed. .i think alot.. about personal life. .past n future.. and ppl...
alot went through my mind..

worklife sucks greatly sometimes...
sighs..
personal life sucks even worse. .and everyday .
but nothing interests me. i dunno what to do.
drink and work. thats like. .basically waht im doing often.
wth right.  sighs... oh and watching youtube.
so yea. dunno ba.. .life is so boring. but point is, i don have tohe heart to do anything anymore i guess...
i really have no idea of what to do... its same old life everyday... nothing amzling.. nothign special.. nothing to look forward to... for now theres the syd holiday to look forward to.. but what about abt that trip...
hows my life gonna be.. .

its just so boring....... everything is.
sighs... i really need to get these all outta my chest. i felt liek suffocating alreayd.
its so difficult to talk..
and tears washes my face almost every day.
that really sucks i know. =/

that day at work.. dunno why. .suddenly this image and part of my memory with him hit me. and i was so sad.. the images of memories just floated straight to my mind .
i was so heartpain at work.. =(
every single words stil lso clear in my head.

o. today had a nice dream. of him . he's smiling and eating with me. ha. alone with other ppl..think its my colleagues. not sure.
but yea.. it was nice. perhaps thats a deram to remind me should eat huh

last night only 2 springrolls in my stomach. sighs.. today. .lunch i took. dinner.. not sure. now just.. .same ba. no appettie. hope i wont waste my mum's cooking again =/ i felt bad but. .what to do..... its such a heartache to see myself like this. but.. .i just didnt know what to do anymore.
i dont like the way my life is now.
and whats gonna happen after the look forward trip is over... haiz. i dunno.. rrly dunno...

at home also nothing to do.
what should i do...
can someone teach me i wonder..
so stressful... i hate my life so much now. worse than ever.
can u imagien im spending my weekend crying? wth. ...
i rrly wish to have a chance and work overseas soon..
i just don like my life anymore.
it sucsk and its boring. nothigns new..
=/
but then again who knows overseas... perhasp worse eh. haha... but. .well.. at least theres some changes.. .

haiz... feeling beter now.. abit only. better than nothing.
type3 away...
sighs...
still feels like resting on my bed.. but i'll think too much u see... not good... and i'll cry somemroe..
im so tired .

my colleagu now meeting her bf from ns. ha. she finally get to see him after 2 weeks. i feel her. but we spend alot of time slping .. especially him. .can slp all day long. ha. cos of that fugitive that tiem. idiot sia that mas something..selamat something.

here's something my fren wrote on his wall... i was very surprised.. cos.... read on... :

BOY: I miss you.
GIRL: And so?
BOY: I really did.
GIRL: oK.
BOY: I’m sorry.
GIRL: What for?
BOY: For ignoring your efforts to communicate with me.
GIRL: Its OK. I got used to it, then I got tired, so I stopped trying and started forgetting.
BOY: I..
BOY: I…tried to forget about you, you see.
GIRL: ….
BOY: Cause it tore me apart that we can never be…
GIRL: its OK.
BOY: Why is it so OK?
GIRL: I got used to days hoping you’d be back, but then you never did. I started facing reality, and started to get a move on.
BOY: Wait…am I too late?
GIRL: Too late for what?
BOY: To court you?
GIRL: You know, I’ve always wanted to hear that from you. Back then, a years ago. But…I got used to only wishing for it..then realized it would never happen, so I stopped hoping.
BOY: I’m really sorry, but dont worry, this time, I will make your wishes come true.
GIRL: Its my turn to say sorry. Time got into me. You’ve broken my heart already. I cant risk experiencing that again. Thank you anyway. For communicating with
me after a years of silence

thats like. heartfelt isnt it. thats a good example of what happen when its too late for regrets. .and its ur fault for not learning how to cherish or treasure what u had.
but thast a very real situation ..conversation isnt it huh...

very well said indeed. dunno who wrote that though.. mayeb he copy from someone else ba

anyway,.... dunno what imma to do now.... perhaps lie in bed till..... god knows when... dunno why.. perhaps think too much.. i just cant slp ba. tthough brian is bursting out alreayd.. headache. slpy.

see if theres anything, i might blog tonight.

oh almost forgot to say... im so glad boa's new single is out. jap single =) i sang non stop for about an hour that other day. ha. .great to be singing again. but nah.. don feel liek sining now.
huu.. i wanna go ktv =( wanna sing so much again....

jaa mata

hating living

sighs.. imma slp very late tonight.. haven bath..

u know.......sighs... was tough at work today.. =( // /din had a good time...
...  i.. didnt know wat to do.. .
as in...
sometiems i wonder.. .after my holiday overseas.., ... whats my next step?
i hate my life. seriously speaking... i dunno whats so great about life anymore. i gess love is everything to me. .but...
to lsoe tat.. might as well tell me to die.. isnt it.

sigsh..s.. .my tears been falling almost everyday since.. so many months passed.. eyt... im stilling tearing...
yet.. my heart still shredding.. yet.. my life motivation draining on....
my tears are like. .taps.. i dunno why.. they jst. .keep on rolling...
heartache will forever be there..

me lunchtime had 2 rolls pf popiah... dinner..only drinks.. no food.
im torturing myself isit.. .
but.. i cant help it...
health aint the same in the past.. .. nowadyas.. my health sucks badly... but i c ant help it.. .i cant force myself to eat.. sometimes i can. sometimes i cant.. like. .exp.. tonight....

i hate my life so much frankly speaking
..
sigsh.. not god to have such thoughts... i know.... really not good.. but... im losing interest in that now...

oh gosh.. whenevr im alone iwth paul at this area of store, i felt sooo awkward. omg. cos of my sm~!!! wth. today i just got to work and he's in there. then when he's about ot go out,(he offers me a swt cos i was coughing.. very nice of hime=) ) she's liek asking hin.... '' why so long? u hugging her ar.''?

i was like.. .wtf............................. hello>>???/ this joke is beyiong cure. omg.

i was like... sighs. so paishe sia.. .liek wanna tlak with him or wha.... my sm always.. like. .haiz. wth sia

 tell me... what should i do...
i've nvr been happy truly.. and im crying almost everyday for months............. whast my life gonna be.. after the holiday??
i dunno.... ..

i hate my life.. i rrly. .just... dislike evrything of my lfie right now.. .i .. .relly dunno hw anymore..
i hurt myself.. over n over.. yet... the happiness of mine had alreayd slppied away...
yet the pains. .the injuries.. and all... still... ...i still couldnt get up.. i cant .. i  could not feel any true happiness...
and i meant true.. not from frens.. work or family..

my tears.. these few days.. been flowing like tap...
im so tired of v everything..
i hate everythig..

my heart hurts bloody pain every single night ....
its such a pain as... u will never be able to describe to others...
i didnt know. .really didnt know.. heartache. .could be this bad.. bad to ur life.. to ur future.. to ur withiin
,..

sorry.. i soudnded os sad tionight. .br.. its true..

just wanna.. let it all out here..

i cried in fron to fmy bro tonight.
he din ask anything. even if he did, i guess i migh not say a thing ba?
but yea.. .

tha  seriously proved.. that... see............ he din ask...
so don say why i never talk about my problems... why i kept it to myself.. .becos.. .the din ask.. and so i wont tell...
even if he did...
will he listen or hear>? its a huge difference mind u.

woner if tears gonna stope flowing or not..

do u hate ur life?
i hate mine to the core..
i'll see what i can do ba..
but. ...u knw... .. i still hate


heartache. .so frighteing..
causes u to lsoe evrything. . including life..

wat would u do for ur love one. .like seriously..

u know.. if im throw away.. .don expec me to be here forever...

sorry todays blog verysad..

im too t]ired.. im very tired with everything.........
pray for me for survial k...
thanks..
i.. really neeed to learn.. how to cherish a life.;'

mata

Good staff

wow its so nice to have a very long chat wih him tonight.... at least night not so sianz.... miss it...

so tired. really din expect me to do fullshift today . gosh.....
very slpy now..
was like.must push to talk with ppl.. its a swedish thingy products. .fashion show. .etc. rojak ba ha. but get to meet the swedish embassy. which is very cool. the ppl very nice as well.
mm.. yea.. im sure its gonna bring our store to another level after tonight.
cos.. must socialite so much... =.=
but ok ba. .me still not so bad.
huu.. im very slpy...

today theres this new staff.. a guy. name paul ryo...etc.. .jap name. i was like. .huh. a jap???? then i ask one of the casuals. .he japanese ar? handsome anot. lol .jk la. she shakeed her head. but .. ok ne. today i met him. he got baby face. i though the's 16. lol. but nope. he's in uni. =.= ;; dots.
his dad's a japanese. see i was right. my casuals so evil say he's not good looking. he's ok la. decent looking i would say. but girls nowadays ar. .haiz. .go for looks only =.= omg.......
anyway, hope these new ppl can work really well ba. ...
my manager was like... ok la.. his age, you got chance.
i was like. .dotssss what chance siaaaaaaaa =.='''' w..t...h.........
omg. betetr don start anything weird man
ppl's mouth ar.. haiz

gosh. .slpy... cant wait to slp.. so cold... night time wish can hug him.. huu.. =/

lunch. .no appetite.. ended up at the show me so hungry... huu.
bt yea.. ate abit... mm.... but yea. .gd thign when reach home theres food...

kk.. brains shutting down.

mata!!! slpy desuuu

dislocated shoulders!? O.O

ii am sooooooooooooooooo god damn tireddddddddddddddddddddd holy crapppppppppppppppppppppppp

omg.

these few days. like suddenly crazy. that night suddenkly dinner ate alot!! then felt like throwing up thereafter. maybe like hwat the doc said ba.. eat too much sddenly like wanna trhow up .anwyay luckily  i didnt. but felt quite unwell =/
then.. got home.. mum wanna go down eatt.. wanna eat iwth them. .so decided to eat abit ba.. =/ only after like 3 or 2 hours sia.. .i eat again. alot. =.=

today also. cos too busy, had very late lunch. then who knows.. ended up must eat with rgm for dinner. .was full.. but abit weird la to watch him eat.. so i decided to order food again. after about 2 hours only =.= .... holy crap...
crazy sia like no pattern one. .the way i eat. i thbink this is consider as very unhealthy huh. =/ o well.. waht to do. sometiems wanna care.. but. .cant help it =/

had a new colleague. she stuide at perth for abit. now holidays. was excited cos can take this chance ask her more stuffs.
found out she hates the weather there.. after a whiel she's sick of there. .n wanna head back home. aw. .poor thing sia.
she misses the food... mall. .weather in sg. lol.
yea.. and she also hate the fact that shops closes so early. i asked her if its safe to drink alone at night there...(just wanna make sure) .. lol at her reply. ''thast whyyyy!! drink at home!!'' XD omg. so funnyyyy okokok. fine i take that as very unsafe XD
but ... whast life without a moment of dare or risk to take right? if i do survivce it, wow. i'll be so. .prooud of myself. lol.

gosh im so cold.

my shoulders.. hurts so much from moving that god damn wooden table around!!! felt as though htey've been dislocated laio... T.T  but its awesome .abit liek the audi fashion show. but this time, its all about swedish theme. COOLLLLLLLL. =)
but.. omg.. my shoulders.. .(u guys know i never excerxise even though i really wish to =/ )
.. my back.... holy cow...
painssssssssssssssssss  in painnnnnnnnnnnnn T_T

today dinner not bad. wonder if i should eat. shit. just 2 hours n half passed only . omg.

kk... need to endure it for another day. but cant wait. about over 350 goodie bags to be given away for the guests!! woo hoo. awesome event. wow. wonder hows it gonna be eh. cool.
haiz... kk... i have like NO energy at all.
eating habits patterns like crap. wanna eat eat... no appetite suddenlky then no eat. i hope my health will be ok ba.. no need good.. at lerast don get bad thigns like eating disorder or waht can liao. touch wood*
so freaking tired..............
but worth it.

huu.... i cant sit up straight. .im so tired.. =( every part of upper body hurts... inner too...
sighs...... cannot lift up my shoulders liao.

gosh. .somemore the event must wear nice black clothes.. .how sia.. me where got nice plain black clothes.. normal only=.= o well.. hope will do ba. .big event ne. .wow. i really wanna see how thigns goes

sigs.. nothign much to say i guess.. .really feel like typing on n on.. as though im talking to someone. .well.. i am kinda tlaking to the ppl whos reading this now ba.. .
my listeners eh... .o wel

gosh. very tired.
i know. i said that liek umpteen times alreayd=.=
and yes. i do not wish to move my body like. .forever.

shoot=/ . my colleague say that aussie dollar going upp. =( meaning i cant change now. lucky i know if not i go chancge how sia. mm.. i dotn keep track of all this.. hopefully will get mofr info from frens ba =/
haiz. hopefully will drop down soon =/

i cannot smile now. i am like. .totally expressionless.... haizzzz holy cow...
wanna die liao...

syd holiday!!

oh... i counted alrayd. .very saary.. my time of month.. very close to my holidays... .but dunno yet... =/ i pray hard that i'll get past it. i dont care. first thin imma buy is vitagen and vodkawhatever to help me relax n yea... ignore the scaryness in hotel.
i don care if im moody , sad, feel liek crying.. or bloated stomach(i hate bloacted stomach when especially near that month =( ) and swollen' body and face looking.. .huu T_T so tough being a girl..
as long as i dont see the'red' , im very happy liao.
bloated stomach, moody whatever i don care. just don let that happen again!
gosh. .pray for me man..
its gonna be very close... hopefully i'll get pass it smoothly and safely......

k.. nice talking here tonight.

i don care liao.

and u know. ha. i think my dressing style really shock ppl. or rather should i say... the me when im out, is liek a totally different person when im at work. as in the way i look and dress. LOl. my colleagues always surprise to see me. ha. but they liek what im wearing so yea. but funny sia. .
i like though. different me. don get to show everyone everyday. though of course i wish everyday can wear nice and look good .. but owell .what to do.

mm.. .im not sure if i wanan go to this warehouse sale or something in syd.. .mm... i dunno. see how ba. if really noweher to go, i'l ltry going there.. .think far ne =X but what to do. see how ba.
fren recommend one.
mm.... dunno direct factory wat.. must ask again. ha.
hope its good ba. but sounds so boring.... like. .no size of mine liek that. .but dunno. nvr know eh.

haiz. .guess.. i gotta say gdbye now eh =/
aw... .
k ba. i only have a couple of hours left to rest. after that yea.
same ol dlife

hey wait... lol just recalled!!

my new colleague was asking if i have a bf. i was like. .suprise look la. like so sudden ask me O.o=.=
then my colleagu was liek. y.ou're so pretty sure have one right....
=.= i was like thinking.. huh.. .why must pretty girls be attached.. but then again. thast typical thoughts ba.... but sometimtes don have. then guys though thave, they wont dare get close to u liao. lol.
o well... there and then ba,

too tired duno what im tlaking liao. so tired

kk. .gtg. .. rest n chill tiem

mata ne!!

How to destress? O.o

sighs. .sianz ne.. .dunno how many times alreayd... 'ttyl'. then never happen. what to do. to someone i may be transparent ba.
anyway most importantly is good that he's doing well in his life now..at least without me. still can chat out with girls. ha ow ell
best of luck to his exam eh. but good thing he  can pick me up. from there i'll learn ba when im in syd. ...mm.. more about that perhaps tonight?
good thing no need wait for his urgent reply.. just go ahead with the hotel thing. so yup. phew. settle important step 2 liao.
now heading towards step 3. this time i might be too lazy to do research on the currency. .so probablhy whenever i feel like it i'll go chage in dec.

at first thought of asking my fren print the paper out for me. .but it didnt say must print. .just for my own refrence number. .so yea. forget it ba.,
just show them the number should be fine eh. i have my passport after all.. so yea. .think no ned print ba.. O.o... haiyo dunno la

sighs. been troubling by this matter.. duno how to solve it.. feels so lonely though..

had a weird dream..  the feelings were like real o.O one is the actor from this taiwan drama.. another is someone who looks a bit like redz but a better looking one. they both like me, and im like wondering who to choose!
wth.
then this morning,(just now) had a dream of work cum zombie land. omg. i wan nicer dreams please....huuuuu

..maybe cos of stress ba. .finally cant take it. .went on shopping spree=/ o well...
saddd
evereydays life stress... soemtiems i don even have the time to destress.. or dunno how to.. its terrible. .bottling up so much inside of me. .yet have to pretend to be alright on the outside. my mum kept saying she;s worried about me. oh gosh.. frustrating=./

wodner if i could hang on for another 6 weeks... sighs.. .
sians.. guess the big question is how to destress eh. ha....
mm... i dunno.... nothing pretty much interests me.. or perhaps have.. but too tired.. guess i just wanna sit allll lday and alll night long. but still ended up tired. hahah

haiz... k ba... gotta go..
tty guys tonight.
oh and i mean it.

mata

=( so down for the day

mm... ..=/ really didnt feel like blogging at all...

bad things happened.. but o well.. .

whole day sitting in front of lappy.. just sit and sit and sit........ sighs..
still sore though. .my legs.

my mum tiem to time will ask.. if im ok. .she;s very worried about me.. cos ofthigns i do. .yea.
then she said bro said that i didnt wanan say anythign .and im sure i blog this before. if he didnt ask, why wouldi say it. somemroe... even if i do, u htink he'll give advice? whats the use of telling him tehn?

nowadays im very quiet at home.. i ddint talk to anyone except for hte ppl outside.
i just have no interest to talk with my family.

i put up these old ppics of me on my closet. my mum wil lsay. look.. you look so happy back then.
yea.. BACK THEN.

.... what to do. i cant forcemyself to be happy as u know.. .

was walking in the raing for a ocuple of mins todya..instead of taking the shelter.. don wory. my health isnt tht gd anywya.
i have a major problem wih my every diet. sometiems eat normal.. some meals skippedm, some meals liek a mouse. whatever.

anwayy.. .yea.
its very cold.. but. .somehow the rain. .feels nothing. nothign can ever compared to the inner aprt of me.

tch. .still waiitng for a reply from him. wanna book my hotel soon. decuded to go with his suggestions. cos lazy to go find and ask him over and over.
so yea. pay more pay more ba=/
once get reply, will make payment. .and settel this major prob.

sighs... ....

haiz.. .
i wish i could smile for the whole day... but no. today.. im just.. emtionless.. i couldnt smile. cant force myself t o smiel. .perhaps thas why its gd to stay in the room away with my lappy huh...

sighs. .k ba.gtg.. ... =(
still.. very upset.. ..not about my bitchy sm.. but becos of.........


=/

sighs

and couldnt u even keep to ur words....

mata

what's in syd O.o

ytd i wore this jacket.. cos need to do stock abit while waiting, i took off my jacket.. then my the outlet sm was like .. wah so sexy ar! =.=''' dots... duno whats so sexy about me wearing a singlet kinda.. like. .t back... with 2 black bra straps showing. thtas all mah. so common. =.= but ow ell. i'll accept that as a compliment anyway.

haiz.. sucks.. today=/ whole day runny nose. sianz.... have to work somemore... sick.. sm also nvr even bother. forever one. self centre. even my partimer know her personailty.
she only know how to act and pretend.
very pissed off at what she did . got two things. seriously i wanna let it all out here.. but a pioty its too long to type it out. =/ lets just say she's soooo freakin fake!!!!! and such an asshole!!!! thing not hers hint that it actually should belongs to her. WTH!! say one thing, but yet do another. omg. how i wish my rgm can see that. but she's too good with acting in front of him. =/
sighs......... angry sia..

anwyay... = /

yea.. think im running a abit of fever too.. cos of runny nose ba. .but what to do. have to hang on at work mah.
today.. lunch.. die.. appetite turning realy bad... ate a couple mouthfuls of bwanton noodle.s.. then cant eat liao. but did drank a cup of soya bean drink.
haiz. dinner.. .had abit too.. my monster appetite officially gone. =/

but heres the deal. i relaly dislike girls going on diet and not eating certain food.. or purposely don finish.. i look at my situation now, if im a onlooker, i would've think that im having a diet purposely dun eat.
gosh. .wonder what ppl think of me... hope i wont be so bother by it ba. but seriously.. its not that. =( im not thae kind of girl i detest.
i seriously have no appetite.
i say dunno why.. my colleagues ask.. .because you're sad? then i wa slike. .mmm... yea.. maybe ne...
but weird. i didnt appeared to be sad ar.. or words behind me again? =./= or can tell.. mm.. i wonder. or maybe my colleague just guess only ba
i dunno ba... just.. sighs.. .eating disorder? choy. i hope not man... enough problems in life. oh god.
haiz.. see tmr how ba. =/

very tired. one day off. and sm alreyad hint i wont get replacemnet off next week. '' oh next week alot of staffs cannot work...'' .............. i wanna curse her bad man... stop with the hintings already!!!! hint 8..... why love to hint?? cannot talk face to face isit???? wth.
...sighs.. kk.. gotta stop my anger.. and blood from rising up

me runny nose whole day.. .nose still uncomfy till now. ..can die sia.. .its terrible=(

was talking about my syd trip with colleague.. .gosh.. .really nowhere to go sia.. i have no idea where to go... .
mm..... but its quite a long trip... am i regretting alreayd? ...o well... cant turn back now. have to be brave and do this . ... haiz.. hopefully will be safe and sound.. and everything will be alright. skali go, never come back how. XD LOL> touch wood. hahahhaha

o well... i'll just shop till i drop ba. or sit in the sun for half an hour. .seriously.. what can i do in syd. =.='''''
limited places to go without car. nor cab=.= dang expensive. and nope im not sharing cab. learnt that from 'taken' movie.
bus, hopeless thing. =.=
mm. .train... dunno how to buy tickets..etc.... skali get there, dunno how to come back.
oh gosh. im freaking myself out now eh. lol .
what to do. see how ba. just hate the part where... you have to get home early. ...nvm. i'll do my best to slp early. waky super early, slp super early. drinking will help isit? gosh i sure hope so... =./ very afraid of the dark and room alone... =/
...geex.... ....better pray for me k. hope its a clean' and safe place.
...gosh.. freakin myself out again . =/ baka!!
kk.. .i can get through this.

ha. my colleague so funny.. gib me the-_- face when i said im going alone .lol.
she say it sounds as if im healing my heart there. I was like htinking... =.= ''' dots.. isnt tha tthe worse place to heal?..
whats alreayd been sliced.. there;ll always remain scars. .so yea. .its ok.. ..
so yup. but its good ba.. .walk around eh... slowly... shop by shop... but usually an hour or so i'll be done =.='' i shop pretty fast.
haiz... .
but anyway.... this could be my last trip.
2012 is coming. i might not get tickets cos of the end of date.. but then again.... ha. u know me. i might just change my mind =P

i only know zara is new there.. but so dang exp. imma have a look but not buy anything=.=
..oh yea.. .fountains..... there should have some nice ones too... mm.....
not a bad idea eh.
take more pics of that.
cos. .weather soo cold today!

shoot. .nose runny again =/
beter eat med soon..

mm.. should be settling hotel matter soon... ...

jaa mata ne!

slpyness and tiredness are back again! =X

gosh. extremely tired =/

just now... totally no appetite again. .but after forcing myself to eat, im feelin gbetter now.
perhaps cos im too tired out?

anyway...it was so.. .wow. tiring. even though im siting.. cos i wakey early for work. very early start. .thats why.

remember that time i told you about.. the one off tired period? yea.. im feeling that way now. totally could knock out right away its like i wanan eat nothing do nothing.. just to slp. or sit down without moving an inch.
im soooo slpy

thihnk.. i dreamt of him again. but cant really recall whats the dream about..

omg. so slpy... he mentioned about this ned with aircon.. at that moment. .seriously i was like thinking.. .even if every week i kena one off, its all worth it. cos i know at the end of night, i'll have someone there for me..
gosh. .sounds so comfy.. tempting me to slp now. ...mm. .soon maybe..

cos. i am tired to the max. .=(
but seriously.. i felt better now after eating dinner... gosh. .was like so tired and no appetite to eat at all jus tnow.. .

slpyyyyyyyyyyyyy ! but if slp now. .oh no. .cos me jsut finished eating ne. =X kinda unhealthy eh..

mm..  i imagine how he'll look like with a red bike.. simple one.. yet very nice. perhaps cos he's riding it ba. ha.. but yea.. ..i think he'll look really good on it=)

jaa mata

Health and stress

eh.. today is a tad warm. .though rained abit just now..
but yea

cant wait for x fator. im rooting for hte burito guy. he got this cute chubby face lol

so tired even nothing much been done ne. sighs... how i wish no need go so far early in the morning to train heaps of ppl. =( wonder how manay ppl are there..
always kena my off n dis me,. .sighs

=/

anyway... .

u know peeps, lesson learnt. crossed off that person if he or she headed  straight for the internet or another opposite sex fren instead of u.
like. really . that shouldnt be happneing .
guess its time to u know.. .o well..

sighs.. i really wish my off not affected =( .. why.. ....
and will my off be back next week? that time no have ne.
and im like  tired for weeks.. i can still rememebr..
like.. slpt on the sofa... once rch home i wan to do nothing but slp right away.. like. .no life.
soemtimes i wonder if all these efforts are worth it.
remind me again why am i working so stressful n hard for? isit worth it for the now?

sighs. =/i dunno. but. trying to shake off this tired feeling ba.

im very pissed off. not very nbtu. upset. .the most .. the MOST3 basic of asking how are you feeling now? still sick? what happen??? both my manager and r g manager never ask. neevr show concern. all my sm can ask is... so did u go clinic??? luckily im smart enough to get her hint!! she lovessssssssssss to hint3 pppl!!! wanna ask fo rmy mc ask la. wth. ...
neevr even ask how are u what s wrong with u that day?  still sick? etc... i feel like. .omg. they are cruell =(
if only im working with yanika or tayissa, its diff story. ...holy cow. im so piffed now. can u believe this??? even a partimer can ask me how am i now. but why not the bloody managers!???

sighs.. .wonder if these are stress=/ ..
how to destress without hurting myself..
sighs.. oh yea na my pocket.

sighs... duno how to smile now..
ac strong if i have to be...
just so no one finds out.'

but i know my mum is very worried about me and my health... haiz.... she still ask if im missing him.. or is it becos of him.. etc.. aint bother to reply her ba..
i felt so bad. another type of stress there.
=/

sighs.. hopefully... i'll do as she say ba..
sianz. .always having her ask me that. ..or worried abiout me.. sighs.. =/

waht sould i do peeps....
..where am i heading after the holiday im lookign for.. will htere be nothign to look forward to thereafter? =/ ..

sighs..

oh. .me have abuot.. 100 plus left to spend. .for 2 weeks.. =/ hoping i can hang in there..  i have not settle hotel.. but by end of nov i could. so yea. wish me luck .hope still availble . mm.. yea hopefullyu.
better be! huu

jaa mata

eat no good

haiz.. my off. .kena dis again.. alwasy liek that. .=/

anyway.. me gotten better now. just that. .i cant resist buy my fav dish... the spicy one. .and now. .stomahc abi not good. huu... i know. .baka desu.. but. .walked past.. and saw the item there.. .then yea.. huu..
should be fine by tmr ba.. .gosh me slpy.. been a long tiring day doing stocks..

my manager blaack face today. dunon la. .lazy to bother

think my stomach is stirring up now.. hope be fine soon..
haiyo..
and today soo othirsty huu...

so slpy.. kk

just a short blog here on how im going. .

mata

slpy still

my wrist hurts. very red.. wear watch pain also. this time its pretty scratchy . nope. not gonna post that pic this time. wait if ppl worrys not good.

me still slpy. not shaking that much now.
but.. yea. still super weak.

doc say eat watery food. but i forgot reminde mum dinenr dont cook. so. .o well. .to olate.. had abit.. 2 pcs of tofr fish xake, one otah fishcake, bits of vegies.. small bowl of soup. and 2 small pcs of chicken..bit of rice.. didnt finish rice though.. no appetite.
very hungry.. but couldnt eat much.. cant force myself to

mm.. thinking of waht the doc say.. its true though. sometimes me can eat huge portion. .sometimes small.. sometiems none. o well..
haiz. .still feeling sick.. but nap alread. .still wanna nap again. yea.. better than cant slp later on. at least i do feel slpy

am very glad to be home though.. if not. .dunno how to tahan till night. .yea i know.. i wanted to..though i know should not.. but. .haiz.. to take mc.. is so .. =/ o well..

oh. .i think i deramt of sammy again. but alarm clock which i did not set, woke me up. nice dream sia =( huu... stupid clock

mm.. dunno wanna do what now .. should i slp ealry? or.. mm...

drowsy med.. .gosh. .i relly need to get well by tmr.. i hope so..

mata

super sick me yet

peeps.. im sick=( very3 sick. .i cant even wlak properly... my head is dizzy.. last nigh ti threw up badly after dinner. till now.. now is 226pm.. now haven eat...
becos got work.. but reached workplace.. too tick.. kena send back. whole body shaking . i holdbottle or phone, also shakes... like how u shiver.
i didn tknow im having fever at the same time. was like so confidently tell doc no fever when he asked. then he check.. yea... fever too. wth.
din even know im more sick.

anywya... very weak now... i cant sit up straight. i cant stand either.
head cant keep straight. gonna eat soon..

today i got lost at tampines. duno how coem end up at tampines 1. maybe cos took bus ba. luckily theres a lady with an accent( is she tourist?) pointed me the direction. she's looking at the info board with her bf.

anyway... doc say somehting like. .theres gona be some acid if never eat fo rtoo long or somehting. then somemore stomach is exp.. size 1. cos too long never eat or somehting. then if now continue eat alot at one go, i'll vomit. cos cannot expand or something. its remaining at size 1. so when eat too much, will throw up .watter must take in sips too... even though im thirsty, he wann ai might have diarroe later. i heard loosetooth. holy cow. i hope i heard wrong. he eplained something but yea. sorry no energy to type also. im struggling. =/

no energy to even hold up a phone for more than one min. yea im that weak now.

k. tiem for me to eat lunch. never eat anythingafter i threw up last night.
med take but must wait 30mins then can eat lunch. haiyo.
kk.. my stomach making loud weird never heard before noises=/ i better go
talk later

mata

Unsure

mm... very tired n slpy today.. guess wat.... when i was headin home, theres this couple standing right in front og me!! near somemore =/ huu....
the she.. ...suddenly hug him =(
.... T_T

..i wonder.. if he still love me like he said he would.. ...

sihgs, anywa

u know me always tired riht.. today.. me.... after reached homne, then went dinner downstairs asap.. then of course get to sit.. then head back home. .guess what,.. i was limping... =/ uh hun... LIMPING. . my leg.. so tired... =/ sighs.....
i dunno what to sya... so sore. .so tire.d.so very 5 weak... very weak indeed......

how i wish.. my life ot have him at my home. i woulve been the happiest girl in the world...... i wouldnt even care about pains or soreness... etc... sa long as im looking forward to seeing him.. ..yea. .u guys know.. ..i'll be happy.... ..sighs...
.but what to do.. ..happiness isnt with me... ..

i.. might have my future plans. .but.. its not gonna be what u think it is...
i  might be somewhere else..
i...  .... it really depends.. ..i night... just u knw...

haiz.. at night ne..  sometimes ba.. im afriad to off. lights.. cos.. the moment i off, i 'll have the imagein of sammy there in my tent. ..=( .... he'll be wanting me there.. .....T_T... sobx.. very sa.d.. but.. ..what to do....
scared.. or so.. i still have to off lights.. i have to face everythign myself.......

do you know wat kind of lover i am?

im the type of girl.. who'll put my partner in the first place no mater waht. .. this is somethign i never realy talk about eh.. ...

yea.. i will put my love one in front of me.. he'll be my everything.
i always.. put him.. as my world.. thast why. .it hurts really badly.. when my 'world' came crumbling down..... ....

yea.. to me.. nothing else matters except for my partner.
im always the type of person who'll put my partner in front of me. .first.. of everythig.. even my family..

i'll love  my partner heart to heart..... phe'll always me the first no matter what...
and i kow.. because.. partner.. meaing.. the only person. you're gonna spend your life with foreevr n ever... not your family.. not your friends.. just your only true love.. ...

... ..my whole body.. no energy at all.. if only my love one is heree.... i'' be so Happy.....

but.. why am i not smiling...


im losing my appetite... im losin g my interest... ..sigsh... im getting sick... what shoudl i do...
i
im... only the type of girl... who wanna put my man infront of eerything.. .. is that wrong?... ..

mata

crazy busy mode

tired out....... omg. another crazy day indeed.. and its not even xmas yet!!!

anyway, i have heaps of work to be settel within the days.. so yea. .keeping my finger crossed.

omg. today i ate this laksa... wow. i asked for more chili.. and guess what. its sooo nice!!! though unhealthy ba.. alot of chili oil.. but its so good!!!
omg.
haiz. if only sammy is here.. can bring him eat that level chossing curry n laksa.. o well.....

anyway,
i do not have enough time to rest.. trying to make do of whatever time i have now
mm.. hungry now. .sighs. .how i wish to eat htat nice fishball noodle at bedok. near his block... used to go there with him. shoick ia.. open till late night u know. eh no.. htey open very late haiz. cannot remember how it taste like now.. i just remember that its very very nice.. delicious.. and make sme wanna order $5 bowl.. ha. so hungry now. .gosh.. realy wanna eat htat fishball noodle at bedok... huu.. so yummy must be.. .im thinking that i might remember how to go... by tracing back the routes i took whenevr i visit him... mm... but... .nha. wont ever do that ba. will only break my heart.. and by the time i reach there, skali not open.. or i'll have my face full of tears liao. haha.
o well....
couple of years never eat alreayd.. really .. miss ..

o well... haiz.... today leg sore sia. zzz cant wait till hair dry.. too slpy ..

what else to type ar... mm.......
.....

nothing much ba..

just so busy during this sales period. imagine standing behind the counter... stuck there for an hour or two straight.. without having the chance to get out. yea. got queues k. i have to really manage everyhting. n the queue too. not so bad ba...

gosh. .hotel.. how sia... i haven book =/
hopefully still go tspace. .no time go search.. mafan ne huu.... skali really have to spend the night alone in the street of syd how T_T omg. will freeze to death!

kk. .not much time to rest. huu.. gtg.

me need to train new staffs soon.. like. .over 10 or 20 plus. cant remember. together with 2 other rgm n sm.
some of them are uni students. alot uni... ..reminded me of him.. ha .imagine training someone like him eh.. nah. no one can ever be the same no matter what happen.. one will always be one.. individual.. nothing can be replace no matter waht.

kk must hurry go slp! no time to rest liao. huuu

jaa mata

level 5 spicy curry, do you dare to challenge it? ;)

gosh.. finally can rest..

again! this morning. .omg. cannot let go of my bloster sia. ha.. sooo comfy the weather. .it was cold.. i was cover fully by my blankie... snuggle underneath blankie with my blsoter.. huggie tight... warm n cold at the same time. .gosh. .perfect!! hopefully next morning will be so as well.

oh forgot to mention.. very weird.. had 2 straight dreams in one day of sammy. O.o
erm.. 2 days ago>? cant remmeber. anyway yea.. 2 diff dreams. but same person. holding hands iwth him.. in 2nd dream he seems impatient though.. n keep on looking at his golden sharp star watch. ha. yea.. can flip open watch.. like a ninja. weird dream.. but. .yea.. 2 dremas of him in one night of slp. O.o

so funny.  a 31yrs old phillphino took a liking to redz!!! she confesses her attraction for him through sms! omg. XD lOL.... like.. ' so may i know if we have a chance?'
lol.. he replied no.. cos he only treat her as his sister.
then today she wanna ask him out tmr treat him eat shark fins!!! XD lol... .then asked him where to eat that... hahahah. but he suggested they ask 2 other colleagues to go along. he say of course he wont wanna go out with just the two of them after knowing she like him! XD
he said she's a very nice lady though. but yea.. only treat her as a sis.
omg... seems like after he slimmed down, finally ppl approached' him eh. haha.
what to do. sometimes.. appearence.. tyea... thast why...
its difficult to know... whos true..and whos not..

anyway... took heaps of photos. cant wait to upload.
haiyo.. sadly though, gotta delete all the pics n video in my memory card. my camera tha is. cos suddenly canot work. omg. i was so scared! scared cam spoiled or what . luckily the guy good enough to help me out. phew.......
so yea.. the memory card is corrupted!!!!!!!!!!!! wthhhhhhh i done nothing wrong sia. why corrupt. anwyay, glad its fine now after re formating. no choice. .gotta delete them all

woo hoo. raining now ;) hehehe.......... gonna be a cooling good night slp i hope. waiting for hair to dry. cant wait to get into bed.
love this weather. ^^

mmm... besides the dream about him.. ..strange. .had i missed out anythign again? O.o

oh yea.... finally today i had proper meal. i took the highest level of spiciness. lv 5!! curry. japanese curry.
=) its spicy. but ok for me. my bro n redz took lv 5 also. got 1 - 5.
i was like. .u sure anot redz??? =.='''' lol. and i was right. they find it very shoick and delicious. but very spicy. too spicy... then redz was telling bro wah veyr spicy... then bro was like.. catching his breath.. yea... then at the same time, LOL they turn their heads n look at my direction. i say...
dont look at me, im fine. to me this is like little tiny bit spicy only'. XD lol. it was funny at that moment... like. .sudenly they look at me. XD hello.. duh.. lv 5 is nthing. if i can take yellow ginger beancud /chicken rice, this lv 5 is NOTHING. lol. so proud seh. XD nah.. im just very confident when it come to spicy food. nowadyas verydifficult to find such spicy level. glad finally sg have this popular jap food

oh!!! michael korrs open up a store in sg at somerset 313!!!! how cool is that!! he's even in sg!!!! whoa. he's one of the judge for this reailty show ' waht.. designer... ' haiyo i cant remember. but yea designer show. competition.
so cool. he's in sg sia. =)

mm.... sianz. blood mistake. .wth. nearly give up on my hard earn game. =/ luckily still can re do n try to savage abit here n there. phew.
so yea... guess i wont give up playing after all
..speaking of playing... he must be enjoying himself playing with .. o well.

so yea.
gosh. been busy nuts. tmr.. whast gonna happen. i dunno. wish me luck peeps. hope its gonna be another good day

gonna hit the sack asap! enjoy the rain mah.. =3

nights ^^

mata ne!!

small part of beautiful memories

this is weirdc. .how do u guys play the sim in fb?
how come i can only accept his request.. he couldnt. or perhaps he didnt accept at all.. i dunno. the relationship htingy. must both parties reach the same level or waht. very weird..

gosh tire.d

today dinner worse. very hungry. but decided not to spend money eat.. so yea. omg. only a few pieces of fried calamari. huu.. hungry. o well.. but gots slp soon so yea. .canot eat liao anyway

today so busy liek crazy. omg. but its good.. keep me busy.. yea.. o well

haiz. .
oh so nice. hear my colleague tal about getting engage and all.. she don really want actually. .2 years u know the engament. but he want. cos he wanna like 'book' her first. lol. yea like so she will belong to him only mah . ha. clever man

haiz..

u know.. i walked along the late night quite street of town... sometiems memories just.. u knwo. .got forgoten.. slipped through ur mind time to time...
as i walked past this 7-11,.. i recalled.. we once ate at 7-11... instant noodles.. standing u knwo. ha.. yea... so isimpel. .yet so nice.. n wonderful... heading to the bathroom of marina square.. madarine hotel?
but yea.. how i wish.. sighs. .to eat through supper of instant noodles with someone.. this kind of relationship never end.. o well...
just so.. beautiful memories to me now..

haiz. .the road we walked. .sighs.. so missing it all...
the only thing that makes me happy.. be taken away like that.. ha. .o well.. cruel life it is..
i realy miss everything

mm.. weird thought im missing out on something. .waht i wwanan type ar.. =.=

o well. nvm ba

today im feeling better.

jaa mata..

pains + fake your own happiness = no one worries

...=/ bad day. .waht to do..

stupid sia..yes i undersandt my sm is prgnant. but its ridiculous.

i arried earlier, and shes late. im hungry! she said to me she's going for break later. she's very hungry. ok. i was shocked . but ok whatever ba. she didnt even ask ok. she just say wanna go break.

then today, right in front of the newly come staff, said she shouldve been the one to go break frist.. (i went first cos i arrived first and im the asm )
i was like.WTF. ..... she said that in front of me and the staff. ...omg. im lost for words.her words. .also so fu king sharp. ...
seriously have no idea what to say.
then she go first ok?? ?then todya my fault>>> wtf was that>/
?

..sighs..........
o well...
i really cant wait for 6months or a year to pass by. seriously.
i dunno... this sucks.
lfie sucks. everything sucks to the core

sighs. .just gotta.. ya know.. put up a brave front. .and face everyone. she's right.. i shouldnt keep everything to myself. but what can i do. tlak about it and cry out loud while at work?

ha.. and tell me wat do you think of this type of guy...
mm.. .totally ignored you, and flirt,.. no i mean chat? whatever. yea. .chatting happily away with other girls.
o well.. think you dont have to tell me, i know alreayd huh...

o well... what to do..

always so innocent.. so baka me.. .
ha.. .

yea.. its nice to blog it out.. just. .dont feel like talking about this to anyone. .too tired alreayd..

..just when i need someone..

you know perhaps they are right...
this quote or phrase or soemthing...
says it all..  something like this.. when that one guy.. didnt cherish you or be there for u when you need him to be,.. there's heaps of other guys waiting in line just to take this chance and say it all to you(the girl).

guess.. humans are all the same.. you see a loop hole, you'll dash in to make sure you get in first..and no one else take it.. or.. that person who took it will never come back..

mata

standing below..

tiring day..

weird. .manager shifts can just adjust anyhow according to her like.s. i dont get it. come late put early.
always... o well.. what can i say?

..didnt have any appetite again. .though ewas really2 starving... .. o well.. sighs..

heard consuming calories below ur weight or something. .not good.

o well. .guess i tried.

so tire of all this shit..
so tired....

wonder why i put so much energy into something.. only then realized am doing it alone. wtf.
..ha. .so baka of me. .waht to do...

..

gosh. .so tired...

u know. .soemtimes its so easy too see where you stand in somebodys elses life.
important or not, ..you know best..

i really shouldnt count on anyone..

mata

tired me =/

gosh so tired... very3  slpy to the max now =/
cant waitto slp asap.. huu...
been a long busy day.. can u imagine? yesterday i just off! ..gosh.. like no off liek that.. totally not enough rest. ytd i satyed home k =/ duno why... sighs..
i need heaps of vitamins ba.. sighs.. but.. haiz.. cant bear to buy ha. so yea.. but anwyay, so tired.
yea.. whole body... =/ sighs. .dunno wheres all my energy... all spend away at my work palce huh..
so tired...

my bro asked.. will i get lost at the airport anot... in australia... ha... i wa slike.. duh. .of course!
he asked if i could cancel my tickets. go japan instead.. o well.. think he's heading to japan again. copy cat. lol. going alone too. ha. o well.. dunno ba..

sighs. .tmr should mhave plenty more to do =/ hang on pl.. huuu... im way beyond tired=(
how to be happy like that. .sighs. .help

mata