07 April 2011

Lost Soul

i felt like.. i've lost some weight. bt  i duno. couldve been my hallucination.. 
same. .im so tired. soso tired.. .finally soon be over. 
duno what happen to redz ne.. bro not too sure either.. hope he;s ok.. =/
well.. i shouldnt be worry about others.. should worry more abou tmyself........
o well. today.. still dislike eating. but good that i felt my hunger. 
today. so glad to seem y manager back. was doing work on internet. .suddenly someone slap my butt. i was like. who sia! then . wow. amazing. totally brand new refreshed manager back. im gadl. ..weird. .i duno why i didnt shop at all when i was in sydney. O.o'''' im starting to wodner if its rrly that boring there. O.o ... i duno. i just .. sighs. just so difficult to find something i like ba. =/ o well. bt once something caughts my eye, i'll go for it. if too exp, haiz. then too bad =/ either starve, or forget it. 
yea. .tlaking abou thtat. todya had been hoon with curry vegies only. kept looking at the $1,.30 sausage.. =( thinking. .should i buy2?? then never. its time to budget. sighs. rather budget on food. at least shopping destress me alil. veen if a lil.. is better than nothing =/ but have to keep in mind about my trip. haiz.... ...i cant wait man.. just wan to holiday in a foregin country on my own. .. new try. new start. new feeling.. =/
..hoep its good ba
then soon hungry. good thign colleague bought extra curry puf .then gib me.paiseh ne. but well, then just eat ba ....
 
was waching this sad show.. rubbing my cushion.. then suddenly. .reminded of how i sat on his laps.. turn my head, and so easily tempted to kiss him passionately....
that felt so love. love. .feelign of lvoe. .was so good n happy then. how i wish that didnt have to go away...
all love thas bene given to him. .a tleast.. he felt it. .n its not all in vain..  
o well. argh... im still failing man... =( sorry peeps. the one week of no tears celebrations still far. yea. i did said htat eh. sorr. still crying everyday. =/ baka2 desu. will wait. .one day. .that one week will coem without tears.. i hope. 
i should be happy now thta he's happy. but now then i thought of it. i didnt. O. o that sounds weird. but .. i said what? i duno. i forgot. but. yea... i duno. well. i guess its normal. its not like. .he;s happy wthen i will be hapy right.
a person who's numb alreayd.. only know how to put up a false smile laughter.. only to reveal herself alone in the night... how could such a person be happy at all .. ..
o well. perhaps i shold just place my attention in others. seek comfort in others. theres no way else i could think of right now.
perhaps to shif tit all onto other... even though it might not be real. but.. perhaps the lie should keep these masks alive for some times... 
ahh.. tired............. so wanna rest. but perhaps not tonight ba.
...sighs...... 
=(((((
i yearn to feel happy again. being sad sucks. it makes u frown. and bring it all the darkness into ya. make ya go down wrong the road man........ but waht to do. u cant control life soetimes. 
owell .just get used to this ba. 
yup
k ba. wanan just .. u know. o well
haiz. not another guy. guys who praised me befor ehtey even know me, its so .. ..irritating. 'your beautiful'. .... so? =.= oh...my...god....... i cant stand this shit man. its soo.. .. argh. my goodness..... it jst aint gonna work on me man . yea. .im so hard to get huh. .. dots. o well. and i don believe in accepting guys like that either.
that is why i said.. no muscles tone.. wearing glasses,.. geeks.. or  erm. .nicer to say.. one who study hard.. they are way better than those on the beach tan hunks.. with 6 packs or whatever shit u called them. yea. least htey wont break ur heart just liek that.. and.. well.  i believe in their personaility will shine through more than what tehir outlooks brings. but.. yea. the soul is really important.. i dont like like just the appearance.. if i do, i would've given my number to htat guy the other time.. remember? yea. hunks, models.. or whoever. ... without the soul n personaility that stands out, .. thast kind.. ..haiz. yea .they are nothing. just an empty shell. why do i want an empty shell for>? and those girls.... well.. im just glad im not one of the, .n i do not htink like them . phew. 
.. just be who i am. glad enough that i aint to be like the others.
to the one who owns me, will be special. for me to own him, i'll cherish him forever.
mata 

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