Aftermath

sorry.. .ended abrutly for my last blog regarding his comment. (for my main friendster blog only peeps) it was a surprised. i didnt know he commented there.
after that the day just became like. bad. i wouldnt 've use that word. but lets just make it simple.
so yes. at least we have an answer now yea.
yup. theres many words. but i do not wish to note it down here.
im wishing them all the best ba. as long as he's happy. right. uh huh. at least at the end of the day, i know someone else could bring a smile to his face after all. least i  know, that he'll be smiling after all.
and yup. thats a perfect end for his side.

kinda.. feeling weak nw. no.. not weak. i just feel numb.  yea. i didnt had any food since last night. just spend the whole day crying . yea i know. pretty useless bumb i am . but . .yea.. just... u know.. waiting. perhaps.. yea.. i should be fine soon.
these pains will forever be hurting much. but. just so at the end of the day myself, to let know that he's doing good. all is worth it. at least he's living well if not for me.
thats the best part..

alot of my frens appeared today. i guess its always like this. when im in serious downess, somehow these ppl show up. nvr say anythign much, but im glad they are around. they.. can all tell soemthings wrong with me. ha. o well.. .i rrly done my best. but this time i couldnt hide anything.
 so yea.. ... they said i look different than before. like fresher now. i duno what that means. if being unhappy means good, i'l lrather go on like that .jk ba.

the small dots of scars didnt go away after all on my wrist. but.. anyway it looks like mosquito bite. so yea. ..ok ba.

now.. .waht? i duno. 

theres no more 'we' now. so yea. i wanted diff things from him. my way. .will be diff from his too. im heading down to the dark and under. it has to be a secret. i cant let my family find out what im doing.
just don wan them to get into all frenzy worried mode. argh.

u know waht. decided on this liao.
though still vague and unsure. but yea. at least this is one way for me to.. stay alive? instead of living dead? yea. .stay alive shold be the words. .hmm..... ... o well.

i cried . .thast why i couldnt eat i think .but u knw. i think thast a good hing. i tell myself. .i needed more time. and to do this, i think its gonna aid me in erm... i duno. just in some ways ba. whatever that is. -_-

dont worry for me. for i chose this path down myself . future is unknown. maybe in turn i'll learn some lessons for myself . even so. i am willing to do this. 

ti.. just need to get used (yea i know.. still couldnt geet used yet) to this feeling of loneliness. its so cold and dark. it frightens me so much. i rrly dislike this feeling. i rrly do... for those 3 years of light suddenly been taken away from me... leaving me alone in this dark. i had been there. its just a matter of getting used to it all again. just. .kinda difficult. .but im adjusting. .. uh huh... well, welcome back to the old me.
perhaps.. just like i was giving up again, another person will come along huh> ?who knows.. .and maybe like him... another person might just make me smile like how i used to again.
well, stay in the dark n slowly wait ba.

k now.. i think its time to go away..
need to slp away this weak body of mine. not reminding myself of only surviving on water today.
when i can eat again, be sure i'll order kfc with 4 ppl meal. .then i shall glup them al ldown to my throat n stomach. stay tune. ha. ..o well .wahtever.

 so yea. mm... like that ba. im sorry to everyone. just wish i could';ve done this another better way.
im so sorry for those who care about me. gomennasai.
but this is the path i chose. let me take this consequences and lessons alone. im prepared for it.  i have to. 

may he be safe and sound always.
and i wish i dont dream of him nor work again tonight. please not. or imma hitmy head with a hammer. im serious.

and sorry ne. the other time my blog get deleted half way or so. i have to retype. u guys can check out my frenster blog if u missed out anything. i hate blogging so hard, hten they didnt publish all .arghhhhhhhh

jaa.. goodnight peeps. ...mata ne.............