WIRDS FORM HEARTBREAKS

another weird sulky day....
made my choice.. but. .o well.. .shoouldnt had done it. just my dessetts my getting. don worry. i wont do it again.

haiz.. oh. this thing. ha. keep forgettng. u knwo what else i did on his birthday? i msg him the a birthday song. omg. i was like.. why my voice so weird. like a little kid. i was like.. rushing to finish the song off. so paiseh sia. ha.. but yea. that is somethng dif i've done. yup.
 

mm.... oh . glad japan wont affect sg after all. the radiation or soemthing. so irritating. so many diasters.. .sianz. seriously, if world come s to an end at the year of 2012, god.. i wish im not single . i hope im married already man. but then again, htats impossible la. unless im pregnantm and need to get married. =.= choy.
but yea... so irritatin gal lthese news.. and bro keep watching news of japan. make me so.. argh!!l.... sianzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz -_-'' sorry. but yea. i hate news liek this. especially whenim down in my life right now. liek all so fucked up. damn.

i was like. .consoling another fren of mine.. who broke up. .drinks everday.. blah3.. .i was like. .how pathetic is this. i am liek . good at advicing them. .trying to get themselves out of their misery.. then im so pathetic with myself. like. .the words n advices i used on them, are directly aiming at myself too. but i sorta ignored it. i knew it was useless. thats why i say.. im good with helping others. but when it comes to myself, pathetic and sorrows in the deep is who i am.
lke so.. weird... knowing i should said the same thigns to myself. but i could not heed it. this doesnt feel righjt.. like.. this isnt the way imma redeem myself. i duno how to. still finding. pathetically. but yea. finding... hoping one day the solution will come along.

hm. .today i could only think of the birthdya song thing.. the rest, i cant remember ne..  recall i mean. so yea. sorry

so this is how i rate now to..
well. .a least i now eh.. ..

mm.. ... u know. i totally forgot. the other night, i had more than little bit of 2 big glasses of redbull drinks. omgggggggg.... i just thought of this!! i could've gotten myself killed O.O. shit. right2??? that time news was saying. .if u drank more than 2, u'll have the risk of dying. a guy drank 3 or 2. .3 i think .then he died. O.O omg. shhhhh... don tell my family. omg. thats serious eh. i totally forgotten about that whe i drank it.

today.  slpy and tired. yet mind was on soemthing else. as usual.u know me.

-when things get tough, i will guide and stay strong for others. for others i live. but i feel no desire to live for myself. i jsut thught o f this. ha. yea. .it all seems to  u know.. sum up back together again.. before i met him.

bahhh

i guess. u know. what matters most now is.. the ppl around are fine and getting on well. it doesnt matter about me. i am . hm. .how to describe this. i am nothing now. theres nothing to be.
let hte ppl around be blessed. i will keep watch on that. i wonder if anyone will do that on me. ha. oow ell......

ok. this is freaky. i cant stop the song playing in my fb. yea the boa song i told u guys about last night,. its like.the stop button cant be press O.o o well. nvm ba.

mm... the other day.. i was askin my frne. .how ppl suntan at sentosa. i was asking if i could weat just a tube top n mini shorts. LOL. i know =.=''''' then blah3... turns out thats abit funny. then she ask me find frens to go. thing is, only a girl n guy i know who lieks to suntan. guy, weird. obviously. cos  he's a guy. whta? u wan me to wear bikini with him at the beach ar? omg. how to release the string at my back sia. weirdddddd eew.w...
 then the girl, study n work. even harder to ask her out. =/ haizzzzzzzz.... 

i knwo its bad peeps. .but. .i couldnt care less about my lifenow. whatever cancer.. shit sliek htat. .i don think i'll give a damn now.

but yea. would lvoe to give it a shot at the beach man. then there's a beach party coing up. timing so wrong how to go =((( huu haiz.... .sianz. party in bikini. wow. kinda cool eh. something diff to try out before 2012. ha. jk

my fren is thinknig of going to jap school classes or  somethign. to get a cert for jap language. i asked him to keep and eye out for me. but thats in july. haiz. with thigns going on like this, im not sure if i have the mood tod oit. btu wel, lets see in july. also.. i missed out on the date of a future possiblity extra cash fo rme. imma have another appointmetn. .maffan ne. =.= cos i forgot. haiz. anwyay, yea. .i hope its siomething good. if too much, i'll say no. cos im tired as it is. if not, lucky enough, i'll earn rrly extra more cash. but.. well, i hate getting too tired. life is too short to be too tired. so yea. see how ba. gdluck to me. 

i will be working hard toweards my dream of workign overseas. i rrly like sg so much. .. =/ haiz. but. .if thers a chance why not, ? cos thats the only thing to keep me going in my dirrection. if not, i;ll only work blindly, and aimlessly. i'll die liek tat everyday man. so boring. 

-the times i spend with you. your wonderful promises. do you remember them, just how much we placed our love?- 

-between my two closed eyes, i hear your breath. All day, the look you stared me with..-

you know... i've always thought that.. this is wrong. if u ever be with someone else, but with the thoughts of another person in ur heart, that wil be so unfair to that someone else.
i guess... i understand how that feels now. i used to dislike how u know.. the movie titanic? how rose marreid another man with jack died in the end.. was like.. how could she do that.. so unfair.. but  u knwo. .. =/ i gues.. sometimes htis type of things rrly cant tell. u would never knwo how terrible that would be for her.. i duno. just saying

to wear a mask on my sleeves everyday. taking it off at night. very tiring. sighs... time wont stop fo rme. i have to do this everydya n night.
u get down there. u do it. u come back home. shake it off all. and back to who u are.

u know. imlying. and. this boa song makes me realize this. i wonde rif i could live the way i do now. with lies, mask .. u know.. haiz...

oh. im trying to decide.. i knwo2.. i said i wanna sgo sydney and 'train' myself on the routes. .n gettin gaoround myseld.. before i ventures aournd other places.. but.. come to thin kof it, melb.. according to others auusies frens, it seems so much better ne. i duno. point is. i cna get to stay for free. with my manager. i have another fren there. but.. never met before. however, i stil lget to save sooo much ion hotel ..ike a couple of hundreds. O.o tch,... .how??? somemore.. i duno if syndye still has anythign fo rme to . .u know.. its abit. .hm.. like all malls only. acouple of hte, .thats it. the yea. .i duno man. well.. i gues si have openty of time to htink it over eh. nvm2.. slowly ba. never knws what'll happen next year.

but im telling u for sur ethough. NO PARIS!!!!! ha. i don wanna kena sold to what brothel sia. omg. that unknown n taken movie relaly pinpoint me to that. lol

so nice. .i saw m y frens.. getting hitched.. gettings married.. engaged... haiz. but u know. =/ ..nah i duno. but jsut.. yea. tough man.
they said that. when u're single, u wanna be attahced. but when u atttached, u wanna be single. i can tell u.. i never thought of being back to single life when i had him by my side. i ionly thought of how to work thigns out everyday..

acocording ot my frens, turns out that he had a fren with ldr too. about a years time. .they cut it off. and to hear that, one, i was again. surprised so many ldrs nowadays... two, im so glad we lasted more than one year apart. when he told me all that, i was htinking in my heart.. its weird.. well, if they do not have a strong love for each other, they will part one day. they wont be able to stand this. i can understand this.. cos.. my love fo rhim was very strong.and nothign can come between that. so.. i was able to hang on to that.. n look forweard to see him everydya. nm that everyday, exceeded a year's time. thus i was able.. not to even think of brekaing up.
yea.. i am glad.. tha didnt happen to us. . but. .it did happened in another unexpected way. so yea.. // o well ......

 haiz. so tired. backache.. mm.....  haiz. o well. liek that ba. i cant wait for pay day. . n rrly ope to save up for holidays by jan. oct if lucky enough.but jan is safer. hm. .i think so. 

passed by a lingerin the other day with fren. she liek that brand. then we both i agreed.. so sad. coulldnt ewear the cutesy dresses nighties.. =( they have such beautiful sex n pretty looking ones. i gues sperfect life will be.. be marreid now, n wear that EVRY night for husband. haiz. so nice. cant wear. .cos staying with fmaily now =/ haizzzzzzz how to wear ? tell me =.= parents , dad n bro will see wat. haiz... wanna wear sexy at night also cannot. huu... how long must i wait =(
..haiz.  don wanna live alone.. im scared of dark. rather with a hubby.

but anyway.... yea.

haiz. sorry talked so much today .jst feeling upset ya know. =/ and.. no one to talk to. .. who know sall these pains man. .liek seriously.. .. o well.

was reading this mag todya.. this star . .disney star.. she just went through a breaky. then.. she said.. she didnt know how her previous 2 frens.. was so upset about breaking up. .she ownders if those mens are rrly important to them n such>?? then she got a taste of her own. her first real serious relationships of hers. .3 yrs too. and she totlaly understansd why her frens cried that way they did. she's still trying to get over him. she went on a couple of dates.. but yea. .i guess its the same. .healing.. n u knw... just healing.. i don feel much healing in progress.. Not slowly but surely either.. well, ... what can i do man> ?

perhaps i shouldnt had distube him after all .that was a mistake. im sorry

haiz. u know. imma tkae a bath.. let the water run under my skin.. i need that.. =/ sstress, do that. i t dont relly helps. but it makes u htink .but it could be fatal.

may god bless him. i wish him all the best.... 

mata ne .. .sighs.......... stay happy for me... ....