When Is The Right Timing?

they say.... guys are the most insensitive creatures in the world.. 'idiots' over the phone.. like a block of wood.. knows nothing of women... knows nothing of how a woman feels..

i couldnt believe it... .. wow.. even till now.. i find it so difficult to open up with my brother in blood...
whereas with sam... i treated him even more... than my family... because he's my everything. almost like my hubby.
anything, he'll be the first person i talk to. i Love him alot. more than i could ever type or say. the feelings in your are the most difficult to describe.
i love him so much. he's so dearly to my Life.
its like..magic.. like.. imagine.. how at the beginning of matters a stranger at the beginning could become your everything.

relationships aint gonna be perfect all the time. it goes the same for everything in the world.
but.. but the first.. erm.. im not sure.. about.. almost a year? things are perfect with him..

he gone oversea... study.. live... another new life with his family..
how much tears this relationship causes me to shed because of that..

I.. thought.. i could have a 'target' u know.. like.. u know where ur your goal is... in how many months time its gonna come true.. so that when u are having the worst of ur time in work, u know its worth it, cos in some time later, u're gonna be meeting him in full happiness again. but.. all that is gone..

i truly fully understand how sam is feeling, what he meant by the 'right timing'. but... .... how about my timing.. how about my anticipation..
still... nonetheless... his concerns are good... i know. yet.. without a real exact date,... it'll be difficult for me to pull through everyday's goals...

i kept quiet for abit.. he asked why.. i say... i needed some time to digest the new info... cos my plans were destroyed.
then.. both kept quiet.. he never try to say anything as well.... till i decided to break the ice.. i asked him.. is he gonna wakey early to send his mum to work? he replied me 2 words. 'don't know'.
after that.. i do not dare to ask him any questions further.. he's playing his psp still.... ( i knew something isnt right. yet.. i say ok for him to play while talking..) =/ stupid me.

..then... .. well... just a cold goodnight... and.. yup.. that's all folks...

yes.. i understand his good intentions.. yet.. i.. ..... =/ .. was wondering.. if we could have the same goals... same thing to look forward to.. instead of so blindly looking forward to the unknown.... i need a goal.. im a woman.. and im especially Weak.... i need something to hang on to.. something like a goal... ... if its some uncertain type of dates... .. i have no idea... how to.. look for the.. Unknown...

.. im sorry i felt upset.. im sorry he should be in a bad mood.. =(
but....well..

hey.. u know why the reason i love to go sydney??
cos i really like it there. his frens are good. i love him. sydney to me aint bad cos of sammy... but. the point is,
the last time i went there and got back, my love for him increases for times and times. really...

i.. thought i could slp early tonight.. .. ha.. =/ .. but no.. im not gonna be sleeping...

....
o well......... ... theres always a reason behind everything.. now.. im gonna focus Everything on my interest.

im so not gonna slp for tonight.. sorry.. my prediction for earlier on post is wrong.. =/

alritey.. gdnight everbody..
wishing im gonna have a nice great sleep soon.

mata

Losing Sleep

hmm..... sleepyyyyyyyyyyyy zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz yawnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn

gosh.. slept at about 4.30am last night? tumble and fumble.. couldnt get to sleep at all. argh... tonight.. should have no problem.. hmmm =.= yeah.. cos im sooo sleepy... its ok.. the longer i hold on, the better i shall slp later perhaps. heh.

u know.. sometimes.. ppl forgot about some stuffs as day passes by.. u are so engrossed in something, that u might've missed out on something else more important in ur life. as humans, we, tend to do that time to time.. some.. may have realized..but choose to ignore it.. whatever it is, do always seek to cherish everything around u before the time comes for despair arrive..

today.. hmmm.. supposed to cook.. but.. daddy asked to head down for dinner.. so.. yup.. it alwasy feels great to know im having my dinner at the same time as sammy =)

hmm... and so..... well.. trying to find the correct height for my chair.. shoulder hurts...

haiz.... =/ u know.. sometimes come to think of it, life here is boring. but what to do.. u cant get everything nice. theres always a black and white side for almost anything.

hm.. really forgot what to say already.. ha..

perhaps tmr ne..

mata ne

Both Out, But Different Sat Night =/

u knw.. sat me out with mum, then at hawker,this malay guy plate cleaner standing beside this auntie
(plate cleaner too).
then this girl wearing a tight mini dress walked past,
he look at auntie, and give her the 'see, wow.. what a hot girl' look. omg.. im sooo disgusted by that. he's such a friggin lecher!!!! eeewwww!!!! he's like. .lifted his eyebrows that kind of expressions.. omg.. yikes...very9 disgusting for a man. stupid and very low in my eyes if u ask me. hmph. and he's quite young too. gosh. men!!

hm.. today ne.. actually not sure whether wanna head out anot.. cos.. mum's alone.. got nice tv at night. .most of all, theres sammy there. but.. me so not sure.. then sammy say he could go out with his frens.. then me.. think3, no choice.. could make up my mind, tehn.. haiz.. well, just anyhow choose one. oops.. i know.. but.. really have no idea at all.. so yup... then.. out.. gosh.. waited so long for bro.. and the bus ride home, is an hour!! jam!! town now really full of crowds ever since it became a 'shopping heaven'. gosh. me fell aslp in bus abit.. but.. well.. =/ kinda good thing i guess.. .. sam aint home yet.. and.. it seems like sam's day is good. swim3. music.. frens.. yeah.. ha.. nice huh.. so yup.. glad he enjoyed those.. and so proud he never drink abit though he aint driving tonight^^ . mine?? ha.. boring.. and very3 tiring!!! shoulders hurting, legs hurting.. =/ but yeah.. got a free meal.. cos of bro's vouchers. hm.. so yup..

=/ ok day for me.. wish it could've been more fun.. but.. well.. its alrite..

hm.. hopefully tonight can slp well.. ha.. almost wanna buy the insomia tablets. =X but too expensive abit.. so yup. never did.

hm.. =/ cant remember ne.. think theres alot to type.. but.. yeah..

hm... almost every part of my body aching now..

so.. wanna huggie him to slp... really3... ...

oh.. wow.. din know singapore.. had so many wow factors. haha. tallest coaster rides(even taller than orlando).. largest ferries wheels.. and 1st universal studio in south east asia. cool or what? ha. well.. its really nice.. and alot of foreigner cant wait to come already.
ha.. my bro.. sure not gonna ride in that... XD

hm.. ok.. then.. for now thats about it ba..

gosh.. me didnt realised.. should've known.. of all the times.. sigh.. its full moon!!!!! ytd, today.. omg.. no wonder my mood soo... =( sigh... why me never realised.. haiyo... =/ should've known better!! always forgot to check. in case u're wondering, it kinda got to do with my horoscope. gosh.. fullmoon plus the 'P 'u know what timing, spells diaster for the body mind and soul. =/ haiz.... bloody hel it is..

hm... goodnight swtheart... hope u know what(how) im feeling...

mata ne

Know What You Should Be Doing

my net been soooo slow lately. haiyo. irritating ne.

hmm... 2012.... totally forgotten about that.. then talking to my fren reminded me of it..

=/ its hard.. i.. check it out already.. seems like... its not that possible.. sigh.. see.. today ne.. dad was telling me how he paid for my share of payment for the house.. and saying good thing he have his ot money to pay.. otherwise where to get money.. i know.. march i'll start looking for one already.. but yeah.. it makes me realised.. that its compulsory for me to giv emoney for this house no matter what. i cannot stop for long.. much less for even a year..

now im clearer of what im gonna do.. but still.... im disappointed i cant.. ..sigh.. u know... =/ im upset.. but yeah.. what to do....

gosh... i had such a bad slp last night.. me slept at around.. almost 3am? wakey at 7.40am.. haiz.. was soo sleepy.. but since dad ask me go out.. then.. yeah.. now feeling so sleepy.. but.. dunno wanna slp anot.. =/ haiz... me feel bad..

son yeah.. last night.. dunno why.. my head keep thinking of sam.. then all the memories floated on.. gosh.. like.. crying.. so.. a couple of times, just decided to online for abit. then try to slp again. haiz.

u know.. i've been reading the news up from other countries. gosh its scary.. of course crimes are all around.. but.. the world outside singapore, gosh... it's sooo absurd and frightening. its sooooo freaky, inhuman.. gosh... unthinkable. =/ the world outside is so frightening.. they are.. crazy some ppl. like. .doing such things u couldn't imagine urself.. eew............

today really doesnt feel like going out.. but well... hm... i guess its about time me head out for some fresh air.

haiz.... i really miss the life with sammy in sydney.. =( still cant leave it behind.. sigh... =(

hmm... u know.. me so bored now.. =(

bro and redz playing ps3... =/ feel like an outcast..

k ba... though with plenty of false hopes and dissapointment,.. me finally kinda get the picture of where im heading for.. march.. here i come..

read the chinese horoscope today.. sammy's one is worrying.. the snake.. saying those singles in school will have alot of.. .. yeah.. =/ nonetheless... me treat these things as u know.. reference.. they mention too that those in relationship will get more strength and stronger. so yup.. me rather believe in the postive one.. but still. .course will worry...

hm... should i start my lessons next year or this year... -_-''.... ehhhhh. haiyo.. hmmmm..
oh.. come to think of it... ... atz ne.. let me met alot of new ppl.. i wonder how will my new workplace be like... and class... *glups.. o..k... ganbate... gosh.. feeling weird already.. but.. i.. ...feels like. .this is what im gonan be comfortable with more..
hm.. k then.. whatever is it, hopefully the customers, or colleagues, classmates in future, will be friendly ones. all the best.

eh... so gonna miss sam when he's in camp and so on.. ..well.. what to do.. =/ his school is starting.. .. haiz... i hope things wont change.. ..

mata ne.. ..

Sweet Dreams..

gosh.. after dinner feel like sleeping already.. dunno why these few dasy been slping like so tired..

hm.. so sleepy.. tv so boring.. =/ hm.. perhaps take a rest or nap after this? ..

oh.. dreamt of sammy last night. ha.. been dreaming so much of him.. ha.. o well.. its nice =)

hm.. today.. eh.. nothing in particular.. somemore.. tonight bro not coming home.. =/ haiz..

tch.. boring..

oh.. no response from the research yet.. haiz

hm.. k then.. gonna go chill abit ne..

=/

mata

Sweet Dreams..

gosh.. after dinner feel like sleeping already.. dunno why these few dasy been slping like so tired..

hm.. so sleepy.. tv so boring.. =/ hm.. perhaps take a rest or nap after this? ..

oh.. dreamt of sammy last night. ha.. been dreaming so much of him.. ha.. o well.. its nice =)

hm.. today.. eh.. nothing in particular.. somemore.. tonight bro not coming home.. =/ haiz..

tch.. boring..

oh.. no response from the research yet.. haiz

hm.. k then.. gonna go chill abit ne..

=/

mata

Questions To Open Up

hmm... =/ seems like.. my research from yesterday haven gotten any reply yet.. tch... hmm........ now im a little bit confused.. but.. words cant explain properly.. i'll give a a couple days more for room to think about. gosh.. i hate all this hassle. haiz.. irritating me.

today ne.. found a couple of sites.. regarding ldr matters.. and i like it. theres alot of ideas and stuffs.. and it makes me.. all the more.. trying to keep reminding myself.. perhaps say.. at certain point.. about what the advice says one should do..
then again, i do not think everyone suits the web ways.. i mean.. we each.. have our own ways of coping with one thing or matter.. if we change it, it might be better or not. becos u changed, u are not used to it, or simply the fact that the methods isnt suitable for this couple. i dunno.. but.. i think.. yeah.. should read.. but doesnt have to apply to everything they say. well.. theres still some great vital advices in there though.

ah.. ^^ just watched a movie with sammy through webby. movie aint that good.. but.. watching together is the best. =)
hm.. yeah.. its always nice no matter what movies.. so yup.. yay.. finally watch another movie. haha.
haiyo.. bro wanna use my lappy later.. his comp not working well-_- haiyo.. he ar.. haiz.. better save money an get a new lappy or fridge mah.. isnt that better.. =/
and oh, ha.. that movie's main character, is called sam. ha.. what a coincidence. XD

for me.. i now know where to spend my money on. right now, no doubt im saving up for a phone. as for the rest, im gonna save hard for the future, as well as for the trip to see him again.

half way watching the movie.. forgot what is it.. but.. something triggers my memory back to the day.. the first day me met his frens.. luna park closing.. we were at the playground.. looking out at the sea too.. trying to figure out where that duck gone after dipping its head under.. ha.. oh yes.. as i was saying.. it brought me back to the memory of his smile.. when he was pulling the hoop thingy. and trying to lift his fit off the ground.. then suddenly.. brought me to the whole memory.. the swing. and everything.. huu................... =( u have no idea how much me wanna cover him with blankie.. and tuggie him in bed right now.. ='( just to tug him and squeezy him tight... so wanna do that... really..

cant wait to see him.. ha.. and its only just the beginning of the year.. =( and i.. yeah.. its normal i guess.. dont say monthssss.. for days without meeting each other, is so.. =/ yeah..
next time im there, don care what he's doing.. maybe working already.. or.. anything.. as long as i get to hold him everyday even for a bit.. yeah.. that's all i wish for..

ah... was asking sam alot of questions just now.. shortly after, he asked me a couple too... its interesting.. and somehow... his questions.. more.. bold and open.. and.. somehow.. me in turn shoot his question back to him.. and somehow.. we ended up opening up the topic about what happen if new friends or ppl around us in our school or workplace took an interest in us.
and.. i also get to know.. how he used to be close with some of his female frens.. though its like.. bro and sis types.. that kinda makes it all the more worrying for me in a way i guess... he's going back to school again.. so.. yeah.. course would feel scared in a way.. =/ kinda like.. insecure..
we assure each other.. wont care them one bit.. and this topic, actually open things up,.. and makes me feel alil better..

and me told him about redz past.. and how he and bro come to be.. a bond so close like brothers.. and talking about his frens.. i know how he feel.. i had those moments too...
ppl close to u, then walk out on u for no reason. it makes me angry sometimes. but. i know... SOME PPL ARE MEANT TO WALK IN, AND THEN OUTTA UR LIFE. THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO STAY. ONLY FOR NOW, A MOMENT THEY'RE PASSING THROUGH UR LIFE. i knew about this way before my fren told me about it. and yup.. she's part of those ppl who was just Passing Through my life.

i used to have this fren.. female. we eat, had breaks together, walk together, stick together.. like.. 2 best of frens.. then out of no warnings, she gotten another new fren. and she treated me so badly.. and so coldly.. as though she know me no more.. she's even mean to me =( that 'fren' left such a huge impact in my life. =( she hurts me so much. i was so upset.. without warnings, without faults, i lost a fren just like that. all becos of a new fren she have. haiz..
if theres anything im proud of, its the straight personality me and my bro have.
anyway.... yeah.. i really disliek the feeling of ppl just passing through ur life.. u thought they might be close.. then they turn out to be those typical sort of frens.. argh.. sux.
and thats one of the reason.. why most females frens.. i not really that close with. sometimes.. they are too bitchy, talks alot, tlaks behind ppl's back. they simply cant be trusted.

thats why.. i really3 hate to be betrayed by trust.
i put all my trust in sammy.. becos.. u know.. when those times u just get this feeling that u should go for something. something right. and sure. its a feeling.. like.. u know who to trust. its scary sometimes.. to place so much trust in one person.. but yeah.. thats why its nice.. to get some assurance from him just now.. so. yeah..

through that conversation, i know some stuffs about him.. past or present..or future.. while he in turns, learn more about why the bond of bro and redz is strong. they hang out with each outer often. even till they can sleep on the same bed. ha...

just a couple of questions only.. if he's willing to talk too.. we might not sleep at all. ha. could continue onwards.. but yeah.. its 4am for him already. gosh.. so yup.. he really gotta go.
now me sleepy too. . bro just used my lappy.. me gona hurry finish blog and sleep.

ah.. had a dream.. wow.. sam., bro, sam's frens.. the twins. everyone had such a blast. fun time =) every smiling. sam was carrying on his back and walking.. with my legs dangling left in mid air though. like flat behind him. then he's holding my hands only. and walk slowly..
i was happy back then.. in my lalaland.. everyone is happy, having fun.. most of all, theres him.

k.. me better go off now.. gosh. me hungry! O.o guru2...

oh.. just thought of the muslim question sam asked me.. i thought he knew my answer already. ha.. but yeah.. i know.. its good for couples to ask each other again. refresh memory.. or talk in person.
but interesting thing is.. he ask me if i convert now can? or he say how. dunno. anyway, i was like.. XD how??? the only way i know. is to get married to a muslim. XD haha.. how to convert without getting married.. and.. it might be easier ba.. since when u get married into the family, u learn from there. anyway, good thing me dont mind it, and and my adaptation is good too ^^ . ha

hm.. ... u k now.. sometimes i wonder.. if me wanna study.. why work so hard for a piece of paper.. if it leads me to only stuffs im not interested in doing. but i know.. i know.. u need that to.. u know.. like some ppl said.. climb.. get higher pay.. but.. whatever it is.. i.. i would want to live my life.. doing something i like. not some boring atmosphere kind of place with ppl who everyday think of stabbing behind ur backs..
anyway.. i know.. its one thing to survive in this world.. another to pursue ur dream.. of doing what u like to do..

anyway.. kk.. going off for real nowXD had a treasuring convo today.. learnt quite a number of things from sam.. its good.. =) me shall slp tighter tonight.

mata ne. =)

Jockey Not

eh... ok.... so... my fren told me all about his job.. as a jockey. he's not a pro yet though.. on and on.. wow. the pay is realllly good. for a pro. and the attractive working hours.. most of all, u get to go australia.
of course theres alot of hardwork and pain involved.. but hey, no pain no gain.
well.... htough its tempting me.. hm.. i got a feeling it doesnt suits me. i dunno. just doesnt feel..that right. =/ not my interest bah.. 'cept that the horses are so cute. haha.

gosh.. my shoulders.. ouchie.. chair too low or what ne? hm....

eh.... gosh. .forgot what else to mention.. -_-

hm.. today.. not feeling that genki bah.. abit tired.. hm.. so weird ba ne..

tch.. =/ haiyo.. oh yeah.. perhaps not been heading out for some days already.. so.. hm... o well..

oh.. sam gave me a very good idea me never thought of.. hm.. yeah... i agree with it..
ha.. sometimes.. he can be very positive.. thast very good.. it influences me alot.. but there can be a bad side to it too. nonetheles,, its good to have some hopes and good vibes about it.

haiyo... no good vibes today. haiz..................... *pouts

mata ne

Shortlisted

and so.......... =/

erm... oh.. i mean.. another day of cooking..

erm.. the model agency msg me saying im shortlisted for this fruit juice tvc.. couldnt belive it.. erm.. will be shooting alongside popular super star.. couldnt be bother. then.. dunno.. shooting is within the next couple of days.. for 12 hours. -_- whatever happen, happens.. if theres extra cash for me, good. otherwise, enough to be shortlisted. enough said.

oh.. planned a movie date with sammy.. thought it was a good idea.. cos.. for long since we had one.. erm.. planned. yup. about.. 5months ago perhaps? yup.. so.. thats kinda pathetic. ha. well.... i wonder how it feels like if we can go out on the same day.. same time.. same place.. getting the same stuff... then back home.. can watch it. like. .going out together.. just that in different country.
but when.. both sides.. busy with studies.. =/ sigh.. i dunno.. we shall see then.. but.. yeah.. wont harm to just have a date at least once a month right.. =/
well... soon ba.. can watch.. seems nice.. hm..

so.. yup. looking forward to that ba.

thats it

mata

Pain..

ok.. cooked something easy today.. but very delicious... hm... today.. nothing much to do.. =/

morning.. me wakey becos of sudden tummy ache.... then.. got up.. headache.. gosh.. very very painful... had a dream.. about atz... theres my ex workplace.. khine.. izuan.. and mansoor.. ha.. its pretty clear the dream.. then after wokey, my head hurts like mad. subsided after me took some pills. gosh... headaches are frightening. -_-

theres this woman who's in a long distance relationship said this... friends or ppl ask her why didn't she go for someone in the local, its much easier to have a relationship. she replied them.. ''would u rather have Convenience, or True Love.''
hahahaha... that should shut them all up!! XD really like that answer. so true, and straight forward. it just hit the nails on the bed. cool. =)

gosh.. bro bought new games for ps3.. hm.. =/ expensive kana...

hm.. nothing much to do now.. tv.. also nothing nice..
i wonder what sammy is doing now eh..
there'll be skype for later on!! =) hehe. nice. ^^

mata ashita.

2 New Dishes! ^^

o..k.. this is sat.. ha.. wow.. so fast huh.. ... i really3 wish another year will be gone soon.. then another.. and another... ...
only then.. i'll be truly happy and belong to where im supposed to be..

yay... so happy my phone is back.. hm.. finally... ah.. then sp happy XD took alot of pics.. lol.. becos can finally use my phone! yeah.. still need a camera phone.. XD me not used to using camera.. ha.. actually.. dont really like the idea of putting photos in lappy file.. then delete the ones in memory.. cos like. .the other nights.. suddenly wanna lookey at some videos taken in sydney before me go lala land.. but becos its in my lappy, ha.. cannot watch.. o well.. but i understand.. if leave it in my memory card, will have no space already.

anyway... ha... today me cooked 2 dishes ^^ almost couldnt.. but then found the ingredients i need. so yup.. hehe. me cook vegies, and thai chilli fish. ^^ omg. .its delicious!! i like my cooking. =) hee.
hmm.... .. oh...... i think ne... ... i should start cooking some soups too... hmm....... k.. will study on that when im free.

morning wakey.. still feeling weak and with the nose.. u know.. but luckily.. a few hours later, me good to go.. so.. hehe.. found my stuff... collect my phone. .and its time for home. alot of ppl were shopping for clothes..shoes..bags.. os new year is coming. chinese new year i mean.. so.. yup.. me not interested at all.. cos alot of clothes i have already.. somemore.. its crucial time for me to save up... ha.. well, its alrite.. i'll just wear 'old' clothes for new year.. o well..
but just now ne.. came across this pair of earrings.. very nice.. very sweet looking.. but.. =/ couldnt bear to buy it... so... hm.. o well... nvm ne.. its alrite.. better to save up and get more important stuffs.
ha.. my mum actually also ask me to save up and can go sydney again if i want. XD yes.. i know. she doesnt have to remind me.. of course i'll do my best.. u know.. but.. hm.. things might be a little bit.. i dunno.. i try not to think so much now..
but thinking though.. should i go for my interest while working partime.. or fulltime.. hm.... ..... or just concentrate on one.. i think 2 better.. *think2... hm.. perhaps.. march.. i'll think about it. hm... yup....

ah... dreams.. me not sure ne.. whether i dreamt of sammy for the 5th time anot.. but.. i think i felt his presense.. im not sure.. maybe i did dreamt of him again. XD but cos of my nose.. its difficult to concentrate..
well, nonetheless, now my nose can smell again. heh.

hm.. well.. thats all for today i guess....
hm.. hopefully sydney's weather will be stable soon.. it seems really crazy up there dude.. =/

ok.. so.. thats all folks!

happy that my cooking improved.. and.. hopefully will continue in doing so. =)

mata ne

Anybody,No,DUST

omg.... im sneezing soooo much today.. =( i was prepared when i started cleaning the stuffs in my room today. but. i didnt expecet to last till now. gosh.. unlike the otehr time, after a nap, and bath, me ok already.. this time,. yes.. no nap.. but evenj after a nice bath. still my nose.. not any better.. =/ its terrible.. i hate this kind of dusty nose.. argh.. making me feel so sick.. like.. wana just faint onto the floor.. gosh.. terrible3... =( i cant wait to slp. and wakey hoepfully to a better feeling.

just spoke to sammy.. gosh.. sydney is so hot right now.. i remember the last day i was there, its 35 degrees.. and thats enough to get u feel so burnt up.. my... now its 40.. or even up to 43.. wow.. i cant really imagine man.. =/ terrible. u can get skin cancer easily..
anyway, i just hope sam will drink plenty more of icy cold water .. more than usual i hope.. his health is very important to me.. so yup.. i hope it'll get cold soon.. i mean.. colder..

gosh.. all this sneezing causing my mind to be in a whirl right now.. =( argh.. hope i'll have a nice slp..

last night,, and this morning. .really doesnt feel like getting up.. its raining.. cold.. then with the big blankie wrapped around my body.. with bloster.. most of all, theres his scent of smell there... =) gosh.. i dreamt of sammy for the 3rd time straight. wow. i was wishing for it to happen again.. but kinda have this feeling most likely it wont. but. i was wrong. omg.. O.O.. to my surprise, i dreamt of sammy for the third time row straight!! =D wow.. hopefully tonight.. =) yes.. hopefully yet again.. ^^

really wish for him to huggie my so tight now.. and during slping time... i can still feel him.. cos he's in my heart..

was going through the videos taken in sydney.. in one of the video.. i.. saw he turn his head.. look towards me.. i think he smiled.. well.. anyway.. .. =) wow.. haha.. me still mesmerized by him lots.. my heart skipped a beat! eyes couldnt take away from him.. yet.. heart is pumping.. face is flushing.. :P .. hee.. so glad he;s mine.. ^^ wow.. alwasy feel so lucky indeed.. =) thank god...

mistakes i might've made.. i do my best not to repeat them.. i wanna always.. see him smile.. instead of.. u know.. as long as he talk to me.. =) im happy.. though sometimes he can be very quiet.. and i always talk alot... ha.. well.. as long as he dont find me a nuisance.. just wanna tell him every little single thing..
me.. not sur ehow a guy feel or think.. so... yup.. will do my best to notice more..

hm.. k.. gtg. me starving!! better brushie, and slp. talk tmr k.. guru2 tummy now.. haiyoo...

yay.. me finally foudn the book i wanna find! omg.. its a miracle by somehow.. haha.

mata ne!

Calling Happy

gosh... feeling so hot right now... good thing theres wii to play while waiting for sammy to be back. hmm... so before that.. had dinner.. watch tv...

gosh.. had such a comfortable slp.. hm.. not say very comfortable.. =/ but well.. its nice.. kinda. haha.. hit the spray. and the moment i smell it, gosh.. i almost wanna hit the bed!! so.. down i go.. feeling alittle excited and some familiar aura there going on.. ah.. so nice and familiar.. leaving a space beside.. feels like he's right beside... without moving an inch,.. my body just lay right there.. ..there... sniffing in his sense.. the empty space almost as though its occupied.. i sleep.. feeling a sense of unknowing safe..becos feeling that he's near...

so weird.. haha.. dreamt of him for the 2nd night straight. =) sometimes.. u know those moments.. when u awakey a couple of times in teh middle of the night,.. but not really wakey.. more of like.. hm.. hard to explain.. anyway.. me wakey.. and the smell lingers on so strong.. and i think i kept smiling each time i smell it.. hahaha..... silly.. .. ah... tonight.. i shall do the same again..

so.. morning.. wakey.. feeling kinda.. hm.. abit sleepy still.. cos wanna slp back... back into dreamy land.. ha.. well.. went down for late breakfast with dad and mom.. hm.. then.. gib sammy a call.. wow.. that call is magical.. it totally changes my mood for the rest of the day. i was happy.. very happy.. its nice to hear him again.. his warm manly gentle voice.. =) ..

back home.. chatted abit with him before he went off for some time.. then.. yup.. just watch bro and redz play game..

hm.. but feeling very sleepy though.. ha.. perhaps my mind cant wait to go back to last night huh..

gosh.. :( my phone... huu.. still haven ask me to collect it.. argh.. its been a week already... haiz.. cant wait to get my phone back.. then hurry save up, get a new phone before it breaks down again. =/ cos for hte next time, im gonna have to pay.

hm.. today feels like a sunday.. everyone's home.. ..but... sammy isnt here.. well.. .. he'll be in my heart then.. looking through everything through my eyes.. my heart.. will always always.. have this spot.. where its a part of being sour..and.. yeah.. =/

hm.. i forgot.. did i mention in yesterday's blog about how pp reminded me of so much memories?
like.. how the first thought of him holding my finger gave me the butterflies in my stomach while i was waiting for a bus.. wow.. haha.. that feels.. the memory still feels so fresh.. as though its only a couple of months ago..
and how he talked about wanting to build a bike which look something like the bike from ff7 movie.. haha.... =) i actually held his hand when we cross the taxi stand.. i was thinking at that time.. oh no.. would he think im such a 'anyhow' type of girl?o.O hahaha.... cos i was rushing to the busstop or something.. so had to pull him along.. theres cabs coming along the way as well.. ha..
XD ahh.. sweet2 memories... even with the first kiss going on..
well.. i guess.. for every firsts.. its always so sweet and innocent..
so beautiful.. such memories..
he's deeply etched in my heart...
yet still feel the heart hurting whenever misses him much..
its cant be helped.. for i could not see him, nor feel him to be sure of his safety..

ah... shooty.. got another long scratch on my thigh accidentally... =/ gosh..

hmm.......... k then.. i guess i should be slping early tonight huh..
hmm.. =/ i duno.. o well. .shall see then.. cos not everyday i get to feel happy like this..

mata

Nice New Dish!!

haha.. suddenly feel abit sleepy.. *yawn...

hmm.. today finally last step to settle my stuff.. then mum accompany me too.. walk around for abit.. me couldnt find the cleanser i want.. haiyo.. but managed to get the spray both me and sam like. ^^ he alwasy buy afew cans at one shot.
hee... ^^ today aint bad i gotta say. ahh.. can smell him already.. XD heh.. tonight me so gonna spray it :) ^^ will have extra swtdreams!
oh yeah.. dreamt of sammy last night:) ^^ nice..

was trying to find a book. then somehow couldnt find mum.. me walking around in bookshop.. feeling alil frustrated already.. ha.. then saw this uncle sitting on the sofa.. keep looking at me. idiot.. =.= me walk behind him searching for the sight of my mum.. i turn, he still dare to turn his head to the back, and look at me!! omg!! he's such an.. argh! i purposely stare at him for a sec.. he's still looking.. argh.. bloody hell... as i walked off, i really have the urge to turn my back, and shout at him. wth u looking for?? omg.. thick-skinned uncle. pfft! thats why.. nowadays.. if im already angry, i really musnt encountered any irritating ppl. most likely i'll lose my cool. haiz.. perhaps.. o well.. i learnt how to stand up for myself more from the ppl around me, especially sam. haha. so yup.. if that day i was angry, im so gonna shoot back at that girl who say 'yes do u wanna say something?' with that irritating rude face of hers.. omg. .im still angry at that! XD ha..

woo.. cooking... :) hehe... im satisfied with the results today.
wasnt prepared to cook today.. cos was out.. then reached home.. mum about to cook..while sam pick his mum up.. so.. me thought of givng my mum a hand.. then open fridge, hehe.. saw hams.. then.. thought of an idea! ^^ and ta-da!! in no time, the dish is done. and it taste good. hehe.. me mixed afew herbs.. something never done before.. just do it with the sense of my smell and thoughts.. XD and yay.. haha.. it taste good :)
then.. mum cooking fish.. me add some spicy-ness to it. and its turns out really nice. i like that fish more.
then.. mum cook vegie.. again, me add half, she add half.. and.. yay.. done. lol.. was supposed to just help her.. but end up adding stuffs into it XP nice.

hmm.. imagine if i can do this with sammy.. buy decide what to cook.. then buy ingredients at supermarket.. tehn cook together.. lol.. if i try to add stuffs into his dish, might kena chase out XD! nah.. ah.. tehn eat.. watch tv.. or dvd.. =) isnt this one of the best way to enjoy some precious time with ur love one?? =)after eat.. bath.. then.. slping time.. psst.. wil be extra nice and sweet ^^ ;) hee.

hm.. ok.. .. this is one of the best dish i created =) ah.. even better than cookbooks.. it depends.. sometimes cookbook can help only a little.
ah.. yup.. this is what i like to do.. finally have time to do it.. to cook..pratice...and pratice.. try out different kinds of new dishes.. ha.. its nice. especially awaiting for the comments after that. XD

hm.. sleepy already.. O.o.. ha.. but im happy to wakey early too. ha.. as though wakey with sammy.. hm......... ....
well.. im gonna use all the time i have now to do what i've always wanted to do before i quit. so yup.. after cny.. uh huh.. gonna start all over again. =/

hm.. k then.. tmr.. hm.. wonder how will it be like..

mate ne

Getting Married

hm.... today ne.. ...........reminded me of one of the days..where u keep on.. =/ .. felt abit... =/ hm...

nah.. forget it..
u know.. from what i see.. i wonder if this could be true.. once the boy dump a girl, hm.. depends.. they might be together for long.. then after he dumped her, the dumb guy regrets, and want the girl back. whereas the girl, by then, would've change from crying all day and night, become a playgirl.. hm.. or rather.. just find a bf as quickly as changing clothes. and her sense of dressing will become more daring. like a changed person. hmm... =/ im just wondering only..
cos one of my fren recently broke up with her fiance. and her pic in msn like.. erm.. very very erm.. i dunno. diff? =/
well... all thanks to those stupid men who chooses to give up the world just becos of a moment of folly. sigh.. i hope she moves on well.. well.. she found a guy she likes.. so.... hm.. o well, whatever happens, all the best to her ne.

my malay fren could be getting married in june. i was taken aback. as i was pretty sure most of them always undergo engagement first. so... i dunno.. i was wondering if she's pregnant or something.. cos she say she cant go back to her bf house now. i ask her, she never reply. .so.. yup.. thats her own privacy. then me go ask sam, he thought i was talking about myself.. like as though he's gonna have a heart attack. -_-''.... dots... men.. o well..

ah.. speaking of her marriage... haha... im happy for her. get to wear beautiful gown.. erm.. i dont think its gown.. but im not sure what their 'gown' is called for the traditional one..anyway, a woman only gets to marry once in her lifetime.(depends if she change husband anot) well.. i heard some couples actually held another wedding when they're old at certain age.. to renew their vows.. well.. i guess thats for a very romantic and rich old couple to do so.. :)
so as i was saying.. happy for her.. young bride in a beautiful gown.. such a happy occasion.. but.. hm.. honestly.. im still doubting her guy though.. =/ who used to be a playboy.. hm.. difficult to explain.. but.. o well.. hm.. just wish her all the best. hopefully she really get married.. but.. hm.. somehow i just have this strong feeling she's pregnant.. really.. no reason for her to get married now ar.. unless the guy wanna 'tied' her down first before he ord. ah.. whatever.. just hope she'll have a happy family. thats what she wants. and thats what most girls want.. :)

today i was sneezing alot.. now still feeling weak... =/ but better after a short nap.. was shifting my desk.. yes.. now i can sit properly.. in front of lappy. and at least legs wont be that pain.. hm... then was busy settling my stuffs.. writing and sneezing..and coughing abit.. gosh.. i look as though im writing my last letter or something O.O.. then.. after hours, finally done... then me go rest abit... nap.. bath.. eat.. ah.. still feeling all so weak.. my eyes too.. i guess ever since i came back.. hm..=/ so nice.. over at sam's house.. me only sneeze like once or twice.. cos of too cold thats all. :( sigh.. yes.. even though i say to him i prefer singapore..singapore is indeed a better place.. but yet.. nowhere is nice if he's aint there..i just wanna be where he is.. wherever he is. is the place i wanna be...
sigh.. how i wish to work there.. earn more money.. and yet get to see him. .. ha.. .. =/

hm.. oh.. last night the movie didnt get to finish watching it. argh... load so long!! gosh! -_- so end up slp early.. yup.. thats what i need. ..i need him most..

hm.. time somehow seems to be moving.. somehow not... ... i've been back for about a week now.. :( ..heart still isnt here.. haiz.. :(
how many more years to go? ..hm... he said its 7 years.. its 6 if he's lazy to do the 7th one.. ha.. i hope its 6..
i wonder how i'll feel when im used to him being far away for so long..
have i gotten used to it already? No.. of course not.. perhaps.. he's always in my heart.. ha.. o well..

hmm...... i hope i can put my words across.. as to how i feel..

hm.. feeling a little blue... *pouts

weird ne..

mata...

E-Book

gosh.......... been almost a year since i purchased a Ebook.. its meant for sam.. before he flies off.. i thought of giving the book to him as a farewell gift.. but.. i really thought that was supposed to be a book. a real book. then when i received it, its in my comp!! O.o........ dots.... then worse.. that time me haven get a laptop of my own yet.. and my bro's comp is too old.. the e-book couldnt be read... haha.. gosh... then yup.... time pass by.. and i never mention this to sam.. XD ha... then today... i recalled it.. and i tried.. email here.. email there.. and phew..... good thing it work through! it worked for sam.. gosh.. so yup... ha... well.. =/ i guess i've been too busy about being upset since he's gone.. and me been working hard.. and missing him.. that really totally makes me forgot all about the e-book. hm.. i haven read all of it yet.. but.. im guessing its not a big book.. but theres some info in it.. i think should be useful.. hm... well.. lol.. indeed book might be useful.. but i guess e-book for me.. ha.. whenever i online, and nothing to do already, i can always one click it to open and read something from there. should be good. :)
anyway.. im determined to read all these.. im thinking it should be helpful.. cos.. both of us.. well.. were at our beginning of our ldr.. it should do even for abit of help.. well... cos we have long years ahead of us ne..
ha.. hope sam wont fall aslp so fast ba.. yeah.. i know.. imagine he's busy with school already.. =/ still.. well.. i'll be happy if he could just read one small little paragraph.. and remember them before he slp.. but.. ha.. i got a feeling he's gonna forget it when he wakey. XD.. o well...
so yup... ha.. wow. .finally he e-book is our hands.. both of us.. :) i shall give myself rules to read at least one paragraph or more each day. definitely. must be a rule.. so i can stick to it no matter how tired i may be.

u know.. my frens were asking me hows the ppl there in sydney like.. and that reminded me of something.. argh! now still angry at the thought of it. the youngsters there.. see.... i was standing in front of this sales assistant.. she seems really busy.. i was hesitating whether to ask her at this time or should i approache others.. then she look up at me and say: 'yes? u wanna say something??' in a very rude and impatient tone!
omg... i was so offended!
she could've say 'may i help u?" my god.. i still kinda remember her face.. gosh.. sooo freaking rude. what a girl!! gosh..

haha.. my bro gib me a file..and inside, he places a chinese new year cookbook in it. lol. he was asking me to cook those 'goodies' on new year.XD lol. yup.. goodies meaning nice dishes in the new year cookbook he given me. ha.. well.. no need for him to say.. i'll do it. hm... ........... this year.. ...chinese new year.. wont have sam.. :( .. but its part of those moments i gotta get used to.. =/

ah... stars.. he say can see stars outside his house. but.. ha.. i tried.. but couldnt catch any glimpse of any stars XD hm.. maybe i realy never look that hard enough.. somemore.. looking from through the windows in his bedroom..hm.. nope. .cant see a thing. well... teh gap's too small anyway. ha. but theres one night.. we came back for the first time late after a trip to city.. and he parked his car at home.. and i looked up.. i took a pic though.. beautiful moon... really nice night.. with beautiful moon to end the night.. hm.. it might've been 30th of dec... hm.. should be the day we're having paddle pop by the beach.. yup :) then night into the city.. then he hit his car a little bit.. after ice cream by the city.. we stop by there.. enjoyed the views..and for ice creams..after chilli sausage buns.. o well.. a night i will never forget.. :) very..very..memorable.. ... ... =/.. i miss everything........ ... haiz..

it really feels like a dream.. i think back.. wow.. but no.. its not a dream. cos i could feel everything.. well.. theres more to come.. no worries.. it'll always be a part of my life now.

ah.. today.. ha.. well.. whole day in front of lappy.. watch animes.. watch3.. then now watching movie.. hm.. i mean blogging now.. feeling sleepy.. hm.. see how.. maybe get some early slp tonight again..

thought wanna cook today.. but redz called too late to say they;re coming back for dinner.. i was already in the middle of watching shows.. ha. so yup...

mata...

My Precious Treasure

gosh.... i was dreaming of being with sam.. and all his frens.. i was very3 sleepy.. so slept early like about 11pm? yeah.. then my fren called and woke me up! -_-.... grrr.... my sweet dreams!! T_T huu..... so sad.... good thing i was able to fall back aslp fast.. too slpy.. today too.. now..i mean. so like yeah.. argh... bloody hell.. T_T was having such a nice dream.. :( away from this reality.. sigh.. thought i was back in sydney again.... :(.. huu....

sigh. oh.. then that night i was out with my frens.. i just remembered... my fren was having some probs.. and he sort of says.. good thing he have 2 best fren of me and zuan with him.. otherwise he also duno who to talk to.. hm.. =/ lets just say its some personal prob of his.. so yup... lol.. never thought of him as my best fren though.. but.. well.. doesnt matter.. just hope he'll feel better in days to come.

u know.. =/ whenever i miss sydney, or the times sam drove me ard,.. i'll look at this 3D viewer thingy i bought in sydney.. u can see the views of sydney in full 3D. i look... saw teh opera house.. oh.. thats where sma took me there.. but a pity we never get to go in.. then theres the harbour bridge.. he drove me past there... i was even so near to it.. ha.. hm... then theres alot of houses u could see in the 3D viewer.. i tried to fine his house.. wondering.. could it be somewhere in this map... i see the boats.. we were in one.. ..=/ yeah... .. i really do look at it alot.. reminds me of the times and place there.. the roads.. i can picture him driving me around... yeah.. its a nice map indeed.. .. o well....... ...haiz...

that night, my fren say my ring looks nice.. asked me if someone gave it to me, or i bought myself.. ha.. it still looks good even though the colour had came off huh... yeah.. i took a real good long look at it... wow.. the bronze part.. became gold.. then now it's faded gold.. i didnt realised the colour is so off now.. ha.. well. i didnt get any ring from australia.. but.. even if i did.. hm.. it still wouldnt come twice as important as this old ring of mine.. cos it's from someone really special to me.. and this is the first sort of erm.. 'real' pressy he give me.. it wouldnt've feel the same if i bought it myself. gosh.. speaking of importance.. u have no idea.. me neither..kinda.. this ring of mine.. for 2 years.. i really cant afford to lose it now.. everytime i thought i misplace it, i felt as though my heart or gonna jump out, or break. :( gosh,, its always so frightening. i make it a habit to remember for sure where i place it in case i took it off to bath or something. i cant lose that ring. thats my precious treasure now..

did i mentioned this?? ha.. on the last day before we're leaving for airport, sam fell aslp..(as usual^^) me took this opportunity to take 2 videos of me, and a recorded msg for him in his phone. of course wanted to give him new ones :) and been wanting to do that.. but din get a good chance.. oh!! left him a note too.. cos in case me didnt get to use his phone. haha.. so yup... finally phew.. :P his family not around, he's slping.. phone out in the open.. XD so..yup. done! hehe. but really in a rush though.. and so afraid he was gonna wakey :P phew... was late for abit to wakey him up.. but its alrite.. we get to reach on time. ha.. but wouldnt mind even if me really cant make it to the plane:P would be happy. uh huh....

we're away... cos wasnt at home that day.. 2 of us yes.. was missing him so much.. even now too... well.. it'll always be this way.. just the difference of how much extra more im missing him.. ha.. always alot desu.... always...

ok.... so. my bro hit the target or something.. he got the taka vouchers or something... he bought a oven.. -_- and a ps3. .............................. ...p...s...3.... o...k... ... hm..=/ i duno man.. if he;s not using it much.. like.. wasting the vouchers or money.. tch.. sigh.. o well... ... =/ i dunno.. i cant control him..or tell him what to do.. can only give him advice..

today busy... erm.. wakey.. cos told my mum would head down for breakfast with her in mrg.. so.. yup.. was soo slpy.. yet forced myself to wake up.. online abit.. then headed down.. eat.. and bought ingredients.. cos wanna cook for tonight. so... whipped up some nice thai fishcakes.. :P hehe... ok.. the taste about there :) but the texture.. ha. no worries.. shall improve bit by bit :) thast what cookings about sometimes. u can get better and better.. trying to get it taste all the more heavenly :) im pleased with the results for tonight :)

gosh.. sooo sleepy.... zzzzz

oh.. so i was saying.. home.. then.. watch sunday tv.. gosh.. about some dance movie.. ballroom dance.. omg.. its beautiful... :) so wish i could do it.. with the one i love.. its so graceful..so beautiful.. :) ahh... ^^ so nice..

then.. doing my stuff while watching tv.. gosh.. didnt know i could do it for hours... O.O.... haha.. so long.. hardwork eh. worth it.. about to complete it.. hm.. then.. no time for rest.. time to cook! cook.. then eat.. then tv start again.. ha.. so yup.. its a pretty good sunday i guess.. rare one.

so here i am.. blogging.. feeling my eyes closing.. ha..

theres yet so many things to try out with sammy.. and i cant wait to do it. :) :P bleahx.. not saying here.. ^^ hee.... lalala...

hm.. strange.. thought theres alot to blog about today.. well.. maybe im too sleepy to think.. ha..

mata ne!

Just A Paper Job

ok... so... my fren had a piece of good news.. end of this month, he's getting 3 months bonus!! he's working in a very3 big company.. erm.. c-gate.. no.. i think should be G-gate. izuan's accent.. sometimes the G can be heard as C. so yup.. me assume its G-Gate company. then like yeah.. he just started not even a month! wow. hahaha.. cool. he'll be giving us a treat he said. ha..
so like.. =/ o well.. we just felt kinda sad for khine.. another guy from myanmar.. he graduated from singapore unni already.. heard his course is business... haiz.. but yet he's working in atz.. duno ne.. so.. haiz.. wasted.. whereas my fren only got a poly diploma.. then.. yeah... such a huge difference.. haiz. =/ poor khine.. lucky lulu..

of course lulu's job aint easy too.. besides facing the machine everyday, screwing here and there, alot of screws by the way.. he also said that.. actually... whatever he learned in school, its totally different from what he;s doing at this job now. he say its true... all thety want is a piece of paper(certificate). thats all. even I can do his work he said. ii was like.. what??? so i could do his job too.. o..k.... whatever u learn in school, its all gone down the drains? O.o ... gosh.. wasting time looking through those books?? =X and spend all ur time reading it? in the end.. u get a job, that requires nothing of what u learned from school, and anyone can do it. -_-... lucky he or what.. stupid paper or what.. wasting time or what.. ha.. .. so.. u spend tons of money, spend times in school.. .. just to get a piece of useless paper to aide u into getting a job where u gotta learn everything starting from scratch again. hmm.. -_- .. well.. mhy bad.. its not really that useless.. just that.. =/ i don get it.. starting from scratch again huh.. so.. whatever u're learning in school might not be put to use after all.. ... so wasted. =/ he say everywhere its like that. but i know.. it depends sometimes..well then.. if he say even i can do his job, menaing his job should be a easy one... kinda i mena..in a way. ha.

im so sleepy still.. straving.. feel like cooking today.. but too sleepy.. haiyo..

hm... so.. haiz.. really2 wish i could go along with sam last night.. :( golf.. bowling.. tehn have nice nice ice cream.. bailey somemore.. i wonder how it taste like.. =/ so wish i could enjoy with him.. ...
as for my side, it began when his side are about to end.. cos waiting for my fren to knock off.
so.. blah3.. its a freaking very4 long journey.. -_- .. so,.. meet up, gib the m prezzy, eat.. chat.. then me hurry home.. doesnt feel like staying for the night.
omg!! somemore!! i got burned by cigarette 3 times!! T_T by my fren -_-.. haiz.. almost all the times i sat with him while he's smoking, i'll get burned by him accidentally. last night was the worse. left hand. right hand. then knee.. omg.. my knee.. that one really2 hurts.. i could feel teh pain man! but its only when i reached home, then i saw theres a scar.. like black mark there.. T_T huu.. stupid sia.. me always try to stand away from him.. but yet.. haiz.. he ar... -_- argh....
o well.. i should've been more careful.. wont ever3 stand next to him ever again! gosh.. his hands so.. haiz.. -_-

in the bus ne.. theres this couple standing in front of me.. hugging so tight.. reminded me of myself ya know.. head on the chest of sam.. he wrapped his big warm comfy hands around my waists.. .. :) yeha.. felt abit.. like.. u know.. miss it.. but.. somehow.. its alrite there..for some bits.. cos i know he's in my heart everywhere i go.. and i can really still feel him holding me in the bus even its too squeezy. yup.. i felt him.. ^^ hee.... he'll always be a part of me.. :)

yay!!! cheers!! u know what!! the sales this year for atz dropped!!! parkway dropped the worse!!! our boss hahn, even told izuan.. that he made a big mistake by transferring him outta parkway. ^^ hehehehe... see. .realises his mistakes now huh..
from 3 xmas seasons i worked there in p.p, every year we break the old record, and bring the sales to a whole new level! sales always gets much better after each yeah. 2008's xmas has the best sales in p.p. thts my final xmas in atz there. and i remember we're so glad to break the record yet again :) see.. now it dropped. hahaha... yay :)
see.. thats what happens when u put that auntie there. -_- grr.. anyway yup.. haha.. :) glad that happened. when me and izuan not around, then it dropped. :)

gosh im starving... now me not having much of any staple proper meals ne.. how ar.. if me dropped to 40kg again.. nah.. anyway.. just take it naturally.. have my vegies.. and all.. oh.. =/.. shoot.. hhaaha... me usually din eat fruits. XD really like to though.. but.. hahahha.... XD would prefer if ppl cut for me. lol.

gosh.. stil lsleepy.. but its sat.. hm... =/... well.. its either i'll have an early night tonight, or i'll stay up just abit longer thats all.. see if theres any nice sat night shows around :) hee. can feel im watching with him together as always.. :)

mata ne!

Gathering Night

believe that love & relationships are what make your life special, and that ones built on love & understanding are always worth preserving, regardless of the miles that may separate two people... yes. i believe that its worth it.. and its worth the time..

ne.. come to think of it, my nose been sneezy in sydney for only.. i dunno.. once? tehn now im sneezy here again.. for 3 weeks.. one time sneeze already consider good huh. o well..

sleepy again.. ha.. auto wakey mah.. again same time.. hm.. gonna be holding onto my penguin cube with white liquid inside.. and watch them moving all around.. hten fall aslp.. yes.. gonna take a nap now.. wanna find some stuff.. so.. me would be heading earlier out abit later. anyway sammy will be out. so nothing for me to do here.
yupp.. then heading to my fren's house for gathering. ha. everyone is like.. wah.. come back, never tell them. XD im like.. dots.. must tell arXD? i thought tell my bf can already ar. and family of course. hahaha.. anyway.. yup.. my frens asked me out.. but actually didnt really intend to go.. but since sammy heading out.. well.. i tell him i'll find my plans then. so.. yup.. agreed to the gathering. ha.. i wonder how have they been.

alot seems to've happened.. ppl got fired.. ppl disappered.. ppl got transfered.. ppl still stayed on.. izuan wanna tender on monday.. o well... poor izuan and khai.. sigh.. =/ everyday full.. if only they make noise.. sigh.. =/ they should've done that.. the bosses are taking so much advantage on the staffs.

that day, i told bro to work hard and climb for the top.. cos we're tlaking about some stocktake matter.. anyway, then he say yeah.. if supervisors, very busy.. any tough customers, or what.. will get push to the supervisor. then me and redz agreed.. of course its tough. its either u want get good pay, and handle the tough job, or u remain in normal position and just do what u're told.. easy breezy.
nothing good can be gain without some hardwork. yeah.. im sure redz understand that too. but it can proved too much of a stressful position u know.. thats why we both turn down the chance to further it down..

hm.. sneezing2.. =/ k.. im gonna grab a nap..(hopefully can fall alsp..) then wakey.. eat..bath..get ready.. then head out. hopefully can find stuffs thats good.

hehe. :P shh

mata ne

Street Smart? O.o

ok :) really happy for my fren. turning 22 this year, with a poly diploma, my fren is earning 28oo per month.he's a technician. he say theres a few ot to do too.. and he dont mind doing it.. so.. at the end of the month he's getting over 3k. :) yeah.. really thats a happy matter. young and not even yet to uni. thast really great he found this job. but of course.. its tough.. very tough.. but hey. no pain no gain dude.everyday wakey early.. and faces the machine all day long. haha.. but yeah.. was shocked he got such a high pay. ha... anyway.. he say might be going to uni 2 yrs later.. lol. i gave him alot of advice! he even say wanna talk to me soon of the relationship stuffs.. cos he have no one to talk to .LOL. i didnt know i can become someone like that XD ha...
he was saying wana get this about.. 500 bucks worth of those erm.. small lappy for her.. ha.. =.= i duno what to say.. haiz..

anyway, sigh.. my phone.. send for repair.. but glad no need to pay.. but this is the last time.. sigh.. i hope to get a new phone before its faulty again =/

today... so.. yup.. met bro for lunch with redz.. then accompany him for interviews.. before sending my phone for repair.. so yup.. hopefully will get it back asap. my old phone im using for now, the batt really died out easily. with an hour or 2. =/ haiz.. so troublesome.. wanna msg or what, gotta wait for some whiles, then hurry msg before outta batt again. on and off.. keep doing that.. hm.. =/ still can hold on.. but..abit troublesome thats all..

ha.. sleepy already... ..at this time.. in bed with sam already.. keeping warm with each other to slp.. ..=/ ...huu...

oh my fren ne.. much3 older than me.. yes.. he gib me advice sometimes.. but im giving him more useful ones. can u imagine that? ha.. but happy to help.. he say have alot of respect for me. LOL. i was laughing so hard.. someone actually thought of me like that huh .wow. XD!!! so funny and weird!! no wonder he was saying to his fren how world apart me and his gf are. same age.. yet thinkings and everything is different (=.= duh.. im not like other girls out there) . so yup.. been trying really hard to help him with his relationship. he said im way 'straight up' and smarter than her. LOL. i think thats the first time someone say to me im smart for so many times XD
he also say.. 'trust me what you have is worth more than any piece of paper education'.. i know.. i know that... but still it aint enough.. i need to have the other item now.. hm.. sometimes i also dunno how im able to say the things to ppl who needs help or advice.. but.. ..o well.. thanking him here for his advice and compliments.. and wishing him all the best with his girl. hope matters will be fine soon for him.

ok.. my luggage's almost done.. almost.. gonna pack more.. geez.. man.. i really can fall aslp at like.. around evening time! sleepy.. maybe tmr might wakey early again.. ha. but its alrite.. i can get to slp earlier :)

hm.. abit hungry now... but very sleepy.. ha.

so... yup.. looking forward to grab my phone back.. .. but the most looking forward matter to is.. seeing him again... haiz.. i really do hope soon..really wanna go there againb.. had so much nice memories there.. :)

dunno why ne.. like.. its so cold everywhere.. at the malls.. like.. yeah.. really cold.. so wishing sammy's here to walk and cuddle with.. very nice ya know..

hopefully tmr can rest whole day ^^ should be ne.

jaa.. mata ne..

-She's glad she found the man who love her for who she is =) -

Happy Time Flies :(

hmm.... ok.. so.. auto wakey at this time again...

haiz.... so wanna see sammy's morning smile again.. so kawaii and sleepy .. nawww.... =3^^

eh... today's blog gonna be messy abit too? haha.. oh.. last night was too sleepy.. knock out in bed.. gosh. cant keep my eyes open.. so couldnt blog..

hm... ha.. so funny.. even up till now, i still keep shouting out loud hwy am i here?? as in back to singapore.. i cant belive im back in singapore :( sigh... my beautilful paradise life of 3 weeks.. so fast its over.. ... yeah i know.. time is always running.. always moving... month by month will pass... may seem slow.. but it is moving.. BUT. usually it passes fast cos u are having great times. if u're having bad days, wouldnt u be thinking how bad and slow this month goes?

sigh... its alrite.. =/ he's still in my heart.. ..and i see him everywhere i go.. he'll always be a part of me no matter what. and thats forever for sure :)
still misses him alot though.. .. he was just right beside me.. i hugged him tight and kisses him goodbye before i left.. ... :( it was a tearful depart.. sigh........... ... he was still right there.. right beside me.. i could hug him so tight.. now i look beside me..., he's no longer there... but i know he love me alot.. alot4... and his presense still lingers here always.. so.. yeah.. that'll do.. ...i'll hold on to that.. ..

..so.. me told him the truth.. .. really wanted to get that off my chest for so long.. and now i finally did.. and im so happy of his reactions.. he didnt mind at all.. im so glad im with the right man.. huu... im so lucky... T_T he really love me No Matter what..
so now.. i gotta find another plan of my own.. theres a few ways to go.. not very clear.. ..but.. well.. not very sure of where to start yet.. but.. should have a way.. just gotta find it.. so.. yup..
me gotta find some ways to clear it then.. i hope i can. really have to

omg.. haha.. now feeling abit sleepy XD

argh.... my phone yet again spoiled!! gotta send it for repair later :( sigh.... bloody hell. =.= always like that. but this time i need to pay.. haiz.. hope not expensive.. :( gonna get the new phone soon i hope.. ... argh.. dunno.. now alot of things need money.. shall see how then.. =/

ah.. last day staying at sam's house... ha.. surprisingly the night time, and morning time, and night slping time, im not feeling cold at all! not shivering! haha....like just nice..
man!.. only on my last day im feeling ok with the water XD geez haha.. but yeah.. last night there.. hm.. sam not feeling that well.. scared the wits outta me! somemore he's in cold sweat.. phew.. turns out he's fine after slp.. phew. .

yesterday bro and me accompany redz for interviews... the first interview i like.. but dunno how much the pay.. its some sort of toy shop.. but it sell other items as well.. abit like mini version of mph. but see how bah.. let redz go first.. when im ready, maybe.. just maybe.. i might head for that one.. but. hm.. not sure if i wanna look at toys again.. ha. but nice place..

later heading out to have lunch break with bro.. then yup.. repair my phone..
hm... =/ still feeling kinda weird... woke up.. didnt have anyone to kiss nor cuddle up with... and no hair to ruffle with.. ..
no one to have breakfast with.. back to my old life style again..
but yes.. stay positive.. only 7hrs away huh.. the map shows its so near.. .. so yup... .... we're still very in love.. so.. yeah.. will be alrite..

level up alot ne.. i feel.. ha.. yeah.. more confidence now.. in everything.. both of us.. more and more.. always.. going strong..
now my heart is stronger than ever now. even love too. =) i hope he feels the same way..
..when his school starts..., i guess that might be the hard part.. ..but yeah.. gotta pull through it.. =/ sigh..
...i just dont wanna end up like my fren fren's situation.. on the final 5th year, then found out he cheated on her. huu.. thats really sad and mean.. :( 5 years ne.. ..but lucky she's only 15 when she started to wait..
o well.. ..must have trust in him.. and faith.. cos i love him..

gosh.. stomach growling now.. hungry... but wait till eat with bro bah.. .. :( sigh.. by this time.., would've gone out with sam to eat already.. perhaps picnic by the sea.. or having simple mc breakfast.. o well.. =/

hm.. k then.. me better get ready to head out soon i guess... earlier better. .then can come back earlier.. hm.. dunno having breka with bro anot.. hm.. redz still at home.. he say not sure wanna go anot.. ..o well... if not.. then maybe me go bah..

oh.. uploaded not all, but alot of pics from sydney into my facebook. wow.. i think total photos theres over 1000 XD haha. yay :) nice.

kk.. me go get ready..

mata ne!

love u salim! ^^ muakz!

Back In Singapore

gosh…. i have no idea where to begin.. everyday.. so much things happened.. i’ll try my best to recalled.. and type it down.. ok.. im back to singapore already.. :( sigh………… its sooooooooooo painful….. all the way from the airport(or even before my last day) till now.. me wakey.. all the memories in sydney flooded into my head.. my heart felt pain.. it hurts so much.. dont get me wrong.. hurts as in.. im back here in singapore again.. and i cant feel sam’s warmth again.. :…( cant hug.. nor cuddle to get comfort… when the plane took off,. i keep looking out, and theres a screen in front of me showing the plane’s location. my heart hurts like mad.. i was caling salim’s name sooo many times.. calling him out loud in my heart.. calling his name… :..( i watched as the plane took off… leaving his place.. how i wish the plane had drop..

sigh…………………… then cry on the plane… … miss him soooo much.. words couldnt explain at all…. :(

ok… now my blog’s gonna get really messy. ready? oh.. if i do recall anything, i’ll mention it here again aites.

so.. what should i say.. hmm… oh.. so funny…. i actually put on 4 or 5.. i think 4 kg aFter i got back from sydney!! XD! lol. all thanks to sam.. he kept to his words.. :) bring me around.. show me the things..food..i wanna find.. fed me well.. we’re always eating.. ha.

hm… still feeling upset.. but.. those sweet memories of ours is what gonna pull me through i guess… will definitely look forward to heading there again… actualy.. was wishing to meet him up every at least once a year.. but.. sigh… theres goals.. theres home.. money is gonna be difficult to save up.. but.. u have no idea how much i wish to go there again.. sigh.. shall see how future goes then.. work hard.. but i also need to have fun. at least a big fun once a year.. which is with him.

hm… really wanted to go wildlife.. but… … o well…….. =/ haha.. next time perhaps… then theres ocean world to go.. still more thigns to do over there next time ne.. ..

ahh….. …. thinking about this.. ne.. on the map, ac tually singapore is near to sydney.. i mean.. from the way u look at it.. .. only sad part is.. i cant feel his warmth..nor give him a real hug.. =/ ..haiz.. its realy difficult.. like his fren.. a girlwho’s in the same situation.. but lucky her.. getting married soon i think. saw her engagement photo.. she’s kissing her fiance in her white gown.. while standing sideways.. omg… thats so dreamy and sweet.. and beautiful :) so happy for her. and she’s so young too.
she told me about her relationship.. its been a year since their long distance relationship. then i asked her when he’s coming back to visit her.. she say this year.. soon.. she look down on the floor when she says that.. well.. we all know its not easy. she herself said that too.. difficult.. but she added.. ‘well.. i guess if u really truly love someone, ….’ then she say something like.. hm.. it doesnt matter.. or what.. u’ll still be with that person. sort of saying u’ll still be together and in love with each other no matter where u are ya know.
she’s a really nice person.. sigh.. nice bunch of ppl there.. gonna miss them.. sigh… all the more i dont wish to leave there :( …
i miss sam alotttttttt…. :(

o well… … hm.. oh.. hotel stay… ha… bathtub.. :) yay… oh.. see.. not sure where to start now..
hm… first day.. haiyo.. very not sure of how the day went.. step by step i mean.. anyway.. its always nice the nights there.. cos walking with him mah :P hehe we had drinks at a pub.. quiet one.. we went club on sat night… its all so nice with him. even though sometimes he’s just quiet.. but still cute and charming :P i just love being with him..

and this trip really uncovers alot of my feelings.. and those deeper ones.. its like.. wow..haha.. im sooo comfortable with him.. its like.. yeah.. for sure even more comfortable wth even my family or mum.. can even go toilet together. XD haha. oops :P anyway.. yeah.. i really love him so much more than i could ever know.. :) and im so sure of that. i love him sooo much. really2 alot.. ha.. though sometimes he wants me to go his way.. or he can ignored me sometimes.. or look at me abit fiercely.. ha.. but still… i know he love me.. but most of all.. i know and im sure i love him alot. so yup.. thats what counts most.

his family is alrite.. dad’s aloof.. mum still can talk to.. bro funny.. so yup.. but i only care sam most^^ love him!!!!

hmm….. we watched first class movie :D yay! finally did that with him :) so happy. the movie theartre so nice too . :) the chair super comfy…. omg.. hten we eat the nice chips too.. very nice :) overall, its just so comfy there :) tehn can cuddle and watch together haha. :)

we’re heading to 2 years now.. i really hope future will keep on brighter.. when he was abck here…, i did ask him.. for sure dont want the girls in uni huh… of course will worry.. cos we’re apart.. theres girls there.. pretty… smart.. good(family) background.. u know… such things.. even now still worrys.. but.. well… u gotta trust trust.. like what his fren said.. its hard.. but.. well.. if u love someone.., u wont fall for others.
i place my love and trust more in him now. yeah.. more than ever…

well.. walking in those heels.. haha.. perhaps walk for too manhy days straight? not sure.. but it really is killing me… never bring slipper.. so.. in the end, bought another pair.. and end up having 2 pairs of slippers back in singapore. :)
hm……………. but well.. lemme tell ya.. its sooo pain!!!!! my feet hurts like mad with Every step i take. goshhhh.
while choosing a pair of slippers for me, sammy is so tender and yeah… *blush… cant tell ya how much i appreciate that.. he’s so sweet and caring.. and tender.. i dunno what else to say. words cant describe.
sigh.. the thoughts of wasting our years of not being with each other…. :( gosh.. that hurts alot…… sigh… why must the best thing be so difficult to… … haiz…………. the thoughts that i couldnt touch him for years.., sigh.. heart hurts so much.. if only things were different.. if only he’s in singapore… then things would be so much happier and easier.. andi wouldnt ‘ve shed so much tears in this relationship.. but still.. its tears of love i must say..
yeah.. countless of tears i’d shed.. indeed… my relationship is so different from others..but.. what to do.. i got the best man..
… hm… its like.. i felt so much closer to him now.. never expect such trip can do to me..

sigh… im gonna make a huge decision now.. gona tell him the truth.. dunno whats he gonna think… should be bad… but yeah.. i think its better tell now… :( im sad.. but.. sigh…………. lets see whats the result then.. im prepared for the worst..

gonna now.. after results will blog again..

oh all my previous blogs are in friendster blogs. check them out then.

mata