Easily Forgotten Being

sometmes... somethings just doesnt matter anymore. when you've come teo realize that.. .then yea... sighs
o well. .thast life my friends..
oh dear.. today so stressful =/ ... fml. sighs.
totally breaking down man.. =/ i cant believe this lasted this long>>! ? wth.
=.= haiz... tch.. i dunno man.. perhaps i just need a god long rest huh... getting tired of my work..
or rather, its my life.
 words cant speak.. of how.. haiz. how i feel . sighs.. =/ i dunno man. are my managers really being racists?
or.. what is wrong???
i dont get it.
totally breaking down man.. just so many issues going on.. have no confidence in dealing with them u see....
sighs . this isnt me eh.. =/ just feel so weak right now. wish to overcome this soon.
guess what. my rgm say.. melb, everyday, have 4 seasons. until he dunno hwat to wear. lol. windeter, spring, summer, autumn... all in one day!! the aussies told him that its normal. i wonder if syd also liek that. omg.. scary.. windy.. sunny and hot.. then rainy the next .=X gasps... o well.
weird. very weird...
my fan is blowing dry my hair righ t now.. my nody is shaking a lil.. im feeling very cold. hear cold. body cold. mind cold.
sigs.
...o well =/
today i paid attention to the jap cutsotmers tlaking.. i kinda know what they are tlaking.. but some im not so sure.. making me more curious than ever. once i start to speak even a word or two of jap, i'll be so itching to learn the lanaguage once again. =.= yea i knw....
its like. .meant to do it.. but.. no heart to do so.. would anyone prompt me to?
anyway, sighs.. .nothign is perfect. working life partners, nothign will ever be perfect.
guess waht. we are having a xmas party. ...in the middle of oct. ...... ....-_-''''' yup. u read it right. oct. dots............ haha... i dunno what to sya but better than nothing eh.
...sighs. even a small tiny simple one promise' couldnt be kept.
gosh.. i feel liek throwing up. sick to my stomach.
yea. u know.. stomahc weird lately. bloated or something. i dunno. just don feel quite right. from mind body to everything.
crap. totally .. argh. .crap
sighs... so cold
oh shoot. guess what! las tnight, midnight, i went to bed straight about that time. .12 plus or something. then i wokey in mrg found so manay posts regardin gwhat happened. guess what. wind was blewing so scarry and loud!!!! cos rainy. but everyione say so creppy. omg... all i recaleld awas.. i close my door, but didnt shut it. and hte door wa slike. .creaking bit by bit.. i was too slpy to be scared i guess. but errie indeed..the door tta is.
gosh.. i wanaa know hows the wind sounds like!!
oh i htink i know why now. i've not been eating wel.. sighs. feels ling pucking crap righ tnow. lunch with breads.. dinner, a tiny bit.. follow by a small snack. ytd.. not bad. ate quite alot ba. i mean full.
gosh. .so thirsty now.. but.. tch.. crap sia.. wish could throw up everything man .. =/  dang... ..sighs
i gues.s. today still not happy ba. 2 weeks alreayd? or how long. i've lost count. dunno whas gotten over me. perhaps i know.. but.. o well....
just coldnt pick myself up at htis moment. if.. the moment i did, everythign of me will change completely next time.
shoudl be. but for now, still ok ba. i guess. unfortuantely. o well
gosh slpy. sighs =/
 feels liek crap now =/ i wanna throw up.. .but cant .better go drink some water first.
k done.
so yup. =/ sighs.. i just couldnt see anything thats happy . nothing atl all . dunno what to do.
life just sucks.
that day my fren gave me a hug while we were out.. and i was surprised. a kind of warmth.. nvr relaly felt before.. felt different. but frenly. fren's warmth.
but still... =/ bah.. life still sucks to the max. uh huh.
when you've lost 'everything', youve lost everything. so this is it huh. thtas how life felt after the lost. suddenly. questions steps in. mroe questions after that. and yo uncovered ugly truths. and lies. and white lies. and things youve gotta face. the truths. thruths hurts.
somteimse i asked myself. .is this what i want in life right now> waht i yearn for? wahts gonna make me happy> ? i duno. i hae no answers to that. confuses me . who i am. what i am. what i want. where to go. how important i am. .. simple standard questions, yet matters..and so difficult to answer.
less ppl will grieve for the less important beings. thast, is a wiser choice . a luckier choice.
stomach still uncomfy. reminded me of the time to syd. gosh. .cna die sia.. tch perhasp didnt eat well ba. duno =/
..not fit.. and unworth for anyone to remember.. nor being regard as someone important.
oh.. how fragile a heart can turn out to be.. but why didnt you guys show me much love and care in the first palce. must it all end up too late
sighs.
dunno why keep crying. .too stress out. .or what.
ha. pathetic being.
baka na. just a fool in waiting. waiting still while evrybody long gone and abandoned you right by the road side.
suddenly now, i hate my life.  ii dont want it. i wish i didnt hav
geex..didnt relaly feel any better after bloggin this out. gosh. o well.. =/ perhaps time for a rest ba.
sighs...

=( jaa  mata



- one day, the day you need me, i wont be there no longer.. you know the reason why. -