Words Gone Wrong?

...i was very very nervous today... ha.. end up... the so called training, is some talks.. and learn how to do cashiering.. so yeah.. me get to try it out too with real customers who's paying. nice.
halfway through the cashiering, me no feel well.. =/ dunno isit becos me slept at 3am straight anot..
yeah.. slept late again.. ..

i meet bro for lunch.. then.. went back home.. sammy say will be coming back early.. so yeah.. never go anywhere ba. .just head back.. rest abit.. and wait..

was really looking forward to share the day with him... cos.. yeah.. its a important day.. he's not here in person.. so.. really wish to share it..

his day.. dunno.. ..ha.. he never say anything much. just a 'just ask ard, thats all'. so yeah..
then over the phone.. say his fren force him drink. yea i understand that type of situation... thats why sometimes dislike that type of place.. anyway.. me already guessed it from his fb his fren commented. i didnt ask.. cos i was kinda afraid to know.. ha. me baka ne.. isnt it? o well. im good at guessing huh. ....ha

so... we were talking about my contract..then annual leaves.. then he talk alot.. very sweet.. then suddenly talk about july... then........ suddenly i was happy.. cos thinking might really can go see him ne.. then.... he changed his mind. ...but i understand... ...im poor wat.. so ya... perhaps its not a good plan to go.. so yeah........ this year confirm i wont be seeing him. my leaves... i wont be spending with him.
....yeah.. will upset mah..of course.. like.. happy..then drop to nothing.. ha.. ..
then......... he became worried like.. i sounded not good.. but.. yes.. even though sad.. its a fact i gotta accept.. well.. what to do.. cant go mah.. so.. yeah... try to forget it ba.. talk about something else...... then..........................
his tone changed.

i think. .perhaps.. he's thinking.. im not ok.. then.. i dunno.. he think im angry??? i dunno what his guesses are.. but im not angry one bit. not even for abit. none at all. i was just upset that.. its natural u know.. u have hopes.. then u come to realized u have to put them on hold for now... so yeah.. i dunno how to explain.. how to convince him.. but. .all i can say its.. its ok.. tehn he sighs..
then i ask him his day.. he gib me 5 words.. then... no more loving talks already.. 'cept the gdnight part if u wanna count it in.

i was thinking to myself.... have i ruin the chatting part becos i couldnt stop myself from getting abit upset??
i cry..and cry...and cry.... wishing to turn back time... stop right at his loving words.
i continuse crying.. as though feel like dying... i still cry even now...
gomen ne... this is one thing i will never learn.. i do not know how to stop my tears from flowing. i seriously tried and tried. but i always failed. perhasp.. this is the way i express my feelings.. sad, just cry.. angry, just kick.. happy. .just smile like an innocent child.. very very happy. just laugh it out loud...like.. yeah.......

the person i wish most for to spend my day.. listen about my day.. its all for him...
i just want him here....
he's so important to me.. thats why its great for him to care so much.. stick to me so much.. advice so much.. even scold me... its ok... cos all i want is him.
i wanna walk down the road for the rest of my life with him.
so... yeah.. alot more to go through.. through thick and thins.. will hang on..
all the more with him by my side.. hand in hand......

..if only.. i could tell him with my voice that im alrite.... then.. then... perhaps.. i wont upset him like that le ba.. ...
oh.. i upset him huh... come to think of it... .. yeah.... i.. should've record my voice to say 'im ok really..dont worry...' but.. ha.. baka ne.. i never thought of that... ..... too late already.. =(

..anyway.. tmr.. yeah. .he got polo.. will be fun for him... he'll sure smile.. and.. ..then i'll picture it in my head ba.. uh huh...

i.. wasnt feeling too great.. but.. its always so magical.. after chatting with him.. i forgot about feeling unwell... then realizes im feeling much2 better already.. love...=him.. my best med in this world..

i want him stick to me like a sticky bee..eh..or tape.. i want him his care and love.. all of them... all stick with me... isit too much to ask? but.. its great.. cos.. he gave them all to me.. lucky ne.. watashi.. ....

mata............

-u know how u're willing to do anything for the most important person in your lfie....-