Shocking Me

hm................ :(... today...
supposed to be heading to town grab some stuff, then head back home.. but then.. fren ask to go for a movie.. so.. o well.. no one accompany him.. =/ i agree to it.. then thank god.. bump into my childhood fren! phew... with another long time no meet fren. so really2 lucky to bump into them.. cos me feel kinda awkward and uncomfortable watching a movie with my fren.. yeah.. =/ so glad my frens can make it. phew..
and so.. we watched the paranormal activity. hm.. very disturbing.. but.. the bf love her so much.. ...sigh..
i shouldn't have agree to my fren's request.. its my mistake perhaps.. then away from sammy..
u have no idea how upset i was throughout the night... :( and somemore i should've known.. its a guy fren asking me out. .argh.. how can i make sammy feel down.. :( baka3.... huu.. i dunno what to do sometimes.. im torned.. i dont want that to happen again.. .. .. huu..

missing... thinking.. really lots.. :( sigh.. so wanna cry.. cos today went pass the places we used to hang out.. making matters worse.. :(

k.. so after movie.. my fren wanna chill at this mind's cafe. so we had some snacks there.. and played 2 board games. one of them which is truth or dare.
gosh.. they were asking about bedroom questions! what.. guys normal erm.. ahem.. making lvoe time is 15mins there.. i was like thinking.. huh?! isit??! XD thought its an hour?? lol.

sigh... =( really beenn thinking ltos ya know.. with such a heavy heart tonight.. of course feel bad.. i do miss him so much... yet im out there... :( huu............. T_T
sigh.. really not a great night.. my heart is wih sammy..
a number of times cant help but shed down some tears..

something really shocked me today.. totally. omg.
i just crossed the traffic lgiths with my frens.. just then, this couple, (i think they have other frens ard too.. not sure..) walked past me. the guy, accidentally bumpy into me.. abit hard.. ard my arm area..
while i was crossing the road, and before, i was already having lots of things in my mind.. and wih a heavy heart too. so i really wasnt in a good mood at all. don mess with me when im down.
and something really weird happen.
the moment he bump into me, i could hear myself saying somethign like.. ' its ok.. say sorry..' but AT THE SAME time, another voice say heck care! then another voice said again..' wait no.... keep quiet don say anyhing t that guy!'
the next second i know, i lost the battle. it all happened in a mere split second.
i turn my head around , by right i would've apologized to that guy. i always do when i bump into someone, or they bump into me. and the rudest i've gone to is say 'tch!!' by Mistake too. but not as shocking as this time round. as i was saying.. i turned my head, i say 'Oii!!' to that guy. then he say sorry.. ten i look back at my frens.. they were all looking at me. shocked. but most of all, im the one who get totally shocked by what i just did.
i have no idea who that was who just said 'oii!!' ...omg.. so rude. .so fierce.. so.. scary.. it wasnt me..
but.. its feels really weird.. as though.. that scary part of me just.... wanted to get out or something.. im kidna scared one day if anything big happen, i might change to a totally different person.. :(
huu.. i hope not... but....
yeah.. it feels as though it the deepest part of me yet...
cos.. i wasnt thinking straight.. and.. i was feeling down.. then suddenly this thing'bang' into me. .and i woke up outta a sudden.. so fast.. then.. i couldnt follow my usual sense.. and i shut up like what the voice told me to.. i retaliated to that.... .. huu.. me so bad..
and end up being someone im not. i couldnt stop myself from retaliating.. sigh

anyway.. yeah.. its very shocking.. so.. ... haiz.. o well... =/
lucky that guy isnt a ganster or what.. gosh.. skali kena scold by his gang die sia.. ha

hm.........
sigh.... =./ i dont feel happy that much eh.. o well.. what to do..
then.. we went to beach.. hm... saw the sky.. alot of planes.. flying off.. i look up... :( wondering if that day.. sam is sitting in there.. just like that.. flying off away together with the plane.... huu..... teary eyes again...
he was sitting in a plane.. just like that... he flew off.. just like that.. he never come back.. he's at another place now.. that day.. the plance fly him there.. and he's never back since... .. :..(
i looked at it.. wishing i was in the plane right now.. flying over.. 'take me there..' i heard myself whispering and yearning inside my heart...while looking up through the nightsky at the plane....

T_T huu...........
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dunno why.. tonight so extra miss him..

feels kinda like my life is abit upside down.. :(

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mata