sorry peeps// nothign happy to write about again =/ i rrly in need to talk about this. .sighs.. feel so down...
=( just now i vomited in the bathroom while bathing halfway. ..sighs.. duno why.... ..but didnt tell mum. scared wait she wan to clean up my mess. so i soehow. .rrly duno what to do too.. just clean lor.. somemore flood n stuck the drain.. sighs.. down on my l;uck man. .. =(
even when i drink i dont vomit like that. .and its been so long since i vomited.. .so yea. duno why. .mayeb my body too stress ba. argh. to vomit is one of the thing i hate hate hate the most in life. dammit.
argh.. duno ba. .duno why =( ... just feel so sianz now.
...
..haiz. so yea. oh. n. .god.. .i rrly duno hwo to handle mens. arghhhhhhhh so thick skin! heard i sick, wanna still meet me up and bring me food. i was like.w.tf? i dun need nothing. omg.. .sooo oirritating.... somemroe we're not super close.. al lthe more why shold i say yes? =.= like die3 wanna meet me. fuck. omg. its like. i shouldnt let such a person ruin my day eh. rrly. my god. i cna die sia. hate this life now.
but good thing morning still have a fren pop in msn for a chat... usually he's able to cheer me up.. but ...not this time. .. =/. im numb alreayd. . uh huh.... o well. .
i saw this young lady. with her bf. u know what she wore? a piece of corset. thats meant forthe inside. not as a outer wear. i was like....... omg. whats up with her damn fashion sense??????? omg.. .this cant be real. such a whore i tell u. corset should leave it inside. unless its those design type.. meant to wear as outer wear. hers is sooo obvious is a nighty la. OMG. i tell u.. wanna smack this bitch sia. seriousl!!! somemroe her bf like. .quite ok decent sort. omg. wtf.. . its meant to wear on the inside. not out!!! if wan, CAN. of course can. BUT wear a outer layer.. jacket. .or something.. as a 2 piece. then can look sexier. and confident. n nicer. and not like her. a bitch plus a whore. =.= god. whats up with her man... at least reveal a lil uinder blazer or soemthng.. wil llook very nice. somemore she wore a polka dot pink n black design. with black colour bra cup. OMG. kill her pls somebody =.=''''''''''''''''
ok guys. ....lets get down to business.. ....
rememebr when i said... i'll be there with him as long as he need me, or before somebody else takesover my place? i said something like that.. u know. i know.. it s like wow. so fast n soon. .but.. its time i see.
this time, i have to fully let go now. he's stable now. my place no more. yea. everythigns gd for him.. .. somebody else taking over taking care of him n making him happy.. the right itme has come to finally let him go. he wouldnt even notice that. ha.
so. .its obvioiusly time to step further back now. just one last time peeps.. . k.. let me confide here ..
so yea.. .. it felt as though.. ...o well. nothing. but yea. i can see now. it is time to do so.
i should be very happy for him. thigns are going so well. yup. as long as thats the case, .. its time to let him receive his own happiness now.
u have no idea. how hard this decision is., but. i have to do this. if not, i might hinder him. n.. he'll be with the new person he love. .n he'll be back to where he belongs. . while i'll always remain here in pain. so now. my job been taken up by others.. it is time fo rme to... let go.. and let her or them to carry on doing a good job so far.. so yea...
i'll still wont be happy of course. .but.. i hope this is the first step for me to take. i duno what im talking about anyway. yea serioulsy. but i know.. i said it before. .so.. i got to keep my words.. and u know.. he can be without me now. cheers for him.
sorry peeps. .=./ letting u reading all about this pains n blah3.. again of me.. .im so sorry. but. yea ..just let me note it down one more time k.. n i'l ldo my best to note all down onto notebook next time. ....thx....
i guess.. i feel so emptier now than ever eh. . i duno who i am. .i duno what to do... this seems to be the case of my frens who broken up.. then. .after that. .tehy became crazy.. liek bitches. i wonder. .i did.. i truly did. .will i ended up like them too? a part of me saying yes. the other, say no. ..i duno man............
i just. . i just feel liek a shadow now. feel nothing. but sad and pains. n heartbreaks. i duno... wat to.. i duno.. ....
...duno should i ask my fren out tmr night anot. long time never go to my fav bar... rrly need to chill out badly.. miss that place. ... haiz.................. o well.
nvm. at least one down, the other alreayd good to go. i am glad things turn out this way for him. perhaps.. yea. this might've been what he needs after all.
glad tmr is another super busy day. to keep me outta my misery. just hate it when its time to eat, break n shower.. slping time.i hate being left alone. i hate being abandon again. i hate being wanna lovem, but i cant. i hate the dark. i hate the loneliness. i hate me. and i hate my health.
well. forget it ba. u know. i should probably go get a nice corset n a blazer tmr. always wanted to try it out man. why not now.
i .. rrly dont seem to care about anything else now huh.. ..o well. its ok. get used to it ba.
anyway, this be the me i was looking for rememebr? the me before i even met him. perhaps. .not so crazy semminly.. but.. yea.. kinda.. the one who. .who's kept in the dark.. n thinking of death most of the time. well, thats me. cant tell eh. becso well, for 3 years, i've been ina pretty gd state. just htat. thigns changed now. u cant do anythign much u wan when u're left tall alone suddenly standing only on chips of shattered glasses.
k ba, thats it. feeling a tiny bitsy bit better nw. but. .nthing can ever heal the pain in my heart.
i wish i could turn out like him. but sadly, i cant. im turning towards the other side of road.
mata
=( just now i vomited in the bathroom while bathing halfway. ..sighs.. duno why.... ..but didnt tell mum. scared wait she wan to clean up my mess. so i soehow. .rrly duno what to do too.. just clean lor.. somemore flood n stuck the drain.. sighs.. down on my l;uck man. .. =(
even when i drink i dont vomit like that. .and its been so long since i vomited.. .so yea. duno why. .mayeb my body too stress ba. argh. to vomit is one of the thing i hate hate hate the most in life. dammit.
argh.. duno ba. .duno why =( ... just feel so sianz now.
...
..haiz. so yea. oh. n. .god.. .i rrly duno hwo to handle mens. arghhhhhhhh so thick skin! heard i sick, wanna still meet me up and bring me food. i was like.w.tf? i dun need nothing. omg.. .sooo oirritating.... somemroe we're not super close.. al lthe more why shold i say yes? =.= like die3 wanna meet me. fuck. omg. its like. i shouldnt let such a person ruin my day eh. rrly. my god. i cna die sia. hate this life now.
but good thing morning still have a fren pop in msn for a chat... usually he's able to cheer me up.. but ...not this time. .. =/. im numb alreayd. . uh huh.... o well. .
i saw this young lady. with her bf. u know what she wore? a piece of corset. thats meant forthe inside. not as a outer wear. i was like....... omg. whats up with her damn fashion sense??????? omg.. .this cant be real. such a whore i tell u. corset should leave it inside. unless its those design type.. meant to wear as outer wear. hers is sooo obvious is a nighty la. OMG. i tell u.. wanna smack this bitch sia. seriousl!!! somemroe her bf like. .quite ok decent sort. omg. wtf.. . its meant to wear on the inside. not out!!! if wan, CAN. of course can. BUT wear a outer layer.. jacket. .or something.. as a 2 piece. then can look sexier. and confident. n nicer. and not like her. a bitch plus a whore. =.= god. whats up with her man... at least reveal a lil uinder blazer or soemthng.. wil llook very nice. somemore she wore a polka dot pink n black design. with black colour bra cup. OMG. kill her pls somebody =.=''''''''''''''''
ok guys. ....lets get down to business.. ....
rememebr when i said... i'll be there with him as long as he need me, or before somebody else takesover my place? i said something like that.. u know. i know.. it s like wow. so fast n soon. .but.. its time i see.
this time, i have to fully let go now. he's stable now. my place no more. yea. everythigns gd for him.. .. somebody else taking over taking care of him n making him happy.. the right itme has come to finally let him go. he wouldnt even notice that. ha.
so. .its obvioiusly time to step further back now. just one last time peeps.. . k.. let me confide here ..
so yea.. .. it felt as though.. ...o well. nothing. but yea. i can see now. it is time to do so.
i should be very happy for him. thigns are going so well. yup. as long as thats the case, .. its time to let him receive his own happiness now.
u have no idea. how hard this decision is., but. i have to do this. if not, i might hinder him. n.. he'll be with the new person he love. .n he'll be back to where he belongs. . while i'll always remain here in pain. so now. my job been taken up by others.. it is time fo rme to... let go.. and let her or them to carry on doing a good job so far.. so yea...
i'll still wont be happy of course. .but.. i hope this is the first step for me to take. i duno what im talking about anyway. yea serioulsy. but i know.. i said it before. .so.. i got to keep my words.. and u know.. he can be without me now. cheers for him.
sorry peeps. .=./ letting u reading all about this pains n blah3.. again of me.. .im so sorry. but. yea ..just let me note it down one more time k.. n i'l ldo my best to note all down onto notebook next time. ....thx....
i guess.. i feel so emptier now than ever eh. . i duno who i am. .i duno what to do... this seems to be the case of my frens who broken up.. then. .after that. .tehy became crazy.. liek bitches. i wonder. .i did.. i truly did. .will i ended up like them too? a part of me saying yes. the other, say no. ..i duno man............
i just. . i just feel liek a shadow now. feel nothing. but sad and pains. n heartbreaks. i duno... wat to.. i duno.. ....
...duno should i ask my fren out tmr night anot. long time never go to my fav bar... rrly need to chill out badly.. miss that place. ... haiz.................. o well.
nvm. at least one down, the other alreayd good to go. i am glad things turn out this way for him. perhaps.. yea. this might've been what he needs after all.
glad tmr is another super busy day. to keep me outta my misery. just hate it when its time to eat, break n shower.. slping time.i hate being left alone. i hate being abandon again. i hate being wanna lovem, but i cant. i hate the dark. i hate the loneliness. i hate me. and i hate my health.
well. forget it ba. u know. i should probably go get a nice corset n a blazer tmr. always wanted to try it out man. why not now.
i .. rrly dont seem to care about anything else now huh.. ..o well. its ok. get used to it ba.
anyway, this be the me i was looking for rememebr? the me before i even met him. perhaps. .not so crazy semminly.. but.. yea.. kinda.. the one who. .who's kept in the dark.. n thinking of death most of the time. well, thats me. cant tell eh. becso well, for 3 years, i've been ina pretty gd state. just htat. thigns changed now. u cant do anythign much u wan when u're left tall alone suddenly standing only on chips of shattered glasses.
k ba, thats it. feeling a tiny bitsy bit better nw. but. .nthing can ever heal the pain in my heart.
i wish i could turn out like him. but sadly, i cant. im turning towards the other side of road.
mata
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