backache.. =/ haiz. .trying to sit straight.. o well.. .bear with it ba. nothing beats the pain inside that smashed up heart.
anyway, tch.. trying to refrain from falling aslp. i rrly do not want time to pass.
...bah.. feel liek such a poor thing.. .ha. baka ne.
as though 2 stabs or 3 isnt enough... here comes another one right at my face.
but u know. perhaps this is something he want me to forget.
well, i fall, then i try to get up again. barely. but u know. i must right?
well.. more stabs only leads me to be pushed back further more. just get used to it eh.
yea. . just tired of all this shit thats all. o well.
just keep on replaying and replaying. not sure how long i can hold on to this nonsense. but yea. u know. this is jjust me. it doesnt matter to anyone anywya .
but yea. goodness. ha. so tiring, like never ending cycle. i almost cant see myself breathing anymore.
dreamt a couple of times about him. damn. -_- wtf. as though i wasnt hurt enough? oh great =.=
but what to do. i cant control my dreams. dreaming of work too. everything sucks man.
even in peaceful dreams. waking up seems to be like a forever nightmare it seems now. o well........
u know. perhaps they're right. venturing into nz could be a much faster route to gain work access in aust. but i know nothing of nz yet.. though sabrina is there. .but she's too busy for anything. much less me. i have a fren form nz. he could help me more than i ask. but.. ..tch. this is another route man. im confused where to head now. =/
hiaz...... .... i guess for now i just work ba. also duno what else to do. tired liao. nothing to hold on to. o well
for one to be happy. the other have to suffer.
all this is worth it right. tell me it is so. .......
changes takes place bit by bit.
i dont expect everything to change now. but i do want it to change over tiem soon.
cant wait to get rid of the old pl. very irritating. and angry. just wanna throw everything away
by concentrating on taht, .. yea. i guess its kind of a diversion. if not, there'll bound to be pain everywhere.
its weird sometime swhen u think abou tit.
why am i this way.. who is it to blame. or if not, whats the cause of these pains.
when u ask urself soemthing like this. its pretty obvious whats the asnwer. but then again. there's alot of twists. now i get what he meant that this isnt my fault.
everytime i asked my frens how is it with their first parents meeting session..., they are all about hte same. doing the same thing as i did. o well. .whatever ba.
are there any hatred u ask? i don know. i felt as though.. it sjust numbness now. no happiness. no smiles. no nothing. life is dead. its just plain dead. u survive because .. because........ ...erm.. .well..... ..... because u wan money? ./ -.-well i don know. becaus eur parents are stil lalive i guess. yea.
but well. i duno. thats just how the wya life is. once the perfect period at bedok times is over, there isnt more dreams to .. ...u know.
everythign seems to get back to what u know whose u know who wanted. its funny. n weird. becos i though tit wouldnt end up this way. now i understand. liar. totally all nothing but a liar. i hate it.
and i get what yanika means now. one year. one year of absents . so this is it. this is it huh.......
..
gosh.. i've been sitting in front of lappy for hoursssssssssssss. wow. amazing. rrly. -_-
hmm.. so yea. liek that ba.
mata
anyway, tch.. trying to refrain from falling aslp. i rrly do not want time to pass.
...bah.. feel liek such a poor thing.. .ha. baka ne.
as though 2 stabs or 3 isnt enough... here comes another one right at my face.
but u know. perhaps this is something he want me to forget.
well, i fall, then i try to get up again. barely. but u know. i must right?
well.. more stabs only leads me to be pushed back further more. just get used to it eh.
yea. . just tired of all this shit thats all. o well.
just keep on replaying and replaying. not sure how long i can hold on to this nonsense. but yea. u know. this is jjust me. it doesnt matter to anyone anywya .
but yea. goodness. ha. so tiring, like never ending cycle. i almost cant see myself breathing anymore.
dreamt a couple of times about him. damn. -_- wtf. as though i wasnt hurt enough? oh great =.=
but what to do. i cant control my dreams. dreaming of work too. everything sucks man.
even in peaceful dreams. waking up seems to be like a forever nightmare it seems now. o well........
u know. perhaps they're right. venturing into nz could be a much faster route to gain work access in aust. but i know nothing of nz yet.. though sabrina is there. .but she's too busy for anything. much less me. i have a fren form nz. he could help me more than i ask. but.. ..tch. this is another route man. im confused where to head now. =/
hiaz...... .... i guess for now i just work ba. also duno what else to do. tired liao. nothing to hold on to. o well
for one to be happy. the other have to suffer.
all this is worth it right. tell me it is so. .......
changes takes place bit by bit.
i dont expect everything to change now. but i do want it to change over tiem soon.
cant wait to get rid of the old pl. very irritating. and angry. just wanna throw everything away
by concentrating on taht, .. yea. i guess its kind of a diversion. if not, there'll bound to be pain everywhere.
its weird sometime swhen u think abou tit.
why am i this way.. who is it to blame. or if not, whats the cause of these pains.
when u ask urself soemthing like this. its pretty obvious whats the asnwer. but then again. there's alot of twists. now i get what he meant that this isnt my fault.
everytime i asked my frens how is it with their first parents meeting session..., they are all about hte same. doing the same thing as i did. o well. .whatever ba.
are there any hatred u ask? i don know. i felt as though.. it sjust numbness now. no happiness. no smiles. no nothing. life is dead. its just plain dead. u survive because .. because........ ...erm.. .well..... ..... because u wan money? ./ -.-well i don know. becaus eur parents are stil lalive i guess. yea.
but well. i duno. thats just how the wya life is. once the perfect period at bedok times is over, there isnt more dreams to .. ...u know.
everythign seems to get back to what u know whose u know who wanted. its funny. n weird. becos i though tit wouldnt end up this way. now i understand. liar. totally all nothing but a liar. i hate it.
and i get what yanika means now. one year. one year of absents . so this is it. this is it huh.......
..
gosh.. i've been sitting in front of lappy for hoursssssssssssss. wow. amazing. rrly. -_-
hmm.. so yea. liek that ba.
mata
2 comments:
i do it not because i wan to hurt u. i do it to lessen the pain. now rather then later. because i don't see any chance within the short term. i know its harsh but i have no choice. its not like i can ask u to support me through my studies.. if u were here, it would have been so different. i just don't know what to do but to continue with life and move on... because if there is any chance... it would be when i'm done with my uni and have a proper job. but its just not fair to ask u to wait... no one should have to wait... i realized that letting memories linger would just extend the pain ur suffering. i really don't want to see u in so much pain but i cant do anything. not now.... if only things were different.... if only... i'm really sorry......... i'm to weak.......
You don have to worry about my pains anymore. I am no longer your burden. Just want you to tc of urself. Glad to see u're happy now. That's all that matters. I know. Just do what you want. Stay well.
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