Questions To Open Up

hmm... =/ seems like.. my research from yesterday haven gotten any reply yet.. tch... hmm........ now im a little bit confused.. but.. words cant explain properly.. i'll give a a couple days more for room to think about. gosh.. i hate all this hassle. haiz.. irritating me.

today ne.. found a couple of sites.. regarding ldr matters.. and i like it. theres alot of ideas and stuffs.. and it makes me.. all the more.. trying to keep reminding myself.. perhaps say.. at certain point.. about what the advice says one should do..
then again, i do not think everyone suits the web ways.. i mean.. we each.. have our own ways of coping with one thing or matter.. if we change it, it might be better or not. becos u changed, u are not used to it, or simply the fact that the methods isnt suitable for this couple. i dunno.. but.. i think.. yeah.. should read.. but doesnt have to apply to everything they say. well.. theres still some great vital advices in there though.

ah.. ^^ just watched a movie with sammy through webby. movie aint that good.. but.. watching together is the best. =)
hm.. yeah.. its always nice no matter what movies.. so yup.. yay.. finally watch another movie. haha.
haiyo.. bro wanna use my lappy later.. his comp not working well-_- haiyo.. he ar.. haiz.. better save money an get a new lappy or fridge mah.. isnt that better.. =/
and oh, ha.. that movie's main character, is called sam. ha.. what a coincidence. XD

for me.. i now know where to spend my money on. right now, no doubt im saving up for a phone. as for the rest, im gonna save hard for the future, as well as for the trip to see him again.

half way watching the movie.. forgot what is it.. but.. something triggers my memory back to the day.. the first day me met his frens.. luna park closing.. we were at the playground.. looking out at the sea too.. trying to figure out where that duck gone after dipping its head under.. ha.. oh yes.. as i was saying.. it brought me back to the memory of his smile.. when he was pulling the hoop thingy. and trying to lift his fit off the ground.. then suddenly.. brought me to the whole memory.. the swing. and everything.. huu................... =( u have no idea how much me wanna cover him with blankie.. and tuggie him in bed right now.. ='( just to tug him and squeezy him tight... so wanna do that... really..

cant wait to see him.. ha.. and its only just the beginning of the year.. =( and i.. yeah.. its normal i guess.. dont say monthssss.. for days without meeting each other, is so.. =/ yeah..
next time im there, don care what he's doing.. maybe working already.. or.. anything.. as long as i get to hold him everyday even for a bit.. yeah.. that's all i wish for..

ah... was asking sam alot of questions just now.. shortly after, he asked me a couple too... its interesting.. and somehow... his questions.. more.. bold and open.. and.. somehow.. me in turn shoot his question back to him.. and somehow.. we ended up opening up the topic about what happen if new friends or ppl around us in our school or workplace took an interest in us.
and.. i also get to know.. how he used to be close with some of his female frens.. though its like.. bro and sis types.. that kinda makes it all the more worrying for me in a way i guess... he's going back to school again.. so.. yeah.. course would feel scared in a way.. =/ kinda like.. insecure..
we assure each other.. wont care them one bit.. and this topic, actually open things up,.. and makes me feel alil better..

and me told him about redz past.. and how he and bro come to be.. a bond so close like brothers.. and talking about his frens.. i know how he feel.. i had those moments too...
ppl close to u, then walk out on u for no reason. it makes me angry sometimes. but. i know... SOME PPL ARE MEANT TO WALK IN, AND THEN OUTTA UR LIFE. THEY ARE NOT MEANT TO STAY. ONLY FOR NOW, A MOMENT THEY'RE PASSING THROUGH UR LIFE. i knew about this way before my fren told me about it. and yup.. she's part of those ppl who was just Passing Through my life.

i used to have this fren.. female. we eat, had breaks together, walk together, stick together.. like.. 2 best of frens.. then out of no warnings, she gotten another new fren. and she treated me so badly.. and so coldly.. as though she know me no more.. she's even mean to me =( that 'fren' left such a huge impact in my life. =( she hurts me so much. i was so upset.. without warnings, without faults, i lost a fren just like that. all becos of a new fren she have. haiz..
if theres anything im proud of, its the straight personality me and my bro have.
anyway.... yeah.. i really disliek the feeling of ppl just passing through ur life.. u thought they might be close.. then they turn out to be those typical sort of frens.. argh.. sux.
and thats one of the reason.. why most females frens.. i not really that close with. sometimes.. they are too bitchy, talks alot, tlaks behind ppl's back. they simply cant be trusted.

thats why.. i really3 hate to be betrayed by trust.
i put all my trust in sammy.. becos.. u know.. when those times u just get this feeling that u should go for something. something right. and sure. its a feeling.. like.. u know who to trust. its scary sometimes.. to place so much trust in one person.. but yeah.. thats why its nice.. to get some assurance from him just now.. so. yeah..

through that conversation, i know some stuffs about him.. past or present..or future.. while he in turns, learn more about why the bond of bro and redz is strong. they hang out with each outer often. even till they can sleep on the same bed. ha...

just a couple of questions only.. if he's willing to talk too.. we might not sleep at all. ha. could continue onwards.. but yeah.. its 4am for him already. gosh.. so yup.. he really gotta go.
now me sleepy too. . bro just used my lappy.. me gona hurry finish blog and sleep.

ah.. had a dream.. wow.. sam., bro, sam's frens.. the twins. everyone had such a blast. fun time =) every smiling. sam was carrying on his back and walking.. with my legs dangling left in mid air though. like flat behind him. then he's holding my hands only. and walk slowly..
i was happy back then.. in my lalaland.. everyone is happy, having fun.. most of all, theres him.

k.. me better go off now.. gosh. me hungry! O.o guru2...

oh.. just thought of the muslim question sam asked me.. i thought he knew my answer already. ha.. but yeah.. i know.. its good for couples to ask each other again. refresh memory.. or talk in person.
but interesting thing is.. he ask me if i convert now can? or he say how. dunno. anyway, i was like.. XD how??? the only way i know. is to get married to a muslim. XD haha.. how to convert without getting married.. and.. it might be easier ba.. since when u get married into the family, u learn from there. anyway, good thing me dont mind it, and and my adaptation is good too ^^ . ha

hm.. ... u k now.. sometimes i wonder.. if me wanna study.. why work so hard for a piece of paper.. if it leads me to only stuffs im not interested in doing. but i know.. i know.. u need that to.. u know.. like some ppl said.. climb.. get higher pay.. but.. whatever it is.. i.. i would want to live my life.. doing something i like. not some boring atmosphere kind of place with ppl who everyday think of stabbing behind ur backs..
anyway.. i know.. its one thing to survive in this world.. another to pursue ur dream.. of doing what u like to do..

anyway.. kk.. going off for real nowXD had a treasuring convo today.. learnt quite a number of things from sam.. its good.. =) me shall slp tighter tonight.

mata ne. =)