so yea... ...ha.. u know how ppl around u would tell u how this is gonna end one day and blah3..?
well... i guess.... none of them expected this.. .to be ... broken by parents of ur other half.
o well... waht to do... been so dramatic... my fren once said.. its special.. cos. .who would find someoen through a msg form the phone? there is somethhing to it..
i duno. anwyay.. well.. im trying to get used to life without a partner now..
actually.. i duno what he means when he said he's gonna stud relaly hard.. and i'll be his motivation...
i duno.. meaning motivate to be with me again? weird right. but anyway.. at least thats a gd hting. and anyway, we're not enemies. so yea. .gd enough.. in that case he shall be my motivation too... so.. yea.. uh huh i don get the meaning.. but.. yea. i was like. .but im not with u now. .so how(as in why he would say that).. i duno .. what he meant.. but yea... i.. haiz. .i really wish we could work hard together. .and be with each other in future.. but.. yea. .as much as i wish for a better year this year for both of us, .. well.. .guess it ended too soon...
i really wish that we could work hard together, and likewise. .he be my motivation.. then we can be together in future one day...
but he have no choice too i guess...
he have to cut me off form his life.
so yea.. .there u go.. yea.. back to my lonely life again.. really. .trying my bes tto stay well and stuff...
u know.. i was having quite a gd day.. with him supporting me.. encouraging me. .
steamboat at honme.. alreyad have a bad feeling. .soemmeore he was chatting wiht me alot.. soemthings weird.. so yea. .indeed... then never eat anything.. i just cried al lthe way.. and his crying.. i wish i could forget but yea.. .... ..sighs =(
o well... ....
he asked for a break up. and yea..hurtful.. but.. its u know. .what he;s got to do..
and yea.. i seek solance (knida abit) in the fact that after he push me away, another better girl will coem his way.. she'll be smart, cool, rich and most of all, please his parents till they are so in love with her too. there'll be such person. and he relaly deserves the best... so yea.. .apparently im not. so yea.. i hope she'll treat him right... yea. finally huh.. he can fnid someone so much better than me. he'll be well taken care of. no doubt. one big happy family. yea.. gd for him...
anyway before he told me i'll be his motivation, i couldnt really make out what he's saying. its soft. .and abit unclear.. but i do heard he say have to end it with me. htats all i remember. o well...
so 3years.. gone down the drain... im glad tmr i off. becos if not i wont be able to work .
it will affect my work for sure. i duno how. but all i cna do is try my best dont think about it and then shed tears...
im so scared to off lights and slp now... cos will be reminded of slping with himn.. in my arms.. and all.. .im so scared.
hungry. but i cant force myself to eat just yet. .thirsty.. drank alil... slpy and tired.. well.. just sit and online.. blog it all out first..
so yea... o well...
hm.. forgot what i wanna say.. ....
............. o well.. so there u go. the most important thing in my life is gone . becos of other outside sources. they prevails. so yea. just like that. .i lost. so yea.. .... im sure he'll be fine soon.. fo rem.. its very difficult and hard.. i'l ltry my best. .duno how.. but really need to try...
now.. kidna. .lost. .like. .worknig so hard for?
fo rwhat now... where am i heading to now...
? still australia?>.. could be. i could always still strive to head for a position there. just that. .theres no meaning to it now. but i still wan to try. head there. for my own espereince. so yea.
mayeb i should se eit as this way eh.. i duno.
thoguht of having a holdiay next year. either back to familiar sydney, or head down to melbourne se emy manager .anyway there;s a long time no contacted fren there too. but.. i duno. either have him company me, or i have to find my way out. ah.. canada too. my homie is there. he have a guestroom.
i could save alot of money on that. but its expensive. o well.. if i head to familiar place like sydney.. i'l lmost probably have to find him send to hotel on 1st day, and to airport ton finaly day. thats all. otehrwise wont bother le ba. he should be fine right? just send me only.. well... otherwise. .always could head down to melb... see my mannager. .cos al lthe higher standard with 100 points ki kki k loacted at melb. would be interesting to see them all.
sydney. abit disappointing. .so eya. melb huh.. well.. never know. but i don think imma give up on travelling.
i'll still go.. even if he's no longer my.. u know...
because i have to tc of myself from now. i mena.. every secs from now. .so yea.
that aside.. guess.. my goal is still saving up for trips eh. .o well..
other than that. .i duno anymore...
it'll be weird and a lil risky to meet up with my guy frens if they know im in this situation now =/ i seriously don wan them to think of chances or stuffs liek tha =/ sighs.. i relaly hope not..
..oh.. my stomach. .now guru guru..
oh. .to think that ytd i workey ealry. .then duno why suddenly wrote down like. .10 thigns to do with him the next time im iat sydney againb. well.. guess.. i've wrote them down in vain... ...
my only regrets.. is not able to let their paretns see who i am.. know who i am.. and know how much i love thier son..
i also regret.. not ablt to suntan with him, and doing the 10 lists i just wrote. .and.. video. .not able to gbe him a smiley happy one.. but anywya.. my items he'll throw them all out so yea. memories wil lbe gone along with those i guess. he;s not such a good memroy perosn after all. ...>
but yea. well... like that ba. i'll make new frens. frens from my fren. well she offers this idea so yea. dots. and.. i duno. very slow ba. maybe my life will pick up .. ..i duno. not confident of that. .but.. well... just liek that. ...
so much hings. .not yet done fo rhim or tell him.. or show him.. regrets. .not able to go uss with him.. i guess... well... if its meant to be..., even after 10 or 5years.. miracle wil lstil lappear.. like my frne said.. the sned wrong msg.. didnt happen for nothing after all..
but in any case... it felt as thoguh its a dream.. a nightmare.. .
yea.. i.. i'll try to have my life back. .duno why. slower than him definitely.. but yea.. i'll .. try to see. .if i can get my life back.. onto pace.. and stuff....
yea.. at least.. i had 3 wonderful years with him in my life. he left such footprints in my life.. im grateful... and jsut want him to be really happy. for his happiness is my everything.. .yea. paulien .. just keep thinking this way.. u get replaced, and a happier man plus family is born. all should be gd for them. yea. .he'll be fine.. yea..
i wish i could be that way too.. but.. o well. sorry . having probs doing so. se ehow ba. .in future. i have the confidence of knowing hteres no lack of guys who want me. but . i have no confidence of falling in love with them. like at all. liek none. like.. yea. i only love him. but. yea.. i.. really didnt know how to love another man. but. .well..
i guess all i need to focus on .. is.. i duno. i need help. how to stay focus at work, concentrate at work, and how to get my life back on track. i have a feelign i wont be able to eat anymore fo rnow.. but im starving. .tmr. .i shall se ehwo... i hope.. i can pick myself up real soon....
he'll be happy right. ...ok.. .thats good then.... ...yea.. he'll be fine.. ..uh huh....
take care sammy... it was nice loving u...
i wish we didnt have to listen to others.. ..
o well... would u guys have done the same?
ha.. how funny it would be if he evvr get a chance to study here.. like those u know.. o well. no use thinkknig abou tthis liao. .paretns waking up soon.. i'd better go rest.. wil ltry to.. so yea... ...
oh.. just now posted a blog. .i guess its sort of meant for him. .or me to read. .but yea. .kidna like a letter to him ba. i duno.. o well.. ..k. .gtg.. .... sighs... ... no. im not fine.
...jaa....mata ne..... ................
well... i guess.... none of them expected this.. .to be ... broken by parents of ur other half.
o well... waht to do... been so dramatic... my fren once said.. its special.. cos. .who would find someoen through a msg form the phone? there is somethhing to it..
i duno. anwyay.. well.. im trying to get used to life without a partner now..
actually.. i duno what he means when he said he's gonna stud relaly hard.. and i'll be his motivation...
i duno.. meaning motivate to be with me again? weird right. but anyway.. at least thats a gd hting. and anyway, we're not enemies. so yea. .gd enough.. in that case he shall be my motivation too... so.. yea.. uh huh i don get the meaning.. but.. yea. i was like. .but im not with u now. .so how(as in why he would say that).. i duno .. what he meant.. but yea... i.. haiz. .i really wish we could work hard together. .and be with each other in future.. but.. yea. .as much as i wish for a better year this year for both of us, .. well.. .guess it ended too soon...
i really wish that we could work hard together, and likewise. .he be my motivation.. then we can be together in future one day...
but he have no choice too i guess...
he have to cut me off form his life.
so yea.. .there u go.. yea.. back to my lonely life again.. really. .trying my bes tto stay well and stuff...
u know.. i was having quite a gd day.. with him supporting me.. encouraging me. .
steamboat at honme.. alreyad have a bad feeling. .soemmeore he was chatting wiht me alot.. soemthings weird.. so yea. .indeed... then never eat anything.. i just cried al lthe way.. and his crying.. i wish i could forget but yea.. .... ..sighs =(
o well... ....
he asked for a break up. and yea..hurtful.. but.. its u know. .what he;s got to do..
and yea.. i seek solance (knida abit) in the fact that after he push me away, another better girl will coem his way.. she'll be smart, cool, rich and most of all, please his parents till they are so in love with her too. there'll be such person. and he relaly deserves the best... so yea.. .apparently im not. so yea.. i hope she'll treat him right... yea. finally huh.. he can fnid someone so much better than me. he'll be well taken care of. no doubt. one big happy family. yea.. gd for him...
anyway before he told me i'll be his motivation, i couldnt really make out what he's saying. its soft. .and abit unclear.. but i do heard he say have to end it with me. htats all i remember. o well...
so 3years.. gone down the drain... im glad tmr i off. becos if not i wont be able to work .
it will affect my work for sure. i duno how. but all i cna do is try my best dont think about it and then shed tears...
im so scared to off lights and slp now... cos will be reminded of slping with himn.. in my arms.. and all.. .im so scared.
hungry. but i cant force myself to eat just yet. .thirsty.. drank alil... slpy and tired.. well.. just sit and online.. blog it all out first..
so yea... o well...
hm.. forgot what i wanna say.. ....
............. o well.. so there u go. the most important thing in my life is gone . becos of other outside sources. they prevails. so yea. just like that. .i lost. so yea.. .... im sure he'll be fine soon.. fo rem.. its very difficult and hard.. i'l ltry my best. .duno how.. but really need to try...
now.. kidna. .lost. .like. .worknig so hard for?
fo rwhat now... where am i heading to now...
? still australia?>.. could be. i could always still strive to head for a position there. just that. .theres no meaning to it now. but i still wan to try. head there. for my own espereince. so yea.
mayeb i should se eit as this way eh.. i duno.
thoguht of having a holdiay next year. either back to familiar sydney, or head down to melbourne se emy manager .anyway there;s a long time no contacted fren there too. but.. i duno. either have him company me, or i have to find my way out. ah.. canada too. my homie is there. he have a guestroom.
i could save alot of money on that. but its expensive. o well.. if i head to familiar place like sydney.. i'l lmost probably have to find him send to hotel on 1st day, and to airport ton finaly day. thats all. otehrwise wont bother le ba. he should be fine right? just send me only.. well... otherwise. .always could head down to melb... see my mannager. .cos al lthe higher standard with 100 points ki kki k loacted at melb. would be interesting to see them all.
sydney. abit disappointing. .so eya. melb huh.. well.. never know. but i don think imma give up on travelling.
i'll still go.. even if he's no longer my.. u know...
because i have to tc of myself from now. i mena.. every secs from now. .so yea.
that aside.. guess.. my goal is still saving up for trips eh. .o well..
other than that. .i duno anymore...
it'll be weird and a lil risky to meet up with my guy frens if they know im in this situation now =/ i seriously don wan them to think of chances or stuffs liek tha =/ sighs.. i relaly hope not..
..oh.. my stomach. .now guru guru..
oh. .to think that ytd i workey ealry. .then duno why suddenly wrote down like. .10 thigns to do with him the next time im iat sydney againb. well.. guess.. i've wrote them down in vain... ...
my only regrets.. is not able to let their paretns see who i am.. know who i am.. and know how much i love thier son..
i also regret.. not ablt to suntan with him, and doing the 10 lists i just wrote. .and.. video. .not able to gbe him a smiley happy one.. but anywya.. my items he'll throw them all out so yea. memories wil lbe gone along with those i guess. he;s not such a good memroy perosn after all. ...>
but yea. well... like that ba. i'll make new frens. frens from my fren. well she offers this idea so yea. dots. and.. i duno. very slow ba. maybe my life will pick up .. ..i duno. not confident of that. .but.. well... just liek that. ...
so much hings. .not yet done fo rhim or tell him.. or show him.. regrets. .not able to go uss with him.. i guess... well... if its meant to be..., even after 10 or 5years.. miracle wil lstil lappear.. like my frne said.. the sned wrong msg.. didnt happen for nothing after all..
but in any case... it felt as thoguh its a dream.. a nightmare.. .
yea.. i.. i'll try to have my life back. .duno why. slower than him definitely.. but yea.. i'll .. try to see. .if i can get my life back.. onto pace.. and stuff....
yea.. at least.. i had 3 wonderful years with him in my life. he left such footprints in my life.. im grateful... and jsut want him to be really happy. for his happiness is my everything.. .yea. paulien .. just keep thinking this way.. u get replaced, and a happier man plus family is born. all should be gd for them. yea. .he'll be fine.. yea..
i wish i could be that way too.. but.. o well. sorry . having probs doing so. se ehow ba. .in future. i have the confidence of knowing hteres no lack of guys who want me. but . i have no confidence of falling in love with them. like at all. liek none. like.. yea. i only love him. but. yea.. i.. really didnt know how to love another man. but. .well..
i guess all i need to focus on .. is.. i duno. i need help. how to stay focus at work, concentrate at work, and how to get my life back on track. i have a feelign i wont be able to eat anymore fo rnow.. but im starving. .tmr. .i shall se ehwo... i hope.. i can pick myself up real soon....
he'll be happy right. ...ok.. .thats good then.... ...yea.. he'll be fine.. ..uh huh....
take care sammy... it was nice loving u...
i wish we didnt have to listen to others.. ..
o well... would u guys have done the same?
ha.. how funny it would be if he evvr get a chance to study here.. like those u know.. o well. no use thinkknig abou tthis liao. .paretns waking up soon.. i'd better go rest.. wil ltry to.. so yea... ...
oh.. just now posted a blog. .i guess its sort of meant for him. .or me to read. .but yea. .kidna like a letter to him ba. i duno.. o well.. ..k. .gtg.. .... sighs... ... no. im not fine.
...jaa....mata ne..... ................
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