oh dear.. i couldnt smile again todya. at least last ngiht .gd hting bro played the saw final show.. dvd.. we started tlaking .. but yea. today.. my whoel face muscles is relax.. ha. ..cos i don have any expressions on my face.
i was numb.. took med again.. hey wait. seems as htough everyday im taking nonsense med eh. o well.. nvm ba. doesnt matter to me . .no one knows except for u guys anwyay.
anwyay.. .eya. very.. numb. .stupid med. .think imma stick back to the old type.
was like. .tired all day.. no energy.. not happy.. but not angry. .just. .no expressions thats all..
.. very tire.d. i wish.. i could lay in bed. .all day.. not to move an inch..
just liek a dead person. but however, my brian works. and thats the irritating part u see. i think alot. tried not to.. but brain just keeps on moving.
.. my leg.. so tired.. sore.. .muscles hurts... even though i din walk much today.
i relaly coudl not hold on much longer.
.. i am very tire dpeeps...
i wish its jan now.
sam told me once.. its the most important part to read a map and to have a map with u.
the other day. .as i was making my way to xmas party llocation, i .. relaly have mo idea what this pp area of map is tlaking about. my fren din understand much either. but eventually she did. .. sighs.. .
=/ ... what to do...
its only a freakin small area of town. a smallllll tiny area.... and i still couldnt read a pucking map. ... what do ya say.
...sighs.. .but u knw waht. ... i'll be prepared.. .
if i have to spend hundres of bucks on taxi. .so be it. .if i have to go through some unfrenly auusies.. so be it. if i have to go thorugh cops. .so be it. i must be prepared for all these . it snot gonna be like sg where verytign n everywhere is so convenient.
i... wil lreturn home safely eh. not that i care much anway.
...i still havent told my parents about htis. bro should knwo i think .but yea.. .
... o well. this is it.
.... i have a urge to check out the bars alon though. cos it sgonna be damn freakin boring after 5pm =.=''''''' dotss.... .u cant expect me to slp liek right at 8pm. =. = but the fdangers surrounding it. .oow ell. .. haiz. see how ba.. =/
wonder hwos everythign gonna be like. .will i be very frighten on my own.. wil li be so scared out of my wits.. will cry alone on the streets.. will i end up at the polcie station.. .. brr... touch wood.. ..sighs. liek that ba. .. ... sitting by the night view might be a good idea too eh. instead of going for drinking. yea. .watch the moon.. till sunrise.. beter than nothign to do alone in the hotel rom .scary hotel room im sure.. =/ . don worry. i'l be prepared i guess... take heaps of drinsk before bed.. so i wont be afraid of the dark.
its been a tiring day for me. listles one.. .feel so empty..
feel so lifeless..
.. thinking of bad thoughts.. very bad ones.. btu trying to stay on my sane line. its important. .if not. .i'll go onto the wrong way.
even now.. .dunno the med or waht. ... still making my whole body. .including fingers. .so numb.. and so tired... dizzy still...
i have no appetite now.. .lunch jst foreced myself to eat somehting.. .
i can feel it.. im losing weight again.. .i do not dare to weight myself... but i can feel it..
but good hting. .i do not look like some other girsll super thin wihtout flesh.. im still ok so yea. curves are better than bones ba.
and yea. good hing my boobs still there. love my C cup ^^
lol
sighs... wonder how smy night gonna be liek tonight...
crazy eh.. ..
so.. this is how it feels like. .when somebody deiceded to chuck u aside. and play you like a fool...
.. o well. .i shoudlve been used to this i knw. but. sometiems. .still cant accept it.
about a week or couple of dasy mor. .give me thso se time..
i'll numb everthing agaian.
soon i will ba..
deceive.. is the only way to survive now. without htat.. i wouldntve be still here typing away my feelings.
no matter how unhappy or whatsoever.. i have to get through this. .otherwise work time. .will get affected too. alreayd affecting me and my job.. but. .eya.. i gota be strong.. and push myself harder than ever before..
stress piles on. but. i still gotta do this. u cant expescvt me to face my frens and customers without any expressins eh.
... haiz. .
thx for reading and listening to this . appreciated. .at least.. this blog still able to.. or rather.. at least you're still able to.. .choose to hear me out...
thansk. ....
..
jaa mata.. ....
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