When Is The Right Timing?

they say.... guys are the most insensitive creatures in the world.. 'idiots' over the phone.. like a block of wood.. knows nothing of women... knows nothing of how a woman feels..

i couldnt believe it... .. wow.. even till now.. i find it so difficult to open up with my brother in blood...
whereas with sam... i treated him even more... than my family... because he's my everything. almost like my hubby.
anything, he'll be the first person i talk to. i Love him alot. more than i could ever type or say. the feelings in your are the most difficult to describe.
i love him so much. he's so dearly to my Life.
its like..magic.. like.. imagine.. how at the beginning of matters a stranger at the beginning could become your everything.

relationships aint gonna be perfect all the time. it goes the same for everything in the world.
but.. but the first.. erm.. im not sure.. about.. almost a year? things are perfect with him..

he gone oversea... study.. live... another new life with his family..
how much tears this relationship causes me to shed because of that..

I.. thought.. i could have a 'target' u know.. like.. u know where ur your goal is... in how many months time its gonna come true.. so that when u are having the worst of ur time in work, u know its worth it, cos in some time later, u're gonna be meeting him in full happiness again. but.. all that is gone..

i truly fully understand how sam is feeling, what he meant by the 'right timing'. but... .... how about my timing.. how about my anticipation..
still... nonetheless... his concerns are good... i know. yet.. without a real exact date,... it'll be difficult for me to pull through everyday's goals...

i kept quiet for abit.. he asked why.. i say... i needed some time to digest the new info... cos my plans were destroyed.
then.. both kept quiet.. he never try to say anything as well.... till i decided to break the ice.. i asked him.. is he gonna wakey early to send his mum to work? he replied me 2 words. 'don't know'.
after that.. i do not dare to ask him any questions further.. he's playing his psp still.... ( i knew something isnt right. yet.. i say ok for him to play while talking..) =/ stupid me.

..then... .. well... just a cold goodnight... and.. yup.. that's all folks...

yes.. i understand his good intentions.. yet.. i.. ..... =/ .. was wondering.. if we could have the same goals... same thing to look forward to.. instead of so blindly looking forward to the unknown.... i need a goal.. im a woman.. and im especially Weak.... i need something to hang on to.. something like a goal... ... if its some uncertain type of dates... .. i have no idea... how to.. look for the.. Unknown...

.. im sorry i felt upset.. im sorry he should be in a bad mood.. =(
but....well..

hey.. u know why the reason i love to go sydney??
cos i really like it there. his frens are good. i love him. sydney to me aint bad cos of sammy... but. the point is,
the last time i went there and got back, my love for him increases for times and times. really...

i.. thought i could slp early tonight.. .. ha.. =/ .. but no.. im not gonna be sleeping...

....
o well......... ... theres always a reason behind everything.. now.. im gonna focus Everything on my interest.

im so not gonna slp for tonight.. sorry.. my prediction for earlier on post is wrong.. =/

alritey.. gdnight everbody..
wishing im gonna have a nice great sleep soon.

mata