One And Only

i. didnt realised that i was in any sort of trouble..

 i still eat.. but.. just. .very. .rojak' in a kind of way... sometimes skipped. .cos no appetite k.. not cos of slimming shit. yea.. no time eat. .or no appettite.. etc.. well ..i stil lsurvived.. but i think.. htats kinda not good ... i know.. very not good.. but. ... sighs

today.. slpt.. whole day.. i lay on my bed .. after lunch. i lay there... for 4 hours.. it was very cold.. n comfy under blankie.. best if he's there... but.. a pity.. only my bloster was there... .. so yea. .cold.. n snggle under blankie... thinking alot.. alot3... from the past till present..to future.. good.. n bad thoughts.. etc... couldnt slp.. just feel so tired.. .as always. .tired.. energy less... so wanna go out. .but couldnt. .cos. .no joy... =/
to do anything.. ..
..yea..

now also.. anyway, was very hungry. .headed out for dinner.. had the feeling of throwing up. i ate too much. guess stomahc suddenly expand. .not used to so much food. in a sudden.. so yea...
stomach hurts too.. the skin hurting. .not stomachache... cos the skin is expanding.. so yea pain abit.. luckily i held mysefl down. .i di not throw up. phew... ...

..

sometimes i wonder. .what makes me the one i am in this world.

everyone is different. soem are smiliar.. yet a few.. you could never find another perosn like him or her.

and i think.. what plays a huge part is that.. the love you're willing to give to another.. .
the way you carry yourslef..
the way your soul shines..
your kindness... gentleness... your big heart..
understanding.. have mind of your own..
and most importnat of all, be genuine.

everybody cannot be duplicate..
each has their own differences.. good or bad.. they are all different.
but.. you have to see the true behind these souls..
are they lasting.. or just a moment of truth..

the way i heard from my fren's bf.. i can tell they are fine ppl. why? because they've been in more than a couple of years relationship.
soem are willing to change for them.. some. .are willing to show their gf to their mates.. regardless if she's the only gal in the whole groiup..
some. .willing to just spend time with mates instead of hanging out with gal frens..
some. .willing to wait long for their gf just to knock off work.. liek last min ot or what..

it is.. .pretty frightening someteims.. even if i have male frens... i wonder.. whast gonna happen after 6months time.. or blah3.... wil lthey commit the way they do after a period of short time?

bottom line.. good life partner are so rare and hard to find... i still dont get it. .why some ppl are willing to give it all up for yesrs of relationship and go for the new one. ..but when they regret it, the other party will be long gone. why gave it all up for nothing..

i.. really envious my frens though. .they ahve gd bf...like those long term ones..  one of them. .getting engaged in dec....
..sighs.. ..really envy them. ...

yanika.. she stayed with her aunt when she came over in sg... i asked if she need to pay fo rher own flat is theres no aunt here.. she replied she not coming here if they not paying for her..
i wonder.... anywy.. rent shld be fine ba... i hope... dunno how au works..

so yea ..today.. rotting my hours away.. still feet hurt.. stil ltired. ... very tired liek always.. nothign interests me to get up... i dunno why.. just feel so dead.. ..

sighs..

if peeps,.. you have a long term relationship now, don do anythign stupid . if you have one bird in your hand, cherish it. the others wont work. and they wont be he same no matter what. so forget it. forget about owning other birds in the woods.. don even look at them... you have your whole life precious one in your hand.. .cherish it.. and don let it fly away in disappointed.. if she did, how would you be able to find her again? .. rememebr.. nothign is replaceable....
do rem,ember that by heart...
nothing can be the same...
be contend with what you have best in your life..in your life.. look at her.. and think nothign else but how to make her happy.. both happy...
mark my words...
the moment you let go for others, she's gone forever.. don expect the new bird in your hand to be like her.. cos she will not be.. and never be.. never be better than her..... worse case.. .after a few years then realised you relaly changed the wrong bird in your hand? too late mate. your perfect one...alreayd chased off by you....

battre en fagel i handen an tio i skogen

mata