Blazing Hot

ok. suddenly i rememebr acouple of htings to say. so here goes

yesterday had a customer. she kept her young children drawings.. then she said how her 10 or 13 yrs old daughter will just scribble2.. then turn out to be something very nice.
she say its very unqiue. whne asked if she wanted to send them to arrt achool, she say no intentions to. becaos don wan to limit their talent' in drawing.
i totally understand. i was like. wow. so coool. there is someone like me out there too. ok. i wont say mine is super beautiful.. or what. but unquie i understand. love it when she describe the scriblle3 .. anyhow draw, then turn out to be something nice. a drawing. ta da. me too. yay. glad to hear that. wonder if there's alot of ppl like us out there anot.

had this customer. omg. paranoid. colleagues n i were thinking whether he could be a mystery shopper. ver nervous. ha. then partimer kena.. blah3... then in the end he say wanna walk one more round.LUCKu i serving at cashier. doing wrapping... phew.... i don wann serve sia. if he's rrly mystery shopper. then he walk away. say thank u and bye to me while im doing wrapping. very polite of him i thin. especially when i didnt even speak to him, nor serve him one bit O.o. but yea. hope he's just a  regular customer ba. 

guess what. i just bought this blazer. cheaper one. its.. well.... not rrly my size. but forget it. anyway, i had on one of my fav bra. its pink. ha. then i tried on the blazer. wow. I was HOT. LOL. totally2 i could be on hte cover on FHM now. i swear. hot n superbly sexy. i nearly wanna take pic and post it maybe in fb or frenster. but wait. is that what i rrly want? so scary. skali my frens in fb got funny ideas.. .then frenster, duno got stalker or what. ....then think3... .haiz. i didnt. =/ but with my hair.. pose... n cleavage, wow. pink n black goes well together. and wow. for the first time, im rrly thinig .wow. im so hot n sexy. lol. sorry. rarely compliment myself k. but yea. i was like. .wow. but =/ such a waste. if in the past, would've definitely take down this poic n show him liao. sure he'll like it. wow. fhm cover ne. not kidding. omg. i didnt know i have this in me. dots... so cool to wear like that. pose2 ok la.. but not go out wiht just a bra! though if ppl daring enough,.... well... ha. nah

..haiz. remeber how i used ot tlak about there's this time afte rwork hepick me up. .ask me to just smile for him. .then don wanna say whats wrong. .then after i smiled, he say he's ok liao.... how i wish if thats rrly easy to keepp him happy everyday.. but now different story alrready. smile, also brings a hint of sadness into it.. but maybe my acting skill still ok ba.. so yea.. maybe ppl cant tell after all ne.
perhaps this type of way. .shall be replace by other ppls smile too.
just glad.. that. .such simple ways could make him ever so happy... i know. because his smiles, makes me happy too.

haiz. kk.. stop2.. feelt abit pain liao. eyes burning. stoooppppp.

gosh. slpt for 4 hours only. slpy desu.

wait!!! guess what. t.y.p.o. is in town!!!!!! woo hoo!!! omg. i asked the person in charge from australia(too) , and yes. tmr opening. OMG. wow. i sneak a peek of it, and store loks awesome . omg.... i cant wait man.,..... hope they have the white key ring i was looking for. but.. its a valentine day range liao =/ haiz. duno will ahve anot

tosay saw that the strands(miss that place) mixed with red colour. used to be only white. butyea. saw the pics. .table displayed porcelain keys... i bet its the one i bought . huu... still want the other design ne. =/ nonetheless, so gadl i bought it. cos i just couldnt get it here. hopefully nxt year still have ne. haiz. must wait so long then can buy

theres this pandora store.. i think its the same as sammy showed me. in australia. bracelt. .expensive one... i think he said something before like.. wanna get me one or somethng. then didnt cos no money. duno for real or not . ha. but yea... passed by the shop like... well.. .duno. just felt a snese of .. special ba. cos first time i went to sydney, he did asked me if i wanna get cheap fake version ones or nt.
well, anyway, now that i get to walk past for liek almost everydya, yea. .it does look nice n elegant now. o well..

oh. recaleld another matter. my cousin again. text bro n ask whether me and bro wanna join him for a drink anot. omg. mum rrly dont like it. cos he always drink till very drunk =/
then yea... even aunties were like. .better dont ask them to drink with u ar... that kind of tell him. warn him yea. so.. uh huh. so weird ne. once in a blue moon he will suddenly msg. goodness

shoulder hurts.. duno why. .gosh .so tired .. not willling to eat ne. .. =/ haiz.

oh my colleague said htat she once lost 5kg when she first broke up. gald that didnt happen to me. i think. =.= yea. .i still like to eat alot. but the other dya, i accidentally slip into on eof my old jeans. guess what. it was sooo lOOSE.... its like half my leg. omg. was i that fat? or waht?? its scary. my old jeans were so loose n . wow. i couldnt fit in at all. O.o shocking. i didnt know i lost so much weight. duno since when.,

i tied up my hair up while doing stocks. bad hair day ba? anwya .colleague saw, then say i look so pretty. like a going to prom. somemore my hairstyle suits to tie up..  dots.   rrly? but i dislike tying my hair up ne. hmm. .maybe i should do so more often eh ?ha. but yea. just don like to tie it.
so sincere sia.. praise me till like i lok so pretty. dots.. well, maybe i am eh. ha. jk o well... just a pony tail anway. nothing special . 

mm.. k. tired liao. looking forward to typo. cheers. 

mata 

Blazing Hot

ok. suddenly i rememebr acouple of htings to say. so here goes

yesterday had a customer. she kept her young children drawings.. then she said how her 10 or 13 yrs old daughter will just scribble2.. then turn out to be something very nice.
she say its very unqiue. whne asked if she wanted to send them to arrt achool, she say no intentions to. becaos don wan to limit their talent' in drawing.
i totally understand. i was like. wow. so coool. there is someone like me out there too. ok. i wont say mine is super beautiful.. or what. but unquie i understand. love it when she describe the scriblle3 .. anyhow draw, then turn out to be something nice. a drawing. ta da. me too. yay. glad to hear that. wonder if there's alot of ppl like us out there anot.

had this customer. omg. paranoid. colleagues n i were thinking whether he could be a mystery shopper. ver nervous. ha. then partimer kena.. blah3... then in the end he say wanna walk one more round.LUCKu i serving at cashier. doing wrapping... phew.... i don wann serve sia. if he's rrly mystery shopper. then he walk away. say thank u and bye to me while im doing wrapping. very polite of him i thin. especially when i didnt even speak to him, nor serve him one bit O.o. but yea. hope he's just a  regular customer ba. 

guess what. i just bought this blazer. cheaper one. its.. well.... not rrly my size. but forget it. anyway, i had on one of my fav bra. its pink. ha. then i tried on the blazer. wow. I was HOT. LOL. totally2 i could be on hte cover on FHM now. i swear. hot n superbly sexy. i nearly wanna take pic and post it maybe in fb or frenster. but wait. is that what i rrly want? so scary. skali my frens in fb got funny ideas.. .then frenster, duno got stalker or what. ....then think3... .haiz. i didnt. =/ but with my hair.. pose... n cleavage, wow. pink n black goes well together. and wow. for the first time, im rrly thinig .wow. im so hot n sexy. lol. sorry. rarely compliment myself k. but yea. i was like. .wow. but =/ such a waste. if in the past, would've definitely take down this poic n show him liao. sure he'll like it. wow. fhm cover ne. not kidding. omg. i didnt know i have this in me. dots... so cool to wear like that. pose2 ok la.. but not go out wiht just a bra! though if ppl daring enough,.... well... ha. nah

..haiz. remeber how i used ot tlak about there's this time afte rwork hepick me up. .ask me to just smile for him. .then don wanna say whats wrong. .then after i smiled, he say he's ok liao.... how i wish if thats rrly easy to keepp him happy everyday.. but now different story alrready. smile, also brings a hint of sadness into it.. but maybe my acting skill still ok ba.. so yea.. maybe ppl cant tell after all ne.
perhaps this type of way. .shall be replace by other ppls smile too.
just glad.. that. .such simple ways could make him ever so happy... i know. because his smiles, makes me happy too.

haiz. kk.. stop2.. feelt abit pain liao. eyes burning. stoooppppp.

gosh. slpt for 4 hours only. slpy desu.

wait!!! guess what. t.y.p.o. is in town!!!!!! woo hoo!!! omg. i asked the person in charge from australia(too) , and yes. tmr opening. OMG. wow. i sneak a peek of it, and store loks awesome . omg.... i cant wait man.,..... hope they have the white key ring i was looking for. but.. its a valentine day range liao =/ haiz. duno will ahve anot

tosay saw that the strands(miss that place) mixed with red colour. used to be only white. butyea. saw the pics. .table displayed porcelain keys... i bet its the one i bought . huu... still want the other design ne. =/ nonetheless, so gadl i bought it. cos i just couldnt get it here. hopefully nxt year still have ne. haiz. must wait so long then can buy

theres this pandora store.. i think its the same as sammy showed me. in australia. bracelt. .expensive one... i think he said something before like.. wanna get me one or somethng. then didnt cos no money. duno for real or not . ha. but yea... passed by the shop like... well.. .duno. just felt a snese of .. special ba. cos first time i went to sydney, he did asked me if i wanna get cheap fake version ones or nt.
well, anyway, now that i get to walk past for liek almost everydya, yea. .it does look nice n elegant now. o well..

oh. recaleld another matter. my cousin again. text bro n ask whether me and bro wanna join him for a drink anot. omg. mum rrly dont like it. cos he always drink till very drunk =/
then yea... even aunties were like. .better dont ask them to drink with u ar... that kind of tell him. warn him yea. so.. uh huh. so weird ne. once in a blue moon he will suddenly msg. goodness

shoulder hurts.. duno why. .gosh .so tired .. not willling to eat ne. .. =/ haiz.

oh my colleague said htat she once lost 5kg when she first broke up. gald that didnt happen to me. i think. =.= yea. .i still like to eat alot. but the other dya, i accidentally slip into on eof my old jeans. guess what. it was sooo lOOSE.... its like half my leg. omg. was i that fat? or waht?? its scary. my old jeans were so loose n . wow. i couldnt fit in at all. O.o shocking. i didnt know i lost so much weight. duno since when.,

i tied up my hair up while doing stocks. bad hair day ba? anwya .colleague saw, then say i look so pretty. like a going to prom. somemore my hairstyle suits to tie up..  dots.   rrly? but i dislike tying my hair up ne. hmm. .maybe i should do so more often eh ?ha. but yea. just don like to tie it.
so sincere sia.. praise me till like i lok so pretty. dots.. well, maybe i am eh. ha. jk o well... just a pony tail anway. nothing special . 

mm.. k. tired liao. looking forward to typo. cheers. 

mata 

Stabbed right through

...just when u thought things are back to normal, then.. well.. u found out abt the truth.. then.. next thing u know, there's another knibe that stbs right throgh ur heart again.
its ok. .aites.. aite.. .im ok.. i try to be at least. once i get over this l.. then should be fine ba. ...
yup. as long as it takes for him to be happy. i don mind all the sufferings.

ha. after taking in a deep breath, i forgot what i'd wanted to say. baka ne. always been so stupid.
o well. nvm.

u know.. come to think of it, besides the book, i do have another fren to confide in. though he's not frequent there, but at least im able to tlak with someone. and he's always trying to cheer me up.
... though its so difficult to get a chance to both online together. .but. .well. .at least i could still leave a offline msg to confide in. and boy do i wish that.. he wont be another fren to be gone from my life. 

u know. come to think of it, each time i lost someone close o me, its due to stupid reason. misunderstood, or being forced to, or under the reason of unknown. like. .i get push away from somebody elses life just like that. i duno why either. they just did.

kk.. sorry. i gues si broke my promise eh. just find it a hassle sometimes. .too tired sometimes to take out pen and write to book. ha. sorry.. .=/

mm.. k ba.just like that. before i sinnk deeper to the dark side , i'll try to keep myself sane for the time being k.
tc peeps.

hold onto ur love one. don let go. remember who u're spending the rest of ur life with..

mata

-do you love her? yes. then when time gets really bad, just think of that. -  

its finally time to let go

sorry peeps// nothign happy to write about again =/ i rrly in need to talk about this. .sighs.. feel so down...
=( just now i vomited in the bathroom while bathing halfway. ..sighs.. duno why.... ..but didnt tell mum. scared wait she wan to clean up my mess. so i soehow. .rrly duno what to do too.. just clean lor.. somemore flood n stuck the drain.. sighs.. down on my l;uck man. .. =(
even when i drink i dont vomit like that. .and its been so long since i vomited.. .so yea. duno why. .mayeb my body too stress ba. argh. to vomit is one of the thing i hate hate hate the most in life. dammit.
argh.. duno ba. .duno why =( ... just feel so sianz now.
...
..haiz. so yea. oh. n. .god.. .i rrly duno hwo to handle mens. arghhhhhhhh so thick skin! heard i sick, wanna still meet me up and bring me food. i was like.w.tf? i dun need nothing. omg.. .sooo oirritating.... somemroe we're not super close.. al lthe more why shold i say yes? =.= like die3 wanna meet me. fuck. omg. its like. i shouldnt let such a person ruin my day eh. rrly. my god. i cna die sia. hate this life now.
but good thing morning still have a fren pop in msn for a chat... usually he's able to cheer me up.. but ...not this time. .. =/. im numb alreayd. . uh huh.... o well. .
i saw this young lady. with her bf. u know what she wore? a piece of corset. thats meant forthe inside. not as a outer wear. i was like....... omg. whats up with her damn fashion sense??????? omg.. .this cant be real. such a whore i tell u. corset should leave it inside. unless its those design type.. meant to wear as outer wear. hers is sooo obvious is a nighty la. OMG. i tell u.. wanna smack this bitch sia. seriousl!!! somemroe her bf like. .quite ok decent sort. omg. wtf.. . its meant to wear on the inside. not out!!! if wan, CAN. of course can. BUT wear a outer layer.. jacket. .or something.. as a 2 piece. then can look sexier. and confident. n nicer. and not like her. a bitch plus a whore. =.= god. whats up with her man...  at least reveal a lil uinder blazer or soemthng.. wil llook very nice. somemore she wore a polka dot pink n black design. with black colour bra cup. OMG. kill her pls somebody =.=''''''''''''''''
ok guys. ....lets get down to business.. ....
rememebr when i said... i'll be there with him as long as he need me, or before somebody else takesover my place? i said something like that.. u know. i know.. it s like wow. so fast n soon. .but.. its time i see.
this time, i have to fully let go now. he's stable now. my place no more. yea. everythigns gd for him.. .. somebody else taking over taking care of him n making him happy.. the right itme has come to finally let him go. he wouldnt even notice that. ha.
so. .its obvioiusly time to step further back now.  just one last time peeps.. . k.. let me confide here ..
so yea.. .. it felt as though.. ...o well. nothing. but yea. i can see now. it is time to do so.
i should be very happy for him. thigns are going so well. yup. as long as thats the case, .. its time to let him receive his own happiness now.
u have no idea. how hard this decision is., but. i have to do this. if not, i might hinder him. n.. he'll be with the new person he love. .n he'll be back to where he belongs. . while i'll always remain here in pain. so now. my job been taken up by others.. it is time fo rme to... let go.. and let her or them to carry on doing a good job so far.. so yea...
i'll still wont be happy of course. .but.. i hope this is the first step for me to take. i duno what im talking about anyway. yea serioulsy. but i know.. i said it before. .so.. i got to keep my words.. and u know.. he can be without me now.  cheers for him.
sorry peeps. .=./ letting u reading all about this pains n blah3.. again of me.. .im so sorry. but. yea ..just let me note it down one more time k.. n i'l ldo my best to note all down onto notebook next time. ....thx....
i guess.. i feel so emptier now than ever eh. . i duno who i am. .i duno what to do... this seems to be the case of my frens who broken up.. then. .after that. .tehy became crazy.. liek bitches. i wonder. .i did.. i truly did. .will i ended up like them too? a part of me saying yes. the other, say no. ..i duno man............
i just. . i just feel liek a shadow now. feel nothing. but sad and pains. n heartbreaks. i duno... wat  to.. i duno.. ....
...duno should i ask my fren out tmr night anot. long time never go to my fav bar... rrly need to chill out badly.. miss that place. ... haiz.................. o well.
nvm. at least one down, the other alreayd good to go. i am glad things turn out this way for him. perhaps.. yea. this might've been what he needs  after all.
glad tmr is another super busy day. to keep me outta my misery. just hate it when its time to eat, break n shower.. slping time.i hate being left alone. i hate being abandon again. i hate being wanna lovem, but i cant. i hate the dark. i hate the loneliness. i hate me. and i hate my health.
well. forget it ba. u know. i should probably go get a nice corset n a blazer tmr. always wanted to try it out man. why not now.
i .. rrly dont seem to care about anything else now huh.. ..o well. its ok. get used to it ba.
anyway, this be the me i was looking for rememebr? the me before i even met him. perhaps. .not so crazy semminly.. but.. yea.. kinda.. the one who. .who's kept in the dark.. n thinking of death most of the time. well, thats me. cant tell eh. becso well, for 3 years, i've been ina pretty gd state. just htat. thigns changed now. u cant do anythign much u wan when u're left tall alone suddenly standing only on chips of shattered glasses.
k ba, thats it. feeling a tiny bitsy bit better nw. but. .nthing can ever heal the pain in my heart.
i wish i could turn out like him. but sadly, i cant. im turning towards the other side of road.
mata

Looking forward to a relaxing holiday

i think i missed out on something again. bro was tlaking with mum.. then something.. i need to blog abt. .haiz. sorry guys. cant rememebr at all =/
perhaps another day i hope......

so much to sya.. .but i'd alreayd written soem parts of it in the book.. so yea.. 

sorry.. i couldnt think of anythign to say right now..

mm... ... yea... .... duno waht.. nothing pretty much to happy about.. =/ so yea. .rrly difficult for me to write down here... mm.. yea.haiz.. shouldn've blog tonight.. but o well.. nvm . sorry. boring ne.

..just a couple of words here then i supposed. ..
u know. i think i can picture his bz life and having some fun.. perhaps.. what im enduring now is all worth it.. all the free time now he get to enjoy all sorts of things. aint that great for him. as long as he's happy, everything else is worth it.

.... o well. kk. stop that now. nothing too sad about that i hope. 

mm.. yea. dun wan to reveal too much about my life, or what im doing now.. 

 mm.. still pretty much very stress about lots f thing sthese days.. mm .... yea.. i just . .haiz. just wanna feel happy aagin. but no matter what i do, .. i couldnt rememerb that feeling of how being happy was like. =/ i just cant. no matter how hard i try man... done my hardest. perhaps that explains why my stress is adding on eh. ..sighs. o well. just. .well. bear with it ba. 

today get to talk with redz a tiny bit. .hoep things fine.. so yea. =/ o well . what to do. i think nobody like me after alll. 

oops. sorry. thats not sad matter right. my book im just writing between me and his emtions. .so yea.. the rest. .i can feel free to confide here right? nothing to sad ba.
haiz. i hope to clear my leave one of these days. before yanika head back to melb, i'd better ask her how my leave about now. haiyo. like nt clear liek that sia. mm.... maybe may n july i apply some? plus.. .... oct... yea.. bit by bit. .inbetween months. .should be better ba.. see how. need to be clear of how much leaves i had left. . yea. .i rrly need some break now. 

and hopefull ybnu july or aug, i can decide on a place to go for holiday. .then book it. yea... maybe i might stay for more than a week this time. .if i have extra money.. or head down to 2 places. .see how. but if not, just yea. normal trip wil ldo. nonetheless, jus tcant wait to travel. missing the shops out there!!! though its intimidating ne. .but. .well... its a good start for me to pratice. if my senior manager of 21 yrd old can make it to paris alone for 2 weeks, why not i of 23 yrs old do the same thing too? yea. i have to get out of my shell. im depending on myself now. .. .so yea. .if i don do this now, its gonna be harder than ever. 

i almost got lost once. neevr told him abou tit. ha. ...o well. doesnt matter now anyway,. but yea. that feelign was horrible. everything.. every building look the same. i couldnt rememebr wher ei came from. no matter how hard i tried recalling. frightening ppl. yea.. .... but eventually i did.
 so yea. mm.. ..frightening. but i didnt try asking anyone. i would use that only as my last resort.. .so yea. i eventuaal y foudn my way back.. n. .yea. end of story.
but jsu to let u guys know. its frightening indeed. gd thign it aint night man. if its night, gosh.... i cant even imagine man =.= i'll make sure that i'll be memorixing eevry singgle step im taking. uh huh =.= just to be safe ne. n hopefull yi'll remmeebr to bring my swim suit this time round. jus tin case.

haiz. seems so far.  but hey .look at the date now. wow. march is over in couple of days. CHERS man. i cant wait for it to FLYYYYY. only  a coupl eof months to  save up. .hope i'l lbe able to make it.. ... mm... who knows. i might change my mind last min eh. u know me. o well... so yea. but main benefit . .should be for me to learn how to be independant.. n just survive on my own self alone. this time, i can eat cup noodles everyday. or.. perhaps every lunch.. so i can rrly save heaps on my food fare. phew. only the hotel.. if im heading to sydney that is.. .if melb.. shoulf be free.. ....haiz... fren say its ok to stay in house. or hwats that called. .like stay at somebody's home. can find through the net. but dangerous ba. but its better i heard. but yea,. depend on luck i supposed? ... well. .just talk2 about it fo rnow. .released soem of my tension n hunger for some holdiays relaxing mood. ...yea...

k guys, have a very gdnight. don forget. .look at ur love one in their eyes, and called out their name. .tell them that u love them ver very much... don forget to do so before (just in case) its too late. life. .is very unpredictable.. u never know when ur partner will have a change of heart, u'll never know if they might meet with an accident the next day n pass away...  

k. ..haiz.
mata. .... 

prettier n happier? u gotta be kidding me =.=

how funny when guys stutted like in the mrg blog post i posted.
anyway,..
my colleague say i look prettier n happier now. iwas like.. huh? in the past i was uglier la? she's like no. .in the past i look tired n sad all the time. .duno she tlaking about that time meetin gi last saw her( i just broke up) or during working period with her. but nonetheless, its good i lok better eh? though i was like.. hell no~ where got happy?? everyday i sad. not a single day pass by i felt any happiness not even tiny bit at all. i think her eyes got prob peeps. ha. she also said if i stand there, 10guys will come to me even if i dont do anything. omg. that overreacted. i don want that type of trouble sia. at work nvm. cos i get sales for store. ha. jk.
hm.. again. wow. i was crossing the road.. then head thiking of stuffs again.. listening to music. .as always. .then cross.. sixth sense asked me to cross.. to follow ppl. .so i did.. wihtout looking in front cos i was thinking deep... then halfway.. i suddenly woke up.. and yes. u knew it eh =.= red lights. ............dotssssssssssss.... and i was walking like freaking dang slow man!!! omg. wth right. shit man. one day could've just get myself killed i tell ya. eewww... but alreayd done my hardest man. i just cant stop thinking in deep thoughts.. listening to songs.. this bound to happen again i swear . =. / what to do. hopefully theres an angel in heaven or something protecting over me ba... hiaz. bloody hell. least i could do  is to pick up on my pace right. omg. wanna kick myself sia.
so hungry. i dont care. i broke the doc rules. i ate non soupy food today. nah. im alive. not much of any sufferings yet. don worry.

ok. nice face done.
man. i freaking. hate those ppl!! like wth? age so mature alreyad, still wanna act liek that,. only a small thing to discuss, and gib black face. wtf man. serisouly wtf. fucking pissed off with such ppl. i don give a fucking damn. wanna do liek that, i can do so too. that aint any important person in my life. i don give a fucking damn or care about it. shit. such an idiot. i rrly3 cant stress enough how i hate such ppl. ... sighs. bloody idiot. think i'll be intimidated? NO. i wont. if i don give a fucjking damn about  htat person, no way will i care. i can also ignored n give back the same fucking face. dammit. god dammit man.... ahaiz. =/
sorry. just need to get these all out. been so many shits going on... and.. yea. .u know. come to think of it. .i need some time out more. i had it too little.. since i.. yea.. but becos of i duno what certain frens might think.. so i refrain to.. but u know what. im free to do whatever nuts i wanna do now. yea. i shouldnt be afraid. i should go ahead n try . liek what they told me.
yea. why not eh. i was forced in a way to choose this path. so this path i shall follow. now to step it all out and up. ... yea. even if i don wan to. .i have to force myself to.
ok peeps! see. told ya i'll keep sad things away from here right. don worry. i'll confide it al lto book.
if in case any of u out there's whos worried about me, well. .thx n sorry. stop doing that. cos i wont be fine til li say so here. and so far im not. if not i wont be forcing myself to do things i don like liao. ha. so yea. don worry endless.
i'll try to see if there's anythign interesting to blog abt? =/ i duno. erm yea. .if i do, then blog bit by bits ba.. ... if im not ard, or too tired, then no bloggy.. haiz... so yea.
k.. tc peeps. .remember. .hold on tight to the one u love. dont suffer like me.
mata 

Poor Thing Night

ok. blog this before i forget. ha, so you. know. i turned, and i duno. this guy seems stunned to see me. either im too pretty, or too ugily shocked for him. lol. his face was so funny. then i asked him what can i do for him>? he was like speechless. and have to think for a bit. omg. guys are so weird creatures. veyr funny indeed. like.. yea. his speechless foprget what he wanted to say look. gosh. guys. =.=
had a horrible dream. last last night. ghost captured in camera n stuff. very fast n shocking,. short cut k. then i get strangled.. i started to pray.. and amazinly, i woke up, with (i think ) my both hands under my neck. my body was in the most weird position. body facing down(pillow side) i felt likee.. i was so scare. i couldnt breathe. same in the dream. but most probably becos my hands were under my throart. .thtas whgy. .but yea. i shifted abit. catching my breath... and so scared to turn the other side of bed. cos u seen movies.. u turned, a ghost will slp next to u. =.= ha. .i know. but i just had this ghostly scary dream. im not taking this risk man. . somemore its dead dark quiet night. middle of night. .3am or so? yea.. .i slpwly turned my body to one side. .and curled up a lil.. my blankie wasnt covering me. n i was too scared to search for it... so i closed my eyes. .body still hurts from that position... haiz... then i thought.. so poor thing. .at this time i wish somebody could gimme a hug n hold me. .=/
o well.. yea. so poor thing... .then hurts.. and.. somehow i needed t o shift my body.. still with my eyes shut tight, i decided to shift myself abit towards the side. .and blah3... finally no ghost. then continue.. take my blankie.. (cold T_T) then head to shitty land. haiz. gosh.. .worst deram ever. no wait. just now also. but i cant remmeber whats it about. scary things again. all i rememebr was.. thinking. .oh no. why frightening dreams agaion! so yea...
i hope tonight be better man.. perhpas im just too stress out or something over life.
 after about a week, i remmeebr what to say alreayd. there's this singer in amercian idol, the trainer asking him to stay good. .no messing around in house. .where contestants stay together.. he pointed to his ring, and said.. nope. he aint touching other girls. he's happily married to his wife. he's not gonna touch nobody.
i was like. .aw... his wife so lucky . somemroe he's a rocker sia. to haev someone like him said that, aw. so nice. he's young too. not those old marriage type one. very nice.
so there u go.
thgins i betetr blog n9ow than to forget later.
oh. imma check out this unique store soon. they sells amazing things. designer items. wow. what a great find. u guys know me. any unique thigns wil lcatches my eyes,
so yea. cant wait to find out whats in store. andddd ha. fyi, theres only one store and the building looks so unique too. one store in sg. boo-yea
hm.. ytd just felt a lil sad.. was looking at my hand.. and . .haiz. o well. .wahts done couldnt be undone..
just hope it'll be back to normal soon. ha. o welll. ..doesnt matter. so yea. im so sorry poor hand.cant help it.
u know. from todya onwards. i dont think imma blog about u know. .paisn n stuff anymore. becos if i have to blog this like everyday, well, i dont wan u guys to feel sad fo rme, another, it'll be so boring to read pains3 everyday. so yea. i'l lwrite them down perhaps on a book instead. so rrly have to worry about not being able to talk to anyone, becos, well, i still have a pen and some pcs of papers right.
gosh.. sounds so sad again =.= sorry guys. yea. .just that its hard.. ppl i could talk to, are so busy .. then family, i cant talk to either.
soemtiems im lost. but i gotta find my way back. back to square one. when i didnt know what heart ache was.
kk.. ha. say don cry stil lcry.. bloody blog. XD
jaa. so yea. glad that form now onwards u guys have no pain reading my blogs.
sayonara.. 

finally decided?

duno how come. .after a huge crying(again =.=) i felt as though. .u know. this is it. this is how things gonna be now. get used to it. sinc eu've decided how u wanna go with it..
and.. u know. .u're happy with how things he's handlin gnow.. well.. u know.. i guess this is it. its finally time . what needs to die, wil ldie. i will do what i want fro tmr onwards. i wont care of anyting else now. dangers, or pains. this is all about me now. i will do it my own way. handle my own way.
that side over has been well settled. .now its my side to settle down. .stilltaking its time.. i know. .poor slow me.. but yea. let me try this new way out. i wanan see where or how it's gonna end up bringing me.
haiz. .the med is causing my tongue n throat so dry=/ i need to drink so much.. =. sianz.. hope tmr will be better. .haiz........
so there u go. scared. but its time to go.
i cant back off now. this is where im supposed to take off alone from here.
wish me luck.
i wont be happier. just pray for tears that'l lstop n pains to be numb. .thats all i ask for.
happiness is the last thing on my mind now.
will update u guys if tmr im well, or stil las bad. or worse.
 mata ne... ...

it is tiem for an end

sorry peeps... =( i hoep u guys not worried... just that.. i duno how to get aroudnh this pain.. so i ned to inflict some phiscal pain myself.. well.. it stough u see...
oh gosh.. my back is hurtingnow after sitting fo rso long. n guess what. i rrlk y dont feel liek eating. .but. .becos mumbought hte instant porridge,.. maybe i should?
i should dry my tears first before i head out for some cooking.
now.. these phisycal woke me up a lil.... nothing serious. so don worry.
haiz................
just thats my flesh are swolen now. but its ok. not that it matters anynore.
didnt i say htat my life shall be back to step one? stpe one before 3 years back it shall be then.
ppl. watch me.
i will make sure htat u guys drop ur jaws.

slp. .seems to be such a nice thing after all. it nu,bs all ur pain. it felt so good. but a pity.. befoe slp come,s u'll have to go through anotehr part of hell. and don tell me to make use of the fucking pain.
now no. dont. dont say that to me.
(jus in case. ha)
perhpas. .tmr i'll do my bes t adn try.. the feeling of having one's memories be erased...
u know. for just now a monnet there.. i thoguht of swallowing ervy pieces of my med the doc has given me. this is howmuch i wishes for death now.
ow ell..
what s that ? yea... tmr. .i'll tyr. .then if there's enough tiem for it, i'll get back to u guys about it k.
lets see how this experiments wil lgo. .
so tough it seemsmm...... but... even if it tears my flesh again , im willin got give it a try.. .
theres nothign more to lose now.. n there nothing more to bleed now.. go for it garnet.
go for it.
when u get abandon , the whole world falls.. u died, but u dont try to revive again . no u dont.. u died, and u make sure things suffer. let it suffer still.. suffer till the ened. unleash the you which u never jew. u despised . but u do it. just do it. why? becos. thre's no noe standing a the road waiting for u no more.
mata 

learn when to stop pushing, or nah maybe not

received a msg form sammy today. very confused. dun really get hwats he's saying.. make use of it.. i duno what to make use of. serioulsy =.=;'''' 'anyway, was so.. dead disgusting.. from 2am i woke up, keep headin gback n forth towards the bathroom till in the wee early morning. mrg then continue to dream so much of work. so many dreams of work. cos was tryign to find someone to cover. it was a chaotic mrg. omg. hate it. then got his msg. duno what to sya either. vaguely what  he wrote. very long. .think he's encouraging me or sumting. kinda remember the magical part too.
suddenly it dawns on me. i think ppl said that to me too. but i cant rememebr who they are.. or what was it about. .why would tey say that in the first place.
well, nvm gd to forget also. sometimes its best to shed away the past.
today i made a lil changes to myself. ps. the black dot still there. XD amazing. perhaps i should try to make a shape outta it. but gonan be painful =.=
eew. anyway, so yea. i like that . changes number. 2? erm yea. sort of.
i wanna move slowly away from ..m.m. not say who i am.. but. i think its sort of more of like.... just be someoen diff for a change? i duno how to describe this. but anyway, no matter what results sholdnt be too big. remember? i have too much of personailities to show. whichever suits me just fine. shouldnt care so much.
so what changes i made today? u will soon find out. keep watch for my fb ba. perhaps u might be able to find out a thing or two. search for my name under ''yunique''.
anwyay, bak to illness. soooo feaking dang weak now =. i cant even stand fo rlong. im so dizzy man. no one was aorund. .so i slpt in.(glad i did).. then online abit. .before heading to doc.. i duno why. this time i wasnt as neervous as before,. nor rrly that afraid. anywya, it turns out to be more serious than i thought. and yet again. i had a fever. and didnt realized till doc tell me so. he was like. .might have a fever. .but shoulnt be.. i was loike.. ok. hopefull not. then . .oh yea. a fever=.='' dots.
anyway,i rrly have no clues at all whenim having a fever. like. even if im having one 3weeks later, only god knowx. i'll just probably feel unwell, but i cant tell at all.
hm so yea.. something broke' off. or dissconnected or somthing inside my stomach. thats why its like a running tap. omggggggggg. i was like .what in the name of god broke or separated inside my stomach sia??  he said i need lots of rest for this. gosh. im sooo glad i dint push myself to work today. i alsmot did. but all this waking up n down make me so tired. not to mention stomach ache.. so end up still have to apply for u know. =/ haiz.
but glad i did., had i push on, .. .haiz. god help me =.=
so yea. now i need to have soupy food. and not real' food. cos i might cut the thing off n with tap running to toilet again. eew..... totally liek tap. haiz. glad hte doc knew. but yea.
so went to  buy some food. .go home. .cook.. eat.. hm.. sounds sad eh. liek. .eya.. but used to it. when u sick, u gotta do what u gotta do even when u're alone with no one ard.
...well anyway, yea.. soupy thing. u know. i din rrly ask the doc how this occurred. but i haev a feeling its my own self. i causes this to happen. i know. i know.. =/ well sorry.
im just guessing.. from the way i.. hm.. let sjust say mylifestyle... im not surprised my stomach get affected now. o wel. u know. even so. its not gona stop me.

so yea.  as longas no one finds out. not especially  my mum. oh god. =.= can die ne. she'll nag till.. i know mums will always be worried. especially after what just happened to me. but. .yea. i just don like ppl care so much now. just don rrly like ba. i'l lfeel guilty like saying i'll do be ok. then i do things that makes me not. get what i mean> ? like im lying. and i hate that .
so keep quiet is one of the best way to get out.
k ba. i hope to get better by tonight. haiz.. rrly need to sit down.. n chill... n by doing so, my head is spinning now =.=
mata ne 

Peaceful slp

oh.. how i wish i could keep my mind moving too. but soemtimes even when it moves, the pain still there. reminding u of all times how pain its gonna be still .
well. the most important is him, being alrite. n getting well with his life. that'l lbe great. keep it that way i pray for him.

heard it somewhere... sometimes.. when u wear a mask fo rtoo long, you forget who u are.
i duno if that will be the case for me. im wearing it everyday on my sleeves.. but.. i wonder.. if i'll just forget who i am supposed to be.
but ya know. that could be a good thing after all.
just let it be...

wasnt feeling too well today. wanted to cook. .but yea. ended up in  another lazy day once again. fml

uknow. so tired of this all .sioemtimtes i wish to just give it all up. n just stop.
is not going anywehere for me now. haiz. im jus tnot into this anymore. things changed. and it changed me. if not for the money to survive.. tch =/
i duno man.

haiz. .just so tired of this whole situation... and.. yea.. i duno what to say... .

theres so many dots now.. but i only get one inky dot on me. the others failed. ha. it looks abit freaky. o well. u guys can check htat out in my fb mobile uploads. just bored. .n yea. needed extra pain to it.but its not even that pain. amazingly. ok. so once its gone, i'll blog it here aites. so far.. been daysss now. still remains under my skin. we shall see

 hm.. keep gettig so slpy n tired. i gues.. sighs. when there isnt any more thigns to look forward to, this is how life goes. sickening. arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
very2 frustrated =/ i hate this kind of life. back to square one. liek again. i was about to give up then. till he came along. now, its back to giving up. damn...
so hard peeps.. =/ i just cant stress enough. .how much i hated life.. oh god.. i hate life.

damn.

 sorry. bene blogging so muc here within a day. just so needed to get all these thoughts outta my head. so stressful. man...

sighs. u know. i think imma slp it all away again.

better than to live upon this cruel reality. it only makes u happy through some kinda mean ways.. .
theres no true happiness

at least slp fo rhours.. will feel as though its death. u don feel anything.cept when u dream.. then moment when u wake up, thats a whole diff story.

its a cold2 day today . my nose isnt that well either.

 oh. perhaps why i don rrly give a damn about japan, its cos of how im feeling now? geez. sorry peeps. =/ just cant control how i feel. but yea. .just wish jap news would stop soon. its driving me insane. hate to hear news abt all these. n if ppl feel so sorry for htem, shut the fuc k up, and donate to them, fly there n help htem whatever shit. arghh hhhh hwhy keep on tlaking about it? tcj. just hate everything now man. i don get why they wanna pray, or sing songs about it. .blah4....... gosh i hate these ppl. i hate everything. damn it all.

=/ tch.. just hate to wake up man. best is when i fall aslp. before slp is scary.. cos its dark. .and alone.. n scary. .n very lonely.. n thoughts start to run wild.. very frightening.. then slp. became numb. then woke up, u feel the heartache . see? only the slping part is the best of all through the day. sadly, i only get this type of peacefulness for less htan 8 hours per day.

mata

About australia part 2

omg. some guys are just so damn fucking irritating. like. .arghhhhhhhhhhh -_- like have to keep on n on trying to shake them off.. im running out of excuses peeps. this is so irritating.
its ok.. i'll find a way to settle all this down .. n soon i';ll get used to it. like. arhg. .so irritating.. .my godddddddddd why wont they just bloody give up on me? sianz . .liek yea. sianzzz as if i have not enough problems on my shoulders. dang
oh sorry. i foorgot. .did i blog last night about australia? so yea. .my frens were telling me .. oh they been living there for yearsss btw.
so yea. they were tell ing me. australians are racists .. yes. melbourne alot os singaporeans.. and racists too. but Worse place is sydney. ...=.='''' dotss. i wan like... .............. =.= say waht again??
then soemmore they added alone at night in sydney is rrly a bad idea too. u know.. .... this all sounds so .. yea. thigns i wouldnt wanan go near t.. but i've got nothign to lose now.. so i think i should be fine with that.. then... well, for now imma just  work my ass off. and see how thigns go. maybe i end up in mekbourne eh. hahaa. better. but yea.
it was so disappointing. but at the same time. .doesnt matter. as long as singapore is fine. phewwwwwwwwwwwww whats wrong with ppl from aust man>?? whats their probs with asians? wtf
ok. so. .they told me of nature diasters too.. like sandstorms. .floods.. etc.. then recently. .victoria had a minor flood. i thought was it something like sg orchard road that tiem? cos they said it was a minor one. they laghed. and said no. its minor, but nowhere near sg mini flood at town. those floods at victoria, actually washses away houses.. and causes so much trouble for ppl there.
wow. yea. .if thats a minor one, .. god. .i don wanna know whatas a real flood liek in australia.
hm.. then.. yea. i have to keeo this circle going ya know. build up network in that state.. like what my fren said. once it gets bigger n bigger, it'll be easier fo rme to get there, n get around. i hope so. but ten again. htats all in the future. so yea.
u know. i was telling my fren just now. like. .now i understand why ppl wil lchoose to cut their writs. .or slash it. .or throw themselves outta the building n seeks for death after a heartbreak. i could so totally relate to how they feel now. soemtimes.. pain.. its a powerful tool...
but don worry. i told her im not gonna do all those. ha. shuddap. i wont
mm... so yea. thats about it ba. sianz ne.. totally in my own world now. even family been cast outta my life.
i just don feel like theres any need to talk to them how i feel.
its just so hard u know. blogging here is way much easier. though it doesnt help. ha. i knw. pathetic. oops
hey. just a word of advice here.
dont let anyone abandon u.. else u'll suffer the same fate as me. n thats the last thing u'll ever want in ur life.
i promise.
-i wanna see how long the ink can last under my skin-
 mata

Disappointmenting Aussies =(

ok listen up! i rememebred one more matter!!!!
my colleagues tells me that.. her previous job was a telecom or something.. (pickingu up customers phoencalls..) one dya. she had this aussie person calling to her. talk3, ... the aussie  cover her phone. and sai said to her fren... ''ITS  BLOODY SINGAPOREAN''. mycolleague heard it cos its pretty obvious even after she's covered her phone up. OMG. thats DISGUSTing U AUSSIE PPL!!!!! (SOME ONLY ) OMG. HOW=((( I WAS SO DISAPPOINTED. MY FRENS WERE RIGHT .SOO MANNY OF MY DIFF FRENS.SAID HOW RACIST aussies are. =( im abit afriad. what if i work there evever one day.. .am i gonna be treated the same way too + =( sighsssssssss
again .luck sammy .haiz. good thign he's living happily now in school without all these stupoid probs
anwyay, yea. i was telling her.. 'u should do the same. say excuse me, and cover the phone, and say ''omg. its god damn bLOODY AUSSIEs""""!!!!!!! im so mad at this. howu coul dthey?? ?throw stones not enough>> now tis????
and todya, my new frenswerer liek telling me.. (btw they stayed there for several years) SYDNEYm, ... .is damn RACISTS... .=((((( sighssssssssssssssss
......
i duno what to sya. they said that its the worse among australia. at least mlb alot pf singaporeans .but sydnye, owr dof racists ppl .AND. at night, have to be really4 carefully .veyr dangerous. though it knida push me back form teir comments,,, (whihc im sure it sso true) .. .u knwo. i have nothign esle to lose. it doesnt mater. i can just go there. eveb if late atnight. i don care. i just wish i f i ever work there, please do not let my colleguaes hate me just becos im an asian. however the lady at bondi junctioj outlet is so frenly =) but yea.
that'll be what i worried most. rather than the night ppl there.
o well. sighs.. there u go =/ auusies is sooo odamn freaking racists.... .haiz. so disappintied... but. o well. at least we sg are not. and guess what. that wont stop me from working overseas. duno how long it might takes. it might never happne. but well, at leats its a small target for me.
melb eh... im lookuing forward to meeting u.
the more network i get. the better and higher chance i'll have when the day comes.gambate pl. jsut hang on more. get more network no matter hwat it takes. push it. n i'll ge tit. i'll onlu benefit to me. u h huh. gldkck.
oh. these couple of days were like shits. i started to note it down in a book. doesnt really helo. but at least i tired. lied to myslf. thats all .. kidna i need now.
u know. doestn matter hwat happne to me.
as long as that guy is safe and sound.
may his god bless him
its weird. i only had some ink on my wrist. no matter how much pressure i inflicted upon it, it doesnt seem to hurt. now why is the question. why doestnnt it hurt. oh .its dead. it could be.
it could very well be.
u know. imma head for a bath now. if ther's anything, i'll type out again. but yea.. jsut tired. n ned to chill out abit.
 u knw... i duno how long this pain gonna las titself out.. i duno what sgonna happen./
mata

Rawr=.=''''

well, im sorry. i am freakin slow at this type of thing. guess what. last week or last 2 weeks ago., my fren suddenly tell me if i know rawr' meaning i love u in dinosaur language. i thought its always meant to be mad, or angry. .or shout out. .and guess what i found. OMG. its freaking i love you. wtf?????? but thoug it still stands for anger. .but most ppl use it on i love u. they treat it that way. check it up on wiki ba. shocking. wth.
and thank god i've not been using it alot of times.. but i did used it here and tehre. omg. this is so fucking stuoid of me. =.= luckily my fren tell me. if not, i used it on wrong ppl or meaning how. gosh. wth sia. ppl come up with this rawr dino language or what i love u. omg. this is weirddddddddddddd. well, now that i know. i wotn used it . no i mean i will use this word carefully now. jeez man. O.O
after so long then i know hte meaning of rawr =.='' bite me.
wow. been so slpy lately man. i duno whts wrong. =/
hm... shit. i cant recall again... =/ there's things i wanan tlak about here kinda like. .rrly wanna talk about. always forget . haiz. nvm ba. only remember the rawr matter. hmm.... tch... cant think ... omg.
mm.... .... nope. i cant think of anything man. =/ sianz. mm.. im missing out on someting big.. but waht was it that i wanna blog about? jeez. sianz. nvm
haiz. very tired. don feel so well. another day to get over with .another day of misery to get by. sighs. life totally sucks big time. uh huh.....
o wlel.

mata

end everything tonight

tonight proved to be the night things shall come to an end. made up my mind. all i have to do is abide by it.
 pain.. wil lalways follow..  but that cant be help .once decided, this is how it should lead..

foolishness be presented itself days ago. but i shall be of no more. tomorrow onwards, shall be a another life. life before happiness occurred. decision been made. been made alrite... locked it away. things changed.. ppl changed.. no more the same. thers no need to look back. everything has changed. .dff now...
let it be.. let it be.. recalled back .. bring me to the time before 3 years back.. bring me back. i shall begin where i started from....
im sorry.

yea. every possible hints.. indicates it is over. over. .meaning theres an end. throw it all aside pauline it said.. throw it. and u'll be over. so do it. and i thought. why not. why not man> ?

with scars so tight n looses at the same time.. its hard to fdathom what might happen next. fear not ppl. for i shall live.
let me jjst recall back.. back to those days.. let me be. .let me be... 

nubm yet pain been felt. weird feeling.. yet hurts like hell... remember girl.. thou shall not be who u used to be.. change it now, and you shall be free... fear no pain,. for u are the pain.

ok. back to todya. geez. .damn man..  slpy. i duno why. seriously i dont. rested for days, then .. slpy>> wtf man>?
this is weirdddd like totally weird. i don get it.
whats wrong with me man.. shit

.. hm. .o well. liek that ba. damn. i cant wait to travel alnoe. even if it means getting lost. i don care now. yea. i just wanna do crazy thigns now. fuck it all.
sorry.

hm.. tch.. so hard to save money. damn3.... =/ i cant wait to travel man. shit. wait. . i think mum wil llet me go ba. =.= should be.. .well, who cares. im in my world now. no one can stop me.
changes takes courages. to be a diff person takes another type of courage. mind's made up. gotta throw it all out. nothig to lose now. wait htere might. but.. who cares now. do it man.

haiz.. like that ba. i cant wait to do more crazy things.

watch me.

mata 

WIRDS FORM HEARTBREAKS

another weird sulky day....
made my choice.. but. .o well.. .shoouldnt had done it. just my dessetts my getting. don worry. i wont do it again.

haiz.. oh. this thing. ha. keep forgettng. u knwo what else i did on his birthday? i msg him the a birthday song. omg. i was like.. why my voice so weird. like a little kid. i was like.. rushing to finish the song off. so paiseh sia. ha.. but yea. that is somethng dif i've done. yup.
 

mm.... oh . glad japan wont affect sg after all. the radiation or soemthing. so irritating. so many diasters.. .sianz. seriously, if world come s to an end at the year of 2012, god.. i wish im not single . i hope im married already man. but then again, htats impossible la. unless im pregnantm and need to get married. =.= choy.
but yea... so irritatin gal lthese news.. and bro keep watching news of japan. make me so.. argh!!l.... sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -_-'' sorry. but yea. i hate news liek this. especially whenim down in my life right now. liek all so fucked up. damn.

i was like. .consoling another fren of mine.. who broke up. .drinks everday.. blah3.. .i was like. .how pathetic is this. i am liek . good at advicing them. .trying to get themselves out of their misery.. then im so pathetic with myself. like. .the words n advices i used on them, are directly aiming at myself too. but i sorta ignored it. i knew it was useless. thats why i say.. im good with helping others. but when it comes to myself, pathetic and sorrows in the deep is who i am.
lke so.. weird... knowing i should said the same thigns to myself. but i could not heed it. this doesnt feel righjt.. like.. this isnt the way imma redeem myself. i duno how to. still finding. pathetically. but yea. finding... hoping one day the solution will come along.

hm. .today i could only think of the birthdya song thing.. the rest, i cant remember ne..  recall i mean. so yea. sorry

so this is how i rate now to..
well. .a least i now eh.. ..

mm.. ... u know. i totally forgot. the other night, i had more than little bit of 2 big glasses of redbull drinks. omgggggggg.... i just thought of this!! i could've gotten myself killed O.O. shit. right2??? that time news was saying. .if u drank more than 2, u'll have the risk of dying. a guy drank 3 or 2. .3 i think .then he died. O.O omg. shhhhh... don tell my family. omg. thats serious eh. i totally forgotten about that whe i drank it.

today.  slpy and tired. yet mind was on soemthing else. as usual.u know me.

-when things get tough, i will guide and stay strong for others. for others i live. but i feel no desire to live for myself. i jsut thught o f this. ha. yea. .it all seems to  u know.. sum up back together again.. before i met him.

bahhh

i guess. u know. what matters most now is.. the ppl around are fine and getting on well. it doesnt matter about me. i am . hm. .how to describe this. i am nothing now. theres nothing to be.
let hte ppl around be blessed. i will keep watch on that. i wonder if anyone will do that on me. ha. oow ell......

ok. this is freaky. i cant stop the song playing in my fb. yea the boa song i told u guys about last night,. its like.the stop button cant be press O.o o well. nvm ba.

mm... the other day.. i was askin my frne. .how ppl suntan at sentosa. i was asking if i could weat just a tube top n mini shorts. LOL. i know =.=''''' then blah3... turns out thats abit funny. then she ask me find frens to go. thing is, only a girl n guy i know who lieks to suntan. guy, weird. obviously. cos  he's a guy. whta? u wan me to wear bikini with him at the beach ar? omg. how to release the string at my back sia. weirdddddd eew.w...
 then the girl, study n work. even harder to ask her out. =/ haizzzzzzzz.... 

i knwo its bad peeps. .but. .i couldnt care less about my lifenow. whatever cancer.. shit sliek htat. .i don think i'll give a damn now.

but yea. would lvoe to give it a shot at the beach man. then there's a beach party coing up. timing so wrong how to go =((( huu haiz.... .sianz. party in bikini. wow. kinda cool eh. something diff to try out before 2012. ha. jk

my fren is thinknig of going to jap school classes or  somethign. to get a cert for jap language. i asked him to keep and eye out for me. but thats in july. haiz. with thigns going on like this, im not sure if i have the mood tod oit. btu wel, lets see in july. also.. i missed out on the date of a future possiblity extra cash fo rme. imma have another appointmetn. .maffan ne. =.= cos i forgot. haiz. anwyay, yea. .i hope its siomething good. if too much, i'll say no. cos im tired as it is. if not, lucky enough, i'll earn rrly extra more cash. but.. well, i hate getting too tired. life is too short to be too tired. so yea. see how ba. gdluck to me. 

i will be working hard toweards my dream of workign overseas. i rrly like sg so much. .. =/ haiz. but. .if thers a chance why not, ? cos thats the only thing to keep me going in my dirrection. if not, i;ll only work blindly, and aimlessly. i'll die liek tat everyday man. so boring. 

-the times i spend with you. your wonderful promises. do you remember them, just how much we placed our love?- 

-between my two closed eyes, i hear your breath. All day, the look you stared me with..-

you know... i've always thought that.. this is wrong. if u ever be with someone else, but with the thoughts of another person in ur heart, that wil be so unfair to that someone else.
i guess... i understand how that feels now. i used to dislike how u know.. the movie titanic? how rose marreid another man with jack died in the end.. was like.. how could she do that.. so unfair.. but  u knwo. .. =/ i gues.. sometimes htis type of things rrly cant tell. u would never knwo how terrible that would be for her.. i duno. just saying

to wear a mask on my sleeves everyday. taking it off at night. very tiring. sighs... time wont stop fo rme. i have to do this everydya n night.
u get down there. u do it. u come back home. shake it off all. and back to who u are.

u know. imlying. and. this boa song makes me realize this. i wonde rif i could live the way i do now. with lies, mask .. u know.. haiz...

oh. im trying to decide.. i knwo2.. i said i wanna sgo sydney and 'train' myself on the routes. .n gettin gaoround myseld.. before i ventures aournd other places.. but.. come to thin kof it, melb.. according to others auusies frens, it seems so much better ne. i duno. point is. i cna get to stay for free. with my manager. i have another fren there. but.. never met before. however, i stil lget to save sooo much ion hotel ..ike a couple of hundreds. O.o tch,... .how??? somemore.. i duno if syndye still has anythign fo rme to . .u know.. its abit. .hm.. like all malls only. acouple of hte, .thats it. the yea. .i duno man. well.. i gues si have openty of time to htink it over eh. nvm2.. slowly ba. never knws what'll happen next year.

but im telling u for sur ethough. NO PARIS!!!!! ha. i don wanna kena sold to what brothel sia. omg. that unknown n taken movie relaly pinpoint me to that. lol

so nice. .i saw m y frens.. getting hitched.. gettings married.. engaged... haiz. but u know. =/ ..nah i duno. but jsut.. yea. tough man.
they said that. when u're single, u wanna be attahced. but when u atttached, u wanna be single. i can tell u.. i never thought of being back to single life when i had him by my side. i ionly thought of how to work thigns out everyday..

acocording ot my frens, turns out that he had a fren with ldr too. about a years time. .they cut it off. and to hear that, one, i was again. surprised so many ldrs nowadays... two, im so glad we lasted more than one year apart. when he told me all that, i was htinking in my heart.. its weird.. well, if they do not have a strong love for each other, they will part one day. they wont be able to stand this. i can understand this.. cos.. my love fo rhim was very strong.and nothign can come between that. so.. i was able to hang on to that.. n look forweard to see him everydya. nm that everyday, exceeded a year's time. thus i was able.. not to even think of brekaing up.
yea.. i am glad.. tha didnt happen to us. . but. .it did happened in another unexpected way. so yea.. // o well ......

 haiz. so tired. backache.. mm.....  haiz. o well. liek that ba. i cant wait for pay day. . n rrly ope to save up for holidays by jan. oct if lucky enough.but jan is safer. hm. .i think so. 

passed by a lingerin the other day with fren. she liek that brand. then we both i agreed.. so sad. coulldnt ewear the cutesy dresses nighties.. =( they have such beautiful sex n pretty looking ones. i gues sperfect life will be.. be marreid now, n wear that EVRY night for husband. haiz. so nice. cant wear. .cos staying with fmaily now =/ haizzzzzzz how to wear ? tell me =.= parents , dad n bro will see wat. haiz... wanna wear sexy at night also cannot. huu... how long must i wait =(
..haiz.  don wanna live alone.. im scared of dark. rather with a hubby.

but anyway.... yea.

haiz. sorry talked so much today .jst feeling upset ya know. =/ and.. no one to talk to. .. who know sall these pains man. .liek seriously.. .. o well.

was reading this mag todya.. this star . .disney star.. she just went through a breaky. then.. she said.. she didnt know how her previous 2 frens.. was so upset about breaking up. .she ownders if those mens are rrly important to them n such>?? then she got a taste of her own. her first real serious relationships of hers. .3 yrs too. and she totlaly understansd why her frens cried that way they did. she's still trying to get over him. she went on a couple of dates.. but yea. .i guess its the same. .healing.. n u knw... just healing.. i don feel much healing in progress.. Not slowly but surely either.. well, ... what can i do man> ?

perhaps i shouldnt had distube him after all .that was a mistake. im sorry

haiz. u know. imma tkae a bath.. let the water run under my skin.. i need that.. =/ sstress, do that. i t dont relly helps. but it makes u htink .but it could be fatal.

may god bless him. i wish him all the best.... 

mata ne .. .sighs.......... stay happy for me... .... 

Strangers to begin with

hi guys. wanna let u guys know.. i posted a couple of songs onto my facebook. all from boa. this this particular song i rrly3 like... it slike. .i can literally sing it with or towards him.
but yea... need to learn the korean lyrics ba. anyway, its such a nice song. very.. beautiful. and it totally speaks of how im feeling, and. .u know. its just almost perfect. very nice song.
song title: implode. singer: BOA. if u're in my dfb page, be sure to check out the songs.. if not, go youtube and find it. beautiful lyrics and music arrangements.
hm. .so much to write about. .but my memory cant hold it any longer..
hmm.... lets see.. haiz. nvm.
perhaps next time.
anyway.. .... yea. finally 6 days of insance working and shoots... all gone. all good now. haiz. been so tiring and crazy. gosh... finally over.

hm.... haiz.. .duno what to say.. im tryign to make a decision now.. remain this way.. or.. change it.. .regarding that matter. .o well.. .duno ba.
i cant believe this. my school mate;s like asking for my number, and asked if im married, if im in a relationship.. wth??? like forever never meet, hten ask such questions. wat in the name of god man..
then that night, met up with my fren. she told me.. i duno if u guys remember.. i metioned here before. there's this guy in club(long ago) .. my fren ask me dance with him. i thoguht becos she don wan to dance with him. .so she push to me. he's birthday btw. then end up..... she told me.. because he keep asking her.. 'i want to dance with pauline2....' thast why she asked me dance with him. OMG, i tell her.. i toldhim.. ''you're too drunk'. XD she was like.. surpirsed. and said.. rrly?? u said that?? haha.
omg. thats .. .eew..... wth sia. but glad i escaped him .lol.
and now i understand. .why sometimes when ppl gib u dirnks, especially guys, its difficult to turn them down. u can. like my fren. just said. .nope not drinking. working tomorrow. or just nope. rrly don twant to drink .thats it. then no need liao. but sometimes.. . u cant escape.. perhaps u just wanan drink after all. i duno. but yea.. . another matter.. they pass u the drinks. ppl say be carefeul. never ever take drinks form guys. but what if they are fren's frens.. etc... u turn them down, it'l be.. not nice.. .get it? so yea. u just gotta trust ur frens on this i guess. that ur frne's frens are ok ppl. and she or he will be there for u in case they arent nice ppl after all.
ha. my bro took a pic of a lingerine store in japan. he said.. there u see. .specially took fo ru. but i cant go in. cos its women store. i know u like al lthese( lingeries) thats why i took it speciall yfor u.
i was like... .omg. how the hell he know sia????? maybe muum told him about my drawers full of lingeries? lol.
i come to realize. .i will not be happy .not truly. not espeically when things ended this way. in a way it shouldnt be... very suey. i know. .yea. .btu what to do. at least.. i encouner a fairy tale of my own.. before it gets desroyed overnight eh.
now for hte decision making .. ... tmr hten see hwo ba. haiz.
hm...  no money liao. only a couple of bucks left to survivce for. .3 days meal. huuuuu... T_T nvm. i cna do this. not like never eaten any breads before. but nowadays very hungry ne.
i can do this. just a couple of days to pay... gamabte n hang on ba.
what is this world coming to.. haiti.. then japan... haiz. as logn as sydney n sg is fine.. then its fine by me.
hmm....  k ba. tired liao. gonna go rest.. alot to blog aboiut. but i cant seem to recall any now. only one r two.. but yea. .if tmr remember, will blog again abou tit.
k ba. gdnight ppl.. ..everyday.. is a day for me to overcome everything with. pains & sorrows are part of my everyday life. if it ever  turns better, i'll let u guys know.
 tc. and do cherish ur love one. don let them go. have no regrets. don end up saying implosde is the soong for u...

nights.
mata

Lovely Girl

just soooo rrly3 tired. i duno what to say. gosh... .
erm.. well, todya i scored myself a compliment!! haha. from a customer. i was serving him, an uncle. erm.. from uk? i duno. but he's gonna be here for 6 months. work. i was helping him.. then he asked if im local. o say no. im singaporean. chincec. he siad.. american chinese?? lOL>... omg.... i say no. pure singapore. then blah3.. show him. .then get to counter. then after payment and all, he was looking at me. i tried to look away. lol. i dun feel comfortable when anyone look at me like that in the eyes. lol. he then say 'thank you .you're a very lovely girl'.
 aww.... =) im glad to help my customer. aanytime. but when busy, haiz. .thats it. but anyway, yea...  im glad im lovely. LOL.
aw.. saw sammys pic.. at first thought it was u know.. gd for him. .but then i guess not? but yea. thats like the 2nd biggest smile i seen from him. first was from.. the .. wahts that place called.. erm.. .during one of our final dates in june i think.. erm.... at jurong? i duno.. like uss abit.. with playground and all.. but yea..  gosh.. i wonde rif i'll ever have a chance to go there ever again... .=/ haiz........
... o well =/
i wonde rif thast thje same case with me. .behind every smiles, lies the painful truth. a mask. is all i need.
hm... so yea. very bloody energy drained and tired. i duno wht to say anymore. like. omg. ....
forgot waht else tosay... ...
anyway... yea. haiz... duno wanna eat anot.. toda ate alot. .to replenished all the energy i lost. but yea. .maybe not ba. not hungry. abit only. somemore too tired to eat anything. sianz.
in anycase, IM GLAD TODAY IS OVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRr omg....................
hm.......  k ba..
jaa mata 

Holding On

this is so weird. someone ask me out. i know2.. .frens... on the pretext of frens... =.= i duno. not feeling comfortable with this =/ like so weird.. so long never like meet up with someone over the net, and its a guy somemore. yea. .he's right. i've been attached for too long.. so long.. ha. i still find it really hard to u know. its weird. beyond weird for me.
oh.. that day, i cried half way at work. no. i mena. .i was about to cry. .then head into backroom and cry. T_T cos had this customer. was showing the girl pens.. tlaking to her. .then her bf standing next to her. .like. .so naturaly hand go and tidy up her hair.. u know.. like.. brush across her fringe.. .i was omgggggggggg so sweet and attentive. O.o
then they made payment. i stand behind.. observnig them .. weir di did that. but yea. .cos reminded me of him mah. then again.. the guy brushes his hand across her cheeks when she make payment.. then they kiss and hug side way.. his hand on her shioulder.. her head on his shoulder.. like sooo swt. u can tell they're like. .gushes about each other. either theyjust started dating, or confirm they in a ldr. they aint local. from thai both i think. anyway yea. the way she reacted. .is excatly the way i do. i can tell. ha, skali rrly not in ldr. XD but yea. so sweet. .haiz. .then think3 of how he would've reacted to me, .. then cry liao. baka me. shouldve stop this images liao =/ haiz.. o well. ... what to do.
no dinner man. very tight schedule. but well... i duno what to say. life just keep on passing.. moving... ticking... just so numb now. nothing . .haiz. jst nothing much.. to even u know. like anymore about all these. days.. time.. memories.. everyday. i find it hard to like any of it. its just so. dead.
hm... oh. have this coleague. ok. i was like wearing this tight like leggins. but not leggin kinda material. so yea. its abit tight closure fix to my body. so my collegaue was saying. my butt so round and big. very cute. O.O... i was like... wth??? cute???? ?that only sammy told me. but yea. to have anyone els esaid that, .. omg. O.o this is weird. funny man. big? erm.. ok.. i take that as a compliment.. its superbly a dream come true for any women to have a front and back bigness don cha think ;) not bigness. i mean fullness. ahh....
but yea. o well............ so far only one man ever touches them .. haiz.. how i wish he's the only one man.. wel, never know the future.th
wwhile drying my hair.. so bloggy abi. no time u see. is is life. i might be able to add a touch of something to it. just a matter if i wan to or not. but. at what expense, and is is worth it.
oh. i dreamt of work again .today .=.= OMG. like. .wth???
rrly sick of this. argh..... and i slpt early, yet wakey after hjourssss of slp feeling soooo  tired. omg. like.. tch. o well. like i said. its getting tiring and boring now.
 hm... oh. japan. seems like there could be a 2nd round of tsunami. uh huh . sorry. i don feel excatly the same way as everybody else does. so i wont comment anything on this here. =/ i just.. dont. im different u see. things i say, willl shock u. and anger ppl. so better dont. but what i do wanna say is.. wow. i don think i'll ever wanna live tehre. much as i would love to have a better understanding at their language, and put to use there, still..... not worth the risk man. to die overseas one day outta the blue? nah. i dun wan. rather get knock over by car. but don wan to drown ne.
wish me luck peeps. i duno how much longer i can hang on.

mata

Familiar faces

..well.. ya know... =/... ..haiz. since i cant do anything for him anymore.. ..
and its his big day today... i figured everyting all i can do.. basically.. just to wish him a very hjappi birthday.. an e card send to him.. via email of course. (otherwise it would;ve gotten to the bin before his hand).. aznd a special personal sincerity one... .msg. voice. ha. yea... cos.. well.... so long since we talked.. and.. yea. .i just felt that.. he;s someone so close and special to me.. how can a phone msg be enough just like that in whats app? so.. insincere or something. i duno. just felt weird. i need to do something.. so.. yea. .though i cant give him a happy birthdya on his day... the least i could do is to show my sincerity.. and.. uh huh...  i think im all gd and set now. i;ve done all i could. would wish to fly to sydney one day on march 11. one day.. i wish i could do that... but yea.. .wont be his holidays. maybe after a melb trip eh =.= .. ha. anwyay, future unknown. but yea. rrly one of my top wish to do that some day. i duno when. but hope one day........

i know... what my mum was trying to say to me. don ever find a husband who drink, or gamble, or a lecher by nature.. and last but not least, a smoker. she said.. these type of ppl will only care about earning money for their own spendings on these drinks... cigarettes.. etc... gamble away... i know.. and i agreed with her. she also said they wont care about their own family. cos all they care about is to spend money on these harmful pleasures. i know.. like my dad.. ...
o well...... ....
its hard to say.. u never know if i might have his habits too.
but. im trying hard not to. yea.. .o well.

haiz... kinda puts me down man.. just u know.. wish i could brighten up his birthday.. however.. perhaps things could turn out gd.. im dure his frens will give him a fabulous time. yea. ha.. .
hm.. ow ell. thats it.

[so yea... u know.. future is all about the unknowns.. what i can do now is to listen. and i know before she told me that.. and.. yea. whatever comes along will come. .and.. .o well. that should be the last hting on my mind now. seriously. i have such huge workload on me right now. its gd. but yet its stressful. n when it comes for a need to destress, u'll tend to do thigns that aint so gd sometimes.

anyway, oh, liek i said. .i had customers saying im good... (at my job) .. and they don wanna have a look ard the store somemore cos i'll make them buy everything. lol. yea so many of them said that. XD
there was this custiomer. his name is philip. like many customer,s he askded fo rmy name. and said said he'll see me soon in store next time,. another. the other time i mentioned.. don think i said her name. jennifer. oh yea. the one who talked so much with me. .and said going to nz then to australia is so much easier.. oh ..about that. =/ sighs.. yes it strue. now its harder than ever to get the visa and work at aust.. i.. duno. .but i don rrly wish to work at nz. =/... sighs. future.. well, see hwo ba =(

so yea. i have these regulars.. and one more.. a malay guy. who when.. enjoys gd service, will give me treat. so nice of hinm. i always enjoyed serving him. and this lady. susan. an angmoh. such a lovelyyyyyyyyyy lady!! totally cheerful. and nice. omg. she's awesome.
yea. wow. .come to think of it.. im starting to memorise all their names.. uh huh.....
but.. no joy that is enough fo rme to gain happiness for my life...

today.. cold.. raining... very cold. tired day too. slpt late. and din slpt that well...
but enjoyed. .rrly.. the morning i get to company for sammy even for abit. it was nice. i like that. if only i could do so everydya. just to keep him company even for abit..

gosh. gota pick myself up man. moods going dowwwnnnnnnnnnnnnn thx to redz also =/ he's so sensitive about something he did. sighs... wth........=( haiz.. whatever ba...
sighs.. .just so irritating when thigns jsut keep adding on ya. =/ 

=( arghhhhhhh haizzzzzzz rrly man. thats the last thing i need from him. great way to end the night. haiz. =/ o well.... this is great. nights ppl... 

hope i wont dream of work again. i dreamt of going to work on my off day. dreamt of my manager. .omg. hate it. i hate it and i dislike. total dislike to bring work into home. i don like to bring work back to my home. seriously. i always do my best to make sure that wont happen. but when there's a report htat need to be done, or some stuffs i odnt have time to do so at work.. then i.. yea. 

sighs.. kk... moods down . =/ huu =(

hope redz is ok ba

mata