utterly disappointed

i really cant wait to blog this.. i am feeling terrible. very upset. and disappointed. angry. but very sad=( today whoel day... worried and sad. very very heavy hearted. =( sighs........
=(

bro say redz took his tix... he went find redz mum... but dunno why my bro say will tell redz at night. then end up staying over at his place cos too late no bus to come home. he say tmr will tell me. i have no idea whats happening. i wish redz not trying to lie again. i hate lies. white lies, lies, they are all the same. they break the trust. and trust is such a frightening thing. ...sighs... it relaly causes heartache.
its scary.. to trust someone.. .and have ur trust broken like that. ..sighs.. its very.. heart pain
...
more heart pain is my money gone. and to have him stole it was like. ...i dunn owaht to say .so evil .so cold hearted. inhuman. when he took the money,  can u imagien wat crosses his mind? ''nvm. don care. i take her money first. then when she touch down in syd, she'll thought her money lost outside or in plane..in syd. not my problem if she no money. its ok. i'll steal now'''. can u imagine a person who's liek famioly to me, even have that kiind of a thinking???? leaving me penniless out alone in syd??
=(
how evil .. bloody evil is taht.. .i save so hard. i eat little. i starved. and now i am doing the fu***** same hting all over again because i have to save the exact money to pay off my fren. its like i can use that bloody money to travel again u know. but cannot. thats meant for my fren. i have to return her.
and im repeating the monthsss of eating little food.. lunch. or dinner.. only a proper meal a day. =(
i bear with my hunger. i tell myself dont give in to spend money just to satisfied my hungry..my cravings.  see ppl eat the meal they like. while i have to settle with one curry puff, one bread, or sometimes bee hoon only. jjust swallow it whoel .n drink plenty of water to fill my tummy up and last me till night. or evening.
sighs... =(
i don min dal lthose hardwork put into something i love.
but to give all those hard earn money to the bloody thief,... ..i cant take this lying down.
..sighs...
heart very pain.
very stress.
heavy hearted. but what can i do. what can i say.
..why would he be so kind to return me all the money he own me and bro.

.....sighs.. .
how i wish theres him to hug me tight and say everything will be fine. ..then ill truly be fine now.
.....sighs dunno waht to say.

=/

heart very pain. very stuffy. i gotta let this all out.

so much to say.. .so difficult to type it all out in details.. .

sighs...

...sighs...
 o well...

no mood liao
=/

still gotta pull myself together.. .heavy heart on the shop floor. but still must smiel. be brave n strong. say hi to customers ..etc
my manager told me the other day. ytd was it.
yea. at fist she though t i was hte weakest.
one thing she reall yrespect me, is that i don mix personal life with work. liek no matter how mcuh troubles i have ..etc

i was surprised by her words

this kind of trust heart pain thign ar.. i tell u.. .cna die sia... like. .as though its the end of the world.
so scary.. rrly...
...

 i am just a harmless girl. i dont do bad thigns. i wont hurt u. u don have to repay me. but just treat me good wil lbe enough. no need treat me bad. no need to hurt me. thats good enough.
why wanna hurt me so badly. =(( i don understand.
...
sigs...

i don feel any better even after typing in here u know.
...

haiz.

its so tough.
it makes me question... whast gonna happen if ppl i trust so much betray me again.
wouldnt my heart be even more seriously shattered?
..
sighs...
....i need a hug...

anyway, just had a long talk to vent out all my anger and heavy heart to my fren. now not much heavy heart. sighs.. if not worse. haiz... trust huh... don ever break it. i meant no harm.. don hurt me in any other ways

=( jaa...... .....