inside my soul sometimes feel so weird. .as though.. theres a monster wanna be released out... i dnno.. just so violent... so scary.. as though.. scared something might triggered it in future to be out.. its a very weird.. very.. kind of anger.. feeling.. i dunno.... ..o well..
today.. bro and redz went out. .dunno go where..
me.. at home. .whole day.. only about one hour;s time or so, was out at ntuc outside with paraents. other than that, dinner time, sat in living room and eat.. while the rest of my tiem spend siting in front of lappy. yeha... more than 10 hours in front of my laptop.
o well.
oday.. very3 boring day... =/ just online.. watch funny but anazing videos.. watch and watch.. keep watching.. youtubes..
erm.. read abit abou thte iphone adn htc.. though no zoom in, but the front cam is abit tempting. .cos its 5mega.. still, i wanna get a camera.. so.. i dunno whats my choice for nw.. erm.. ...jst waiting for the new phoens both of htem to be out, then decide. iphone can save alot of trouble. but a pity im the type of person who doesnt liek to follow the trend =.= sorry. im not liek other ppl .so ya.
o well...
hmm... duno ba. today actually thoght of going ot.. but never.. =/ its relaly total boredom for me. i've been sitting and online like forever . =/
my hands so hot on the laptop.. sigh..
tch.. dunno ba.. someitmes dunno what to do...
its sooo frustrating... =/ sigh.. its always the same thing
im bored
=/
i think pms ba
otherwise wouldnt be crying hard these couple of days.
feel like argh
=(
forogt what to say again.. =/ o well.
sigh.. only me haven slp=/ bro not coming back. .sigh... ...
place relaly is different without redz and bro ard=(
i hated that
sigh..
..i cant do anythig
except to look forward to next year. . hope still cna save enuff for trip to sydney
dunno if anything will happen anot.. then last min sam say cannot go see him again.... *touch wood
anywy.. yeha
so.. if say.. pay for my phone bill.. plus net bill. plus house..
sigh
i try to keep myself away from stress
if tmr got time, me will make sandwich peanut butter again
hoep will have time to make ba
oh wow.. bro and redz just got back.. oh. .they went ikea.. ... never ask me =( .. maybe they know i gotta stay home ba.. o well.... ......leftout abit. .but yeah.. its ok... anyway i wont go i think..
nah, erm.. where am i .. oh... yeah.. hope to save money on eating breads ba.. nothing to do.. just shop.. not good=( sigh.. trying to stop.
but nvm.. b;day comign.. just reward myself ba. i dunno=/
hm... cant wait to change my new nail colour. nowadasy im so obessed with nails. . not so.. bt ya.. perhasp to shift my attention ba.. focus on something i liek to do..
my jap course gotta wait for a long2 time till next year. =/ cant do this year liao. i know what jap custoemrs tlaking about.. but i wanna know how to speak fluently too.. i gottta see if next year i have time to do it anot. =/ its very difficult. cos if my off, go for lessons, then one day less with sam. dunno what to do =/ sigh.. next year then worry ba=/ but i cant wait to elarn and speak fluently.
hm.. waht else
erm... .... o well, hope tmr will be a good day. cant wait for it to be over. then enjoy my fri night.. then off sat.. hope will be all good..
and hope sams results turn out good too.. nvr ask cos.. u know. yea.
anyway, he will do good. i hope he passes with flying colours. ha. cliche. XD
hm.. hope my bro din buy naything expensive form ikea=( sigh. .always buy so many nonsens ethiing. he buy dollies.. sigh.. imum told me he still didnt know how to save.. i say i gib up liao.. tell dada, bro also popintless.
i wanna live a life of my own. spend my own way. i know wat im doing. and consequences i'll pick them up myself. need nobody to do so. i dun care alreayd.. stress about otheres, makes me stress more in life. enough of stresses, i wanna make myself destress.and i will fnid ways to do it. i will have it my own way. anywy, bro and family don have a say in it. though only sam ba. ha; o well. but he's not here so ya. .i dunno
im focusing onmy own lifestyle now.. dun wanna learn from family. i always learn from my own way. this is how i grew up. i think. ha. kinda. erm.. naywy, sam and frens are the ones who taught me not to be so honest.. i learned how to lie form them, how to become more confident, how to fight back, how to be fierce
how to be angry
alot of negative sides, but which are ood for life somehow. in a way. so ya. .thos eparts, i learned from them.. almost all others, i learned myself alonig the way.. i teaches myself with one of the sides in me... and also, form the ppl ard me. .take and learn form experince too.. yea.. i came across this somehow the few dasy back i think.. .. i dunno.. what have i learned form family? what have they taught me? i dunno
but i do htink i taught myself all i need to learn. i may seem blur, yet.... there is this side.. which is unknown to me.. and it alwasy helped me to open up the doors to more.. more unknowns...
sam helped alot too.. me learned so much.. and get to se ehtings the way never seen before.. open up my world so brght and far! i learned to eat seafood again.. dancing.. outgoing more.. me like salmon as well. .appreciate them. hahahahaha.... so yeah... learning to liek what he likes.. and.. its good.. always good to try new htings.. ot have new things ope up for me. THINGS I NEVER KNEW I COULD LIKE THIS MUCH. ITS GREAT. really. to learned from the one u love. its good to have things in common soetimes wiht ur love ones.. btu its also great when u have differences, and u learned from each other.. so yeah.. i accept both views.^^ or logics if u would say. ha
yea.. i even started to liek kids.. yearn to have them infuture. O.o i used to disliek them!! gosh. .then working in toyshop slowly changes that.. hten.. after to sydney, i love sam even more99.. alot more .. its very powerful how one trip can do to ya... seriously. thast why wanna go there soon again.
erm.. then yeah.. don mind if have a family with him.. be it he want anot. i dun mind. cos seeing my custoemrs,even muy ceo, they are so happy being a parent.. but yeah.. thast sitl la long way to go.. though being early parent is very2 good. .still, some matters could not be force......
so.. o well, future is unknown.. as lnog as i have a loving husband , thsat all it matters.... jus love me, care me, treasure me, cherish me forever.. httas all i need....
k ba. .gtg .. enjoy my last few moments of thurs off nigt. .cant wait for tmr to be over.
hm.. im glad my shop is in sydney.. i dun have to worry too much about finding job.. just that.. when will i get to be finally moving htere ba =/ o well... .. at least one prob solved.. phew... i hoep i can continue doing well, and yeah.. with no probs.. and continuing liking my job.. i dun wanna get bored with my job..
jaa, mata
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