im hurt and in so much pains

i have never been so hurt my whole life before...
.. my heart is still tearing and hurting even as i speak.......
and think...

...i have never felt this sad for sooo long.. ='((

today was sick.. having my nose blown and blown away...
then waiting for samy to get home. .rest and rest .tehn still he's not home yet.. abit not feelign good.. tjsut then found out from fb.. a huge news . shocking ones. the ppl u don thin will hurt u the most, wil hurt u. they have the most innocent tone adn face. but they are wolfs in disguise. i tell u. pls.. don believe ur frens. none of them could be trusted.
when u least expected it, they will turn against u. even when u think now theres no probs at all, oh yes. .they ARE talking behind ur backs.

my bro.. i think he knew what happen knda.. he know ik sad.. yet. .he never ask.. i feel relaly neglated.. i don get much concerns ard anyore... feel so lonely and sad..
i know.. he didnt know how to ask or what ba.. but.. ... ..i just need some cares. .thats all....

but yea.... 3am now.. i have no idea what should i do. .slp and wake up to another hurting day?
i duno.. i tried hard not to hitnk. .but to no avail..

why... the point is.. why>>>>>>>>>>>>??????????????????
i don get this.. i treated everyone fair and square.. i don shout. i don act bossy. i swear i dont.
i talk nicely. .sa with a smile. .why.....
why innocent human could get hurt like that.??
i don mean anything.
i mean no harm. i don backstab anyone...
why me??? just becos im younrger htna them?
why>???
... its liek an innocent being throuwn into a jail just becos htey did nothing wrong...
so what now??? i treat evryone ard me nicely... does htat meam that eveyr one who are clsoe to me think liek thet did???
am i that bad>????
should i learn to be evi;?? if i want to, i can be a totally another person . i can. just a matter if i want to or not.
im on the lightside,. so i wont step into the dark.
but this matter really blew me away.

its so difficult being the nice girl...
sigshssssssssssssssssssssss

im starting to think.. whether i should become a murderer instead of a victim. i want to be , i could be a mean one. don forget. i have tons of personailiteis in me.
i just gotta release them.
thats all.

howveer.. my parents don bore me this way.. innocent as i might be.. i.. i wanna say i will do my best to watch bout now.. blah3.. but seriously im confused like hell. no idea what to do...
...
maybe u might even be thinking.. why am i saying myself innocent? i msut be a *itch.
im teeling u. i know who i am and how i treated ppl. i have never ever ill treated ppl in my lfie.
not to htem. ...sighs...

biggest question is.. how could an innocent looign person turn thei back and say such evil thigns a devil would said..
and why me of all ppl. cos im younger htan then> they jealous???
wth.. ..
=((
i done nothign nbad to them.. why pick on me. ...
must the innocents be suffering?..

talked with sammy for abit..
ims till confused as ever.. hurt as ever. .crying as ever...
wondeirn gif i should do htem in. i could if i want to kill htem all .
but .. no.. im not supposed to. thast not me...
do not ever step onto my tail.. never.

so yea..... .... lifes' at work gonna be even toiugh[er than now... ..im not lookign forward to working.. ... i don knwo wat to do..
but im doing my best now  to clear all my thoughts.
will have to stand alone against them all. what shoudl i do.. .=(

see.. .angry till. .nose is cleaerd.. o well. .see tmr how eh.. ..hope i get bette.r. i need to destress ooo much

i cusrsde so mcuh today... cos of the.. .i never in my life ever done htat so much..
im so hurt..
but.. yea..
will do my best pull myself up. .i duno how.. but i have o..
now all im feeling is.. not so positive. sorry.. =/
its like. .all my lifes.. no matter big or small matters, they are all getting to me..
can i be hard hearted enough to ignore them all???

this challenge.. i have to overcome it.. .
how? i duno.. but im trying to figure out..
ha. .my eyes. .tmr gonna be so swollen after crying so much todya. o well.. =/

3.40am.. i dnt feel slpy...
 when one part of body is too pain, u can t feel anything else....

my backs hurting abit. .... so yea. .perhasp i shoud slp now..
i duno if i couldl. .but yea.. se ehow.. ..

....ja.. ..mata.. ..