Lost my smiles..

another great performance night by my fav contestant... josh something... lol. dunno how to spell his last nname.
anyway... he was talkina about how the song is menat for his daughter.. .his mum was saying.. he fell crazy in love when he was 17(first love).. but thigns don go smoothly always.. (as in maybe the girl left him after she bore him a baby girl..whos his now daughter)... he said.. its like you just fallen off the edge from a cliff...

his mum said that he loses his smile..  said that as a mother, she felt helpless as she cant help his son...
in the end he pulled himself togetehr for the sake of his new baby girl..

point is.. when she was saying all this... i was thinking...  yes.. fallen off he edge.. or worse than that feeling.. i understand him..
..but his mum's words... makes me wonder..
when i loses my smile,... was my mum feeling the same way as his mum did?
i wodner if my mum felt helpess that couldnt help me..and worried about me more.
i don know.. but... u know... even if thats true.. i cant do anything much. when u loses all smiles, its very difficult to be happy again. its like. .the bottom of the cliff aint that easy to climnb back up again u know.
not like i have a baby girl to encourage me to u knw... smiel again.
but yea.. i wish.. that my mum wont feel the way his mum described.... =/
sighs....
so.. indeed huh.. there is someone in this world same as me... ..how frightening it is. .to lose all ur smile...
and i think i know.  my mum.. must've been so.. .sighs.. .=/ worried and.. .. i hope not helpless.. but.. .o well...
no wonder sh ekeep tellign me how i used to be so much happier in the past. ..but. .u know. some thigns cant be forced... even if force with a smile,. .thats not a smile.. and no happiness for me either..

sighs

anway... gosh im starving now. soooo slpy. glad i could slp on tmr. hope cna slp on ba.
gosh.. been using phone internet. .gonna exceed soon liao. huu.. .=/

mm.... forgot what i wanted to blog...

anyway.. im still eating little.. sometimes abit more. .but .. o well. .just very irregular.=/ when im back to normal will elt u guys know. don worry

u know lately, i am more confident with my body.figure.. whatever u called it. i really wanan try wearing a u know. swimsuit. lol. but. geez.. i dunno.... ..mm.... sg difficult. .overseas.. mmm... not sure if ... somemore its gonna be near that month of mine... what if stomach bloated and body swollen wcause of water retention again. haiyo... .o well.. see how ba. lol.
i hate how water retention destroys' u whenever that month is near-.- sooo irritating n uncomfy! grr... imagine i take pics in syd looking all bloated up and swollen face. =.= omg. but what to do. i cant control it mah. haiz... .
oh .i found out that gaming is so freaking fun. but. requires u to sit alot and ignored the world.=.= '' not very good.. but.. .o well. beats the time. abit wasted to tbe told truthfuly.. but.. .well, nice try mah ^^

yea. .i hate to be no 2 in ppls life. why cant i be no 1. ....not to my bro ba.. no 1.. ha. dream on..

mata